Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by roger goeringer on December 2, 2009 at 9:44am

roger goeringer said:

Tammy said:

On the morning of March 2, 2007, I lost my husband David to a heart arrhythmia, he was only 36 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. Prior to that I had lost my sister Lissette on 6-1-06 due to cervical cancer. So in 9 months time my bright beautiful world turned into night. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I've been to therapy etc, but its not as simple as talking about it and everything gets better. I don't cry every day but I cry on more days then some. When my sister died, i thought i was prepared for it, hey we knew she was dying the doctors told us it was a matter of time. But nevertheless it hurt when she died, it still hurts. Sometimes when i miss David, i pick up the phone to call her and knowing she is not there, tears me to pieces. I thought i had lost my head, but then David died... I still have trouble talking about it. I was NOT prepared for David dying. David death was unexpected, we did not even know he had this heart arrhythmia. He was only 36 years old, and our son was 3 yrs old at the time. All i can say is thank God for the baby, because if not, i don't know where i would be today. Granted, I am not that same person i was before. I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now i feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good nite for the last time. Who cares waht the house looks like now. My husband, my rock when my sister died, and to lose that rock, that person i thought i was going to grow old with just boggle my mind. I understand how you feel Barry. I agree with you, nothing makes sense. I try to explain to my son why i tell him that his daddy and aunty are ok in heaven, when i am a mess. He can not understand why the book i read to him written by maria shriver, "what is heaven" seems so beautiful & wonderful, yet i am so sad. All i tell him is that i miss his daddy & his aunty. And God knows i miss them so much. Barry, i know yesterday was tough, and i wish that i could say tomorrow is going to be better, but it might never be. After my sister passed away, David said to me that if something ever happened to him, he said it was ok for me to cry if i missed him but he wanted me to smile. If Robert was anything like David, i know he would want you to smile. I do that, i cry when i think of David but i also smile. Almost like when the sun is out but its raining. Smile, Robert is watching.... You can visit my site for david on legacy. Name is david o'connor, he was & will always be my sunshine... Tammy O'Connor

Permalink Reply by roger goeringer on December 2, 2009 at 10:21am

hi tammy sorry for loss it sounds almost the that happened to me on march 30 my wife passed away of a heart attack right before the kids went to school i tryed to save her but couldnt im always thinking if i could of done this or or could of done that i could of saved my angel its so hard to cope with this evreryday,people keep telling it gets easier but it doesnt

Permalink Reply by marilyn henderson dorris on December 2, 2009 at 3:57pm

my husband ,51 yrs old, died suddenly on july 18,2009. he had been receiving treatments for hep c, got an infection, and went into septic shock. we did not have any life insurance. he owned 2 vehicles, his company truck-he was so proud to own his own company, and worked the day he died, although he must've been in horrible pain) and his old caddi that he spit shined every weekend. i have had to place the vehicles up for sale-i wanted to keep the truck, but the caddi isn't moving and i must pay something to the funeral home...today, i sold the work truck...his old partner bought it, and my husband loved him very much, but i had to clear out the personal belongings...i am inconsolable...

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on December 2, 2009 at 7:28pm

Lisa and Bruno

Robert, My Blue Eyes Forever

Lisa,
Thank you for your wonderful words in Robert's Guest Book. I think of you and Bruno often to and I enjoy seeing the look in your eyes as you look at him in your photos.
The holidays don't mean much any longer. This will be the third Christmas without Robert and my Mom. Dec 25th will be the third anniversary since I lost her. I miss them so much. Dec 8th will be 31 months since I lost Robert. It will be 3 years on May 8th and I can't even fathom that. This life is so long. Thanks again. Barry

Lisa said:

Barry my friend you don't know how much it means to know that you have remembered me and Bruno. I would like to thank you for going to his website and lighting a candle for him. I miss him so. As you know it had been a year since I lost my Bruno on the 20th of this month. Me and my family held a candle light vigial at the gravesite that night. We all lit our candles at 8:00 pm which was what time he had passed. We played In the arms of an angel and then everyone shared a memory and placed a rose in a vase after they were done. I think Bruno was smiling down at us as we were cause there was laughing through crying. There is not a day that does not go by that I don't think about him and the love that we have. I think of you all often and hope that coming here helps each of you as it has me and still does!
All my love
Lisa

