Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gloria Pete on June 24, 2009 at 10:00am

This seems so confusing for me. I just don't think I even know who or what I am anymore. I found myself on this site this morning and joined. I grieve for all of us. The heart is a complicated and wonderful organ.....I await the return of mine. Thank you all for sharing...Today I feel less alone. Thank You.

Permalink Reply by Christine on June 24, 2009 at 1:30pm

annalise, I'm happy you wrote to tell us what was going on. I wouldn't worry about bringing us down sweetie.. we are already there. Say what ever you you need to.. we all completely understand and probably feel the same way.
Well, I somehow managed to make it through sunday, the four month point. I ended up being busy at work so even though she constantly is in my head, I tried not to get too upset. Then after work, me and my son went to annettes family's house for a fathers day bbq. Teared up a few times, but kept it together. Cried some before I went to sleep ( but that is a given). I was just glad when the day was over.

My thoughts and prayers to all
Christine
annalise samuel lapira said:

hi everyone
just want to tell u not to worry if i dont post much any more.
i seem to be getting worse instead of better and feel it is not fair to keep on and on when you all want to get better and i just go on rambling about how wretched i am feeling...so if u dont see my posts dont worry....i might pop in now and then but not that often.
thanks all....btw christine...someone told me if we are down and negative the spirits find it hard to come round us...maybe that is our problem...oh well...
take care all of you...annalise (v proud wife of the late Mark Lapira)

Permalink Reply by Ann on June 25, 2009 at 12:29pm

I witnessed my husband's suicide approximately 1-1/2 years ago. We had gone through Katrina, lost everything we had, and he was just physically and mentally worn out. He was a rough tough cop who served the State of Louisiana for many years. But, the cancer had eaten his body up and the loss of his job and our home was too too much for him. He shot himself with his 357 in front of me. I watched the blood spill from his body as well as his last sigh of life leave him. Has anyone out there gone through something like this? Thanks for listening. I was his best friend and he remains mine.

Permalink Reply by Ann on June 25, 2009 at 12:30pm

Ann said:

I witnessed my husband's suicide approximately 1-1/2 years ago. We had gone through Katrina, lost everything we had, and he was just physically and mentally worn out. He was a rough tough cop who served the State of Louisiana for many years. But, the cancer had eaten his body up and the loss of his job and our home was too too much for him. He shot himself with his 357 in front of me. I watched the blood spill from his body as well as his last sigh of life leave him. Has anyone out there gone through something like this? Thanks for listening. I was his best friend and he remains mine.

Permalink Reply by sue on June 26, 2009 at 8:53am

Oh Ann, that was so unfair. I can't even imagine that experience. My husband passed May22, 08 of a brain anerism and just the shock of getting that call and rushing to the scene and all that followed almost killed me. I can't imagine what your emotions must be like. Did he have cancer also or were you describing the experience of Katrina etc? I can't imagine dealing with what you have had to deal with. My thoughts are with you and my prayers.
A friend of mine got a call from her only child, a son, and he told her he was going to kill himself. She rushed over there and heard the shots as she was coming up the walk. I know some of her emotions after this horrible experience but I have no way of knowing first hand. I am involved with an organization called, "my friend" which is a suicide awareness program. It derived from a friend who committed suicide. It was a shock and affected all of us. The last person in the world anyone would have considered a possibility. Suicide is so confusing. I will never understand it honestly. Take care of yourself Suep

Permalink Reply by Ann on June 26, 2009 at 9:15am

sue said:

Oh Ann, that was so unfair. I can't even imagine that experience. My husband passed May22, 08 of a brain anerism and just the shock of getting that call and rushing to the scene and all that followed almost killed me. I can't imagine what your emotions must be like. Did he have cancer also or were you describing the experience of Katrina etc? I can't imagine dealing with what you have had to deal with. My thoughts are with you and my prayers.
A friend of mine got a call from her only child, a son, and he told her he was going to kill himself. She rushed over there and heard the shots as she was coming up the walk. I know some of her emotions after this horrible experience but I have no way of knowing first hand. I am involved with an organization called, "my friend" which is a suicide awareness program. It derived from a friend who committed suicide. It was a shock and affected all of us. The last person in the world anyone would have considered a possibility. Suicide is so confusing. I will never understand it honestly. Take care of yourself Suep

Permalink Reply by Ann on June 26, 2009 at 9:21am

Sue, thanks so much for your compassion. Jerry was sick. He had lost about 60 pounds. What was a fun, amorous older man was now gone. He was melting away - day by day - and the depression had set in. He shot himself at approximately 10:30 one Thursday evening. He put the gun down on the dining room table and dropped to the floor. I screamed and screamed as I held him and asked him to call on God. I had the bullet hole fixed in the inside of my house with dry wall but the bullet hole was still on the outside. I'm still numb. As I converse with others, I still can't believe what I saw. The image is still there. And I keep praying.
Again thanks so much for your compassion. Most importantly, if you know of anyone I can help, please let me know.
Ann

Ann said:

sue said:

