Graham had such big fingers so his ring is quite large and heavy so wearing it on a chain makes it even heavier - however I went out and bought myself a locket and I have Grahams photo in it and I wear it everywhere - it gives me comfort when I am down and I am always touching it and kissing it to give me strength .. But I feel it is now too small so I have found myself the ideal size one and will be getting that one when I can afford it. As much as I would love to wear his ring its okay I know Graham will understand..
The drinking was spose to be a celebration for his birthday - his life but it just bought out my inner true feelings and you know I dont care it was one way of releasing for me okay I got drunk but just for that moment I forgot how much pain I was in..only for a moment
I have got a miserable cold and a heavy chest and feeling like this makes me wonder how Graham put up living with such uncomfortableness!! - Ive only got it temporarily he had it most of his life - I salute you my darling - how did you endure such pain for so long... forgive me for not understanding and sometimes being angry at you when I was tired and just wanted to sleep and now I am angry with myself for doing this to you ...for letting you suffer and in silence you did..my love I am so sorry......................
if it is any consolation i am just as bad as you are.
seem to keep getting worse instead of better...last night i dreamt quite a bit....
but again mark never entered my dreams...why why why ?? am i unconsciously blocking him out.
when i am awake all i do is think of him so this is really strange :(
i cannot carry on struggling like this...life has become an ugly trap without my darling Mark...sorry christine...not much support am i but i know exactly what u are feeling....
I got a phone call from "his" daughter-in-law today the first in almost 6 months. I don't know if you all remember me saying that he had 2 sons from his first marriage or not but anyhow this is his youngest sons wife. ( She put me thru hell when my darling passed, texted me saying that Bruno would not want to be with me in heaven but would chose his ex-wife for eternity) Anyhow she calls me today asking me for a copy of my husbands death record that "they" were putting together a scrap book about my husbands life and that was the ONLY thing they needed from me. No pictures of us together or our wedding NOTHING. Oh and she threw in there that I could still send her sons birthday present that he needed cloths. What do you do with something like that. I know that my husband would not want me to let them walk all over me like that but I also made him a promise to take care of the grandkids. HELP!!!!
I am so hurt and so angry that I just wish he was here so that I could scream at him and ask him how much more am I suppose to take.
hi lisa same predicament last while all i dwell on is last three days of marilyns life i was with her at the hospice when she died one breath and she was gone.i knew she was dieing but it was not supposed to be.days i manage working but it is all by rote as i have been surveying for so long.evenings and weekends are hell.lately been very angry fought with my sister and her husband as no idea of the walk we are walking and they fight about such inconsequential stuff.they have each other and dont treat it with respect unreal.still get up every two hours at night as before when checking to make sure marilyn took her pain killers everytwohours.so very afraid of myself as i just cannot let marilyn go.same pain nothing has changed one iota and now it seems to be a question of why even go on.just want to thank you pauline annalise christine for sharing cry when i read your words but helps me realize i am not alone in this miserable place called life .einars