Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sharon on April 15, 2009 at 5:22pm

I do understand, I lost him 2 weeks and 3 days ago and it seems like he is just in the other room..People keeping saying they know what I am going through but most of them can't even imagine the pain..that is why I came here when you say you know you do...I keep going back and forth from being numb to being angry to waves of depression..so many feelings none of them good...it's hard not to scream when someone says it will get better..better than what!! I have been with him since I was 16..He was my life, do you wonder why we are left here..I do...thanks for listening

Sharon said:

Sharon said:

Pauline said:

Hi Sharon 47 years..wow I wish I had my husband that long but I dont regret the short 16 we had together..I come to this site for peace and calm and to air out my feelings..it is only 11 weeks for me but it still feels like yesterday or not even real at all it just feels like Ive left Graham in the hospital and just not allowed to go and see him ... even tho now I just cant stand the sight of the hospital or even the thought of having to go into one but it wasnt the hospitals fault they were my best friends and when I come to think of it the hospital staff, the drs and all specialist care we had it was our only circle of friends outside of the family..I didnt realise how alone I was caring for my husband until he left me .. and even now after 11 weeks my circle is still counsellors, drs and my family .. what am I doing? I have no life out of home I have become a recluse, I am just about to start a new job only 15 hours a week maybe that will help..but I know at the end of the day I have to face home without my soulmate..

I think I am slowly coming to grips hes not here but then I get these strange notions that I need to go to the hospital to see him. Funny my mobile rung the other day and my daughter said oh whos ringing you and straight off the top of my head I said well it wont be my husband he doesnt have his mobile on him..quirky or what? Im going to bed now feeling lonely..the cat has started sleeping on the otherside of the bed and she has become my comfort just filling that empty space on the bed.

Our cat was also the telltale that my honey was going when Graham was in hospital for the last time she slept on his side of the bed and she never slept on our bed or anyones bed so I had that feeling but I also chose to ignore it but truly enough it came true...

Sorry I seem to be going on I think I am slowly falling to pieces so I will sign off for now and get my son his breakfast.

God Bless you all

Sharon said:

Thank you for putting your feelings here, I just lost my husband of 47 years..the hospital stays the long talks are now all gone and I thought I was the only one who was begging God to take me too! The emotions you talked about are all too real..some days are just numb others are spent crying or wishing I was gone..Easter was the first holiday with more coming..it is so hard..sometimes I have to take 5 minutes at a time...I miss him so much, I know you understand cause your loss is also so recent..

Permalink Reply by Christine on April 15, 2009 at 10:05pm

Sharon, I am so glad that you came to this message board. Having never experienced this kind of loss before it was amazing to me at first just how many of us have the same thoughts and feelings, regardless of the time past since they lost their spouse. It will be 2 months this saturday that I lost my partner. We had 4 1/2 amazing years together that I will forever cherish. The first few weeks were spent crying and just screaming constantly. yelling at her, yelling at God, wanting to die too. I so understand what you are going through. I think we all do. Although I dont cry as much as I used to.. the pain just went deeper in my heart. I see her everywhere. I see her in my mind constantly. I miss her more every day. It was not a very good day at work today because I was so angry at her for leaving me. Even though I know in my heart it was not her intention. I know she did not want to die and she fought hard to live but her body just couldnt continue. But...still... I get really mad. At who, I'm not sure. I think I am just mad at the situation, because like all of us.. We didnt want this life we have now.. Nobody asked us if it was ok. Our lives have been completely turned upside down and so different that it is next to unbearable to take.

Sharon said:

I do understand, I lost him 2 weeks and 3 days ago and it seems like he is just in the other room..People keeping saying they know what I am going through but most of them can't even imagine the pain..that is why I came here when you say you know you do...I keep going back and forth from being numb to being angry to waves of depression..so many feelings none of them good...it's hard not to scream when someone says it will get better..better than what!! I have been with him since I was 16..He was my life, do you wonder why we are left here..I do...thanks for listening

Sharon said:

Sharon said:

Pauline said:

Hi Sharon 47 years..wow I wish I had my husband that long but I dont regret the short 16 we had together..I come to this site for peace and calm and to air out my feelings..it is only 11 weeks for me but it still feels like yesterday or not even real at all it just feels like Ive left Graham in the hospital and just not allowed to go and see him ... even tho now I just cant stand the sight of the hospital or even the thought of having to go into one but it wasnt the hospitals fault they were my best friends and when I come to think of it the hospital staff, the drs and all specialist care we had it was our only circle of friends outside of the family..I didnt realise how alone I was caring for my husband until he left me .. and even now after 11 weeks my circle is still counsellors, drs and my family .. what am I doing? I have no life out of home I have become a recluse, I am just about to start a new job only 15 hours a week maybe that will help..but I know at the end of the day I have to face home without my soulmate..

