Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christine on July 30, 2010 at 3:23pm

Hi Kelly, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My partner, annette passed away February 21, 2009 from cirrhosis. We were together almost 5 years and like you, It wasnt nearly enough time together. Not a moment of the day goes by that I am not talking to her in my head or thinking about her. I miss her more than words can say and all of us here knows what you are feeling and going through. I wish you the best.

Christine

Permalink Reply by Carol on August 2, 2010 at 3:40pm

Kelly Rasch said:

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

Permalink Reply by Carol on August 2, 2010 at 3:52pm

Kelly,

I lost my fiance on 3/25/10 he was a victim of a senseless act of violence. We had been together almost 10 yr. It is all still so new for me and the pain I feel everyday is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. I keep getting told it will get better in time, but as I read everyones comments I really don;t believe it will. I have good support from his family and mine, but the pain and heartache I feel is overpowering. I try very hard to concentrate on all the good times we shared over the years, sometimes it makes it easier to cope. I wish you the best all you can do is take one day at a time, with baby steps. Carol said:

Kelly Rasch said:

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Medley Therrell on August 14, 2010 at 1:07pm

I lost my husband to lung cancer February 28, 2010. It has been the time ever of my life. The pain, loneliness is almost unbearable sometimes. Family members seem to shy away from you and forget you. I get more support from the Widows, Widowers Support Group I attend once a week then from family. It's like they have forgotten you. Sometimes I wish I was with my husband it hurts so much, like no one cares but God and me. We just had our 19th anniversary Aug 2 and that was painful to go thru. It's like a roller coaster. Some days are good and some are bad. The weekends are the worse. I pray everday to God to help me get thru this terrible time and lost in my life.

Permalink Reply by Angela Timlin on August 21, 2010 at 5:10pm

Hello Nancy and everyone out there

I lost my beloved husband to lung cancer on the 5th May 2010. We had been married for 38 years and I'm finding it so difficult to continue without him. The hurt and pain is almost physical. I have 2 children (grown up and married now) who are absolutely wonderful but no-one can take his place or help the loneliness I feel. I can be in a crowded, happy place and feel so lonely. I have a lovely home that we both worked so hard for and no serious money problems but I would give it all up tomorrow and live in poverty if only I could have him back, even if only for a minute, just to tell him how much I loved him and long to be with him. I have joined a bereavement support group at the local hospice and find that meeting other people in the same position does help. I don't feel so isolated when I'm with them. I'm living each day by day and pray that I can find peace in the knowledge that one day we will be together again.



Nancy Medley Therrell said:

I lost my husband to lung cancer February 28, 2010. It has been the time ever of my life. The pain, loneliness is almost unbearable sometimes. Family members seem to shy away from you and forget you. I get more support from the Widows, Widowers Support Group I attend once a week then from family. It's like they have forgotten you. Sometimes I wish I was with my husband it hurts so much, like no one cares but God and me. We just had our 19th anniversary Aug 2 and that was painful to go thru. It's like a roller coaster. Some days are good and some are bad. The weekends are the worse. I pray everday to God to help me get thru this terrible time and lost in my life.

Permalink Reply by Patti Baker on August 21, 2010 at 7:14pm

Kelly, I lost my husband of 55 years May 5,2009 - he was my everything, I am a real estate broker and he helped me so much - how I miss him. I have stayed in our home and have just put it on the market, I am buying a townhouse - no upkeep they do it all ---The first year I was numb and so very sad. The second year is worse sometimes - I still think this has to be a bad dream....I try to keep busy with work and social engagements. I did not join the country club this year, I just can not go there without him. My friend's husband is in a nursing home so she and I go out to dinner on Saturday night, then I come home to an empty house -- thank
God for my little Yorkie -- he is such comfort. My best advise---do not make any life changing decisions for a year, try to keep busy--talk to your husband--he hears you--look for a sign from him -- I have seen many...pray to God and stay focused if you can. God Bless you --it takes time to heal and life will never be the same -- it is going to be what you make it.....

