Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 7, 2009 at 2:17am

Hello All,
I check the posts every now and again but find it very hard to write anything. Not much has changed. Over the past several weeks I’ve been thinking of Robert continuously and with such intensity as if it just happened. I’m not sure why. It’s like my emotions have a mind of their own and decided to take over. I’ve been crying a lot, still, and missing Him like crazy. It’s 1:50 AM and here I am typing when I should be sleeping. We used to check out the fireworks on July 4th but I didn’t care to see anything. Yesterday, I was numb – I go from one extreme to the other. I woke up tonight (this morning) about an hour ago and my mind was racing so I couldn’t get back to sleep. I lay in bed with my eyes wide open, just thinking. On July 08 it will be 26 months since I lost Robert and on July 11 we would have been together for 24 years.
Christine, I cried when I read your post: “The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life was to tell her it was time for her to go.”
I remember telling Robert that it was okay to let go. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and I was holding on to Him when I said it. Sorry, I can’t type anymore.

Barry

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on July 8, 2009 at 10:42am

hi barry
i dont post much any more cos i feel i am a lost case.
am thinking of u today...i know it is poor consolation but please know that we know what u r going thru. I too released Mark when he was in all that pain and it was the most difficult thing i had to do in my life. People tell me..oh but he was in so much pain poor thing...at least he is out of his misery ...true true but somehow it never comforts me...I JUST WANT HIM BACK ...sorry everyone..am feeling so bitter and cheated...annalise xx

Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 8, 2009 at 11:28am

Annalise, Barry and friends,

I to understand that feeling. I have not been posting lately cause I feel even more guilty now then I have ever before. I am having more ok days then bad ones anymore. I am not "better" by any means like I have said before there is no better just able to tolerate the pain that we all feel. I guess you would say I am numb to it anymore. I still miss Bruno with all my heart and I still cry over him, but not as much as I use to.
I to had to tell this most beautiful person that it was ok for him to leave he was fighting so hard to stay here for me that you could see how much pain he was in. I let him go and did'nt even have the doctors try to bring him back. What kind of a monster does that to the person that they love the most in this world???? I to have heard the oh how great that love is when you can be unselfish like that and let that person go. I am not sure about that. I am a very selfish person I wanted him to fight so that I would'nt be in this pain. Did he not love me enough? Was I not good enough? What about my pain? I guess maybe everyone is right I loved him enough that none of that crossed my mind when I told him I love him and that we would be together for eternity. I still intend for that to happen. I know that he loved me he fought for me. Sorry I have went on and on. But now I can't see what I am typing for the tears are stinging my eyes.
Love and thoughts to you all

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 8, 2009 at 6:11pm

I am on my way to church so I will offer up my prayers for all of you tonight. I might get back on and post some feelings I'm having if I get home early enough.

Permalink Reply by Sherry huddleston on July 9, 2009 at 1:44pm

Hello its been almost two months now since I lost my boyfriend of five years..This has been the most diffuct thing I have yet had to deal with... One day I can be fine and than at the next moment I will cry uncontrollable... I miss and want him back so bad...Life has not been the same without Hiram.. There is not a day that goes on that I dnt wish he was still here.. He was a young man 30 to be exact... I just need words of encouragement to help me get through this...Thanks miserable in Milwaukee....

Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 9, 2009 at 2:17pm

Sherry,
Boy I think we all who have been here for a time would love to give you those words, but we have'nt found them ourself. I can tell you this it does not get "better" or "easier" the only thing is there will come a day that you don't cry as much as you do now. Then you will cry for not crying thinking that maybe you did'nt love him enough. I know cause I go through that now almost 8 months since I lost my bestfriend and soul mate to lung cancer. My Bruno was the best. I feel guilty when I have a "good" day and don't cry. At the same time I think this is what our "normal" has turned into. Our "normal" is not knowing when we wake up in the morning how our day is going to go or if it will be a good day or a bad day. We get use to it (He** of a thing to have to get use to) but we do. The words that I have for you are these. Don't let anyone stand in your way of your grief it is yours do it we are suppose to. Don't let anyone tell you that you have grieved long enough or not long enough. You NEVER stop grieving you just learn to cope with it. When people ask you how are you doing I learned the best thing to say to them is "I am as well as can be expected" I got really really good at saying that and I still do 7 1/2 months later. Girl we are all walking this journey with you and we will walk with you as long as you let us. We all are here to listen even if you just want to ramble we all do it.

My thoughts and prayers
I hope maybe this helps a tiny bit

Lisa

Permalink Reply by Sherry huddleston on July 9, 2009 at 3:30pm

Thank you so much that did indeed help a little.. Yes I will indeed get on here when i need to vent.. Thanks again Lisa....

Lisa said:

Sherry,
Boy I think we all who have been here for a time would love to give you those words, but we have'nt found them ourself. I can tell you this it does not get "better" or "easier" the only thing is there will come a day that you don't cry as much as you do now. Then you will cry for not crying thinking that maybe you did'nt love him enough. I know cause I go through that now almost 8 months since I lost my bestfriend and soul mate to lung cancer. My Bruno was the best. I feel guilty when I have a "good" day and don't cry. At the same time I think this is what our "normal" has turned into. Our "normal" is not knowing when we wake up in the morning how our day is going to go or if it will be a good day or a bad day. We get use to it (He** of a thing to have to get use to) but we do. The words that I have for you are these. Don't let anyone stand in your way of your grief it is yours do it we are suppose to. Don't let anyone tell you that you have grieved long enough or not long enough. You NEVER stop grieving you just learn to cope with it. When people ask you how are you doing I learned the best thing to say to them is "I am as well as can be expected" I got really really good at saying that and I still do 7 1/2 months later. Girl we are all walking this journey with you and we will walk with you as long as you let us. We all are here to listen even if you just want to ramble we all do it.

