Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Millie Rodriguez on January 22, 2009 at 11:42pm

Hello Julianne, I'm so sorry for your loss. I loss my mother on May 8, 2008. She fought a long battle with cancer. I was my mothers caregiver for over two years. I thought that I would be ready when she pass, but how I was wrong. My mother and I were very close.
The grief that I felt was so painful and sad. I felt so numb and the sense of being a motherless daughter now was unbearable. But I found that the process of grieving is a step to healing. It's ok to feel grief however long it takes. Be patient with yourself. Seek support, it's been very helpful for me.
I found going to a support group has help me so much. Do what you can for yourself.
Most of all prayers help so much. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. I promise you it will get better.

Permalink Reply by Julie on January 23, 2009 at 2:47pm

My deepest sympathy goes out to you Julianne. I lost my mother a little over 4 years ago, and I still miss her everyday. I understand what you are going through, particularly about how some people don't know what to say. I remember shortly after my mother died, so many people would say things like,"she is out of her pain now" and "she is in a better place." I don't know why, but those things used to bother me because all I wanted was her back. I now know that people were just trying to help and really did not know what to say. I have come to this forum today because it is my mothers birthday today. I don't think that I ever grieved properly and I'm hoping this will help. Once again, I am sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Maryann on September 12, 2011 at 10:22pm

I lost my mother at an early age and my stepmother six years ago and then lodt my Dad for years ago and recently lost the friend that helped me through my loss now I am having a hard time dealing with my friend dying he was only 37 years old! I am just devastated as I was with all of my losses!

Julianne said:

I lost my mom a little over two months ago to septicemia. She went into the hospital with what she thought was simply walking pneumonia, and was dead less than 48 hrs later. The shock of this is still wearing off, but the longer her absence, the more real it all feels. I have two younger siblings, and an older sister who is physically disabled. My dad has been the one keeping us all going. I have no idea what we would do without him. There are moments, hours, and even days, where I feel like I can't go on. But you do, because you have no other choice. At times I feel like I can't even remember my mom clearly, everything just seems like a fog. And I hate that more than anyhting, because I just want to picture her and be able to imagine her voice.

It's so difficult not having anyone outside of your family who can relate. Friends don't know what to say or do. And unfortunately my family is new to the area, so my nearest friends are a mere 2 hrs away. I definitely find it helpful reading forums such as these, and hopefully some people will add to this particular section.

Permalink Reply by Melinda on June 1, 2008 at 1:42pm

Julianne, I am so sorry for your losses. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I so understand your feelings. Know that i am here to chat with you anytime. Everyone's story is different, but it seems that the end result is all the same. Looking for some comfort and peace within our selves.

My family tragity started a little over a year ago. My nephew of 19 was killed within a block of his home on the way to a class in college when a drunk driver ran a stop sign, hit and killed him in April of 2007. He was a promising kid with a great future ahead of him. He had great stride for the future. 12 days later my father-in-law whom i was very close to (May 2007) unexpectedly died. Everyone has that fear of in-laws, but i can say i had the best father-in-law. My father whom i adored and cherished, died a month later in June 2007. My father was my hero, someone i looked up to and called several times a day. He was my best friend. I not only lost my father, but my best friend a person could every have. In August of 2007, my father-in-laws brother, died unexpectedly on a cruise. On Friday, I was told that my cousin died of lung cancer. It just seems to keep going.

The feeling of holding your breath, gasping for the next breath. There is no one to talk to, but you know that everyone feels the same way. Holidays we sat and looked at each other, knowing that we all did not know what to say and if we said something we always think twice so we do not hurt anyones feelings. I can honistly say it is coming up on a year since my own fathers death and it hurts the same as if i lost him today. I am still stuck in the same place i was a year ago. I just am able to hide my feelings better, so i do no upset my two children who are 8 & 10. My mom is in the same boat as me. And i thank god everyday for my mom. She is my world, as my father was.

I am sorry to go on and on.
God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Julianne on June 4, 2008 at 8:22pm

Melinda, I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. I think all of us just learn that life isn't fair, and our loved ones can be taken from us at any given moment without any warning. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm sure your two children are what keep you going and help you with keeping it together. I have two young siblings who I'm extremely close to, and feel at times I'm more like their mom now than sister. But they are what keep me going from day to day. I feel like most of the time I can't even be sad in front of them, but it can be difficult trying to always be the one whose okay. Thank you so much for your support and for writing again. Julianne.

