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I am so so sorry that so many people feel what I feel; I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I lost my husband and love of my life to lung cancer July 16th 2008, he was 51. Debbie I know what you are going through with not sleeping, wandering, eating until I'm sick then sometimes forgetting for days to eat. It's been 8 months this week and I still cry everyday. I play the I'm ok game at work but my mind wanders always back to him and something he did or said or something that we did together, I feel like I'm losing my mind but won't really miss it when it goes. My husband Earl was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, well him and the birth of my children. People tell me I only remember the good parts of our relationship because he's gone but that not true our marriage was good, yes we fought once and a while but it was few and far between that we had a real flight and we never stayed mad. I waited for him my whole life and it took me 2 other marriages before we found each other, it was the best 10 years I could have ever wished for.
he was a non-smoker but spent 22 years in the Air force but was retired (the government took no responsibility) We knew he had the cancer for 16 months and he fought hard. The doctors never told him to get his affairs in order or gave time a time line. He got pneumonia and within 2 days was in a coma on a breathing machine. I stayed with him for 6 days until his fight was over and mine started. I fight everyday to live without him. He left me a present that helps, 3 months before he left me he got sole custody of his 12 year old twin boys (my 3 are grown). He fought for 5 years to get them so I fought to keep them and last week I got sole custody of my step sons (they wanted to stay too). The hole in my life is still there without him but the boys help the pain lighten up when they smile and hug me and we talk about "dad".
I lost my all my grand parents, mom, dad and a brother but nothing could ever prepare me for this kind of grief. All I can say to everyone that has posted on this is , "you never get over the loss, you just find a place to put it" I'm still looking for that place but have hope that I will someday.
catherine Minshew said:I am so so sorry that so many people feel what I feel; I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I lost my husband and love of my life to lung cancer July 16th 2008, he was 51. Debbie I know what you are going through with not sleeping, wandering, eating until I'm sick then sometimes forgetting for days to eat. It's been 8 months this week and I still cry everyday. I play the I'm ok game at work but my mind wanders always back to him and something he did or said or something that we did together, I feel like I'm losing my mind but won't really miss it when it goes. My husband Earl was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, well him and the birth of my children. People tell me I only remember the good parts of our relationship because he's gone but that not true our marriage was good, yes we fought once and a while but it was few and far between that we had a real flight and we never stayed mad. I waited for him my whole life and it took me 2 other marriages before we found each other, it was the best 10 years I could have ever wished for.
he was a non-smoker but spent 22 years in the Air force but was retired (the government took no responsibility) We knew he had the cancer for 16 months and he fought hard. The doctors never told him to get his affairs in order or gave time a time line. He got pneumonia and within 2 days was in a coma on a breathing machine. I stayed with him for 6 days until his fight was over and mine started. I fight everyday to live without him. He left me a present that helps, 3 months before he left me he got sole custody of his 12 year old twin boys (my 3 are grown). He fought for 5 years to get them so I fought to keep them and last week I got sole custody of my step sons (they wanted to stay too). The hole in my life is still there without him but the boys help the pain lighten up when they smile and hug me and we talk about "dad".
I lost my all my grand parents, mom, dad and a brother but nothing could ever prepare me for this kind of grief. All I can say to everyone that has posted on this is , "you never get over the loss, you just find a place to put it" I'm still looking for that place but have hope that I will someday.
debbie pasch said:catherine Minshew said:I am so so sorry that so many people feel what I feel; I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I lost my husband and love of my life to lung cancer July 16th 2008, he was 51. Debbie I know what you are going through with not sleeping, wandering, eating until I'm sick then sometimes forgetting for days to eat. It's been 8 months this week and I still cry everyday. I play the I'm ok game at work but my mind wanders always back to him and something he did or said or something that we did together, I feel like I'm losing my mind but won't really miss it when it goes. My husband Earl was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, well him and the birth of my children. People tell me I only remember the good parts of our relationship because he's gone but that not true our marriage was good, yes we fought once and a while but it was few and far between that we had a real flight and we never stayed mad. I waited for him my whole life and it took me 2 other marriages before we found each other, it was the best 10 years I could have ever wished for.
he was a non-smoker but spent 22 years in the Air force but was retired (the government took no responsibility) We knew he had the cancer for 16 months and he fought hard. The doctors never told him to get his affairs in order or gave time a time line. He got pneumonia and within 2 days was in a coma on a breathing machine. I stayed with him for 6 days until his fight was over and mine started. I fight everyday to live without him. He left me a present that helps, 3 months before he left me he got sole custody of his 12 year old twin boys (my 3 are grown). He fought for 5 years to get them so I fought to keep them and last week I got sole custody of my step sons (they wanted to stay too). The hole in my life is still there without him but the boys help the pain lighten up when they smile and hug me and we talk about "dad".