I think I am slowly coming to grips hes not here but then I get these strange notions that I need to go to the hospital to see him. Funny my mobile rung the other day and my daughter said oh whos ringing you and straight off the top of my head I said well it wont be my husband he doesnt have his mobile on him..quirky or what? Im going to bed now feeling lonely..the cat has started sleeping on the otherside of the bed and she has become my comfort just filling that empty space on the bed.

Our cat was also the telltale that my honey was going when Graham was in hospital for the last time she slept on his side of the bed and she never slept on our bed or anyones bed so I had that feeling but I also chose to ignore it but truly enough it came true...

Sorry I seem to be going on I think I am slowly falling to pieces so I will sign off for now and get my son his breakfast.

God Bless you all

Sharon said:

Thank you for putting your feelings here, I just lost my husband of 47 years..the hospital stays the long talks are now all gone and I thought I was the only one who was begging God to take me too! The emotions you talked about are all too real..some days are just numb others are spent crying or wishing I was gone..Easter was the first holiday with more coming..it is so hard..sometimes I have to take 5 minutes at a time...I miss him so much, I know you understand cause your loss is also so recent..

Permalink Reply by Anita on April 16, 2009 at 2:57am

Tonight I can't sleep, I need closure on my ex-boyfriend's death. We met on 4-16-98, and he suddenly died on 7-22-08. No matter through all our ups, and downs, we had a connection no matter what. We lived in the same town always, when I found out about his death, his brother already had him cremated. Ed died alone, in his apartment, sitting in a chair, he was 53yrs. old. I guess he may have been dead for a day or two, before his work had the police go and do a check on him. There isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about him. Usually, before I get up in the morning, or recently sitting up late at night. His brother decided that it was best that I didn't attend his wake. That killed me, we talked on the phone, and had words. I think I knew Ed, better then his own family. I visit my family Dr., to take care of myself. I have seen a counselor, they put me on a med., and Ihave to take a depression test. I stil have ups, and downs. Tonight I will be writing in Ed's guest book, it makes me feel good! Is this wrong? I recently called our local coroners office, they helped me understand more about his death. Ed had a cardiac arrhymia, also coronary artery disease, ( he was a heavy chain smoker), also he had a opiate toxicity. Ed used many pain killers, in our years together, given to him by his family Dr. A couple of years ago, I found that had started taking OxyContin. This drug changed him greatly, that's what kind off killed our future together. Ed chose this drug, over me. I was suppose to be the love of his life, I told him I would stand by him, if he got help to get off the many pain killers that he had been on. Ed had fibromyagia, back surgery, and shoulder surgery. The med's given through the years were many. Vicoden, Norcogesic, OxyContin, various muscle relaxers. Wow, I guess I'm just mad, at him, and Doctors. Ed had a good job, had a degree, what the heck. Ed, wanted the house, and family life. I guess these drugs had more control on him, they totally changed the man that I had fell in love with. Should I call his brother, I want to know what they did with is remains, as a young man, he had been in the Navy, and did want to be put back in the water. Ed's brother promised me he would call in about 3 mos., that ed had left them a big mess. No call yet, I feel the strength now to call, some people tell me to let it go. I would like at least 1 article back, to remember him by. I was never asked by the family if I had any articles that I needed back, that hurt. Some people tell me that maybe the family is ashamed of his lifestyle, I do understand that they are hurting also. It's a big mess, but I want closure. I have bouts of feeling guilty, but I tried all through those yrs., he didn't want to help himself though. It hurts really bad. I wish we could of had an intervention, with the help of his brother, sister. Ed, left a daughter, but I heard she never was told of his problems. I feel the family was ashamed of Ed, and maybe that's why I wasn't allowed at the wake. The funeral director sent me a program, through the mail. I explained to him, the night before the wake, the situation. The director, said I could attend, unless the family turned me away. I was told the wake was for family by hism brother, but later found out some of Ed's friends attended. That really hurted me. Ed and I enjoyed music from Fleeetwood Mac, and Stevie Nicks, it hurts to hear these songs, but it makes me feel close to him. I hope that someone out there will please write me back soon. I'm going to his questbook now, and leaving a message, it helps me, maybe someone would say that is weird. Also, I lost my husband of 20 yrs., and the father of my children, and my best friend, before I met Ed. My husband was a good man, but also fell into the trap, of pain killers, after 2 back surgeries. I found him in bed, he had passed on, he was only 42, and a Father of 4 children. Iwas told by a Dr. that maybe when I met Ed, I just needed to take care of som

