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On 4/29/2012 it will be two years since my wife died. We were married 42 years. I still relive all of the moments leading up to her death. They say we don't remember days we remember moments and so true for me.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I think that's true Larry about the moments.  I'd just as soon forget all those that led up to my Steve's passing. 

 

I've been panicked because I don't want to forget any of the good and happy moments and how sad I feel when I think I can't remember everything.  My daughter has kept a journal of everything everyday for years and years.  I wish now I had done that.  It's too late for me a journal, but I started remembering moments last night and it made me cry.  I don't want to forget those moments.  I am going to start and write them down and not in any order.  Just as they come.  I'll do anything to get out of that panicked feeling when I think I might forget something about our 47 years together.  It's still too fresh for me, not yet 3 months and I intend to get it all down so I won't break down one day and realize I let that go by. 
 
Larry said:

On 4/29/2012 it will be two years since my wife died. We were married 42 years. I still relive all of the moments leading up to her death. They say we don't remember days we remember moments and so true for me.

I ask myself will it ever end. I know our memories will live forever but the quiet times is the hardest for me and I also lost two very close cousins that same year they were guys I grew up with and they were mid 60's. I lost my children who still are living but the loss is why they desserted me. So besides my main loss there are others and is one reason I just keep thinking of this or that.

Why is it when we lose our Spouse that are Children distant themselves from the one that is left> I can't figure this one out as they have their family's to help them cope and the other Spouse has no one!

It makes for a very lonely time I do know that. Makes you wonder if Life is even worth living but I know we have to go on and be strong but it sure is hard.

hi i posted about my fiance passing a couple of months ago...april 21 2012 will be a year.i still think about him every single day,when i talk about the things he used to do i smile and cry.i know my memories of him will live forever inside my heart and mind.i still dream of him but not as often as i used to.

his dad passed away in his sleep in sept 2011 and i saw him the day before and he didnt look good,we talked almost every single day,i would call to make sure he was ok cause we lived almost 100 miles away.

Dear Jenna,

I lost my best friend and the love of my lifeon march 19,2011.The one year mark is coming and I feel like I have gotten no where.I am as you so lost and I don.t know why i get up in the morning.We were together for 23 years and I feel like my life is over.My memories get me through the days .I agree with you I don't know how to go on without him.Nothing seemsto interest me anymore.We do a memorial bike run for my dave and to help other cancer victims.I just don't know what to do with myself.Dave was truly my once in a lifetime love for me and I sometimes wish we had gone together.I miss him so much' my life is so empty without him.I keep hoping for the day when the pain gets better,but I think we only learn to live with the loss and go on.Hoping you have some good days and are able to go on as i do with our memories.

Louise
 
Jeanna Smith said:

Hello, my name is Jeanna and I have been reading the posts of everyone who has lost someone.  I am truly sorry for your loss and I know how you feel.  On June 18, 2011,  my husband  of 10  years died from septic shock.  He had recently been diagnosed with , and had been having symptoms for only 6 months.  We had just moved to a warmer climate(my husband hated the cold) so I could work at my dream job.  We were in the process of buying our first home, which would have been the nicest we had ever lived in.  He was so happy.  The day after we moved he was in the hospital and in and out of the hospital for 3 weeks before he died.  It has only been less than 6 weeks, and I still am in shock and cannot believe that he is gone.  It is so hard, I don't know how to go on without him. He was everything to me and made me who I am and made me a better and stronger person.  I feel so lost without him.  And to top it off, I did not end up buying that house, I live in an RV at my sisters, and I am trying to get transferred to a job where I can be near family and where he is buried.  It all just seems so pointless, there really is no reason to get up in the morning.  I have been to therapist but it doesn't help.  I have pictures everywhere, but it just seems like something is missing and I cannot find it.  I am sorry for going on and on.  I know there are people suffering loss everyday.  My husband is buried in a national cemetary and everytime I go there, I see so many people, and they have 30-40 services a day.  I just hope that someday the pain goes away, but I know it won't.  He was such a great person. He taught CPR, and first aid, and first responder , and volunteered for the fire department.  I just don't understand any of it.
I loss my husband nine months ago. It seems too get harder as I realize he's not coming back. I have a 17 yr old daughter and she has so much anger. I'm going to start counseling for us both. It might help channel some of her anger.

