Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dignity Memorial NC on July 14, 2010 at 9:21am

It's hard to describe the grief and emotional stress that comes with losing a spouse. The most important thing you can do is to address your grief and deal with it as it comes. Once you start to deal with your feelings, you can truly start to heal. Our deepest condolences to any of you who may be going through this very difficult time right now.

Permalink Reply by tymmbrr on July 22, 2010 at 5:23pm

I am not coping.

My best friend and love of my life died last Tuesday.

The grief is unbearable. People tell me to remember the good times we had, but I cant. It hurts too much to think about it. I've gotten through most of the day trying not to think of anything that will make me remember how things were when he was living.

Right now, it feels like my heart is coming out of my chest.
I dont see how this will ever get better.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 23, 2010 at 8:01pm

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost The Love Of My Life on May 8th, 2007, and I don't feel much different from that fateful day. I have yet to smile at a photo. I don't have words of wisdom but please continue to express yourself in this forum because it may help. Barry

Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 23, 2010 at 8:25pm

It has been a very long time since I have been here I see so many new people that have went through what is the darkest time in anyones life that I can every think of. I lost my husband back in Nov. 2008 and I read what allot of you have posted and I can remember feeling the very way you all do right now. I will tell you that things do not get any better and that there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I will tell you that this month on the 20th was the first mth since he died that I did not think about it or cry. There is hope. Coming here helped me allot, I found friends that I could talk to. My family never got tired of hearing my story and neither did anyone here. Talk about how you feel over and over and over again. This is your time to mourn and don't let anyone take that from you. Write a letter and explain to people how you feel and what it is that you think you need them to do for you right now. I know what helped me the most was just talking and sharing. I can look now and remember the good times that Bruno and I had. I still cry when I go to his grave and it is by no means better, but I know that I am not alone and that helps. You are all in my prayers and I hope that you keep looking for that light cause even though it is small it is there. And that light is knowing that we will be with our loved ones again someday.

Permalink Reply by Liza Smith on July 24, 2010 at 12:35am

Reply to tymmbrr on coping:
It will get better. Slowly, with time you may begin to remember some of the good times you shared. Right now your feelings are too raw. Coming to this site helped me a lot. Just sharing what you're feeling with others helps to ease the pain and knowing others are going through the same thing strengthens your resolve to also endure.

Permalink Reply by Frieda Lumpkins on July 24, 2010 at 9:49am

I need someone to talk to about my feelings on the loss of my husband 1-1-2002

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Permalink Reply by LaJuana on July 24, 2010 at 7:36pm

I lost my fiance' on July 3, 2010. I am so lost. I have no feeling. My wedding suppose to be on July 31, 2010. My life will never be the same. I just dont know what to say. Everybody asking me what I want to do on that day. I really dont know what to do. I need help with this. I really dont want to face this day but i know I can't run from this. I'm just lost without him and dont know what to do.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 25, 2010 at 1:39pm

You said, ‘I am so lost. I have no feeling.’ - I can’t speak for everyone but it’s been over three years since I lost my Life-Partner of 22 years, Robert, and I still experience the feeling of being completely lost and not knowing what to do without him. This life isn’t the same without The Love Of My Life. I don’t have any words of wisdom. I have yet to find an answer to any of my questions.

Please don’t be afraid to express yourself in this forum where others, who feel the same, can provide some guidance and support. It's okay to say how angry you are, how sad you are; cry as much as you need;

Take care.

LaJuana said:

I lost my fiance' on July 3, 2010. I am so lost. I have no feeling. My wedding suppose to be on July 31, 2010. My life will never be the same. I just dont know what to say. Everybody asking me what I want to do on that day. I really dont know what to do. I need help with this. I really dont want to face this day but i know I can't run from this. I'm just lost without him and dont know what to do.

Permalink Reply by Sandralee on July 25, 2010 at 10:36pm

Hello Barry, like everyone else on this site I send my condolences for the loss of your loved one. I know how hard it is because, you see, I lost my husband on May 4th of this year from lung cancer. Our anniversary was on June 9th and his birthday was on July 9th. All of them were very tough to get through. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. There will be no Christmas this year because he will not be here to help celebrate it. I am equally sorry to hear about your mother. Joel's (my husband) mother passed away about a year before him and we losed his father just a year before her. Before their deaths my husband and I took care of them morning, noon and night. We did everything for them to keep them at home and out of a nursing home. It wasn't easy because we were extremely limited on what we could do and where we could go. Caretaking is a twenty-four job as I am sure you know but you do what you have to because of the love that you have for them. We were so busy taking care of his parents that we didn't see what was going on with him. His cancer began before his mother passed away. By the time he was formally diagnosed he was already in stage 3b. The next stage was the fourth and final one. It was too late. My husband asked that I not let anyone know about his condition and so I respected his wishes. He was a good and corageous man who did so much for so many in their time of need. It sounds like you are much like him. God bless you.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on July 26, 2010 at 6:55pm

Sandralee,
I am so very sorry for all of your losses.
Your words brought tears to my eyes as I remember so many things and still feel the way you do. I have never been one to cry, much less admit it but such things are so irrelevant anymore. I have not celebrated anything since I lost My Mom and Robert. I miss them both more than anyone could imagine. Robert was my entire world. We were going on Our 22nd year anniversary and July 11th, 2010, would have been 25 years (I always wanted at least a quarter of a century with Robert). It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or believes. There is no time limit on Love. There is no time limit on grief. You are also a strong and courageous person. Sorry, but I have no words of wisdom - nor do I ever expect to. Take care. Barry

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on July 26, 2010 at 11:46pm

I am so sorry for all your losses.As you know, we all care ,understand and share our grief here on this site. I have lost my wife of 44 years suddenly 15 months ago,my step-dad for 59 years 7 months ago and a great grandson 2 weeks ago who only lived less than 24 hours.He had time for one or two dreams. Will our pain ever ease up? Will we ever be able to function again? I know I cant. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Kelly Rasch on July 30, 2010 at 10:41am

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

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