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on April 16, 2009 at 4:08am

Sharon said:

I do understand, I lost him 2 weeks and 3 days ago and it seems like he is just in the other room..People keeping saying they know what I am going through but most of them can't even imagine the pain..that is why I came here when you say you know you do...I keep going back and forth from being numb to being angry to waves of depression..so many feelings none of them good...it's hard not to scream when someone says it will get better..better than what!! I have been with him since I was 16..He was my life, do you wonder why we are left here..I do...thanks for listening

Sharon said:

Sharon said:

Pauline said:

Hi Sharon 47 years..wow I wish I had my husband that long but I dont regret the short 16 we had together..I come to this site for peace and calm and to air out my feelings..it is only 11 weeks for me but it still feels like yesterday or not even real at all it just feels like Ive left Graham in the hospital and just not allowed to go and see him ... even tho now I just cant stand the sight of the hospital or even the thought of having to go into one but it wasnt the hospitals fault they were my best friends and when I come to think of it the hospital staff, the drs and all specialist care we had it was our only circle of friends outside of the family..I didnt realise how alone I was caring for my husband until he left me .. and even now after 11 weeks my circle is still counsellors, drs and my family .. what am I doing? I have no life out of home I have become a recluse, I am just about to start a new job only 15 hours a week maybe that will help..but I know at the end of the day I have to face home without my soulmate..

I think I am slowly coming to grips hes not here but then I get these strange notions that I need to go to the hospital to see him. Funny my mobile rung the other day and my daughter said oh whos ringing you and straight off the top of my head I said well it wont be my husband he doesnt have his mobile on him..quirky or what? Im going to bed now feeling lonely..the cat has started sleeping on the otherside of the bed and she has become my comfort just filling that empty space on the bed.

Our cat was also the telltale that my honey was going when Graham was in hospital for the last time she slept on his side of the bed and she never slept on our bed or anyones bed so I had that feeling but I also chose to ignore it but truly enough it came true...

Sorry I seem to be going on I think I am slowly falling to pieces so I will sign off for now and get my son his breakfast.

God Bless you all

Sharon said:

Thank you for putting your feelings here, I just lost my husband of 47 years..the hospital stays the long talks are now all gone and I thought I was the only one who was begging God to take me too! The emotions you talked about are all too real..some days are just numb others are spent crying or wishing I was gone..Easter was the first holiday with more coming..it is so hard..sometimes I have to take 5 minutes at a time...I miss him so much, I know you understand cause your loss is also so recent..

HI SHARON
I LOST MY 58 YR OLD HUSBAND TWO MONTHS AGO TOMMOROW.
WE ALL SEEM TO FOLLOW THE SAME DESOLATE, UGLY ROAD OF MISERY.
I AM IN A STATE OF DESPAIR AND MISS HIM SO BADLY THAT IT PHYSICALY HURTS...I KEEP WISHING THAT I WENT WITH HIM BECAUSE I CANNOT STAND THE PAIN.
IT IS TOUGH BUT EVERYONE SAYS IT GETS BETTER....LET S WAIT AND SEE....
WE HAVE TO GRIEVE AND MOURN AND GO THROUGH IT.
I HAVE BECOME A RECLUSE..CANT EAT ..CANT SLEEP.
I CANT EVEN LIVE IN OUR FLAT...IT KILLS ME EVERY TIME I GO THERE.
WE HAD NO CHILDREN AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH HIM...I SIMPLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY COUPLES WHO LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH ARE SUDDENLY DUMPED WITH THIS DIRE SITUATION AND COUPLES WHO CANNOT STAND EACH OTHER'S GUTS GET TO LIVE A LONG LIFE HATING EACH OTHER...IT IS SO UNFAIR SO SO UNFAIR....ALL I DO IS CRY ALL THE TIME.
U CAN SAY MY LIFE IS OVER...BUT UNFORTUNATELY I AM STILL ALIVE SO HAVE TO REMAIN HERE.....I WANT SO MUCH TO BE RE-UNITED WITH HIM....

