Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pauline on August 4, 2009 at 10:05pm

Hello to everyone

Funny how things change in a matter of a moment... The other day was another day and as usual I was feeling great .. I got up as usual got my son ready for school and walked him to school..because it was such a beautiful day I decided to sidetrack and walk along the beach - the morning was so wonderful and the sun was gorgeous...but as i stood and breathed in the sea air and soaked up the sun this great big wave of emotion overtook me and I just sobbed and sobbed my heart out...standing there reminded me just how lonely and alone I really am ..Its so horrible to be on a beautiful beach alone!! - no one by my side - no one to hold hands with - no one to sit and just be together with - my god it was so painful...15 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and crying felt like 15 hours..

Thanks for listening - love hugs and prayers to all
Pauline

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on August 4, 2009 at 10:15pm

Pauline,
You hit it on the head. I can be OK one minute, then something brings that reality of lonliness like a slap to the face and there I go again. Working in a nursing home, one of the things that happens is that we will get flowers from the funeral homes after they are done. We got some today and our assistant tried to get them split up and arranged and out of our office before I would see them. She didn't quite make it and she apologized but I choked up, like I do most every day over something.
Pauline said:

Hello to everyone

Funny how things change in a matter of a moment... The other day was another day and as usual I was feeling great .. I got up as usual got my son ready for school and walked him to school..because it was such a beautiful day I decided to sidetrack and walk along the beach - the morning was so wonderful and the sun was gorgeous...but as i stood and breathed in the sea air and soaked up the sun this great big wave of emotion overtook me and I just sobbed and sobbed my heart out...just standing there reminded me just how lonely and alone I really am ..Its so horrible to be on a beautiful beach alone!! - no one by my side - no one to hold hands with - no one to sit and just be together with - my god it was so painful...15 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and crying felt like 15 hours..

Thanks for listening - love hugs and prayers to all
Pauline

Permalink Reply by Marlena on August 5, 2009 at 7:04am

I am sorry you are going through so much right now...no one needs that kind of difficulty when you are already dealing with so much just trying to make it through each day. He is your husband, how can his sister have him moved? I'm not sure if things are different by state, but where I am I am the only one that has any say as to what happens to my husband. This is your love and he was your life you have every right to fight for what is right. I agree with you it is so wrong!! You may need to get someone who knows more about the laws and get some assistance.

I wish you luck and be strong...don't let anyone run all over you...you deserve better than that.

Take care,
Marlena (and Tom) Always and Forever

Thasia said:

I just don't know what to do, I feel so helpless. My husband passed away April 27th, 2009 and today I am informed by his sister that she is having his body moved. I can not find any answers, this is just so wrong on so many levels. I don't know how much more I can handle.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on August 5, 2009 at 7:22am

Pauline,
I understand exactly what you mean. I can go along and have a few good days and I know an ugly day is right around the corner.

The loneliness is so hard to bare...and it doesn't matter how long it has been this still all seems so unreal.

Please know we are all here for you for the good days and the bad days.

Take care,
Marlena (and Tom) Always and Forever

Pauline said:

Hello to everyone

Funny how things change in a matter of a moment... The other day was another day and as usual I was feeling great .. I got up as usual got my son ready for school and walked him to school..because it was such a beautiful day I decided to sidetrack and walk along the beach - the morning was so wonderful and the sun was gorgeous...but as i stood and breathed in the sea air and soaked up the sun this great big wave of emotion overtook me and I just sobbed and sobbed my heart out...standing there reminded me just how lonely and alone I really am ..Its so horrible to be on a beautiful beach alone!! - no one by my side - no one to hold hands with - no one to sit and just be together with - my god it was so painful...15 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and crying felt like 15 hours..

Thanks for listening - love hugs and prayers to all
Pauline

Permalink Reply by Christine on August 9, 2009 at 2:30am

Hi everyone,

Well, its been almost six months since I lost the absolute love of my life. As I was driving home tonight, in my heart ( my head knows different), I had this overwhelming feeling that this was all just a terrible nightmare and she would be sitting on the couch when I walked in the door.. I could see her there so clearly... then.. of course.. I opened the door.

Christine

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on August 9, 2009 at 7:15am

I can relate to what you are saying Christine. I keep wanting to see Kris waitng there for me when I get home at night. She is, but in a box with no way to respond, not on the couch waiting for me to kiss her and join her.
I would ask for everyone to hold me up tomorrow. It would have been her birthday whcih, ironically, is also her son's birthday. I got him a birthday present, I wish I was getting her one as well.

