Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Marlena on June 16, 2009 at 10:16am

Hi Pauline,
Please don't be sorry that you are having a good day. Isn't that what we all pray for?..Any tiny amount of peace that we can hang on to...and a good dream is definitely one of those moments. Hang on tight to that feeling...this journey we are all traveling is sooo short on good moments that you derserve it.
Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Pauline said:

Hello my friends

Well my day started off pretty good I am sorry if I sound in high spirits its because today I am even if only after losing my darling nearly 5 months ago..and why am I feeling great..I had a dream..yes a dream. I dreamt about my darling he had just had a tattoo done and he was looking at me and giving me that loving puppy eyed smile that got me everytime..and asking for a jug of tequila and grenadine to kill the pain of the tattoo - but he was smiling at me and laughing and it was so clear - but then I awoke .. but that dream was MY dream ..
I told my daughter abot it and she said hes telling me its okay for me to get that tattoo I have had th urge to do..so I will ..

I am sorry to be feeling good but it does feel good and I m enjoying it while I can..

Thoughts and hugs to everyone
Pauline

Permalink Reply by Lisa on June 16, 2009 at 12:55pm

Pauline,

That is so great that you had a good dream. I also had a dream and I am still trying to figure out what it all means. I had a dream that some lady died someone I have no clue who she was but yet I was sitting there talking to her body her brain was shocked so she could still talk somehow. I was talking to her about her life and how she lived. She was telling me how peaceful it was were she was. Every time I tried to walk away from her she would grab my leg like in a horror movie. I am not sure what all this means and what it has to do with me or my Bruno. It was not a scary dream however so who knows. I say get the tattoo I did and it reminds me of my love for my darling each and everyday.
i hope that your dreams come more and more often.

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on June 17, 2009 at 5:11am

hi christine
started replying and lost my post...
i know perfectly well what u mean re even contemplating living the rest of one's life without the only person who made it matter.
today marks four months since mark's demise and i am a total mess.
i just wish we had died together as this is not a life any more.
nothing makes sense...i have forgotten what it means to smile.
sick and tired of hearing that it gets better...it does not...how can it..only he can make it better and he is not here any more....

glad to hear about the dreams....like christine it does not seem to be happening to me....... but i am glad that u got so much joy and comfort ..

Permalink Reply by Christine on June 17, 2009 at 1:19pm

Hi annalise, I was checking my phone a little while ago and realized that it was four months today for you and got on computer to send you a note that i am thinking of you...
Sunday will be four months for me. I have to work so we will see how that goes. and then I was invited to annette's families house for a fathers day dinner. ( my father passed away 18 years ago, so I usually dont celebrate fathers day). It was nice of annettes sister and family to invite me and my son. We are all still close. Going to her dad's house has always been real hard for me.. too many memories. The last time I was there I had to go outside cause I kept crying, so hopefully I can try to keep it together this time!
Annalise, I know what you mean about it not getting better. It feels like it is getting worse every day.

Christine

annalise samuel lapira said:

hi christine
started replying and lost my post...
i know perfectly well what u mean re even contemplating living the rest of one's life without the only person who made it matter.
today marks four months since mark's demise and i am a total mess.
i just wish we had died together as this is not a life any more.
nothing makes sense...i have forgotten what it means to smile.
sick and tired of hearing that it gets better...it does not...how can it..only he can make it better and he is not here any more....

glad to hear about the dreams....like christine it does not seem to be happening to me....... but i am glad that u got so much joy and comfort ..

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on June 18, 2009 at 5:30am

Hi christine
thanks for thinking of me...:)
u will certainly be on my mind next sunday.
it is father's day here too ...my dad is still alive albeit not well and mark was not a father..we had no kids. So it should not be one of those extra traumatic occasions..ok mark will be absent but i am dreading his nephew's wedding much more...i know i will be a total mess.

thinking of you all
annalise xx

Permalink Reply by Lisa on June 18, 2009 at 8:12am

Annalise & friends,
Sorry I have not been able to post allot here lately with starting a new job and all. But I wonder if I did not rush things alittle, well allot. I thank God in these times that I have a job but at the same time seeings I am working with people who don't know me or Bruno I get allot of questions. And those are still hard. I mean how do you tell perferct strangers that you lost the love of your life almost 7mths ago (On Saturday).
My father also is alive which I am thankful for he is 78 years old and is still going pretty strong. I still am not looking forward to Sunday. My 14 year old son comes to me and ask me "Mommy what do I do for dad on fathers day its not like I can buy him a world greatest dad t-shirt" What do you say to a child about that what do you do? I also am not looking forward to it cause Bruno's boys want nothing to do with me now that their father is gone and this is very very hard seeings we made sure that we got them something every year. I have cried allot this week I guess all the loss is finally catching up to me I don't know. But I am sure that people here at work think I am crazy!!!!

