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I lost my mom in jan 2009 from pancreatic cancer, my dad passed away in 1991 from colon cancer. My mom was diagnosed October 8th and passed way Jan 23 2009. I only have one brother he is married and has 2 kids. I thought I was doing ok and I was numb for a while thinking she will be back and that it's not true. I have lost interest in life. I have a full time job which I wish I didn't have. I wish I didn't have to work because I like to sleep a lot. I can't get my mom out of my head. Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and never get out. My mom was only 62 yrs old. Sometimes I just start crying and I can't stop. Sometimes I wish I just didn't exist. This feeling of emptiness is overwhelming and it hurts. When I think of all the things we did together , all the vacations we took , all of the vacations we had planned it just hurts to think that I will never see her again. She was such a joy and such a wonderful happy person. Now I wonder who else is next. Can I live and bear if my brother gets sick or can I bear me getting sick and having my brother to deal with it. I cant bear the thought as my brother has been very supportive and a great guy. There's only me and him left. I am just tired of everything that's happened. I have been taking anti depressants for a while now but it hasn't helped much. I just want my mom back.

Hi Liria, You're not alone.  I wish I had something more witty and comforting to say.  I struggle in a similar way.  I'm sorry you're hurting, I know how hard it is sometimes. 


Liria said:

I lost my mom in jan 2009 from pancreatic cancer, my dad passed away in 1991 from colon cancer. My mom was diagnosed October 8th and passed way Jan 23 2009. I only have one brother he is married and has 2 kids. I thought I was doing ok and I was numb for a while thinking she will be back and that it's not true. I have lost interest in life. I have a full time job which I wish I didn't have. I wish I didn't have to work because I like to sleep a lot. I can't get my mom out of my head. Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and never get out. My mom was only 62 yrs old. Sometimes I just start crying and I can't stop. Sometimes I wish I just didn't exist. This feeling of emptiness is overwhelming and it hurts. When I think of all the things we did together , all the vacations we took , all of the vacations we had planned it just hurts to think that I will never see her again. She was such a joy and such a wonderful happy person. Now I wonder who else is next. Can I live and bear if my brother gets sick or can I bear me getting sick and having my brother to deal with it. I cant bear the thought as my brother has been very supportive and a great guy. There's only me and him left. I am just tired of everything that's happened. I have been taking anti depressants for a while now but it hasn't helped much. I just want my mom back.

The doctor told my mom that my dad "was the sickest - still alive man he had seen and didn't know how he hung on so long"

There were so many things wrong with him, and we almost lost him at least half a dozen times in the last year. At Xmas he almost died in my arms of acute respitory distress. I was holding him, telling him if he had to go, it was ok. I loved him, and his twin brother and mother were waiting on the other side for him.

We'd talk at lengths about his upcoming death, nothing was taboo. His heart was failing and he wasn't afraid of death, but he was afraid of his lungs filling up and the drowning sensation he was expecting before he died. He though it would last several minutes while he panicked and fought it.

Since Xmas he was on oxygen 24/7 and would have *attacks* where he couldn't breath and would have to do a treatment with a mask.

The night he died, he went to the washroom and came back telling mom he wasn't feeling well, to prepare a treatment. He sat on the bed and my mom turned to fill the chamber of the mask up, turned back to my dad and he fell down. She said he was gone before he hit the bed. I am so grateful that he went so quick, but I'm obsessed with his death.

I think the biggest part was because with every time he almost died, either my mom or I were there, ( I live 400 miles away) holding his hand, and we had time to say good bye (or what we THOUGHT was good bye), but when it actually happpened it was so quick. It's left me reeling in shock.

 

As I've said, I've become obsessed. Morbid curosity demands to know if he died with his eyes open (even though mom said he did) and how she knew he was gone before he hit the bed. She said she could see in his eyes he was gone. I can't stop thinking about it.

 

I've seen a grief counsellor and was actually doing pretty good, but today is a really off day.

I'm going through the steps of grief except for anger and bargaining, because I know it was his time to go, but I guess I'm doing double time on the others.

 

I am so not religious, and find the words shallow when someone says them (although I smile and say thank you, as I know they mean well)

 

Why can't I let go? He passed on June 26 2011

My Dad Passed in 2007 and it is as if it just happened yesterday.  The hope that God gave us is what keeps me full of joy knowing that I will see him again.  I know, he is not suffering.  He is at peace.  He is as if in a deep sleep (Eccl 9:5)  That Hope leaves me with so much comfort.  It is hard to describe - it as if anticipating a big happy re-union.  The loving words of our Heavenly Father - keeps me at peace - knowing that our God can not lie. (Titus 1:2) - knowing that I will see my Dad again in perfect health and sound of mind.  I am looking eagerly forward to that great day!!!

