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George, you expressed such insight. I hate those words too. "how are you". I know they are meant to show concern, but how can you respond? I also hate. "sorry for your loss". What do you say?
I learned to say "thank you" but it is a struggle. My mind goes to the thought of loss. This was not someone lost, it was the loss of everything real in my life. Almost the loss of my life as I knew it.
I too did all the things you mentioned or at least thought about it. I too want to talk about Tom. I just go ahead and do it and sometimes when I mention something he said or did, people will say, "auh" like they are feeling sorry for me. That is what I feel anyway. I am however blessed with many people who loved him too and don't seem to mind talking about him and in fact do. I think they realize that I need to talk about him and like to hear about him so they talk about him to me. We have grandchildren and the 13 year old told me that she dreams about him all the time. When I asked about the dreams, she said they were just "you know hanging out". He had taken her fishing and she was dreaming about that. I was so glad to know that she is visiting with him in her dreams. She was a sickly little girl and spent so much time with us. Her father was not in her life so Tom was her male figure and she has appeared to suffer the most. That was so hard too. This 5/22/09 will already be a year and it sometimes feels like only a few weeks ago. I too get the question or comment about re marrying? How can you even think about that when you are in love with your husband. Love doesn't die. I honestly don't want to even consider marriage because I can't imagine finding the love I had twice in one lifetime.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Suep
On Dec 28th 2007 I lost the my soul mate, my lover,constant companion and best friend. i met him when I was 14 years old we have 4 children and 8 grandchildren, we started young. My world was closing in on me, it's been difficult. I was not expecting him to pass, I don't know how to explain how I feel completely, but by reading what you all are going thru, I dont feel so alone. Thank you for being brave enough to come to this place, where we can console and understand each other. I hope everyday will get better, some days are good, some days are not...I didnt say good byes to my husband, nor he had a will of what he like to happen, or say to his family. I dont feel closure in that area, I feel lost at times, misplaced. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts.
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