My thoughts and prayers
I hope maybe this helps a tiny bit

Lisa

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 9, 2009 at 5:30pm

Lisa, you are a lady of great wisdom and I really like the way you speak your mind. Robert spoke His mind and never changed, even after His stroke. He was an amazing individual and I Love Him Forever. I miss Him and Love Him more than life itself. Annalise, the way you feel is how I have been for over two years and I don't have anything positive either. Thank you both for your words. It's good to be able to express myself or just ramble and to even get a response because my siblings and Robert's family decided that they want to keep their distance by just not communicating with me. So, all I have is me. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've cried every single day since I lost Him and I still cry every day for Robert - I'm crying as I type right now, but I will do what I need to do as I always have. Thank you. Barry

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 9, 2009 at 9:43pm

The thing, Lisa, is you need to allow yourself the right to feel, no matter where you are at. Today at work, we had a young woman who sang for our residents (I work in a nursing home) and she started right off with a love song for her husband. Even running the sound, I couldn't help my eyes from tearing up. One of our nurses, who came out of her office to listen and was a friend of Kris' for many years, saw my tears and it caused her to lose it. I have always been a sensitive guy and now I feel like I have permission to be emotional. Sad that it takes losing a spouse to be allowed to be who you are.

Permalink Reply by Fred on July 10, 2009 at 5:30pm

I lost teh greatest thign that ever happened to me on march 24th,2009-My Wife of over 52 years. Not one day or one night passes without me crying. I often wodner it coudl not have been me instead of her. She was nto only my Wife but my best friend, my lover and all that goes with it. I met her in July 1956 and we were married on Nov 16th,1956 and each day we were married became happier and happier for us both. Am not sure how much longer I can last without her here with me. it is becoming more and more lonely with each passing day.Can anyone tell me hwo I might can overcome some of this loneliness? I go to bed cryign and wake up crying and tehn soemtiems durign teh day I think of what she meant to me and cry again. its Lonely!!!Very Lonely!!!!

Permalink Reply by Pauline on July 10, 2009 at 7:33pm

My dear Fred

Oh how I feel for you - how lucky you were to have each other for so long 52 years it must be so hard for you - its hard for all of us - unfortunately we all share the burden of loss, grief and such heartache.
It will be 6 months for me on the 27th of this month and even then I only had my darling for 16 years and it feels like youre only 1/2 a person now - you dont realise how much 2 people who love and live together shared so much on a daily basis until that day comes when theyre not there to talk to, hold hands, hold each other and even just to look at them for that little reassurance look!!
Unfortunately for 7 of those 16 years my husband was a very sick man - each day was a blessing having him .. he defied Drs every trip we made to A&E - but when the trips became more frequent we knew it wasnt going to be too long - but then again when it did happen no one expected it. We got to the stage where we lived his life to the fullest he could and he opened my eyes to the world and to life - there was so much I didnt know or hadnt seen and I will be always thankful to Graham for that - his illness even made me the strong person I am today - even tho its taken me this long to make the decision to move and to carry on - i know hes here watching over me and the decision felt right and I feel better in my health and being with my family again and even smiling..
Fred you will hurt for so long - no matter what anyone says or no matter what you do your heart will ache with loneliness and just want your love back even just for a day or even an hour - the day you lose your loved one is the day your whole world changes..cry, scream do what you have to do just let it out - come to this page and let it all out - it helped me coming here before I discovered this page I was beginning to become disillusioned with everything and everyone and just throwing myselft into work, family and just the last month it took its toll - but I handled it and did what i had to do - and that meant moving away from my husbands family and his hometown but it was meant to be...
Keep coming back ...my prayers and thoughts are with you xx
Pauline

Fred said:

I lost teh greatest thign that ever happened to me on march 24th,2009-My Wife of over 52 years. Not one day or one night passes without me crying. I often wodner it coudl not have been me instead of her. She was nto only my Wife but my best friend, my lover and all that goes with it. I met her in July 1956 and we were married on Nov 16th,1956 and each day we were married became happier and happier for us both. Am not sure how much longer I can last without her here with me. it is becoming more and more lonely with each passing day.Can anyone tell me hwo I might can overcome some of this loneliness? I go to bed cryign and wake up crying and tehn soemtiems durign teh day I think of what she meant to me and cry again. its Lonely!!!Very Lonely!!!!

Permalink Reply by Thasia on July 10, 2009 at 9:01pm

Hello,
I am lost.
I lost my husband on April 27th eventhough we have been together for 5 years and married for 2 I feel I have lost my everything. He was only 42 years old and was working out in the yard and wasn't feeling well so he came in and laid down, 10 minutes later he was dead.
I don't know what to do, most of the day I just go through the motions not really knowing or understanding what I'm doing. Just when I think I have a handle on my emotions, a smell, a sound, a memory brings back the tears that won't stop and it usually happens when I least expect it. Time is going by and I am standing still.

Sorry for the rambling.
Mary

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