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Hi Mary,
No you were not rambling. What you said was very concise and I know I can very definitely relate to what you are saying about how the slightest little thing will start the tears. The grief consultant I am working with told me to have a place at work I can go to if I start to feel overwhelmed and my supervisor accepts that as part of what will be for me.
One of the issues I have now is going to places and events on my own. Last night I went to our downtown celebration, and while the band was good, I couldn't stay because I felt so out of place as a solo.
I have to overcome the next hurdle tonight. One of the things I do outside of my regular jobs is I referee professional wrestling in the Chicago area. The wrestlers are family to Kris & me and many of them were at our wedding last Summer and tonight before the start of the show, we are going to pay tribute to Kris. I'm just praying that I can not only get through the memorial but then actually perform in the ring tonight.

Thasia said:
Hello,
I am lost.
I lost my husband on April 27th eventhough we have been together for 5 years and married for 2 I feel I have lost my everything. He was only 42 years old and was working out in the yard and wasn't feeling well so he came in and laid down, 10 minutes later he was dead.
I don't know what to do, most of the day I just go through the motions not really knowing or understanding what I'm doing. Just when I think I have a handle on my emotions, a smell, a sound, a memory brings back the tears that won't stop and it usually happens when I least expect it. Time is going by and I am standing still.

Sorry for the rambling.
Mary
Fred, I can't even imagine but I can tell you that you will survive and that you will learn to accept some days and you will feel better. Grief is a process and it is different for each but in some ways the same. I lost my Tom 5/22/08 and there are days now when I feel almost myself and days still where I feel angry and confused and just mostly so hurt that he is not here with me. I have to just stop myself and deal with reality and remember the joy we shared and what I did have this once in a life time.
I encourage you to find friends, a church, family, anything that will help you to hang on to life. Each day has its new challenges and life as you knew it is over. You are alive and you must figure out a way to stay with the living. I know that isn't what you want right now but try to remember that she would want you to hang on to life until it is your time and then you will see her again. My mom and dad were married for 55 years when dad passed, Mom was crushed but she lived 15 years after dad and had a good time of it I believe. In the beginning I know she felt like her life was over to and she talked about dying as if she would do this soon. We made sure she stayed grounded as much as we could. She sold the house a couple years later, her decision, and moved into one of those apartment complexes where she could decide how much she wanted to be involved with other people. She kept her home for 6 months to make sure but found out she liked it there. Mom was very bashful too so it surprised me that she made so many friends and she seemed to enjoy living there. She is gone now too but I was so proud of her the way she rallied after dad died. I was so worried. I hope you have children. Take care Fred, you will make it if you try. suep
Wow I feel your pain... I feel as if there is no one out there that understands what Iam going through... My boyfriend was only 30 and he died from a anxiety attak along with a seziure... Im trying to not to let it get the best of me and be depressed.. But at times it gets hard... But I do however surround myself with Great and positive people to help me get thru this.. ause support is what I need right now... You are in My Prayers and My Heart.........
I'm new to this site...I to have lost a spouse. We were married 34 yrs and he was killed in a motorcycle accident 1 week before this past Christmas. I still miss him terribly and cry everyday. I have lost over 25 lbs since his death. I don't want to live without him at times. I miss him and it's not getting easier as people have told me it would. My counselor says I'm clinically depressed and need to be on medication. I hate taking medicine. I don't want to depend on antidepressants to make me better. Can I get through this without meds? I need advise.
Debbie, you can get through it but your body has taken a terrible shock and in my opinion you need help in the way of meds. I had to come to that point because I was just tired of feeling so sad and having no joy and suffering. I am feeling better now. I will not say I am over anything but the meds did help and in so many ways. If you had a cold you would take something to feel better. Grief is a physical pain also and I finally just had to stop hurting so much. I don't intend to stay on meds forever and the dosage is not that high but I at least can get up and find some reason to live. Losing your spouse is heart crushing and so many emotions involved but finally acceptance is the only tool you have in my opinion and you just have to use it and meds help. I miss my Tom (5/22/08) Forever in my heart. suep
hi i need some advice today my best friend just found out that he dad was dead do to suiside he is 16 his dad shot im self in the head i mean it wierd we were just with him saterday all day then left for home and he even did it in front of his brother any way long story short how can i help him its really trobbleing my his dad was like a father to me to pleas help
The best thing you can do is be there for him and listen to him. He will hear enough judgment over the days and weeks to come he is going to need someone that he can feel safe with. Be that person for him.