Permalink Reply by sue on June 18, 2009 at 8:21am

Lisa, sorry you are struggling so but remember there will be ups and downs. I can't imagine if I had still been in the high pressured jobs I always did when Tom died. I lost my last job when Mom died. Just lived life as usual doesn't work when you have lost so much. If I had too, I could do it but so grateful I am not working right now. I did have my first home visit for foster care. They seemed happy with my house etc. I am hoping for a child between 6 and 12. They still think you can be fun. gigs.
My anniversary is june 23rd. suep

Permalink Reply by judy hires on June 22, 2009 at 2:03pm

i lost my husband of 38 years in august 2005 im still having trouble getting over him i miss him so much we were always together. i live alone and i think of him alot how do i get over the pain of loosing the love of my life

Permalink Reply by Lisa on June 22, 2009 at 2:48pm

Judy,
It breaks my heart to hear that you are still in so much pain. I lost my husband of 3 years just 7 months ago and I am not sure that what I say will even matter to someone who has been on this journey as long as you have. Judy as far as I can tell there is no getting over the hurt and pain not when you love someone like that. I think that the best we can ask for or even hope for is the strength and will to survive until God takes us home to be with our soulmates. Everyday is a struggle everyday there comes a new pain a new unknown. I have told everyone before that this is like being trapped in a 5 story maze in the dark and I can not find the light at the end of it. In all truth I am not sure there is a light. All I do know for sure is that you learn to find your way in the dark and don't run into as many walls but it is still as dark as ever and there is no light. Judy my heart aches for you and I wish I could tell you how to get rid of some of your pain. You are in my prayers.

Lisa

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on June 23, 2009 at 5:29am

hi everyone
just want to tell u not to worry if i dont post much any more.
i seem to be getting worse instead of better and feel it is not fair to keep on and on when you all want to get better and i just go on rambling about how wretched i am feeling...so if u dont see my posts dont worry....i might pop in now and then but not that often.
thanks all....btw christine...someone told me if we are down and negative the spirits find it hard to come round us...maybe that is our problem...oh well...
take care all of you...annalise (v proud wife of the late Mark Lapira)

Permalink Reply by Sandra Bailey on June 23, 2009 at 7:44pm

Here goes, I really don't know how to begin sharing with this website. My boyfriend of eleven years died last month, totally unexpectedly! Besides dealing with the grief and shock of losing him, I am now faced with losing my home. To add salt to an open wound, he had just won his SS disability case and was awarded $28,000.00!!! He was so happy, and finally felt like a man again. We decided it was time to get married and do some things we hadn't been able to afford before, simple things like taking a trip to the coast and taking in a movie now and then. Then, before he got his money, he died!! He has a daughter who lives in the L.A. area and hated her father. Would call him by his first name and was totally horrible to him. She is the product of a substance abuse mother who has completely brainwashed her to blame everything on her dad. We even tried letting her live with us, big mistake. She worked two days before quitting her job, stole everything she could get her hands on, lied about everything and made our lives miserable. I was working two jobs at the time and she still expected me to cook dinner for her, make desserts, etc. This lasted three months before I told her she had to leave. My boyfriend managed to get her a car and we gave her money to get her back home and she still exploded at us, screaming cuss words at us and blaming us for her problems. I should tell you that she was 26 at the time, not a little girl! Anyhow, she got all the money, every dime and when I told her that I really needed it to hold on to my home, she cussed at me, told me it was the least her dad, (she used his first name) could do for her and it was my fault for not marrying him. Didn't matter that we had already decided to get married, never dreaming that he would die before then. I am in shock, sad all the time, and so stressed out by this situation I have thought really stupid thoughts, if you get my drift. Please, someone give me their opinion on this, tell me that the money doesn't matter, that I will be OK, and that his daughter will regret taking the money!!!

Permalink Reply by sue on June 24, 2009 at 7:57am

Sandra, you will get through this. My step son came after me after my husband died. Even if you had been married to him in this state, you would have at least had to split it with her if that helps assuming he had no will which was my case. I had almost the exact situation and the final thing was the settlement just to get him out of my life and I didn't have any money either. I got an unexpected amount from his union at the end after all this and that was such a blessing and a good feeling since this son tried to destroy me. I would have given him much more simply because he was my step son and he had lost his father. His loss and it may never be something she regrets because that type of person doesn't feel anything but their own need.
I just combined my house payment with my equity loan and brought my payment down over 900 dollars. Interest rates are so low and if you have any kind of income you can usually get one if you have any equity in your home. good luck and God bless you. This is just such a bad deal for the one left behind. So sorry. Suep

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