Views: 7745

Replies to This Discussion

Terri:

I took 6 weeks of family medical leave after my husband's death and it was too much. I wish I had gone back sooner. The first 2 weeks, family was there and took care of me and things. Then I had to file insurance and get the house and things in my name alone. I am glad I had time to do that. But after 2 weeks, I got into bad habits, spending money, drinking wine in the afternoon so I could sleep at night, basically giving in to depression. Be careful there too because doctors love to dope us up and it just prolongs the grief. Routine and responsibility made me get back into living life again. Grief is a weird thing and we all do it differently. Be careful of grief groups also, some use them as dating opportunities we don't need to do too soon. Join an all female group if you can. I did everything wrong and somehow survived by the grace of a loving God.

Be at peace, you will come through as he would want you to
Steve Cain said:
Terri,
First off, I give you my deepest sympathies. You are in a very difficult time and I can fully relate. My full time job let me take 2 weeks off even though contract policy says 3 days, they even called me near the end of the second week to see if I wanted or felt I needed even another week. It is good that I keep my vacation time saved. I also have a part time job and our director there told me to take as much time as I needed, my job was secure, although I went back the same day I went back to my full time job. What you need is what YOU need and not for anyone else to determine. You will not be helpful to your boss, no matter the situation, if you are not fully ready to come back.

Terri said:
I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri
kellie oliver said:
Steve Cain said:
Terri,
First off, I give you my deepest sympathies. You are in a very difficult time and I can fully relate. My full time job let me take 2 weeks off even though contract policy says 3 days, they even called me near the end of the second week to see if I wanted or felt I needed even another week. It is good that I keep my vacation time saved. I also have a part time job and our director there told me to take as much time as I needed, my job was secure, although I went back the same day I went back to my full time job. What you need is what YOU need and not for anyone else to determine. You will not be helpful to your boss, no matter the situation, if you are not fully ready to come back.

Terri said:
I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri
Hi,my name is Kellie Oliver and I just wanted to share something with you Terri. My husband killed himself on Nov 11th of 06. we had been together for 21 yrs,and have 4 boys together. my mom used to say we were joined at the hip. we always did everything together. well he got into doing drugs and got into meth and that was the beginning of the end for us, that drug just took him over. Well you know how busy you are the first couple weeks,and found that when I was busy It made things a little easier. when things slowed down is when I had a harder time. my wonderful cousin helped me so much by cleaning his stuff out and we also moved my bedroom around because when I woke up in the morning I would have to process things all over again. Im sure you know how you wake up and think you just had a horrible dream so waking up looking at things in a different way kinda helped me start the day knowing what happened so I didnt have to freak out all over again,I would still wake up crying my eyes out but it was just one step I think in the right direction.Its been almost 4yrs since my life was taken from me and Im still trying to figure out what normal is,our 20 yr old son got married 7-31-09,8 months ago and that was one of the hardest things to go through without Terry, yea Terry was my husbands name too, Anyway I just want to tell you to try to stay as positive as you can and try to stay around people who are positive I think that is very important, and I know that people say that time heals everything but I know that every body is different and we all heal in are own way and how ever we do it is ok and you need to know that! Im struggling with the same issue with my sister we lost my nephew after my husband on Oct.27-09 and people keep telling her to get over it and we all need to stay away from those people,cause obviously they have never had a loss like we have. Our family has had one loss after another even more than I mentioned so I do know what your going through,I understand from more than one point of view. You just need to know there is not a right way to do what your doing,take one day at a time and do your best and thats all you need to do!! Best wishes always,Kellie
Hi Barry...............

I know that it all makes no sense...........I lost my youngest son 3 years ago in an accident at age 30. Know that there are many of us who are with you in thought and mind. The pain will lessen as time goes by.............try to think of this; your mom and partner are together..........neither one is alone. I will visit your site, and I have a site set up in my son's memory if you'd like to visit it. The address is http:/rncordova.bravehost.com. That is r n cordova.................that rn looks too much like an m! LOL I'll be holding lots of good thoughts for you.

Hugs..............................Susan

BarryWHK said:
On May 8th, 2008, it will be the one year anniversary for the loss of my life partner, of 22 years, Robert Kopler. I cannot believe so much time has passed, and so quickly it seems. I dread the forthcoming days as my emotions continue to take over. The anniversary of the loss of my Mother was December 25, 2007. Needless to say, this past year has been extremely difficult, losing the two most important people in my life within 5 months of each other. Nothing makes any sense anymore, as hard as I try.
I was reluctant to join this forum because these losses are so painful to keep bringing up, but I decided that it may be beneficial and I decided to share our story. I worked on a dedication website to Robert and my Mom, if you are interested in a little more insight. Please share the site if you find it beneficial and please leave comments. Thank you. Barry.

www.harnamjikopler.com
Well......