shawn said:
hi i need some advice today my best friend just found out that he dad was dead do to suiside he is 16 his dad shot im self in the head i mean it wierd we were just with him saterday all day then left for home and he even did it in front of his brother any way long story short how can i help him its really trobbleing my his dad was like a father to me to pleas help
Tammy, I read what you wrote and it sounded so similar to what I am going throught. Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your husband and your sister.

I to have lost both, a loving sister and my husband and best friend.

My sister died 4 years ago because of a brain tumour. My husband died on June 17th, the day after our daughter was born. It is still unknown what he died of.

Each day my grief seems to be getting worse, he was my best friend. We had so many plans and dreams. He was only 36 years old. We met and fell in love only a year ago. Our daughter was a huge welcomed surprise.

Now I find myself at a lose, what do I do next. If I didn't have the baby, I don't know how I would have been able to go on.

I know I have to grieve, it's normal, but it hurts inside.. Does this feeling ever go away?

I'm am very lucky to have a big family who are supportive. It's hard for them as well, they never know what to say...


Tammy said:
On the morning of March 2, 2007, I lost my husband David to a heart arrhythmia, he was only 36 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. Prior to that I had lost my sister Lissette on 6-1-06 due to cervical cancer. So in 9 months time my bright beautiful world turned into night. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I've been to therapy etc, but its not as simple as talking about it and everything gets better. I don't cry every day but I cry on more days then some. When my sister died, i thought i was prepared for it, hey we knew she was dying the doctors told us it was a matter of time. But nevertheless it hurt when she died, it still hurts. Sometimes when i miss David, i pick up the phone to call her and knowing she is not there, tears me to pieces. I thought i had lost my head, but then David died... I still have trouble talking about it. I was NOT prepared for David dying. David death was unexpected, we did not even know he had this heart arrhythmia. He was only 36 years old, and our son was 3 yrs old at the time. All i can say is thank God for the baby, because if not, i don't know where i would be today. Granted, I am not that same person i was before. I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now i feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good nite for the last time. Who cares waht the house looks like now. My husband, my rock when my sister died, and to lose that rock, that person i thought i was going to grow old with just boggle my mind. I understand how you feel Barry. I agree with you, nothing makes sense. I try to explain to my son why i tell him that his daddy and aunty are ok in heaven, when i am a mess. He can not understand why the book i read to him written by maria shriver, "what is heaven" seems so beautiful & wonderful, yet i am so sad. All i tell him is that i miss his daddy & his aunty. And God knows i miss them so much. Barry, i know yesterday was tough, and i wish that i could say tomorrow is going to be better, but it might never be. After my sister passed away, David said to me that if something ever happened to him, he said it was ok for me to cry if i missed him but he wanted me to smile. If Robert was anything like David, i know he would want you to smile. I do that, i cry when i think of David but i also smile. Almost like when the sun is out but its raining. Smile, Robert is watching.... You can visit my site for david on legacy. Name is david o'connor, he was & will always be my sunshine... Tammy O'Connor
Tonight has been a night!! I'm getting ready for the Syracuse Nationals car show...taking Toms '72 Chevelle. We've taken it the past couple of years and I still want to keep up the tradition. I took the picture of him in the Chevelle to be blown up to 11 x 17 and laminated...I'm going to place his picture with a single rose with the car, plus I had an "In Memory of...Bunzy" decal made for the back window. Anyway, after having the picture made up...get in the car and on the radio is Lonestar's "I'm already there". Everytime I hear this song I think of our kids and how much WE ALL miss him and I can just here him saying He's already here for us...after that song came Bonnie Rait "Total Eclipse of the Heart", which right now is my life..."once upon a time I was falling in love...now, I'm only falling apart" (that's how it feels). After that song was Green Day with "Good Riddance"...played that at his funeral..."Hope you had the time of your life." and then it was Styx "Babe"..."Babe, I"m leaving I must be on my way....I have always loved Styx and this song especially. We've seen them in concert at least 3 times. This song is just so fitting with our life now. So, with all these songs that have specific meanings playing one right after the other I KNOW Tom had to be sitting in that car (and not just the 11 x 17 photo, of him) with me all the way home. A few times I had trouble seeing through all my tears, but if I think of it as him giving me those songs to let me know he's near by it makes me feel good because more than anything (other than having him back where he belongs) I want to know that he's close and watching us and taking care of us.
Just had to share. Thanks for listening.
www.memorialwebsites.legacy.com/bunzy
Marlena
(and Tom)
Always and Forever
Attachments:
Hi Marlena,
I can relate to taking the picture with you. When I did the wrestling show Saturday night, when I went out to the ring to pay tribute to Kris, I carried the picture of her holding her boquet from our wedding day to the ring with me. After the ceremony was over, I took her to the music table and she stayed there until the show was over.
Rose, in answer to your question about if the feeling ever goes away, I don't know but if my Mom's experience is any indicator, the answer is no. You get by, but you never get over it.
On a better note, I talked to my grief companion who will be with me for the next year+ tonight. We will meet on Sunday. I am hoping it goes well.

