Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christine on May 22, 2009 at 1:34am

Einars,
I believe it was Marilyn holding you. It is something that we all are waiting and hoping for.. something from them that says that they are still with us. If you felt her arm on you, then it probably was. Hold on to that.. Although I am sure you will never forget it.

Love to all,
Christine

einars simons said:

Christine I am so sad for your sorrow There are j ust no words I have to express my feelings for your hurt we are all humans and what we are going through is just not right I spend all my time with Marilyn as you do with your love please as the only people that i can listen to as no one else cares or does not know give me some ideas what this is all about.I went to the cemetary tonight and not being that well I wanted to leave after 10 or so minutes so I was leaving and there was a tug on my body by Marilyns arm encased in her pyjamas which she wore for the last year of her life.Like it was so vivid .I talked to her some more but her arm was there all the time reaching for me sorry christine i did not mean this to go to you with what is happening to you today all my friends if you an idea what this is about please reply annalisa christine lisa barry pauline and sue all my love einars

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on May 22, 2009 at 2:21am

hi dear friends
i was not going to post so soon because i have been very down and would not like to make it worse for all of us.
christine..it was the 3 month mark for me last sunday and i went home and cried myself silly.......just keep wishing i were dead.
two days ago i met a friend who had lost her husband 11 years ago..he died at the young age of 38..i met to see how it affected her and to see if i was acting normally.
she could relate to me completely but said ..u will learn to live with the pain.
i suppose i half hoped she wud tell me...oh u will be ok...but if that were the case then love between mark and myself would not have been present the strong way it was i suppose...like us she was very bad after his death.
she had to carry on and she did..i did not feel any the better by talking to her but as i said before...i was hoping for a miracle i guess.

i feel wretched today......
mark...if tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, i'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again...

tmow 23rd may marks mark's admission to hospital...cannt believe a whole year has gone by :(

Permalink Reply by Pauline on May 22, 2009 at 3:42pm

My friends

The days seem to be coming and going as they should but like everyone else time just seems to have stood still for all of us...thank you so much everyone for your kind thoughts and feelings about our emotions what we are feeling how we are feeling..for some silly reason this week has been very emotional for me I dont know whether its because our wedding anniversary is coming up or just me on that rollercoaster again - songs that remind me of our wedding day have been coming on the radio, tele, out of the blue - and of course I just cry - and I think back to that special day I can describe it so clearly from what I was wearing before the wedding to the next 2 days after!! - yep here I go again 3 steps back .........why why why........ sorry feeling so emotional xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Permalink Reply by Lisa on May 22, 2009 at 4:22pm

Dearest Friends,
This last Wends marked the 6 month mark of my dearest Bruno's passing. I wish with all my heart and soul that I could tell you Christine and Annualise that it gets better but it does'nt at least not for me. I went to the cementary today and noticed for the first time that there is grass growing up on where my baby laid that was very hard for me to see. It does not seem real how can there be grass growing already he has not been gone that long.
Dearest Einars I think that was your wife telling you that she is with you and she sees what you are going thru and that she misses you to. I wish that I could have Bruno touch me that way and tell me in that way that he still loves me. I agree with Christine that Marilyn is holding onto you and letting you know that she has not forgotton you anymore then you have forgotton her.
I just wish that this journey would end I hate living. Its like putting one foot in front of the other is all to hard for me. I am so angry I am angry at God I am angry at Bruno and I am angry at all the people who still have their someone special I hate happy couples. So sorry to ramble. I hope we all find peace soon.

All my Love
Lisa

Permalink Reply by einars simons on May 22, 2009 at 5:04pm

thank you christine and lisa for your words of wisdom they did help me to see things more clearly now since that happened I dwell on nothing else I am sure lisa and christine bruno and annette will touch you too this didnt happen to me but a year and almost four months after my sweethearts passing today I am feeling more reassured although just as sad maybe this is"progress"thanks again all my love einars

Permalink Reply by sue on May 22, 2009 at 5:50pm

Lisa, I wrote a rather long return to you yesterday and for some reason it didn't appear?
I was happy to hear that you are getting help. I have and had some of the same feelings and I was truly concerned. I was concerned about myself at the time and why I got help. I just couldn't feel so much pain any more.
You can survive this and like someone said here, "you learn to deal with the pain". I still have pain but it is in the memory and sometimes so sad that we will not make anymore other than those things and people we shared.
Today, 5/22/09 is one year. It was odd. I was doing well until several people remembered also and honestly having to more or less encourage them, got me later. I dozed off and woke up about the time he had died a year ago and I started to feel panicky? I was apparently sub consiously remembering last year. I called my daughter and she was so sweet and sort of talked me through the pain and feelings. I was going to go to a foster care picnic tonight but I gave myself permission to be rude and not go even though it was rsvp. I have that need to be alone tonight with my puppies and my memories.
Lisa, hang in there and Christine and Einars and Annalise and Pauline, hope I didn't miss you. We will all survive this because we must. This is our journey and as painful as it is, I honestly don't believe God would allow this in our life if not for the knowledge that in some way it will cause us to grow. After this what could really kill us???? I thought losing my 38 year old sister was the worst but after this I realize it was the worst at the time. My knowledge of that gut wrenching pain and that it does stop hurting physically and time, (almost 30 years) does help to manage the pain and sadness helped in this situation probably.
I don't mean to preach but my strength and awareness of hope comes from my Lord. I so encourage you to find a loving church family. I am so blessed with mine. Get hooked up and get to know people. Ask God for help. I don't know of any other way to find the joy and peace that we all once felt in the life we shared with that person that loved us and we loved so much. I never want that blessings of my wonderful husband to stay so sad and hopeless, I want to remember it with joy at some point, I hope you can too. Fondly, Suep