Permalink Reply by Pauline on August 9, 2009 at 2:58pm

Hi Steve

I am so sorry for the pain and heartache you are going through that we are all going through - but I just cant imagine how painful it is for you to be working in a nursing home - I had thought about taking up nursing - who knows just as much as a qualified nurse than a qualified wife and caregiver (10 years) - but the strings were tugging at my heart telling me Im not ready for the heartache and pain again to see anybody suffering - to face death again...as much as I want to get out there and give somebody a little love and make them happy if only for a few hours,days,weeks or months I cant...you are so strong coping with your loss and caring for others.

I got an email from my husbands sister - she sent me a photo of some of her roses - they were a beautiful bright red - she named them "Loving Memory" in memory of Graham - so beautiful, bright and bold just like my husband - just when I thought I was getting back on track after my meltdown at the beach it all flooded back and wat a mess I became yet again...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Pauline

Steve Cain said:

Pauline,
You hit it on the head. I can be OK one minute, then something brings that reality of lonliness like a slap to the face and there I go again. Working in a nursing home, one of the things that happens is that we will get flowers from the funeral homes after they are done. We got some today and our assistant tried to get them split up and arranged and out of our office before I would see them. She didn't quite make it and she apologized but I choked up, like I do most every day over something.
Pauline said:

Hello to everyone

Funny how things change in a matter of a moment... The other day was another day and as usual I was feeling great .. I got up as usual got my son ready for school and walked him to school..because it was such a beautiful day I decided to sidetrack and walk along the beach - the morning was so wonderful and the sun was gorgeous...but as i stood and breathed in the sea air and soaked up the sun this great big wave of emotion overtook me and I just sobbed and sobbed my heart out...just standing there reminded me just how lonely and alone I really am ..Its so horrible to be on a beautiful beach alone!! - no one by my side - no one to hold hands with - no one to sit and just be together with - my god it was so painful...15 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and crying felt like 15 hours..

Thanks for listening - love hugs and prayers to all
Pauline

Permalink Reply by Pauline on August 9, 2009 at 3:08pm

Hi Christine

Well like you I also passed the 6 month mark a couple of weeks ago - yes it does feel like a bad dream just trying to wake up and get out of it...but my friend as hard as it is to say we are sharing the same nightmare and one day reality WILL hit us..

It is so scary that the time has gone so fast..sometimes I feel things slipping away from me - but I am holding on to what I have..if nothing else the memories will be with me forever...

I am so blessed with loving and supportive children who are just there for me and their baby brother - without them life wouldnt be worth being here..and sad to say even my stepsons have become closer to me (as much grief as they caused me during my 16 years with their dad) - its a shame their dad isnt here to see it his heart would have melted...............

As I keep saying to myself Christine one step at a time, one day at a time - thats all we can do..TIME........

xxxxxxxxxxxx Pauline
Christine said:

Hi everyone,

Well, its been almost six months since I lost the absolute love of my life. As I was driving home tonight, in my heart ( my head knows different), I had this overwhelming feeling that this was all just a terrible nightmare and she would be sitting on the couch when I walked in the door.. I could see her there so clearly... then.. of course.. I opened the door.

Christine

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on August 9, 2009 at 6:12pm

Yesterday, 8/08/09, was the 27th month since I lost Robert, My Life’s Love. I told a friend of mine that there are a lot of people who count the months too. I was sad and depressed, as usual, but more emotional today. Time has gone by so quickly for me as well. I still see Robert as if it was yesterday and I miss Him like hell. I don’t know what I want; what to think or how to feel and I’m so lost all of the time. I guess Robert’s relatives don’t want to have anything to do with me any longer. Sometime, I wish I could have been like everyone else. I wish I had kids like Pauline said. If this is what life is supposed to be – I don’t want it. I’m tired. I miss My Baby. Barry

Permalink Reply by Mitchell Ball on August 9, 2009 at 10:39pm

I lost my wife almost 2 years ago. And I guess I am still grieving for her quietly. I knew she was sick and she said she knew she was dying but I did want to hear it. She was sick with systemic lupus caused by breast implants. I never really grieved but went to see a psychiatrist and prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety medications. We had some talk therapy but I needed to go back to work as a respiratory therapist. My wife eventually died of a respiratory condition that she had to go on a ventilator. That is my field. Very hard to bear. I think about her and still can not believe I will never see her again in the physical presence just in the spiritual presence when I die. Tears come to my eyes as I am writing this. I made a virtual memorial for her. I do not know where her ashes are. I could not handle the cremation part and my step son and his aunts paid for that and I was not invited. I have asked my step son several weeks ago and have not gotten an answer where her ashes were spread. I know it does not matter but if would be nice to know. You see my step son is controlled by his wife and really has no say. My sister in-laws I have no contact with, they wrote evil letters to me after my wife's passing. They are dead to me! Are there other men out there whom are still grieving 2 years later. Is this normal? Please help me understand.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on August 10, 2009 at 6:39am

