Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Patty DeRusha on September 14, 2010 at 3:27pm

My husband died June 26,2010 ,one year battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I was his caregiver also. Cried yesterday alll night . Never felt so lonely in my life. Little things sparked heavy emotions. Halloween candy his favorite , picked up a bag to bring home then rrealizid he was not there.No more carving pumpkins! Were married 23 years in April. Does it get any easier?


Patty DeRusha said:

Deb said:

Randolph,
I have been away for a few weeks until last night. I have just read your post of 7/26/2010 regarding the passing of your great-grandson -- I am so very sorry for your loss!!! Sometimes it does seem that our pain will never ease . . and in your case, you have certainly been given more than your share. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected. Thank you for the updates on Virginia...I hope she is doing much better!! You and all our friends here are always in my prayers. May God bless, hold, and keep us in His loving care. Yes, hugs to all . . hugs are good!! Take care of yourself. Sincerely,
Deb

Randolph L. Schrader said:

I am so sorry for all your losses.As you know, we all care ,understand and share our grief here on this site. I have lost my wife of 44 years suddenly 15 months ago,my step-dad for 59 years 7 months ago and a great grandson 2 weeks ago who only lived less than 24 hours.He had time for one or two dreams. Will our pain ever ease up? Will we ever be able to function again? I know I cant. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Frieda Lumpkins on September 15, 2010 at 12:47pm

Patty DeRusha said:

My husband died June 26,2010 ,one year battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I was his also. Cried yesterday alll night . Never felt so lonely in my life. Little things sparked heavy emotions. candy his favorite , picked up a bag to bring home then rrealizid he was not there.No more carving pumpkins! Were married 23 years in April. Does it get any easier?


Patty DeRusha said:

Deb said:

Randolph,
I have been away for a few weeks until last night. I have just read your post of 7/26/2010 regarding the passing of your great-grandson -- I am so very sorry for your loss!!! Sometimes it does seem that our pain will never ease . . and in your case, you have certainly been given more than your share. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected. Thank you for the updates on Virginia...I hope she is doing much better!! You and all our friends here are always in my prayers. May God bless, hold, and keep us in His loving care. Yes, hugs to all . . hugs are good!! Take care of yourself. Sincerely,
Deb

Randolph L. Schrader said:

I am so sorry for all your losses.As you know, we all care ,understand and share our grief here on this site. I have lost my wife of 44 years suddenly 15 months ago,my step-dad for 59 years 7 months ago and a great grandson 2 weeks ago who only lived less than 24 hours.He had time for one or two dreams. Will our pain ever ease up? Will we ever be able to function again? I know I cant. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Frieda Lumpkins on September 15, 2010 at 12:47pm

Patty DeRusha said:

My husband died June 26,2010 ,one year battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I was his also. Cried yesterday alll night . Never felt so lonely in my life. Little things sparked heavy emotions. candy his favorite , picked up a bag to bring home then rrealizid he was not there.No more carving pumpkins! Were married 23 years in April. Does it get any easier?


Patty DeRusha said:

Deb said:

Randolph,
I have been away for a few weeks until last night. I have just read your post of 7/26/2010 regarding the passing of your great-grandson -- I am so very sorry for your loss!!! Sometimes it does seem that our pain will never ease . . and in your case, you have certainly been given more than your share. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected. Thank you for the updates on Virginia...I hope she is doing much better!! You and all our friends here are always in my prayers. May God bless, hold, and keep us in His loving care. Yes, hugs to all . . hugs are good!! Take care of yourself. Sincerely,
Deb

Randolph L. Schrader said:

I am so sorry for all your losses.As you know, we all care ,understand and share our grief here on this site. I have lost my wife of 44 years suddenly 15 months ago,my step-dad for 59 years 7 months ago and a great grandson 2 weeks ago who only lived less than 24 hours.He had time for one or two dreams. Will our pain ever ease up? Will we ever be able to function again? I know I cant. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Savannah Garrison on October 5, 2010 at 11:53pm