Marlena said:
Tonight has been a night!! I'm getting ready for the Syracuse Nationals car show...taking Toms '72 Chevelle. We've taken it the past couple of years and I still want to keep up the tradition. I took the picture of him in the Chevelle to be blown up to 11 x 17 and laminated...I'm going to place his picture with a single rose with the car, plus I had an "In Memory of...Bunzy" decal made for the back window. Anyway, after having the picture made up...get in the car and on the radio is Lonestar's "I'm already there". Everytime I hear this song I think of our kids and how much WE ALL miss him and I can just here him saying He's already here for us...after that song came Bonnie Rait "Total Eclipse of the Heart", which right now is my life..."once upon a time I was falling in love...now, I'm only falling apart" (that's how it feels). After that song was Green Day with "Good Riddance"...played that at his funeral..."Hope you had the time of your life." and then it was Styx "Babe"..."Babe, I"m leaving I must be on my way....I have always loved Styx and this song especially. We've seen them in concert at least 3 times. This song is just so fitting with our life now. So, with all these songs that have specific meanings playing one right after the other I KNOW Tom had to be sitting in that car (and not just the 11 x 17 photo, of him) with me all the way home. A few times I had trouble seeing through all my tears, but if I think of it as him giving me those songs to let me know he's near by it makes me feel good because more than anything (other than having him back where he belongs) I want to know that he's close and watching us and taking care of us.
Just had to share. Thanks for listening.
www.memorialwebsites.legacy.com/bunzy
Marlena
(and Tom)
Always and Forever
Is anyone having problems accessing their "my page". I can't access mine or anyone else's page either. Everytime I try I keep getting a "Ning" page about social networking...I don't want that page. Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Marlena
Marlena,
I have also experienced this problem in the last few days, I'm not sure what's going on.
I would appreciate everyone's prayers today, at one point when my wallpaper changed, it was a picture of my Kris standing in front of the gardens at Niagara Falls from our honeymoon. Her smile at me just made me hurt and miss her all the more and the tears came down a bit. It is also the day I work from 12-8:30 leaving me a good amount of time by myself that makes me even more lonely.

Marlena said:
Is anyone having problems accessing their "my page". I can't access mine or anyone else's page either. Everytime I try I keep getting a "Ning" page about social networking...I don't want that page. Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Marlena

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