Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on July 21, 2009 at 4:49am

hi barry....it's so so tough but u know that more than anyone else.
i have had to resort to anti-depressants..not something i wanted to do but i just could not take the intense pain any longer..i feel a bit number..i KNOW it is not the answer but i am only human......

Permalink Reply by Marlena on July 21, 2009 at 7:24am

Steve,
I'll be sending prayers and good thoughts your way today. It is so hard everyday to comprehend what we are all going through. Take care of yourself and take time to breath.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

(I don't know who wrote/said that, but it's very fitting.)

Marlena (and Tom) Always and Forever



Steve Cain said:

I need everyone's prayers and support tomorrow. It will be one month since Kris' passing and it's also my late day at work where I spend a lot of time by myself.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on July 21, 2009 at 7:51am

I did my first big thing by myself this past weekend... I made it through the whole weekend at the Syracuse Nationals car show. I took Tom's '72 Chevelle. Every year we take one of his cars...although, this year we were supposed to take both the Chevelle and his 1930 Model A, but the Model A is still sitting in the garage. He had rebuilt it from the frame up and was almost finished with it, but not quite enough to take it to the show. This was something we loved to do and he was always so proud to show off his work. I HAD to go to honor him. I had an "In Memory of Bunzy" decal made for the back window and I opened the hood and put a pic of him sitting in the Chevelle (blown up to an 11 x 17) under the hood with a rose so everyone could see him and know him. Most of the time I was able to hold it together pretty well. The hardest part was getting there first thing Friday morning, just being there was pretty emotional, but I got most of it out of my system early. Then the last day I ("we") was given an award...the Rep's Choice "Right One" award for committment and dedication to the cars even with everything that is going on. I tried really hard to hold it together while having to drive through to receive the plaque. I just want to honor him in everything I do and the cars were such a big part of our lives that I have to keep going for him.

Permalink Reply by Christine on July 21, 2009 at 3:50pm

Barry and annalise, thank you so much. Barry, I check robert's site frequently to see how you are doing. So far, today has been just another day. Had my son all morning and now getting ready to go to work from 4pm-2am. Even though she is in my thoughts constantly, I havent had time to really think about what today is. I'm sure it will hit me when I get home tonight. All my best to everyone.

Love,
Christine
BarryWHK said:

Christine, I know that tomorrow will be 5 months. I visited Annette’s website and saw the new profile image and the new pictures. Annalise, I know that it was 5 months last Friday.
I haven’t felt much like writing but I wanted to let you know that I do think about you. I have been pretty out of it lately - feeling like I’m slowly sinking deeper and deeper into a dark abyss, since the three anniversaries this month. I still shake my head because I can’t believe any of this is true. I miss Robert so much that my words could never express.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 21, 2009 at 7:48pm

To all my friends,
Sorry I haven't been writing much it was 8 months ago yesterday that I lost my beloved Bruno and I seem to be sinking deeper and deeper into the black hole that I call life. I try and put my best foot forward at work and around other people like family and friends but deep in my soul I don't want to go on living. Its like I don't have anyone that I can turn to anymore. Everyone seems to think that I am all better. I hope that maybe you all are doing better then I am. Each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 21, 2009 at 9:09pm

Annalise, there is no right or wrong way. No justification needed. I've learned many things in this life - We all do what we have/need to do.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 21, 2009 at 10:21pm

This is true. What you are is right for you. No one else's right is your right. Today is one month since I lost my Kris. I was OK until I heard Elvis sing "I miss you, I wish you were here". That got me. I talked to one of our nurse friends and one of our CNAs and I got past it. I was actually glad when our fire alarm went off tonight because it diverted me and made me focus. Now it's time to face the next minute, then the next...

Permalink Reply by Mary W on July 22, 2009 at 9:33am

On February 15, 2007 I lost my husband of 22 years to lung cancer. This September we would have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer on October 5, 2005. Needless to say it was one of the worst days of our lives. We also found out that the cancer was inoperable. The only thing we could do was chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor. Now almost 2 1/2 years later I have realized that this life of widowhood is always changing. In the beginning you find out who your real friends are and aren't. None of my husband's friends have called the house asking how I'm doing. Why would they? I am fortunate that I have siblings in town who keep an eye on us - my daughter and I. My daughter still has problems with her dad being gone. She was only 19 but had that father/daughter relationship. Since my husband's death I searched the web and found a widows/ers' website. It has widows from all over the world on there and I have found this to be very therapeutic. I did receive grief counseling before AND after my husband's death. But I believe if you haven't been through something like that you can't relate. My thought of going through life as a widow scares me. I hate it. But I've been told one day at a time. Since my husband's death I also endured a car accident that could have killed me if I hadn't been belted in. I couldn't see my daughter now losing me after 18 months of losing her dad. The bruises from the accident have somewhat healed. I believe an angel was watching out for me that night. However, almost one month to the day of the accident I was let go from my job. If I couldn't endure anything else now this. Now here I am nine months later still unemployed. Who would have guessed that not long after I was let go so were thousands of others. But again one day at a time. This past Spring I joined the ranks of volunteers of the American Cancer Society. I was asked to testify at the state capital in Madison, Wisconsin about getting the no smoking ban signed in Wisconsin. For some this is a controversial subject. To me as a former smoker this was a no-brainer. I was in Madison when the law was decided. In my heart I did this for my daughter and all other young people her age and all the others who work in an industry who do not want to be exposed to second-hand smoke. Now I hope to find a job to help me through my day to day life. I have come to view life as window shopping. If you grab the first thing that comes along you will regret it. But if you take your time you will be satisfied with your choice(s). I could go on and on but I won't.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on July 22, 2009 at 4:38pm

Mary,
I give you my sympathies. This road we are on seems like it is always going with no end in sight. Could I ask the name of the other site you found. I am always interested in meeting those who share our journey and see if I can learn how to work within the situation I am in.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 22, 2009 at 5:19pm

Annalise, thank you for adding the entry to Robert's Guest Book. It took me by surprise and when I saw the picture I got emotional, as usual. It was very kind of you. Barry
annalise samuel lapira said:

hi barry....it's so so tough but u know that more than anyone else.
i have had to resort to anti-depressants..not something i wanted to do but i just could not take the intense pain any longer..i feel a bit number..i KNOW it is not the answer but i am only human......

Permalink Reply by annalise samuel lapira on July 23, 2009 at 4:56am

hi everyone..i think this verse is so fitting...it deals more with losing a child but anyone who is ploughing through this tough road can interpret it accordingly.

THESE SHOES
I wear a pair of shoes
They are ugly shoes
Uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not their's
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt
No woman deserves to wear these shoes
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on July 23, 2009 at 8:25am

This is so fitting...thank you for sharing.

Marlena (and Tom) Always and Forever

annalise samuel lapira said:

hi everyone..i think this verse is so fitting...it deals more with losing a child but anyone who is ploughing through this tough road can interpret it accordingly.

THESE SHOES
I wear a pair of shoes
They are ugly shoes
Uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not their's
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt
No woman deserves to wear these shoes
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

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