On May 21st, 2010...a little over four months ago..I lost my boyfriend of 5 years in an extremely unfortunate accidental overdose. I almost feel like its silly that I thought our 5 years was so long, I guess because were only 21 now, but it now feels like such a short amount of time. He was and will always be the most amazing person I've ever known and that is why it hurts my heart so so much. I don't understand why this happened to him of all people. He was my best friend and the only person I trusted with my life and lately I've been realizing just how alone I am. I can't share the things I once did with him...I like to think that he can watch over me and see everyone affected by the loss of him, but I feel like he just disappeared and that I'll never be able to find him again. I try to just remember all of our precious memories together, but the morning I found out he just..didn't wake up...is all I can think about. I'll never hurt so much as I did that morning...and continue to feel. I've started to do the grief counseling and going to groups too, but I'm not sure how well it is helping me to cope. I am just looking for maybe another young persons opinion or anyone who has been affected by an overdose. I just don't know how to move forward with my life whatsoever. :(

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 1, 2010 at 3:02pm

To all you spouses out there, I am envious. My "husband" and I were never "ceremoniously wed" therefore, in GA we are not recognized as a common law marriage. This is quite devasting to me and others like me I'm sure. Larry and I have been together for almost 8 yrs. and have lived as a married couple/ family for over 5 yrs. in the home we jointly purchased. His 12 yr. old son, my 2 adult kids and our 6 month old granddaughter also lived with us. He was the head of our household, our role model and peacemaker. We met on the job & knew right away that we were divinely meant for each other. I was fleeing an abusive 17 yr. marriage at the time. We both had empty hands & empty pockets. We started completely from zero! We worked full time together & then part time together at night cleaning offices. We spent all our time together. In 2005 when we bought our house, he was desperately seeking outside employment, but in this economy he found nothing until Feb. of this year! He accepted the job with the sole purpose of us being legally married. We were tired of our employers holding it over us- never knowing if it might be the excuse they needed to eliminate 1 more employee. People were losing there jobs every day. We were so releived to know that this time next year we would be married! Instead, he fell victim to another's negligence and died on the morning of August 27, 2010. He was 38 yrs. old. His son has now gone to live with his mother, with whom he has never lived with on a full time basis. I have no rights. I cannot pay our bills, pay off our truck... because I am not the "administrator of the estate!" This will be given to either his father (who gave him up to foster care & eventually granted guardianship of him to his grandmother when he was 5 yrs. old) or to his ex-girlfriend (mother of his son) w/ whom he has had almost no communication with in over a decade! As I sd. she did not raise their son prior to him living with us. I am sick! How can the law be this messed up? If we lived in another state just as we did here, & then moved here right before his accident, then GA would recognize me as his legal wife! But, since we have lived here the entire 5+ yrs. we get nothing- No rights-none! I couldn't plan his funeral, pick out a headstone- Nothing!
Can anybody out there relate? If so, I am sorry for you as well.

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 3, 2010 at 1:14pm

God bless you Tammy. I am experiencing some of the same feelings as you. Larry died the morning of August 27, 2010 on the job when the flooring gave way & he fell unnoticed into a covered basin of water and drowned. He was 38 yrs. old. His 12 yr. old son lived with us. We had been living as a married couple/ family for over 5 yrs. when he accepted this new job with the sole purpose that we could be married. We had met & worked together for almost 8 yrs. and couldn't keep our jobs if we got married & in this terrible economy, he couldn't find a job that came close to paying the same until now. I am devasted. So many what ifs... we spent all our time together prior to him accepting that job, so just having him working elsewhere was an adjustment for us both- we missed each other terribly. We talked on our cells to each other throughout the day & lunch was really lonely. Now I have none to talk to on the phone, none to eat with at any meal. His son had to go live with his biological mother whom he has never lived with full time before! I have no rights in our state. I have no rights to the things he and I worked together to achieve with no outside help from anyone! It's so frustrating. I'm angry and sad... I miss him so much. We never ever had a fight in almost 8 yrs.! Pretty amazing to me after coming from a 20 yr. abusive marriage. Yes, I am older than Larry. He was also father figure to my 2 adult children and our 6 mos. old granddaughter. God help us all...
Christy


Tammy said:

On the morning of March 2, 2007, I lost my husband David to a heart arrhythmia, he was only 36 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. Prior to that I had lost my sister Lissette on 6-1-06 due to cervical cancer. So in 9 months time my bright beautiful world turned into night. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I've been to therapy etc, but its not as simple as talking about it and everything gets better. I don't cry every day but I cry on more days then some. When my sister died, i thought i was prepared for it, hey we knew she was dying the doctors told us it was a matter of time. But nevertheless it hurt when she died, it still hurts. Sometimes when i miss David, i pick up the phone to call her and knowing she is not there, tears me to pieces. I thought i had lost my head, but then David died... I still have trouble talking about it. I was NOT prepared for David dying. David death was unexpected, we did not even know he had this heart arrhythmia. He was only 36 years old, and our son was 3 yrs old at the time. All i can say is thank God for the baby, because if not, i don't know where i would be today. Granted, I am not that same person i was before. I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now i feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good nite for the last time. Who cares waht the house looks like now. My husband, my rock when my sister died, and to lose that rock, that person i thought i was going to grow old with just boggle my mind. I understand how you feel Barry. I agree with you, nothing makes sense. I try to explain to my son why i tell him that his daddy and aunty are ok in heaven, when i am a mess. He can not understand why the book i read to him written by maria shriver, "what is heaven" seems so beautiful & wonderful, yet i am so sad. All i tell him is that i miss his daddy & his aunty. And God knows i miss them so much. Barry, i know yesterday was tough, and i wish that i could say tomorrow is going to be better, but it might never be. After my sister passed away, David said to me that if something ever happened to him, he said it was ok for me to cry if i missed him but he wanted me to smile. If Robert was anything like David, i know he would want you to smile. I do that, i cry when i think of David but i also smile. Almost like when the sun is out but its raining. Smile, Robert is watching.... You can visit my site for david on legacy. Name is david o'connor, he was & will always be my sunshine... Tammy O'Connor

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 22, 2010 at 4:47pm

I have been away from here for a long while now and with the holidays coming up felt that I needed to come back. I lost my husband my soulmate 2 years ago on the 20th of this month he was 49 years old and had undected lung cancer. Then on the 21st of Sept this year I lost my father my rock. I have went on with life and met a great guy but still love and miss my Bruno it will never ever be the same for me without him. I sit back and watch my mom go through the emotions that I went through and still go through to this day and it kills me it kills me to watch her hurt the way I do, to hear her ask God when can she go and join my dad. A question that I think we all ask. I still wait for death so that I can see my beloved Bruno. At the same time 2 years later I go through the motions of day to day life. I can't seem to keep a job I can't seem to have a heathly realtionship with a wonderful man. I look for ways to fight with him cause he is not Bruno. These hoildays are going to be twice as bad as normal cause not only will my husband not be there neither will the heart of my family my daddy. I hope that all of you find some peace from coming here I know it helps to know that I am not alone. Hugs and good thoughts to you all

Lisa

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 22, 2010 at 4:47pm

I have been away from here for a long while now and with the holidays coming up felt that I needed to come back. I lost my husband my soulmate 2 years ago on the 20th of this month he was 49 years old and had undected lung cancer. Then on the 21st of Sept this year I lost my father my rock. I have went on with life and met a great guy but still love and miss my Bruno it will never ever be the same for me without him. I sit back and watch my mom go through the emotions that I went through and still go through to this day and it kills me it kills me to watch her hurt the way I do, to hear her ask God when can she go and join my dad. A question that I think we all ask. I still wait for death so that I can see my beloved Bruno. At the same time 2 years later I go through the motions of day to day life. I can't seem to keep a job I can't seem to have a heathly realtionship with a wonderful man. I look for ways to fight with him cause he is not Bruno. These hoildays are going to be twice as bad as normal cause not only will my husband not be there neither will the heart of my family my daddy. I hope that all of you find some peace from coming here I know it helps to know that I am not alone. Hugs and good thoughts to you all

Lisa

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 30, 2010 at 8:22am

Hey Lisa, I appreciate your post. I am so apprehensive thinking about ever being with another man. I don't want to, but I'm in my 40s & it may be a long time before I pass & I'm not sure I want to be alone from now on. I'm conflicted! My Larry was a saint! Really, there is no way I could ever find another man to come close to him that would be so completely compatable to me. He worked hard, was smart, funny, easy going, NEVER cursed, drank, smoked or did drugs, never raised his voice or hand to me- where on God's green earth could I find another man like that? My brother says having someone is better than having no one but I disagree. I think any companion deserves a partner that loves them 100% and I just don't believe I could ever do that. It's nice to hear that you have been able to move on & meet someone nice though. That's great! Maybe in time you can work it out. It's good that you & your mother have each other to share & relate with. Peace to you & your mom-Christy
br/>

