Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lisa on May 25, 2009 at 8:37am

Dear Friends,
Why is it that its seems like when you think that things are getting bareable that something or someone comes along to slap you down. I have been reflecting allot this past couple of weeks and whenever I think I am going to get through this terrible thing that we are all going through someone comes along and tells me how dare you think that way you must not have loved Bruno at all. The last couple of weeks have been the hardest in awhile. I thought once I got through the major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valtines that maybe some healing would start. Guess I was wrong.

Permalink Reply by sue on May 25, 2009 at 9:18am

Lisa, whomever told you that is dealing with their own junk! You can put that in that basket that is meant to throw out. Remember, this is survival and you are allowed to survive it however you can. I have had some of the dumbest things said to me too. Good grief, some people want to control even your thoughts???? Forget them they don't know.
The other day my sis in law came up to say that someone thought my yard looked terrible. I have over an acre with my foot in a boot thingy and it has been really wet here. I went to Indy to be with my son during his heart surgery and didn't get it mowed before I left. I have a huge machine, zero turn, and I use it but I just haven't had time and so on. They wanted to mow it for me which is nice but since they are in the "lawn business", well, they were just concerned about my well being of course. Giggle. My thoughts are "leave me alone". Sorry, I knew that one was coming because my husband was so obsessed with this yard. I did plant flowers and I felt good about that. Give me a chance to get it all figured out please. Anyway, everyone has their opinion and I am no exception but I thought that was a funny thing to come see me about. It was also the anniversary of Tom's death and he was really close to this sister but I knew people would be watching and judging how I am caring for "Tom's house". Give me a break, it was my house too and is mine now. We both worked for this and his family always said, "Tom's house". Strange. suep

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on May 26, 2009 at 7:24am

hi all
do not know what is happening but was trying to post and got error.

christine hope u r ok..well as 'ok' as one cud be under the circumstances.
still looking for a headstone for mark's grave but stil not happy with what i have seen so far.
would have preferred stone but our stone (maltese) is very porous so does not make much sense when exposed to the elements.

have any of you read THE SHACK??

TAKE GOOD CARE

ANNALISE
http://mark-lapira.gonetoosoon.org/

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on May 26, 2009 at 1:35pm

Annalise, I just visited Mark's memorial website. It's wonderful. There is no mistaking your love for him. Thank you for sharing it. Barry

annalise samuel lapira said:

hi all
do not know what is happening but was trying to post and got error.

christine hope u r ok..well as 'ok' as one cud be under the circumstances.
still looking for a headstone for mark's grave but stil not happy with what i have seen so far.
would have preferred stone but our stone (maltese) is very porous so does not make much sense when exposed to the elements.

have any of you read THE SHACK??

TAKE GOOD CARE

ANNALISE
http://mark-lapira.gonetoosoon.org/

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on May 27, 2009 at 2:26am

hi barry
many thanks yr comments..i felt the same way when i saw the website you had created.

i feel so sad but doing it gave me some purpose and had some momentary solace.

i hope u r bearing up

annalise

Permalink Reply by Christine on May 27, 2009 at 2:52am

Hi everyone,
Annalise, I saw the site for mark, it is beautiful.
annalise samuel lapira said:

hi barry
many thanks yr comments..i felt the same way when i saw the website you had created.

i feel so sad but doing it gave me some purpose and had some momentary solace.

i hope u r bearing up

annalise

Permalink Reply by Pauline on May 27, 2009 at 3:49am

Hi everybody

Its one of those days today I guess our times are hours apart as it is 8.42pm Wednesday night here and I am feeling a little lost - been having a little cry everytime someone asks how I am - I say I am alright but of course I am not - I think things are slowly taking its toll and I am about to have a meltdown - my god I am so scared of the outcome .. I am already arranging to send my son to his older brother for a while just so I can cope a little - I dont want to but at this stage I cant cope with his behaviour and just want to scream at him all the time .. I am eventually moving up by my son but I didnt think it was going to be so soon...work is okay keeping me out of trouble and not too much time to think but its when I go home to the daily dramas it kicks in...so what do I do now? Its times like this my honey was here to tell me what to do .. but then again it wouldnt be like this if he were here..oh S###t it all I hate this life without him..god give me back my old life, my sanity, my love....

Permalink Reply by Lisa on May 27, 2009 at 8:21am

Pauline,
Hang in there. I have a 14 year old son who is pushing me to the limits also. I think he to is going through the lost of the man he called dad. But he feels as if he can't show it cause he has to take care of me and no matter what he says I know that this is taking a toll on his little shoulders. I have never told my son that it was his job to take care of me just the reverse, but I think it is installed in them at an early age that if anything happens to daddy that they have to take care of mommy and this is allot for them so they act up and out. I have told my son so many times that I wish I had somewhere else to send him. But when it comes to it he is one of the reasons I keep going I think him giving me trouble is he way of makeing sure that I don't give up. I don't know if any of this makes since or not.

Lisa

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on May 27, 2009 at 10:27am

thanks christine
how r u ?
i am not too good...for a change !!
i going to put my flaton the market and it is killing me cos it meant everything to mark but selfishly speaking i cannot stay there...i hardly go any way and everytime i go there it is like a bir ordeal..

still cannot believe how my life has changed completely

Permalink Reply by einars simons on May 27, 2009 at 4:16pm

hi friends i just want to thank christine lisa barry annalise pauline and sue for noticing me and sharing your lives with me it has helped so much i am convinced that something major has happened to me since Marilyn touched me at the graveside I am convinced she came back to help me as she saw i could not handle my pain and anguish alone by being there and touching me she reinforced our love for each other but now i know she let me know that i could continue my life without her and i do not have to carry on in such a miserable state she loves me and feels the pain even if i forget her at times and dont think of her 24 -7 it is alright this week i actually went downtown saw leonard cohen noticed trees birds and all that other neat stuff we enjoyed together.I realize that this grief journey is not over and one moves slowly but i think i have reached a crossroads all the hope and love for everyone will continue reading and posting einars

Permalink Reply by sue on May 27, 2009 at 4:21pm

So good to hear that einars, that is hope. The soul is not meant to grieve forever, it is meant to continue. It is so hard at times but it is how we survive something like this that happens in our lives. suep

Permalink Reply by Christine on May 27, 2009 at 11:23pm

Annalise, These last few days I have just been.. I dont even know what words could describe it. I'm just going through the motions of my day.. hating every pathetic minute of it. I was crying and talking to her out loud the other night.. and wondered if she sees how i am.. does she realize what her leaving is doing to me. I dont want her to be upset or unable to move forward but.. I really honestly dont think she is around me. If I was the one who died.. I would do EVERYTHING in my power constantly to let her know that I still loved her and was with her. I get.. nothing. Why.
Sorry, I'm still not dealing well.
annalise samuel lapira said:

thanks christine
how r u ?
i am not too good...for a change !!
i going to put my flaton the market and it is killing me cos it meant everything to mark but selfishly speaking i cannot stay there...i hardly go any way and everytime i go there it is like a bir ordeal..

still cannot believe how my life has changed completely

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