Permalink Reply by catherine Minshew on April 16, 2009 at 1:07pm

Its 9 months today that I have been on this lonely road of sorrow and despair, which I have found are physical, not just emotional feelings. I used to wake up looking forward to celebrating the milestones in our relationship and now those milestones, along with the new ones like today leave me sick. No One understands! Even my adult son said “I understand how empty you must feel” I know he means well and I wish it was just an empty feeling I had missing Earl, but it’s not that way at all. I am so full of pain there is no way I could feel empty. It is so consuming. I want my husband back and I want my life back…he was my life and I am so lost without my best friend, lover and keeper of my heart… It was pretty battered when I gave it to him 10 years ago, but he showed me real love conquers all and healed my heart. I am grateful I gave it to him, and I’m sure I buried it with him last July; I now have no need for it.
I too “CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY COUPLES WHO LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH ARE SUDDENLY DUMPED WITH THIS DIRE SITUATION AND COUPLES WHO CANNOT STAND EACH OTHER'S GUTS GET TO LIVE A LONG LIFE HATING EACH OTHER”
I told my shrink that I feel like I am on a spinning carousal trying to get off and it is going so fast I can’t make sense of anything I see or feel and I have that sick feeling in my stomach all the time, and just when I think it’s going to slow down enough to make my way to the edge to get off, it speeds up again and the centrifugal force pushes me backwards and I start all over with the sick feeling and not being able to move forward.
I know that sounds crazy and perhaps I have gone mad but I know there is a life, maybe not the one I wanted but a life of some sort out there when this one quits spinning out of control, I can catch glimpses of it every now and then. I pray for all of us who have this road to travel…

Permalink Reply by kimmer on April 16, 2009 at 1:27pm

My name is Kim and I just lost my husband of 6 years on Feb 7 , only 2 months 6 days ago very suddenly to a heart dieses.Iam 25 and he was 31 we also have a 8 month old baby .I dont even know what else to write .I feel that my life is over .Where do i go from here ?Iam so confused ,shocked,scared and unable to understand what has happen and why ?

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on April 17, 2009 at 9:22am

kimmer said:

My name is Kim and I just lost my husband of 6 years on Feb 7 , only 2 months 6 days ago very suddenly to a heart dieses.Iam 25 and he was 31 we also have a 8 month old baby .I dont even know what else to write .I feel that my life is over .Where do i go from here ?Iam so confused ,shocked,scared and unable to understand what has happen and why ?

hi kim
lost mine on 17th february...and am a total mess.
we must keep hanging on in there...it is so tough but everyone says it gets easier

Permalink Reply by Lisa on April 17, 2009 at 9:27am

Kimmer,
I wish I could have been more help to you. Its weird as I read on here everyday how much we are all alike. I wish everyday that God if there is a God would let me die and be with the one person that ever made me happy. I wish I would have had more then 3 years with him I want forever!!!! I want off this rollercoster I think we all do. Coming here and reading what everyone else has written somehow helps I guess because you relize that there are other people out there feeling just what your feeling and that there are other people out there who love there husbands, wives or life partern as much as I love mine. I never put these things in past tense. I don't know about anyone else but I love my husband there is no "loved" in my words or feelings for him. I keep hearing that I need to get use to the fact that I am "single" now. Well maybe in mans eyes I am. But I think its a matter of the heart and soul. I am married and always will be. I get so angry when I see that there are so many I guess you would say igorant people in this world. I often tell them to walk just one mile in my shoes then you can give me advice!!
Sorry for ranting but thanks for letting me at the same time. Kimmer I only hope that you can find some comfront in listen to all of us and know that your not alone. I don't think any of us know when this will all end or even if it will. All we can do is listen.