Permalink Reply by CINDY BAKER on December 7, 2009 at 11:18pm

I lost my husband to esophgial cancer that had metastised to the live and had pretty mcuh eaten his insides. I watched him go through chemo treatments from November 2008 thru may 2009. He found out in oct 2008 died in august 2009. He was 51 years old.They did not even bother to tell him it was stage 1V cancer. He was very strong through all of this my mother had a heart attack and passed away in dec 2008 also. I fill like I have lost the best and most loving person I have ever know in my life. He gave up so many things for me. He did not even tell me when he found out that he was not going to make it that he had only so much time. I loved this mand with all of my heart and my soul. I knew he was the man for me when I met him and I could not stop thining of him and when he kissed dme the very first time I felt my legs go out from underneath me. There will never be another man who will make me feel that way that he did. He was my soulmate and my best friend and also he was my spirtiual mate in life or in death.

Permalink Reply by dee on December 8, 2009 at 5:17pm

Saturday I found my boyfriend dead in my bathtub. We were gonna get engaged between Christmas and New Years. He was perfect. We were high school sweethearts and were actually engaged but were to young and went out seperate ways. 21 Years later we reuineted and were back to the loving perfect couple. He always called me beatitul. How to I do go on without him.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on December 21, 2009 at 5:57am

Greetings all,
I wish us all peace during this time. Today marks 6 months since I lost my Kris and it is not getting any easier. Worse yet, today I have to put on the Santa suit and be jolly for my residents. I covet your thoughts and prayers today and this week.

Permalink Reply by Richard Meier on December 22, 2009 at 5:41pm

My sympathies to you Tammy . I now understand what it is like to lose someone close. My wife of 38 years ,we just had are 38th anniversery Nov. 27th, 2009. Kathy just died Dec.10, 2009 at only age 58 from a stroke brought on by very high blood sugar.There was no anuresim, It was 650 when they brought her in. My situation is very similar.She was not watching her sugar and had not had blood work in 2 years. She did take her pills thou.She had been complaining of very severe headaches and not feeling well to everyone but me. She had made a very strange and pointed comment to me a couple of days after are annniversery that we might not make 39. Needless to say I was shocked like where did that come from and
what did she mean by that. But being the good husband I kept my mouth shut and didnt push it. At first I'm thinking was this her way of hinting that divorce was in the wind.I found out later at the wake, the friday of that week, she was a school crossing guard, she told one of the mothers of kids she crossed that she was feeling bad and was having very severe headaches for the last 2 weeks.. She confided in this lady that she wasn't going to live another year. She told a neighbor that morning about the head aches Now hearing this and what she had told me earlier, my mind is racing and while still being emotional over her passing it also made me angry. How much longer than that was this going on.All during the wake people were telling me about how she told them of the headaches. Before this when she was making dinner she said watch my head , I have a headache when I went to kiss her and ask about dinner. but that was it, the first I heard. She was at the local supermarket getting things for home and my elderly mother. She said I'll see you later. later never came. The next time I saw her she was in the back of an ambulance with the medics working fevorishley and doing cpr. I never got a last kiss or to say good by. She also worked there too.She was complaining to the deli people that she felt really bad and her head was killing her. On the way out she was talking to a lady she knew and told her the same thing. This lady was the last person to talk to Kathy alive. Right after she said that she grabbed her head and dropped to the floor. They said she briefly opened her eyes in the store but lapsed into a coma that lasted 6 days until they decided that there was minimal brain activity and called her brain dead. Thats when I decided to donate her organs.I am still losing it but I also get angry If she had said something at 4:30 at dinner time, that was 4 hours till 8:30 when she had the stroke . That was enough time if I knew to get here help. If I knew that morning or 2 weeks earier I would have made her go to the doctors. I could have prevented this If only I knew. Everyone but the husband. If I knew about the sugar I would have dealt with it . It amazes me how she could suffer with blinding headaches for at least 2 weeks and not tell me or want to do something about it She told my mother that the week before she got dizzy while shopping from taking Advils . I know I will never know but it is eating me up. I still love her very much and miss her dearly. I thank god that we went out for thanksgiving as a family and got are anniversery in. I was an emotional wreck and still am. I have to go to grief counseling tomorrow. The holidays for ever after are going to get me depressed and down
Kathy why oh why did you not tell me. Your beloved grief stricken husband Rich. R.I.P.