Mitchell,
Let me add to others my sympathies for your loss as well as your situation. My wife was an RT so I understand a lot of what you are talking about because we worked together and we would talk about things from work at home.
I know that so far for me, I have had few days where I have NOT cried at least once during the day. Today would have been my wife's birthday (please everyone send a prayer to cover me today) as it is also my stepson's. In grief, as I am quickly learning, normal is what is normal for YOU, not what anyone tells you is normal. Do what you need to do to let it out, just make sure you keep yourself safe in the process. It is good that you put up a memorial for your wife, my wife's Facebook page is her memorial. I am so sorry that your in-laws are not treating you like you lost someone. I wish i could come and embrace you to let you know someone cares. Just remember all of us here in this group support you and will be ready to talk whenever you need it.

Mitchell Ball said:

I lost my wife almost 2 years ago. And I guess I am still grieving for her quietly. I knew she was sick and she said she knew she was dying but I did want to hear it. She was sick with systemic lupus caused by breast implants. I never really grieved but went to see a psychiatrist and prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety medications. We had some talk therapy but I needed to go back to work as a respiratory therapist. My wife eventually died of a respiratory condition that she had to go on a ventilator. That is my field. Very hard to bear. I think about her and still can not believe I will never see her again in the physical presence just in the spiritual presence when I die. Tears come to my eyes as I am writing this. I made a virtual memorial for her. I do not know where her ashes are. I could not handle the cremation part and my step son and his aunts paid for that and I was not invited. I have asked my step son several weeks ago and have not gotten an answer where her ashes were spread. I know it does not matter but if would be nice to know. You see my step son is controlled by his wife and really has no say. My sister in-laws I have no contact with, they wrote evil letters to me after my wife's passing. They are dead to me! Are there other men out there whom are still grieving 2 years later. Is this normal? Please help me understand.

Permalink Reply by Kim on August 10, 2009 at 6:55am

I met my partner online four years ago...We didn't live together, she lived in New York and I live in Maryland. At the time I didn't know that my partner was much much older then me until I met her in person however by that time, I was in love with her and it didn't matter. I treated her like a Queen and did everything I could for her. She on the other hand was not so kind. She was very much alone even though she had grandkids and a son, nobody really bothered with her except me and one or two choice friends of hers. I would go and visit every weekend and sometimes if my job allowed, I would stay longer then a weekend..When there I would do for her, clean and maintenance around the property. Often times, we would argue because of something she wouldn't like and she would get on me about it....Anyhow....I last saw her in October 2008 and we argued then and we didn't speak for five months...In Mid March she contacted me through email and told me to call her. I did....She was very concerned over her tenants that was living in her one house and she wasn't sleeping well...This wasn't new for her because she always had trouble with tenants. She asked me to come and visit her and I said ok....The week before I was to go to see her, we argued again over something stupid and she told me I was her enemy. It hurt me very much...I loved her dearly but she would always love to argue and then not speak to me for months or weeks...On the Friday that I was suppose to go up and see her, I called her house and she answered the phone and instead of me telling her who it was I asked her if so and so was there and she replied you have the wrong number...I just had to hear her voice for some reason....I emailed her on Saturday morning and she didn't email me which was unusal for her so I just figured ok...she's playing this game again, not emailing me back..I waited all that day and night and nothing....I called...No answer so I called the Hospital and she wasn't there...The next morning....Sunday..I tried calling and nothing and she still wasn't in the hospital so I knew something was wrong...I called a mutual friend of ours who lived down the road to check on her and he did....He found her dead on her couch, slumped over...He said she had been dead for a while and I knew basically how long....I was so upset. They had no viewing or funeral, she was cremated. I did talk to her son....he was upset but again..Her son was never there for her when she needed him.....Her Granddaughter who now lives in her house invited me up but I can't go..it would be too painful...I just don't have any closure....The police that were there called me and told me she died from a heart attack...I felt like if I was there, I could have helped her....I blame myself...I've asked her Granddaughter for a picture of her that I wanted when I was there but never got from her and she said she knew what picture I was talking about and when she got a chance she would get it for me but hasn't...I emailed again and she read my email but hasn't responded....I won't ask again....It's just heart breaking to me....This happened April 4th...

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