My Bad luck keeps going!!
My 93 yr. old grandpa whom I have took care of 24/7 for the last 7 yrs died Monday!!
I just lost my husband of 28 yrs. in Jan. 2010
NOW this-------HOW will I survive THIS!!

Susan, Thank you so much for your kind words, visiting the website and signing Robert's Guest Book. It means a lot. I am so very sorry for your loss. I visited Roman's website and I can see how much love you have for him. It is a wonderful tribute. I can’t even imagine how a mother would feel losing a child. My Mom was never the same after I lost my younger brother, Darin. They had a very strong bond. When I lost my Mom and Robert, within 5 months of each other, I felt as if I had been ripped open and thrown upon a mountain in a desert to just die. May 8th, 2010 will be the 3rd anniversary since I lost Robert and I can't believe how quickly so much time has passed. It’s still not easy. It hurts like it was just yesterday. Robert’s family and my family stopped talking to me at the end of 2008 so it’s been just me going through this alone. Robert’s mom and I have not spoken since so I don’t know how she feels. I have one friend who lives in another state and I hope that she doesn’t abandon me as well. Thank you, again. Barry
I just want to say that no one has inputted any thoughts for my loss and grief but thats okay. Its been 11 months now since I heard and saw my wife die during a nap. We were married for 44 years and I lost my pal. My life is now over because I died when she died. I have no friends and only family is young and living their history and lives. My life is still the same, empty. I feel so useless now. Everything reminds me of her and I cant seem to want to go on. There is nothing for me to live for. I guess I am out to pasture now and it stinks.
I miss her so much and still am so sad and lonely...Randolp Schrader

Hello Randolph, My name is Barry and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Life-Partner of 22 years, Robert, on May 8th, 2007. It's coming up on 3 years and I still feel what you expressed since that fateful day. I lost my Mom and Robert within 5 months of each other and I felt like I was ripped open and left to die. Not much has changed because Robert’s family and my family stopped talking to me about 2 years ago so I’m dealing with this on my own. I have only one friend who lives several states away. Most people are afraid to respond to my posts because of their beliefs or fears. I don’t know what to think any longer. My love for Robert is just – Love. I don’t have any positive or good advice for you but expressing your thoughts in this forum may help. I wish you well. Barry
You can visit the websites at http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com and select Testimonial link at the bottom of the page.
BarryWHK said:

Hello Randolph, My name is Barry and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Life-Partner of 22 years, Robert, on May 8th, 2007. It's coming up on 3 years and I still feel what you expressed since that fateful day. I lost my Mom and Robert within 5 months of each other and I felt like I was ripped open and left to die. Not much has changed because Robert’s family and my family stopped talking to me about 2 years ago so I’m dealing with this on my own. I have only one friend who lives several states away. Most people are afraid to respond to my posts because of their beliefs or fears. I don’t know what to think any longer. My love for Robert is just – Love. I don’t have any positive or good advice for you but expressing your thoughts in this forum may help. I wish you well. Barry
You can visit the websites at http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/?LinkType=5 and select Testimonial link at the bottom of the page.
how do u go on?
i am ever so sorry for your loss
i find myself there
i want to die
help
Steve Cain said:
Terri,
First off, I give you my deepest sympathies. You are in a very difficult time and I can fully relate. My full time job let me take 2 weeks off even though contract policy says 3 days, they even called me near the end of the second week to see if I wanted or felt I needed even another week. It is good that I keep my vacation time saved. I also have a part time job and our director there told me to take as much time as I needed, my job was secure, although I went back the same day I went back to my full time job. What you need is what YOU need and not for anyone else to determine. You will not be helpful to your boss, no matter the situation, if you are not fully ready to come back.

Terri said:
I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri

RSS

Latest Conversations

Mary. Jane commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
5 hours ago
Profile IconDeLina Murray-Bridgers and Tupelo joined LegacyConnect
7 hours ago
Profile IconSteven J. Fowler, Beverly Kennerson, ken H and 2 more joined LegacyConnect
yesterday
Diane C commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
Oct 8

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2019   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service