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on May 22, 2009 at 5:57pm

Einars, I have imagined that I’ve heard Robert’s voice a couple times, calling my name from another room in Our house, and I recently felt that He was in the house a couple times. I believe that we all find the most comforting moments of our beloved to keep and cherish. Robert’s voice and knowing that He was here at home was always very comforting to me. Barry

einars simons said:

Christine I am so sad for your sorrow There are j ust no words I have to express my feelings for your hurt we are all humans and what we are going through is just not right I spend all my time with Marilyn as you do with your love please as the only people that i can listen to as no one else cares or does not know give me some ideas what this is all about.I went to the cemetary tonight and not being that well I wanted to leave after 10 or so minutes so I was leaving and there was a tug on my body by Marilyns arm encased in her pyjamas which she wore for the last year of her life.Like it was so vivid .I talked to her some more but her arm was there all the time reaching for me sorry christine i did not mean this to go to you with what is happening to you today all my friends if you an idea what this is about please reply annalisa christine lisa barry pauline and sue all my love einars

Permalink Reply by sue on May 22, 2009 at 6:01pm

Hi Barry, glad you are back, I was wondering how you were doing?
I am so sure I hear Tom playing the harmonica on the back deck at times. It was such a sweet sound and he loved to sit out there and play early in the morning and sometimes at evening. I also feel his presence here in this home we shared and I truly believe they come and go.
Fondly, suep

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on May 22, 2009 at 8:33pm

Hello Sue, I remember that 5/22/09 is the 1 year anniversary for your loss. I saw some of your other posts in another forum. I also wondered how you were doing this day but now I know. Barry

Permalink Reply by sue on May 23, 2009 at 6:10pm

Yes Barry, I survived the day and still remain in constant wonder that this is truly a real situation and not just a long bad dream.
Are you okay? Is it summer where you are? I think that has helped me. I love to garden and that was also something we shared. We used to fuss in the beginning over how to plant the garden. We had both been gardening for years and we of course both thought we were the best at it. It seems funny now that we fussed over such silly things. You know you always think you would not ever fuss with them again over anything, but we would, because we are still human and humans do silly things sometimes. We were both so stubborn. I think that is actually why we learned to get along so well because we "got each other".
I hope you have a good weekend. Do you still have any of your dogs? I got a new baby because I lost one of my older ones. She is so tiny and funny and has given me some fun entertainment. I look at her and think"Tom would have loved her so much and enjoyed her little independent personality. " She is an Imperial Shitzu, exactly 2 pounds at 10 weeks but so much fun to watch. She is very vocal. I have Maltese and this is my first Shitzu. I can only handle some breeds due to allergies but my pups have become even more important to me since I don't have Tom. Getting the new ones helps in case you might consider it. I also have 3 Maltese, 1 year old boy, 2 l/2 year old boy and 6 year old girl. I lost my 12 year old girl. My kids keep me company now. That is what we always called them. Fondly, Suep

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on May 23, 2009 at 10:20pm

Christine, thank you for the kind words you added to Robert’s Guest Book. Just like you, I count the 8th of every month for Robert and have kept on counting.

Sue, I noticed that you are quite active in several forums. I am glad you are doing well.

Barry

Permalink Reply by sue on May 24, 2009 at 4:07pm

Barry, Well like everyone else I suppose, "I have my days". I am rather active in life in general but I do come to the forum because it has given me so much help in understanding some of my own feelings. Thank you for your well wishes but to be honest I am not at home plate yet.
This past two years I have lost my Mom, husband, lost a sis back several years ago to murder in my opinion, but since he was an ex husband he basically walked taking one of the best women and leaving her 3 children motherless. So Barry, when I say I am a survivor, it isn't just words. I do have things in common because of the above with several of these forums. I haven't lost a child and I am ever so grateful for that but since my son, my baby (39) went through open heart surgery last week, I was concerned. Sometimes the journey of life is just a tough road to walk but I can still walk!!! Hope you are well. Fondly, suep

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