Tammy said:

On the morning of March 2, 2007, I lost my husband David to a heart arrhythmia, he was only 36 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. Prior to that I had lost my sister Lissette on 6-1-06 due to cervical cancer. So in 9 months time my bright beautiful world turned into night. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I've been to therapy etc, but its not as simple as talking about it and everything gets better. I don't cry every day but I cry on more days then some. When my sister died, i thought i was prepared for it, hey we knew she was dying the doctors told us it was a matter of time. But nevertheless it hurt when she died, it still hurts. Sometimes when i miss David, i pick up the phone to call her and knowing she is not there, tears me to pieces. I thought i had lost my head, but then David died... I still have trouble talking about it. I was NOT prepared for David dying. David death was unexpected, we did not even know he had this heart arrhythmia. He was only 36 years old, and our son was 3 yrs old at the time. All i can say is thank God for the baby, because if not, i don't know where i would be today. Granted, I am not that same person i was before. I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now i feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good nite for the last time. Who cares waht the house looks like now. My husband, my rock when my sister died, and to lose that rock, that person i thought i was going to grow old with just boggle my mind. I understand how you feel Barry. I agree with you, nothing makes sense. I try to explain to my son why i tell him that his daddy and aunty are ok in heaven, when i am a mess. He can not understand why the book i read to him written by maria shriver, "what is heaven" seems so beautiful & wonderful, yet i am so sad. All i tell him is that i miss his daddy & his aunty. And God knows i miss them so much. Barry, i know yesterday was tough, and i wish that i could say tomorrow is going to be better, but it might never be. After my sister passed away, David said to me that if something ever happened to him, he said it was ok for me to cry if i missed him but he wanted me to smile. If Robert was anything like David, i know he would want you to smile. I do that, i cry when i think of David but i also smile. Almost like when the sun is out but its raining. Smile, Robert is watching.... You can visit my site for david on legacy. Name is david o'connor, he was & will always be my sunshine... Tammy O'Connor

Permalink Reply by vickie on December 27, 2009 at 7:44am

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your lost. My husband passed away on Dec. 8, 2009 from colon cancer that had metastised also and he was only 51 so I know how you feel. We had been married for 20 years. I am mad at the world an still num. how have you been dealing with the lost.

Permalink Reply by Mary Ann on December 28, 2009 at 8:09pm

vickie said:

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your lost. My husband passed away on Dec. 8, 2009 from colon cancer that had metastised also and he was only 51 so I know how you feel. We had been married for 20 years. I am mad at the world an still num. how have you been dealing with the lost.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband died 15 months ago from colon cancer also. He was 47. We were married 21 years, with 2 children. His death has had a profound affect on all of us...my daugther still can't stand to have me say more than about 2 sentences at a time about him. She just wants to bury it all.

I'm still numb myself so I can't tell you when it will stop. When I feel sorry for myself, I just say to myself that, like him, I have to do my share of suffering so that I can be with him after death. If he could do it, so can I.