Hi Diamond, you have a wonderful healthy attitude toward all this, for someone like you who see's a light at the end of the tunnel, I applaud you. You are going in the right direction, please, never look back, take care.   Carlo

Hi, I lost my dad to Lake Michigan two years ago. Here's an article on from the Huffington Post about it. I loved him so much and was so sad to have lost him. Because I found a lack of resources for bereaved teens who have lost a parent, I decided to create an online resource and site for people similar to my situation: hence www.slapd.com was born! (SLAP'D: Surviving Life after Parent Dies)

It will be officially launched soon, but you can still check out the site. at www.slapd.com.

The Twitter is www.twitter.com/slapd_teen

Our Instagram is www.instagram.com/slapdnonprofit

Our Facebook is https://www.facebook.com/SurvivingLifeAfterAParentDies

Please do not hesitate to give me feedback, or ideas on how to improve it. We have forums, ask columns, interviews and articles, and a place to create a tribute page or memorialize your loved one. :)

Sorry, I don't mean to spam. I just want to help others like me. Loved my dad so much. 

This year has been especially difficult for me and my family.  My father passed away unexpectedly in February 2014.  My older brother died on August 5,2014 unexpectedly.  Then on October 14, 2014 my mother and step-father were killed in a trailer fire. Very unexpected. I'm the oldest and so far have been trying to manage everything. But its taking its toll on my. I just returned to work last week.  I'm a nurse of 21 years. Found it very hard to focus at work. My memory is greatly effected. I am not able to remember the smallest of things.  Everything makes me cry or reminds me of something that related to my parents. I just don't know how to handle my feelings. This is why I came to this website. I hope I could made a few friends that could support me into the right direction.  Missie

Hi Missy this is Carlo. So so much grief you have had to endure, one after another, the loss of close family members is so very hard to deal with on a daily basis. Being a nurse, you are doing a wonderful job for humanity. I am very sure you are keeping your focus on your patients while trying to maintain your memory focus. In your daily prayers you need to ask your family members to please help you maintain your daily routine in a very positive way, ask them to help you find things, remember things and generally help you keep your wits sharp and focused for yours and your patients sake. I went through this in 91, I lost 4 people in a span of a few months and carried four caskets. I had a small breakdown for I refused to let them go. My grandmother came to me in a dream and asked me to please let her and the rest go that they will be fine and so would I. All this grieving will continue to wear you down unless you learn how to manage it. Keep your patients happy, let them see the light in your caring eyes and in turn you will feel better that you are helping yourself through all this. Take time to think about them all and turn that into the drive you need to handle your daily routine and stay happy, continue to help others and stay positive, you will be ok as time goes on. Take care and call on me anytime at all.      Carlo.

Hey Kim!

Even though I am writing you 7 years later, I am interested in knowing how you have been doing. I lost my mom at 17 too. I'm a couple years older than you. Been through a lot. I know it is hard. I hope you have been able to cope since 2008.

kim said:

my mom died i am only 17 and i am in boystown what do i do i am struggleing

The Lost of our Love one is so very hard - especially when that someone is our very own parent.  I lost my mother in September of 2014 and still hold onto the many emotions associated with someone you loose.  I replay in my mind the many cherished moments we shared.  I welcome the visits in my heart of her soft voice and her loving heart.  I would give anything to just see her one more day - just one more day.  Those moments are all so much cherished and remembered. 

What got me through and worked for me was the Bible.  That is what worked for me - 2 Timothy 3:15,16. Without my belief in God and knowing that he has better plans for us - brought me so much comfort.   We have to trust - trust what our creator say he would do when it come to loosing our love one - read Revelation 21:3,4.

How are you doing diamond, we can see whats going on, been through it and hoping your coping as well as possible, keep your Bible close at heart. Message me back if you need anything. Carlo

Well, Death is an enemy that I know will soon be destroyed in God's due time.  I truly look forward to the promise given to us at Revelation 21:3,4.  A time when the grief and sorrow of today will be a thing of the past.  Trusting in our Heavenly Father at all times.  Thank you for your words of comfort! 

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