Lisa said:

I have been away from here for a long while now and with the holidays coming up felt that I needed to come back. I lost my husband my soulmate 2 years ago on the 20th of this month he was 49 years old and had undected lung cancer. Then on the 21st of Sept this year I lost my father my rock. I have went on with life and met a great guy but still love and miss my Bruno it will never ever be the same for me without him. I sit back and watch my mom go through the emotions that I went through and still go through to this day and it kills me it kills me to watch her hurt the way I do, to hear her ask God when can she go and join my dad. A question that I think we all ask. I still wait for death so that I can see my beloved Bruno. At the same time 2 years later I go through the motions of day to day life. I can't seem to keep a job I can't seem to have a heathly realtionship with a wonderful man. I look for ways to fight with him cause he is not Bruno. These hoildays are going to be twice as bad as normal cause not only will my husband not be there neither will the heart of my family my daddy. I hope that all of you find some peace from coming here I know it helps to know that I am not alone. Hugs and good thoughts to you all

Lisa

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 30, 2010 at 12:05pm

Christy,

I disagree with your brother and totally agree with you. I too was apprehensive with being with another man and in some ways still feel guilty. He is a good guy he tries so very hard to understand everything and as far as I am concern does a wonderful job. The key is it is different for everyone. I am only 37 yrs old and I know that my Bruno only wanted for me to be happy. I fought agaist the love I have for the man I am with now. I am scared that I will feel that pain again of losing someone I love and I am not sure I can do that again. What I have to hold onto is that my soulmate my Bruno did everything in his power to insure my happiness and wanted me to go on with my life he told me as much before he died. Mike is no Bruno that is for sure but he is close. Follow your heart and listen to it I have found that my heart will not lead me wrong. Although my head fought my heart won.

I hope you find peace in whatever you do. I will always love Bruno and he is my eternity, but facts are facts he is no longer here on earth to hold me when I am scared or sad or to talk to.

Blessings to you

Lisa
Christy said:

Hey Lisa, I appreciate your post. I am so apprehensive thinking about ever being with another man. I don't want to, but I'm in my 40s & it may be a long time before I pass & I'm not sure I want to be alone from now on. I'm conflicted! My Larry was a saint! Really, there is no way I could ever find another man to come close to him that would be so completely compatable to me. He worked hard, was smart, funny, easy going, NEVER cursed, drank, smoked or did drugs, never raised his voice or hand to me- where on God's green earth could I find another man like that? My brother says having someone is better than having no one but I disagree. I think any companion deserves a partner that loves them 100% and I just don't believe I could ever do that. It's nice to hear that you have been able to move on & meet someone nice though. That's great! Maybe in time you can work it out. It's good that you & your mother have each other to share & relate with. Peace to you & your mom-Christy
br/>

Lisa said:

I have been away from here for a long while now and with the holidays coming up felt that I needed to come back. I lost my husband my soulmate 2 years ago on the 20th of this month he was 49 years old and had undected lung cancer. Then on the 21st of Sept this year I lost my father my rock. I have went on with life and met a great guy but still love and miss my Bruno it will never ever be the same for me without him. I sit back and watch my mom go through the emotions that I went through and still go through to this day and it kills me it kills me to watch her hurt the way I do, to hear her ask God when can she go and join my dad. A question that I think we all ask. I still wait for death so that I can see my beloved Bruno. At the same time 2 years later I go through the motions of day to day life. I can't seem to keep a job I can't seem to have a heathly realtionship with a wonderful man. I look for ways to fight with him cause he is not Bruno. These hoildays are going to be twice as bad as normal cause not only will my husband not be there neither will the heart of my family my daddy. I hope that all of you find some peace from coming here I know it helps to know that I am not alone. Hugs and good thoughts to you all