I lost my all my grand parents, mom, dad and a brother but nothing could ever prepare me for this kind of grief. All I can say to everyone that has posted on this is , "you never get over the loss, you just find a place to put it" I'm still looking for that place but have hope that I will someday.
I completely understand, when I have a few "better" days, they seem to be followed by a major hit. Still, even tho I wrote that the holidays were no worse or better than any other days - her birthday was something totally different. That was a day to celebrate her life and I understand how horrible that is - because her life has ended - and it is SO NOT FAIR that she is not here anymore!!! Oh, I completely understand. You are right about the lousy way to get stronger, I have lost a lot of weight and people comment about how slim I am. I just tell them that I do not reccomend my weight loss program- and they just look at me oddly. That's only one type of odd comment I have had made to me. Please let me hear from you that you are still hanging in there. God's strength, love and comfort be with you. Mary Beth
Lisa, I too lost my husband to lung cancer and he was only 51, it still hurts so very badly. I still cry everyday and the smallest things like when I hear his favorite songs on the radio sends me off on a crying tangent. I get mad over nothing and let things pass right by me that would normally make me furious. To smile takes effort and is never from my heart, it’s to full of pain. I could win an academy award for acting when I’m at work but fall apart every time I’m alone.
I can’t help but feel that with so many of us who have such a black hole left when our loved one leaves us that maybe it’s because they filled our lives with such bright light when they were here. When you look at the sun, and then close your eyes all you see is black, with the outline of how intense the sun was and it takes a while for your sight to return to normal. My husbands love for me and mine for him was like that. I am still waiting for my sight (life) to return to normal, what ever normal may be now.
I spoke with a counselor right after he passed and had no luck trying to find the answers I was looking for. I didn’t go to her again and have been searching for answers on my own and I don’t really even know what the questions are. I have learned something though. I learned there are no answers and the questions are overwhelming. The past 8 months have shown me that. I wake up every morning from what I now know as sleep (the restless night spent tossing and turning and reaching for him and waking up in tears because I can’t feel him beside me) and then the reality wall of life hits me like a ton of bricks knowing I have to face the day and go on even though I would rather climb back in bed and lay there until he comes and gets me to be with him again. I myself have had thoughts of helping my journey back to him finish at my own hand but then I think, what if I don’t get back to him? He was a good man and I want to be by his side again and if I do something stupid I won’t get there, and the thought of eternity without him scares me more than waiting to finishing my job here on earth to be with him again. I am not overly spiritual but do believe in God so I won’t take that risk. I have been mad at God for taking him and leaving me here but if given the choice, would I rather have him feel the pain I am going through instead of me? The answer is emphatically NO; I would never want him to have this pain because I love him so very much, so God must have known that.
I am, at best, half of the person I used to be and I know I have changed. Loving someone so much and losing them has to change you, but as Sue said “some people don't get to have that experience”. I am very lucky to have had the GIFT of my husbands love, but for now I still wonder if there will ever be a time that I will be happy with who I am instead of grieve for who we were. I do however have hope that I can someday again be the person who he fell in love with.
Cathy
Lisa said:It is hard to hear other peoples stories. I feel as if I am the only one going through this pain. I am 35 years old and lost my husband of only two years to lung cancer on November 20, 2008 20 days to the day after we found out that he had it. My husband was only 49 years old. It was so sudden and unexpected I expected to spend a lifetime with him. Now I can't sleep I have had thoughts of sucide, not eating and cry almost every day. And I get to relive the night he died once a month every month. I feel as if I am trapped in a pitch black endless maze and I will never ever find my way out. I get tired of hearing that it will " GET BETTER" I don't think that it can ever get better when you have lost the one person in your life that made you totally happy. I was married twice before this to two very abusive men. My husband took
Thank you for your kind words. It is still so new and I know I am no where near rational right now. I still walk from room to room crying my eyes out. All of her things are right where she left them. I see her everywhere. Annette had cirrhosis of the liver and although we were trying desperately to get her insurance so she could have a transplant, God had other ideas i guess. The six months the doctors gave her turned into two weeks. I was with her when she passed, along with alot of her family. The first three or so weeks i just cried and screamed.. at her, at god.. then of course apologize to no end. Some people that i have talked to who have never lost their partner dont really understand. I never realized until she was gone that almost everything we do in the course of the day somehow revolves around them and when they are gone, we dont know what to do. I took 3 weeks off of work and when i would wake up ( if i slept that night) and cry not knowing what i was suppose to be doing. I have to make lists of what i should be doing that day. otherwise, i have no clue. Every one tells me.." it will get better with time".. or " be strong" .. ( which i so don't want to be). I lost the one true love of my life and i miss her more which each passing day. It's still only been a little over a month, so I know it will take time, but its getting worse instead of better with each day that passes.
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