Lisa, thanks for understanding. Your candor and wisdom is just what’s needed sometimes. It’s been a while since I’ve even checked this site. I feel like I’ve been in the middle of a tug-o-war for the past thirty or so months. My emotions and my disposition stay in a constant state of chaos and agony. I’ve been crying so much lately. I dreamt Robert three days in row, recently, and it’s been an extremely long time since I remember dreaming of Him. November 8th was 30 months and yes, it was very painful but it’s non-stop for me anyway. The 25th of December will be 3 years for my Mom. May 8th, 2010, will be 3 years for Robert and I don’t even know what to think at this time. The holiday season is the most painful because I was able to see the two most important persons in my life, Robert and my Mom, at the same time. These holidays were Robert’s favorite times of the year but I dread their approach. My family and Robert’s family don’t communicate with me any longer and it’s been over a year for both. I keep hoping that this miserable life will come to a close soon. I hate being here. It all just hurts so much all the time.
Hello everyone. My emotions keep me on that rollercoaster but I wanted to check in. Lisa, I know that today is the 1 year anniversary for Bruno. Christine, I know that tomorrow will be 9 months for Annette. I seldom, if ever, have words of comfort but I hope you realize that you can vent as much as you need. I wanted to let you both know that I think of you often. I send my best to all. Barry
On the morning of March 2, 2007, I lost my husband David to a heart arrhythmia, he was only 36 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. Prior to that I had lost my sister Lissette on 6-1-06 due to cervical cancer. So in 9 months time my bright beautiful world turned into night. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I've been to therapy etc, but its not as simple as talking about it and everything gets better. I don't cry every day but I cry on more days then some. When my sister died, i thought i was prepared for it, hey we knew she was dying the doctors told us it was a matter of time. But nevertheless it hurt when she died, it still hurts. Sometimes when i miss David, i pick up the phone to call her and knowing she is not there, tears me to pieces. I thought i had lost my head, but then David died... I still have trouble talking about it. I was NOT prepared for David dying. David death was unexpected, we did not even know he had this heart arrhythmia. He was only 36 years old, and our son was 3 yrs old at the time. All i can say is thank God for the baby, because if not, i don't know where i would be today. Granted, I am not that same person i was before. I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now i feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good nite for the last time. Who cares waht the house looks like now. My husband, my rock when my sister died, and to lose that rock, that person i thought i was going to grow old with just boggle my mind. I understand how you feel Barry. I agree with you, nothing makes sense. I try to explain to my son why i tell him that his daddy and aunty are ok in heaven, when i am a mess. He can not understand why the book i read to him written by maria shriver, "what is heaven" seems so beautiful & wonderful, yet i am so sad. All i tell him is that i miss his daddy & his aunty. And God knows i miss them so much. Barry, i know yesterday was tough, and i wish that i could say tomorrow is going to be better, but it might never be. After my sister passed away, David said to me that if something ever happened to him, he said it was ok for me to cry if i missed him but he wanted me to smile. If Robert was anything like David, i know he would want you to smile. I do that, i cry when i think of David but i also smile. Almost like when the sun is out but its raining. Smile, Robert is watching.... You can visit my site for david on legacy. Name is david o'connor, he was & will always be my sunshine... Tammy O'Connor
Hi everyone. Its been awhile since I have been on too but I do check in often. Lisa is right.. It doesnt get any better you just learn to deal with the pain. Its been a little over 8 months since I lost the love of my life.. and everyday is a constant range of emotions. I am still so angry.. at annette.. God.. everything.
My best to everyone