Lisa

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 30, 2010 at 12:05pm

Christy,

I disagree with your brother and totally agree with you. I too was apprehensive with being with another man and in some ways still feel guilty. He is a good guy he tries so very hard to understand everything and as far as I am concern does a wonderful job. The key is it is different for everyone. I am only 37 yrs old and I know that my Bruno only wanted for me to be happy. I fought agaist the love I have for the man I am with now. I am scared that I will feel that pain again of losing someone I love and I am not sure I can do that again. What I have to hold onto is that my soulmate my Bruno did everything in his power to insure my happiness and wanted me to go on with my life he told me as much before he died. Mike is no Bruno that is for sure but he is close. Follow your heart and listen to it I have found that my heart will not lead me wrong. Although my head fought my heart won.

I hope you find peace in whatever you do. I will always love Bruno and he is my eternity, but facts are facts he is no longer here on earth to hold me when I am scared or sad or to talk to.

Blessings to you

Lisa
Christy said:

Hey Lisa, I appreciate your post. I am so apprehensive thinking about ever being with another man. I don't want to, but I'm in my 40s & it may be a long time before I pass & I'm not sure I want to be alone from now on. I'm conflicted! My Larry was a saint! Really, there is no way I could ever find another man to come close to him that would be so completely compatable to me. He worked hard, was smart, funny, easy going, NEVER cursed, drank, smoked or did drugs, never raised his voice or hand to me- where on God's green earth could I find another man like that? My brother says having someone is better than having no one but I disagree. I think any companion deserves a partner that loves them 100% and I just don't believe I could ever do that. It's nice to hear that you have been able to move on & meet someone nice though. That's great! Maybe in time you can work it out. It's good that you & your mother have each other to share & relate with. Peace to you & your mom-Christy
br/>

Lisa said:

I have been away from here for a long while now and with the holidays coming up felt that I needed to come back. I lost my husband my soulmate 2 years ago on the 20th of this month he was 49 years old and had undected lung cancer. Then on the 21st of Sept this year I lost my father my rock. I have went on with life and met a great guy but still love and miss my Bruno it will never ever be the same for me without him. I sit back and watch my mom go through the emotions that I went through and still go through to this day and it kills me it kills me to watch her hurt the way I do, to hear her ask God when can she go and join my dad. A question that I think we all ask. I still wait for death so that I can see my beloved Bruno. At the same time 2 years later I go through the motions of day to day life. I can't seem to keep a job I can't seem to have a heathly realtionship with a wonderful man. I look for ways to fight with him cause he is not Bruno. These hoildays are going to be twice as bad as normal cause not only will my husband not be there neither will the heart of my family my daddy. I hope that all of you find some peace from coming here I know it helps to know that I am not alone. Hugs and good thoughts to you all

Lisa

Permalink Reply by Pauline on November 30, 2010 at 2:17pm

Hello Lisa.....like you it has been a while since I have been back on here and we were both here almost the same time it will be 2 years January for me also. I am so sorry to hear you lost your father your mum is lucky you are there for her and you will be understanding exactly what she is going through. Graham and I were soulmates so losing him was the worst part of my life I dont ever want to go through again - even though we knew our time together was limited we made the most of it...Life has been lonely but it goes on for those of us left ... my life has changed dramatically I have become a stronger person, moved to Australia for good, got myself an awesome job and getting on with it. I went back to NZ for 3 months and it was hard it just felt I couldnt move forward - our children, our memories - all too painful to cope with...so when I was offered my current job I jumped at the opportunity and dont regret my decision...I know Graham would be proud of where I am today and always feel his love and blessings on everything I decide or do...it sounds strange yes but I do feel good about it. I have also been seeing someone it has been hard to move forward in this area but I have learnt to slowly pull down the brick wall one brick at a time to let someone into my heart that wants to love me for who I am and I have learnt not to try and even compare him because no one will ever replace or be my Grammy and my man knows that...
Grief is such a cruel lesson in life - some of us can deal with it some of us just take a little longer...to everyone out there we all deal with lifes lessons our own way - do it in your time - take your time - things will happen for a reason and they will happen when they are ready...take one day at a time..Love to all of you and to my friends who were there when I first found this website I do hope you are all well..Love you all ...take care xxxx Pauline

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