Permalink Reply by LeeLee on December 30, 2009 at 6:10am

Its 6:129 am on the morning of "what would have been" my 20th Wedding Anniversary to the most wonderful person I have ever known....I will ever know; in the fact that he was the love of my life. Its been 7 years now...and I know most of you may think...Well its time to not cry, feel so sad and lost and just know this is the way things are now. Then again, maybe you all won't especially if you are coping with a loss of a love one. Since the start of holiday season the heavy load on my heart, the emotional sadness and pain that I am feeling and my heart aching. Well, practically I have days all the time off and on) The biggest thing is I still cry for him...and I cry excessively and I miss him so much. See, My husband was just 41 years old when he died suddenly while running PT(Physical Training) while station in South Korea(Ujambu) I know the spelling is wrong, but of an apparent heart arrhythemia/attack and passed away. At that time we were in our 13th year of marriage. I am always thinking of what he thought of the morning he got up? He was a dedicated family man...so I always think he must of thought of us, my daughter(who is our only child) and I...Then I try and course out his morning. Being that he was active duty Army; he must have gotten up early had his shower, prepared his uniform (as he would always do when he was home) and then he had to go run PT. I always wonder did he have chest pains? Did he feel sick and just ran anyway? I then wonder after getting into his run....Again, did he feel sick, pains, or warning signs that he ignored? Because he was an GO Getter! and that morning as SFC upper rank to the soldiers he was leading (along with two others soldiers of his same rank) he did just that; as I was told, he lead that mornings run. He collapsed after the run was was over a few moments later... He was a new arrival( he had just gotten to Korea 12 days earlier before he passed away. He did not even have to partake in the run being that the Units/Companies allow the soldiers time to adapt to the change of the environment. That was just the type of dedication and honor(no excuse attitude he carried) He passed doing what loved so much doing in an patriotic and honorable way...and that was serving his country. One of the hardest feelings in my grief to concur is that I feel so bad because I wasn't able to be there for him. I feel he passed away alone without me, my mother and father-in-law our daughter and his siblings(even though I know all his commrads where) and it something that is so hard for me and remains to be a lot of my unresolved pain/grief. I ache for the oppurtunity and I know I will not ever be able to change this. He never let me down...he was my best friend and my backbone. I could always count on Edwin. The longing for him doesn't go away. Yeah I am living, I am even dating steadly a nice gentelman, but I still long and miss and love my husband so very much. He was 100% the husband, father, son, brother, uncle, and friend anyone could ever have. So, now on my 20th Wedding Anninversary I would just like to share on this site my story, as so many other have shared about their losses and grief...Hoping this oppurtunity to verbalize will some how help me today. I do understand and I hope that you all who has present or pass grief to deal with will find comfort just as I seek...and understanding as I try to understand too, why thing have to be the way they are? And why do people so dear to us have to leave and why does the pain never really end as we are taught to except and deal with matters in life and succeed in doing so, but the death of my husband and the years that have passed doesn't look nor feel as I am gonna be able to do ever do as mentioned above. To succeed in grief? But I will continue to try. I will continue to live for my daughter and help her too; as she has had so much to deal with also and she is also trying to do those things and I guess I will have to lead the way for the both of us. I know he is still with us...even as I sat here and cry my eyes out...Edwin is with us because he has always been and he will always be.
Thanks for your feed back in advance. To all the Uniform Service Members, I appreciate you all for all your sacrafices be it in war or peace time. As an ex Army wife I know personally the hardships you all endure. To all the family members especially the wives, husbands, and children of fallen soldiers I pray for you all and know also God is with you all as well. HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDWIN....I/WE LOVE AND MISSES YOU SO VERY MUCH...YOUR FAMILY.
Still Grieving
in Stafford, VA

Permalink Reply by Theresa on December 31, 2009 at 7:35pm

My beloved husband of nearly 25yrs passed away on Nov 29, 2009 from a sudden heart attack. I was in another state when it all happened. My 21yr old son was with him and saw the whole thing. Not being there when it happened was the worst hell I've ever been through in my life. I was in a hotel all alone with nothing but the hotel staff to give me comfort, I wanted to grow wings and fly home, but had to wait til the next morning when I could catch a flight home. Not to mention that I had to drive 62 miles to the airport. I saw him the morning of the 29th of Nov at the airport and he was fine, the next time I saw him he was in a coffin. I pray that God will give me the peace that I need to overcome that feeling of helplessness that I wasn't there.

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