Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christine on November 5, 2009 at 12:43am

Hi everyone. Its been awhile since I have been on too but I do check in often. Lisa is right.. It doesnt get any better you just learn to deal with the pain. Its been a little over 8 months since I lost the love of my life.. and everyday is a constant range of emotions. I am still so angry.. at annette.. God.. everything.

My best to everyone
Christine

Permalink Reply by Elle Hayes on November 8, 2009 at 9:56pm

Its been 4 and a half years since my husband passed away, suddenly, of a heart attack. It happened just 2 days after the birth of our last grandchild and was an awful event to experience.
One of the best things I did for myself is attend a grieving ritual at Breitenbush Hot Springs. Our culture tells us to be strong, have a stiff upper lip, not to dwell on the death, and the silliest thing of all, seek closure-as though there will even be closure for the loss of a loved one.
At the grief ritual, which is held yearly in February, I learned HOW to let the grief flow out of my heart and mind. I was amazed at the different things people come to grieve about-from illness to death to divorce to a lost job. Grief is something to experience.
I have returned to Breitenbush 4 years for this ritual and look on it as a healing time for me. I encourage anyone who is open to different cultures and experiences to check this out.
The ritual is facilitated by Sobonfu Some, a west African woman who is the ritual keeper for her community. She is dynamic, she is caring and she shows we often repressed men and women how grief can be experienced.
Consider joining me-google Breitenbush or Sobonfu Some for more information-or write me here.

Permalink Reply by anna r on November 10, 2009 at 2:02am

Wendy, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It will get more bearable as time goes on. I know everyone tells you that and it is true. It will never go away or be the same. I lost my first husband to a massive heart attack going on twelve years.He was 36 years of age. The emotions came day after day. The anger, the hurt, the feeling of being abandoned, to crying, dreaming of him, thinking I saw him in the stores when I was out. It all is overwhelming at times. Even after eleven and a half years I still sometime see someone that looks or reminds me of him. I catch my breath and when they turn around and I realise it isn't him, I breath again. I always say, you never get over it, you get through it. Keep on keeping on and take it one day at a time. Stay strong and believe that it will get easier with some time and patience with yourself. There are still times that I get emontional over my first husband. I am married again and am so thankful for him. Don't let life pass you by. Live each day as if it is your last. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on November 10, 2009 at 10:31pm

Lisa, thanks for understanding. Your candor and wisdom is just what’s needed sometimes. It’s been a while since I’ve even checked this site. I feel like I’ve been in the middle of a tug-o-war for the past thirty or so months. My emotions and my disposition stay in a constant state of chaos and agony. I’ve been crying so much lately. I dreamt Robert three days in row, recently, and it’s been an extremely long time since I remember dreaming of Him. November 8th was 30 months and yes, it was very painful but it’s non-stop for me anyway. The 25th of December will be 3 years for my Mom. May 8th, 2010, will be 3 years for Robert and I don’t even know what to think at this time. The holiday season is the most painful because I was able to see the two most important persons in my life, Robert and my Mom, at the same time. These holidays were Robert’s favorite times of the year but I dread their approach. My family and Robert’s family don’t communicate with me any longer and it’s been over a year for both. I keep hoping that this miserable life will come to a close soon. I hate being here. It all just hurts so much all the time.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on November 20, 2009 at 10:10pm

Hello everyone. My emotions keep me on that rollercoaster but I wanted to check in. Lisa, I know that today is the 1 year anniversary for Bruno. Christine, I know that tomorrow will be 9 months for Annette. I seldom, if ever, have words of comfort but I hope you realize that you can vent as much as you need. I wanted to let you both know that I think of you often. I send my best to all. Barry

Permalink Reply by Pauline on November 21, 2009 at 7:17pm

Hello to my friends Barry, Lisa, Marlene, Christine

It has also been a while since I have been on this site but think of everyone often ... to all the new people fortunate to find this wonderful site welcome to your new place of solace - where you can scream and shout, vent your feelings, anger whatever - you are definitely amongst friends here who do understand you and who do know what you are going through..

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on November 21, 2009 at 11:21pm

Today marked 5 months since I lost my Kris. I was thankful that I worked both my part time job and a wrestling show tonight to help distract me from being overly focused on the date, but I always had her on my mind today, just as I do every day. I am still wondering how I am going to handle Thursday as my stepson and daughter-in-law are going to her folks because my in-laws are not coming over due to the fact that Kris' mom just got home from a long hospital-nursing home-hospital stint. My brother will be coming over and we will do pizza but it won't feel the same. You may hear from me a lot between now and Thursday, at least I have a group of people that understands what I am going through.

