Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by carla MILLER-LAUDANDO on July 23, 2009 at 10:49am

this is so hard,my boyfriend back in 1984 was out with the guys when he was to be at work,i found out from a neighbor that i need to go to the hospital right away,when i got there, the love of my life was dead, he was in a go cart accident, he lost the breaks and lost control and hit a truck and the streering wheel crushed some of his heart, as i sit here and cry, every day and every nite of how i wish someone tried to save him. this traggic accident happened in 1984, you see this was my first true love and my last.i had no help from anyone on my physical and mental health.he was 17 and i was 16 we had our life planned out, you see i miss him more than life and what anyone says to me, i have not and refuse to stop thinking of him, after 20 yrs i got married to a wonderful man,dont get me wrong i love him,but not the way i love my boyfriend,they say you never forget your true love,but i have been trying to go on,but it is very difficuklt to do. i put on a happy face for all,but deep down in my heart and soul, i miss him,it has been so hard with no help from anyone,but i finally went to a therapist, and the only thing he would say"how would you change things and what would you do" if 1 more person tells me this i'm going to scream.i finally got the courage to talk to his mom after 26 yrs.we laughed we cried together, but i miss my MIKE.i have no one to talk my mom would say it's about time you forget and go on,i'm 43 and it's too hard,you see when this happened my parents were on vacation and my sister told them and how bad i'm taking it,did they come to my rescue.NO NO NO they did not they continued on. so you see it's so hard i have no one to talk to about this,were do i go from hear,yes i know we will meet again in heaven but i dont like that i want him here next to me everyday and not leave my site or my side so i can really protect him,and to make sure no one takes him for granted,thanks for letting get this off my cheast,but the hurt,heart ache,and crying will not and won't ever stop

Permalink Reply by Marlena on July 24, 2009 at 11:33am

Today is a day. I wish everyone peace, those few I have had a chance to chat with and those I have not, yet. I have read most of your posts and each time I read a new one it breaks my heart even more for all of us. This is an amazingly sad, lonely and scary journey that we are all on. I hope to move forward through this journey with grace and perseverance. My goal is to honor my Bunzy in everything I do.
Peace to all of you.
Marlena (and Tom) Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by Kevin on July 24, 2009 at 7:10pm

After reading some of the messages on this site, I felt compelled to post this message and share my story. I lost my father to cancer and that was one of the most difficult times in my life. Watching my father battle cancer, endure the treatments and take his last breath was not easy although it has made me stronger and become a better man. Please take a few moments of your time to read an article that was published about me, my father and my fight against cancer through song. This is truly touching so many people’s lives and I just want to continue to share it with the world. If my story helps at least one person deal with their loss of a loved one, then I feel like I’m doing my part.

Link to article http://www.2theadvocate.com/entertainment/50264372.html

Kevin “K-V” Stanford
www.bewithyouagain.com

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 24, 2009 at 9:44pm

Thank you Kevin,
I am sure you touched a lot of people here tonight. You have my sympathies for your loss.
I have had to endure another loss today as one of our wrestling promotions biggest fans who would fly from Cleveland to Chicago to see our shows passed away at 33 from a brain tumor. I'm just getting way too old to take losing all these people.

Steve & Kris who lives FOREVER in my heart

Kevin said:

After reading some of the messages on this site, I felt compelled to post this message and share my story. I lost my father to cancer and that was one of the most difficult times in my life. Watching my father battle cancer, endure the treatments and take his last breath was not easy although it has made me stronger and become a better man. Please take a few moments of your time to read an article that was published about me, my father and my fight against cancer through song. This is truly touching so many people’s lives and I just want to continue to share it with the world. If my story helps at least one person deal with their loss of a loved one, then I feel like I’m doing my part.

Link to article http://www.2theadvocate.com/entertainment/50264372.html

Kevin “K-V” Stanford
www.bewithyouagain.com

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 26, 2009 at 10:55pm

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by lisa king on July 30, 2009 at 6:00am

Steve Cain said:

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by lisa king on July 30, 2009 at 6:01am

lisa king said:

Steve Cain said:

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by lisa king on July 30, 2009 at 6:02am

lisa king said:

lisa king said:

Steve Cain said:

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by lisa king on July 30, 2009 at 6:03am

hi everyone, i recently lost my boyfriend of 5 years to a massive heart attack, i have never in my life felt such pain and loss in my entire life.....i have lost my parents, grandparents, friends all at a early age (Tim was 46) but the loss of a spouse/partner is a totally different kind of love. i am having terrible thoughts right now, self medicating, and just the feeling of total worthlessness of life is excruciating...in one minute your whole world changes.....your life will NEVER be the same, the person you built your life around is gone and how do you pick up the pieces? how? just thinking i wasn't there when he lay there dying is more than i can stand....strangers surrounding his body, cutting off his clothes trying to get a heartbeat......i need someone to please tell me how their experiences with this pain will eventually go away, because right now, i see no end in sight....(this only happened three days ago). thanks lisa king said:

lisa king said:

Steve Cain said:

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 30, 2009 at 6:59am

Hi Lisa,
Honestly, I don't know how to answer you except to say that it seems like part of what happens. Yesterday I felt like instead of being one day closer to being reunited with Kris, I felt like I was dying a slow, painful cancer death. I was hurting SO bad I didn't know what to do. Thankfully I had church last night and one of my friends lifted me up in prayer and I felt better than I did earlier. I would recommend a church where you can feel loved & supported. Also contact your local hospice. They have programs for the bereaved that can help. You have my prayers as I covet everyone else's here
Steve & Kris (who lives in my heart forever)

lisa king said:

hi everyone, i recently lost my boyfriend of 5 years to a massive heart attack, i have never in my life felt such pain and loss in my entire life.....i have lost my parents, grandparents, friends all at a early age (Tim was 46) but the loss of a spouse/partner is a totally different kind of love. i am having terrible thoughts right now, self medicating, and just the feeling of total worthlessness of life is excruciating...in one minute your whole world changes.....your life will NEVER be the same, the person you built your life around is gone and how do you pick up the pieces? how? just thinking i wasn't there when he lay there dying is more than i can stand....strangers surrounding his body, cutting off his clothes trying to get a heartbeat......i need someone to please tell me how their experiences with this pain will eventually go away, because right now, i see no end in sight....(this only happened three days ago). thanks lisa king said:

lisa king said:

Steve Cain said:

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by Thasia on July 30, 2009 at 9:41am

Hello Lisa, I wish I had words that would make it easier but I don't. Right now you are very raw from what has happened, take care of yourself and reach out to your friends and family. I don't have much emotional support from losing my husband (he was 42) so I have reached out to a Christian grief councelor and also she told me about hospice. I didn't think I would qualify for hospice because I lost my husband to a pulmonary embolism and massive heart attack but they have a support group that I will be going to.

You are only 3 days into this horrible walk, allow yourself to grieve, it is so hard but allow it let your emotions out, don't stifle them. As of the 27th I'm 3 months into this walk and it is still raw for me as well, the emotions will happen when I least expect them.

Please realize what you are feeling is normal and there is no time limit on grief.
You are in my prayers.
Mary



lisa king said:

hi everyone, i recently lost my boyfriend of 5 years to a massive heart attack, i have never in my life felt such pain and loss in my entire life.....i have lost my parents, grandparents, friends all at a early age (Tim was 46) but the loss of a spouse/partner is a totally different kind of love. i am having terrible thoughts right now, self medicating, and just the feeling of total worthlessness of life is excruciating...in one minute your whole world changes.....your life will NEVER be the same, the person you built your life around is gone and how do you pick up the pieces? how? just thinking i wasn't there when he lay there dying is more than i can stand....strangers surrounding his body, cutting off his clothes trying to get a heartbeat......i need someone to please tell me how their experiences with this pain will eventually go away, because right now, i see no end in sight....(this only happened three days ago). thanks lisa king said:

lisa king said:

Steve Cain said:

Hi all,
I had to work today and I don't know why, but out of the blue this afternoon, I just got overwhelmed. After serving first lunch trays, I had to go back in my office and just cry. Later on, we had one of the churches come in and I asked for prayer, I told them what had happened, they all surrounded me and prayed for me and the tears just poured. I get choked up just writing about it. The thing is, I think it's the first time any of the residents amy have seen me cry. They all know how down I've been since Kris passed away, but this is the first time I've ever been so out front with them. I'm not sure if I should let it go or say something on Tuesday when I go back or let it go. I don't like the fact that I feel like I lost control of myself in front of them.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 30, 2009 at 10:13am

LISA,
Words to the wise my dear. I have been on this journey going on 9 months and it is still raw. The best advice I can give you is to grieve. Cry when you want to cry. Scream when you want to scream. Hit your pillow, curse your boyfriend, it is even ok curse God he understands the pain you are in. Don't keep your feelings in. Come here write how your feeling it helps. I am still in a dark maze trying to find my way out but I have started to feel my way around and not bump into every wall in the maze. I am not "better" it does'nt get "better" we just learn to feel our way thru it. Don't let anyone take your grief from you. Grieve Lisa take your time. We are all here for you to unload on it helps to know that you are not the only one on this walk. You are not alone.

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