Permalink Reply by Lori Giannuzzi on December 30, 2008 at 12:04pm

I'm so sorry for all your losses. It's hard when you are trying to keep up that brave front for everyone. My grandmother died in Feb,2004 of Alzheimers she helped raise me and she was my best friend. My dad and I were very close, I'm an only child. He passed away in March of 2005 after having cancer for just six months. On top of that my father-in-law died June 7th of 2005, the day before my sons birthday. So when it comes right after each other, you don't really get a chance to catch your breath. I keep a journal and write poetry. I set up a site as a memorial for them. That is how I try and deal with it. Because it seems like yesterday even though it has been a few years. I found a nice church to go to. That also has helped me a bit. It took a while for me to find a place I felt comfortable with , but I did and it seems to help. You can write me any time if you like. I have two children and they loved their grandads. My son was close to my father-in-law and my daughter was close with my Dad.. Bess you...Lori

Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on February 20, 2009 at 1:38pm

melinda, I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my mother in August 08 and my father died 49 days later. I still feel like part of me is just shut down and I don't know what to do. I was my mother's caregiver, she was on dialysis and her death was not a surprise, but that didn't make it any easier. When my mother died I saw the light in my daddy's eyes go out like someone flipped a switch. He told me that he did not want to live without my mom. We cried together and talked and I told him he couldn't go, I needed him too much. He said he loved me but he knew that I would be OK. He called me one evening and said he needed me to come to him and when I got there he was so sick. He had an infection in his colon and was septic and going into shock. I took him to the hospital and I was holding his hand when he died. he told me not to cry he was going to be with mama. I miss them both so much but his death affected me so much more, I didn't have time to accept losing mom and then he was gone too. Sometimes when i am missing him so bad and want to talk to him there is a big red bird that comes and sits on top of a birdfeeder that I gave him for Christmas one year. I sit on the couch and I say Hey Papa, I'm doing ok. I just love you and miss you. That bird sits there sometimes for 20 to 25 minutes and just turns its head from side to side. It makes me feel better. I know he is happy and in a better place with my mom at his side. I just take a day at a time and some days are good and some I cry all day. I don't know if the pain and emptiness ever goes away. I just try to remember all the wonderful times we had and the love and laughter we shared. God bless you and you will be in my prayers. Only God's love can fill that empty void in our hearts. Kathy

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on July 23, 2008 at 9:02pm

Hi everyone, hope all are well. Its july 23, 2004 all over again for me today. Its exactly 4 years ago to the minute that I got the call from chicago that septicemia and alzheimers took my dad to be with the lord. I created a webpage for him at Legacy.com. If you would like to see his site go there and view, Memorial Websites and type in his name, Carlo Cacioppo. Its been only 4 years but it seems like yesterday. What in the world is taking me so long to get through this grieving process. I wish I had some type of audio recording of his voice from the past years that I could listen to and laugh with as well as cry with. Its not that I have forgotten the sound of his voice or anything like that, but even sitting quietly and trying to pull his voice from my memory is getting harder and harder and I feel ashamed of myself sometimes. All in all this is what is commonly called around here as,......me having a...... Dad Day! Thank you all for putting up with me. Carl

Permalink Reply by Latasha Pegues on July 24, 2008 at 8:37am

Carl its good you try and keep the good memories. It is also comforting to know that God has your dad in his memory as well, down to the greatest detail and 'even the hairs of his head are numbered.' So, you have the hope of seeing him again and hearing his voice again for there will be a resurecction (Acts 24:15).

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 26, 2008 at 7:12am

Hey Carlo ....I do understand what you're going thorugh.....My brother died a while back and he is still on my mind....Nevertheless everyone grieve differently ....Some take 1 year in grieving and some take as long as a "Life Time" in grieving......So Carlo its normality....You and i and Melinda and Jessica has to keep strong and at the same time keep those memories of are loved one's close to our heart..........and Happy Dad Day....................................

Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on February 20, 2009 at 1:46pm

Carl, I lost my mom and dad 43 days apart last year. I know what you are feeling. I call my days like that "brick days" because I feel like I have on a coat made of bricks. I cry alot still and I do have some videos of Thanksgivings and Christmases with both my parents on them but I can't watch them yet. I tried to but It is too soon. I just broke down and lost it. I know that in the time to come I will treasure them and I will watch them and have them to hand down to my children and grandchildren. God bless you and you will be in my prayers. Just remember the good times and let the guilt go. Grief has so many processes to go through and when you think you are over one another one pops up. Stay strong and be blessed. God is with you. Kathy

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on February 20, 2009 at 8:00pm

Hi Carlo, I visited your dad's site and I just wanted to tell you you were so fortunate to have such a loving relationship with your father. Do not try so hard to "get over it". I lost my sister in Sept '07 and I don't want to "get over it". Even though everyone around me seems to want to put it behind us I work hard to keep her with me. I also have Abby moments and it is usually when I am driving to work and that brightest morning star is staring down at me about 5am. I talk to her and also to God about taking care of her until I get there. See I was her caregiver and now he has taken over for me. Lucky her. My sister was deaf so I never had the audio with her but every once in a while I feel her "touch". She used to touch my face and smile when she wanted to convey love and it is strange but if I concentrate and close my eyes I can sometimes feel it. I wish you all the peace in the world and just continue to cherish that long life your dad lived Stephanie My sisters site: http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx

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