Permalink Reply by Pauline on November 21, 2009 at 11:38pm

It will be coming up 10 months in 5 days since my husband slipped away from me - not a day goes by I dont think about him - however, with the loving support from my 3 adult children life has become bearable and I made a deal with myself to get on with life - hence I have moved countries and for the last 4 weeks have been trying to start afresh - I miss my children terribly and the more I miss them the more I wonder have I done the right thing - but as easy as it was for me to come here its just as easy to go back home - but I know Graham would have wanted me to at least give it a good go - so with that in the back of my mind and of course his blessing I am trying..

And yes, life does give you good days but also just as many if not double bad days I am trying new things and meeting new people but on the inside I miss Graham so much and the smile and the laughing on the outside - well thats all for show...I left his ashes back home safe with my children and there he will stay until I return home and decide where he should be..I know one day I will have to let him go - but that day is not here yet

2 more months and a year will have passed and still reality hasnt sunk in - I have yet to see one of my stepsons - the only son of my husbands who cared about him but unfortunately couldnt get home for his dads funeral - to see our granddaughter who loved her poppa to pieces and another granddaughter who never got to meet her poppa - the heartache of facing them again and reliving memories scares the hell out of me

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 23, 2009 at 6:52pm

Barry my friend you don't know how much it means to know that you have remembered me and Bruno. I would like to thank you for going to his website and lighting a candle for him. I miss him so. As you know it had been a year since I lost my Bruno on the 20th of this month. Me and my family held a candle light vigial at the gravesite that night. We all lit our candles at 8:00 pm which was what time he had passed. We played In the arms of an angel and then everyone shared a memory and placed a rose in a vase after they were done. I think Bruno was smiling down at us as we were cause there was laughing through crying. There is not a day that does not go by that I don't think about him and the love that we have. I think of you all often and hope that coming here helps each of you as it has me and still does!
All my love
Lisa

Permalink Reply by roger goeringer on December 2, 2009 at 9:17am

im 43 i lost my wife march 30 2009,we were married 18 years and shes my best friend shes my angel we did everything together we always talked about the gift we have for the love we have for each other,when she passed it was sudden and now its been 9 months and it seems like it happened today right now its a nightmare i live everyday,we have 4 kids 2 live at home and i feel so bad for them because me and there mother always did things with them,sports ,fihhing,camping ,xbox we were always doing something and now i havnt done nothing with them and its so unfair to them i just dont know what to do anymore,my kids always tell me not worry about it but i know there hurting to.

Permalink Reply by roger goeringer on December 2, 2009 at 9:32am

Tammy said:

On the morning of March 2, 2007, I lost my husband David to a heart arrhythmia, he was only 36 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. Prior to that I had lost my sister Lissette on 6-1-06 due to cervical cancer. So in 9 months time my bright beautiful world turned into night. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I've been to therapy etc, but its not as simple as talking about it and everything gets better. I don't cry every day but I cry on more days then some. When my sister died, i thought i was prepared for it, hey we knew she was dying the doctors told us it was a matter of time. But nevertheless it hurt when she died, it still hurts. Sometimes when i miss David, i pick up the phone to call her and knowing she is not there, tears me to pieces. I thought i had lost my head, but then David died... I still have trouble talking about it. I was NOT prepared for David dying. David death was unexpected, we did not even know he had this heart arrhythmia. He was only 36 years old, and our son was 3 yrs old at the time. All i can say is thank God for the baby, because if not, i don't know where i would be today. Granted, I am not that same person i was before. I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now i feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good nite for the last time. Who cares waht the house looks like now. My husband, my rock when my sister died, and to lose that rock, that person i thought i was going to grow old with just boggle my mind. I understand how you feel Barry. I agree with you, nothing makes sense. I try to explain to my son why i tell him that his daddy and aunty are ok in heaven, when i am a mess. He can not understand why the book i read to him written by maria shriver, "what is heaven" seems so beautiful & wonderful, yet i am so sad. All i tell him is that i miss his daddy & his aunty. And God knows i miss them so much. Barry, i know yesterday was tough, and i wish that i could say tomorrow is going to be better, but it might never be. After my sister passed away, David said to me that if something ever happened to him, he said it was ok for me to cry if i missed him but he wanted me to smile. If Robert was anything like David, i know he would want you to smile. I do that, i cry when i think of David but i also smile. Almost like when the sun is out but its raining. Smile, Robert is watching.... You can visit my site for david on legacy. Name is david o'connor, he was & will always be my sunshine... Tammy O'Connor

Permalink Reply by roger goeringer on December 2, 2009 at 9:40am

Christine said:

Hi everyone. Its been awhile since I have been on too but I do check in often. Lisa is right.. It doesnt get any better you just learn to deal with the pain. Its been a little over 8 months since I lost the love of my life.. and everyday is a constant range of emotions. I am still so angry.. at annette.. God.. everything.

My best to everyone
Christine

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