Oh Ann, that was so unfair. I can't even imagine that experience. My husband passed May22, 08 of a brain anerism and just the shock of getting that call and rushing to the scene and all that followed almost killed me. I can't imagine what your emotions must be like. Did he have cancer also or were you describing the experience of Katrina etc? I can't imagine dealing with what you have had to deal with. My thoughts are with you and my prayers.
A friend of mine got a call from her only child, a son, and he told her he was going to kill himself. She rushed over there and heard the shots as she was coming up the walk. I know some of her emotions after this horrible experience but I have no way of knowing first hand. I am involved with an organization called, "my friend" which is a suicide awareness program. It derived from a friend who committed suicide. It was a shock and affected all of us. The last person in the world anyone would have considered a possibility. Suicide is so confusing. I will never understand it honestly. Take care of yourself Suep

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on June 26, 2009 at 11:24pm

I am the new kid on the block NO ONE wants to be on. I lost my wife right in my arms in our home on Sunday June 21. We had gotten married August 17th of last year. Now technically she was pronounced dead at the hospital at 11:45, but she really was gone at 10:40, even with all the work I, my stepson, the paramedics at the house and the doctors at the hospital did to try to get her back.
This week has been an unreal amount of emotion for me as there were times I was on auto pilot and in shock, there were times when I would think of or hear something and just start bawling. The site has been very helpful this week as I am reading a lot about what can happen during grief and loss. A lot of times I hear or read people say, especially to a guy that suffers a loss "stay strong" almost like sadness is not allowed for a man. If I can feel love, I can feel sadness and pain and cry like I was two again.
I hope any man who is in my position will be allowed to feel because we do! Please feel free to message me because I need a community to share with that understands me and what I am going through.

Permalink Reply by Christine on June 27, 2009 at 10:33pm

Steve, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. All of us here understand completely every emotion that you have. Please continue to post here if you can. It doesnt ease the pain, but we are all going through the same nightmare of losing the love of our life and it is comforting knowing that we are not alone.

Christine

Steve Cain said:

I am the new kid on the block NO ONE wants to be on. I lost my wife right in my arms in our home on Sunday June 21. We had gotten married August 17th of last year. Now technically she was pronounced dead at the hospital at 11:45, but she really was gone at 10:40, even with all the work I, my stepson, the paramedics at the house and the doctors at the hospital did to try to get her back.
This week has been an unreal amount of emotion for me as there were times I was on auto pilot and in shock, there were times when I would think of or hear something and just start bawling. The site has been very helpful this week as I am reading a lot about what can happen during grief and loss. A lot of times I hear or read people say, especially to a guy that suffers a loss "stay strong" almost like sadness is not allowed for a man. If I can feel love, I can feel sadness and pain and cry like I was two again.
I hope any man who is in my position will be allowed to feel because we do! Please feel free to message me because I need a community to share with that understands me and what I am going through.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on June 27, 2009 at 10:52pm

Thank you. You will probably see and hear a lot from me in the next several days as I take one more week off before trying to return to work.

Christine said:

Steve, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. All of us here understand completely every emotion that you have. Please continue to post here if you can. It doesnt ease the pain, but we are all going through the same nightmare of losing the love of our life and it is comforting knowing that we are not alone.

Christine

Steve Cain said:

I am the new kid on the block NO ONE wants to be on. I lost my wife right in my arms in our home on Sunday June 21. We had gotten married August 17th of last year. Now technically she was pronounced dead at the hospital at 11:45, but she really was gone at 10:40, even with all the work I, my stepson, the paramedics at the house and the doctors at the hospital did to try to get her back.
This week has been an unreal amount of emotion for me as there were times I was on auto pilot and in shock, there were times when I would think of or hear something and just start bawling. The site has been very helpful this week as I am reading a lot about what can happen during grief and loss. A lot of times I hear or read people say, especially to a guy that suffers a loss "stay strong" almost like sadness is not allowed for a man. If I can feel love, I can feel sadness and pain and cry like I was two again.
I hope any man who is in my position will be allowed to feel because we do! Please feel free to message me because I need a community to share with that understands me and what I am going through.

Permalink Reply by sue on June 29, 2009 at 8:38am

Ann, you will have the opportunity to help someone maybe many right where you are. This experience will change you as you know and you will never think of suicide the same again.
I had the terrrible memory of my husband lying there on that cold concrete floor with his clothes barely on and his grey look. It has faded with time and now I can think of his joy in life and his cool blue eyes and beautiful smile and infectious laugh. When he laughed real hard his eyes always teared up. At first I could only think of him dead but now a year later I can remember him alive. I know it isn't the same as my Tom died of a brain anerysm but death is death and it hurts beyond words. I have been having a "Imiss Tom so much couple days". I had a contractor to do some work for me and Tom always did our own work here. Maybe that was it, I don't know but the emotions were tense again. Hard experience for anyone to go through. suep
Take care of yourself Ann. suep

Permalink Reply by sue on June 29, 2009 at 8:42am

Steve, I hope you will allow yourself to feel this pain as that is the only way to survive it. You are in shock now but this experience is the worst thing you can experience in my mind, you just have to do what you can to survive it. I try to think of how Tom would want me to feel and how he knows how much I miss him and how hard this is for me. I do feel he wants me to be happy and knows that down the road I will be again but also knows this grief is just hard. This is a time for you to be selfish and care for yourself first. My opinion of course but others will want you to "get over it" for them to feel better. Love doesn't die with the person. Hold on, take care. suep

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