Thank you again for letting me vent

kimmer said:

My name is Kim and I just lost my husband of 6 years on Feb 7 , only 2 months 6 days ago very suddenly to a heart dieses.Iam 25 and he was 31 we also have a 8 month old baby .I dont even know what else to write .I feel that my life is over .Where do i go from here ?Iam so confused ,shocked,scared and unable to understand what has happen and why ?

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on April 17, 2009 at 10:15am

Lisa said:

Kimmer,
I wish I could have been more help to you. Its weird as I read on here everyday how much we are all alike. I wish everyday that God if there is a God would let me die and be with the one person that ever made me happy. I wish I would have had more then 3 years with him I want forever!!!! I want off this rollercoster I think we all do. Coming here and reading what everyone else has written somehow helps I guess because you relize that there are other people out there feeling just what your feeling and that there are other people out there who love there husbands, wives or life partern as much as I love mine. I never put these things in past tense. I don't know about anyone else but I love my husband there is no "loved" in my words or feelings for him. I keep hearing that I need to get use to the fact that I am "single" now. Well maybe in mans eyes I am. But I think its a matter of the heart and soul. I am married and always will be. I get so angry when I see that there are so many I guess you would say igorant people in this world. I often tell them to walk just one mile in my shoes then you can give me advice!!
Sorry for ranting but thanks for letting me at the same time. Kimmer I only hope that you can find some comfront in listen to all of us and know that your not alone. I don't think any of us know when this will all end or even if it will. All we can do is listen.

Thank you again for letting me vent

kimmer said:

My name is Kim and I just lost my husband of 6 years on Feb 7 , only 2 months 6 days ago very suddenly to a heart dieses.Iam 25 and he was 31 we also have a 8 month old baby .I dont even know what else to write .I feel that my life is over .Where do i go from here ?Iam so confused ,shocked,scared and unable to understand what has happen and why ?

oh lisa..how right u are..
i just cant take it when people keep on telling me...i know exactly what u are going thru...yeah right !!! and their husbands are still with them.
well mine is too...but in spirit now.
i too keep wishing i could die and be with him but i know it is not going to happen...well not for now i suppose.
i live in malta (europe) and tomorrow there is a double funeral...the wife died on 8 april and he died on 11 april...ok they were not young but i am full of envy !!!
how perfect that wud be...!!

Permalink Reply by sue on April 17, 2009 at 11:10am

Kim, everyone on here is in so much pain. I lost Tom to a sudden death of a brain anerism 5/22/08. It is coming up on a year and I can't believe it. It still hurts but it is not so painful physically. I remember with a broken heart how much pain I was in at the point you are in. I am not going to give you any "words of wisdom" just to say, Hold on, take care of yourself and be very kind to yourself. This is the worst experience of your life, I am sure of it. I know it is not something anyone can tell you how to handle. It is gut wrenching pain and there is no escape but to push through it and for me I try to remember what we were together and how happy we were and everyone doesn't get that in a lifetime. I did and you did. We healed together from lifes past pains. I am forever changed because of our love and that can never be lost.
I too feel married and it upsets me some when people assume you are single now. Love doesn't die. I was filling out some forms at the docs office the other day and it didn't even give an option of widow. I almost put married but instead I put over on the side widowed. It made me angry that someone didn't realize this is a catagory on its own. Everyone forgets quickly except for those that have had this experience. I don't think there is any "getting over it" you just finally decide to live with it and that helped me. Remember the song "The Rose". I loved that song. Someday we will be with them again but for now I believe they are still with us in spirit, for the spirit never dies. We are all one in spirit. For the greatest of these is "love". Suep

Permalink Reply by George Allen on April 17, 2009 at 1:53pm

Sue,
You explained my feelings better than I ever could. The first months are so difficult & everyone says all the wrong things. I wish I had found this forum earlier in my trouble.
George

Permalink Reply by Karen on April 17, 2009 at 11:11pm

kimmer said:

My name is Kim and I just lost my husband of 6 years on Feb 7 , only 2 months 6 days ago very suddenly to a heart dieses.Iam 25 and he was 31 we also have a 8 month old baby .I dont even know what else to write .I feel that my life is over .Where do i go from here ?Iam so confused ,shocked,scared and unable to understand what has happen and why ?

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