I lost my husband 8 wks ago still waiting for the tox report and can't collect life ins without it living on savings and it will run out soon. To have all the pain from losing him and then to have money probs just compounds the issue. I feel lost without him like I'm navigating this life solo, wait I am and it sucks. I hope time helps because nothing does right now

I lost my husband Michael on 3/22/2012. He was in a ATV accident 1/1/12 the day he turned 66 yrs old. I was not happy about him purchasing this Honda Grizzly, but I think he was having a mid-life change and therefore I agreed to the purchase. He had ridden it many times before but I just felt in my heart that it would someday kill him and it did. He lost control and it fell over on him, They air-lifted him to Las Vegas hospital with a broken collar bone, 7 broken ribs, punchered lung and severed splene. Thank God that he had a helment on. He spent a 10 days their and then they let me bring him home, but he never got better, we were in and out of the hospital here in Lake Havasu for 2.5 months. On March 21, the Drs. said he had fluids in his left lung and they would need to drain it. The was scheduled for the following morning, I thought to myself why not right now!!!! in the middle of the night I got a call from ICU that Michaels kidneys were shutting down and they were going to do dialise (sp) on him. I immediately went to the hospital to stay with him and hold his hand. The Dr's had suddated him because of the pain he was in. so I kept talking to him anyway hoping he could hear me. The Dr's then said they were going to air-lift him to Las Vegas again because they had better equipment and Dr's to take care of him. I was told the Michael was in a critical state and anything could happen. They were getting ready to rake him to the helicopter and he went into cartic aresst, the Dr's assisted him but they could not save him and he was prounced dead at 2:50pm. My life died that day too! michael and I were married for 32 yrs. We ran a construction business together for 28 yrs. We had just retired in 2009 and moved to Lake Havasu to enjoy the rest of our life together traveling, fishing, floating and boating on the Lake.  Michael was my best friend, partner, soulmate and I am so lost without him. my heart goes out to everone who has lost the partner our spouse. No one knows the pain that we are in, unless they have lost a loved one too!. God Bless us all..

 

What a wonderful thing that this website and others has the ability to touch those that are hurting and to connect so many of us that have similar stories.  With the holidays coming and around the corner, my heart goes out to all of you that have experienced loss and I hope that the holidays bring some sort of joy and peace to your heart.

The truest words ever written; "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." I knew how to love but I didn't know how to receive love. He taught me this. July 2, 2011 7:28PM I asked him if he needed anything. He said, "I'd like a kiss." I leaned over him in his hospital bed and with eyes wide open, as I've always insisted, I looked deeply into his and gave him the kiss he requested ..... as my lips left his I saw the life leave my love's beautiful eyes. I called his name into his face, the room filled with many doctors and nurses and amidst the commotion, I remembered many stories I've heard of near death experiences and how they seem to hover over and look down on their own bodies. I looked up toward the ceiling and forced a smile though my heart was dying.  Now, two days before Christmas in the home we built together, I sit here ... more alone than I ever thought possible. I look across my snow covered front lawn, across the country road in the old cemetery where he lies next to the vacant plot I will someday occupy. No one will ever love me as much as this man did. On the exterior, people think I've moved on admirably. They don't know that I just can't understand why I'm still alive when my life is over. No hand to hold, no chest in which to lay my head, no heartbeat to hear, no more waltzes in the kitchen while I'm trying to prepare dinner, no one comes out of the house with lemonade while I'm mowing. Just our three dogs and me; the walking dead. 



Jeanna Smith said:
Hello, my name is Jeanna and I have been reading the posts of everyone who has lost someone.  I am truly sorry for your loss and I know how you feel.  On June 18, 2011,  my husband  of 10  years died from septic shock.  He had recently been diagnosed with liver disease, and had been having symptoms for only 6 months.  We had just moved to a warmer climate(my husband hated the cold) so I could work at my dream job.  We were in the process of buying our first home, which would have been the nicest we had ever lived in.  He was so happy.  The day after we moved he was in the hospital and in and out of the hospital for 3 weeks before he died.  It has only been less than 6 weeks, and I still am in shock and cannot believe that he is gone.  It is so hard, I don't know how to go on without him. He was everything to me and made me who I am and made me a better and stronger person.  I feel so lost without him.  And to top it off, I did not end up buying that house, I live in an RV at my sisters, and I am trying to get transferred to a job where I can be near family and where he is buried.  It all just seems so pointless, there really is no reason to get up in the morning.  I have been to therapist but it doesn't help.  I have pictures everywhere, but it just seems like something is missing and I cannot find it.  I am sorry for going on and on.  I know there are people suffering loss everyday.  My husband is buried in a national cemetary and everytime I go there, I see so many people, and they have 30-40 services a day.  I just hope that someday the pain goes away, but I know it won't.  He was such a great person. He taught CPR, and first aid, and first responder classes, and volunteered for the fire department.  I just don't understand any of it.

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