Carol said:

Kelly,

I lost my fiance on 3/25/10 he was a victim of a senseless act of violence. We had been together almost 10 yr. It is all still so new for me and the pain I feel everyday is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. I keep getting told it will get better in time, but as I read everyones comments I really don;t believe it will. I have good support from his family and mine, but the pain and heartache I feel is overpowering. I try very hard to concentrate on all the good times we shared over the years, sometimes it makes it easier to cope. I wish you the best all you can do is take one day at a time, with baby steps. Carol said:

Kelly Rasch said:

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

Permalink Reply by Patti Baker on August 21, 2010 at 7:14pm

Kelly, I lost my husband of 55 years May 5,2009 - he was my everything, I am a real estate broker and he helped me so much - how I miss him. I have stayed in our home and have just put it on the market, I am buying a townhouse - no upkeep they do it all ---The first year I was numb and so very sad. The second year is worse sometimes - I still think this has to be a bad dream....I try to keep busy with work and social engagements. I did not join the country club this year, I just can not go there without him. My friend's husband is in a nursing home so she and I go out to dinner on Saturday night, then I come home to an empty house -- thank
God for my little Yorkie -- he is such comfort. My best advise---do not make any life changing decisions for a year, try to keep busy--talk to your husband--he hears you--look for a sign from him -- I have seen many...pray to God and stay focused if you can. God Bless you --it takes time to heal and life will never be the same -- it is going to be what you make it.....

Carol said:

Kelly,

I lost my fiance on 3/25/10 he was a victim of a senseless act of violence. We had been together almost 10 yr. It is all still so new for me and the pain I feel everyday is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. I keep getting told it will get better in time, but as I read everyones comments I really don;t believe it will. I have good support from his family and mine, but the pain and heartache I feel is overpowering. I try very hard to concentrate on all the good times we shared over the years, sometimes it makes it easier to cope. I wish you the best all you can do is take one day at a time, with baby steps. Carol said:

Kelly Rasch said:

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

Permalink Reply by Arlene on August 24, 2010 at 10:45am

Hi Kelly
I just read your discussion from July.....
I know how hard things are for you.
My husband died suddenly of a cerebral hemmorhage on
June 2, 2010. No warning. Nothing.
I had to make the decision to take him off too, because
his brain (even after surgery) kept swelling more & more...
He didnt even last 1/2 hour.
I am glad that I was there alone with him.....we had that time
together. (7 children/stepchildren)
I also go to a therapist.....not sure if its helping.
Just wanted you to know you certainly are not alone !
Hugs (((())))

Kelly Rasch said:

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

Permalink Reply by Arlene on August 24, 2010 at 10:45am

Hi Kelly
I just read your discussion from July.....
I know how hard things are for you.
My husband died suddenly of a cerebral hemmorhage on
June 2, 2010. No warning. Nothing.
I had to make the decision to take him off too, because
his brain (even after surgery) kept swelling more & more...
He didnt even last 1/2 hour.
I am glad that I was there alone with him.....we had that time
together. (7 children/stepchildren)
I also go to a therapist.....not sure if its helping.
Just wanted you to know you certainly are not alone !
Hugs (((())))

Kelly Rasch said:

Hi, I am in search of other who have lost a spouse or life partner. My husband of 6 yrs passed away on May 24th 2010 from Cancer. We found out that he had cancer on the day of my Mother's visitation on the 3rd of May. My husband had been see our Dr. for hip pain, when they discovered an abdominal aortic aneurysm (sp) which lead to him being refered to a Cardiologist in March of this year. When they did a ct scan they found a mass in his chest, he was told 50/50 chance it was cancer. At this time I was taking care of my mom who was dying for Melanoma that had spread to her bone and brain. He had a PET scan that showed the cancer had spread to the bone. They did a biosopy on May 17th on his hip. On May 20th we had out first Oncology appointment and the prognosis was not good with Chemo 12-18 months with out 2 weeks to 2 months. He said he wanted to fight it, we set up the chemo appointment for the next week. Along with an MRI to see if the cancer was in the brain. They did a blood draw to make wanting to make sure he was stable enough to do the chemo. Shortly after we left the Dr.'s office she called I answered his phone all I remember is her saying something about sodium levels being low, risk of seizure. I was on information overload at this time. I finally asked her if she wanted me to get him to a hospital. She said yes so I called my stepson again and to drive us back to the hospital. We get to the ER they take him back to get things started oxygen, IV fluids ect. While we are waiting for a room they gave him some morphine to help with the pain his sons and their wives and a good friend are all there with us waiting. They gave him a shot of adavan to becasue they thought he was having DT's from drinking his blood pressure plummetted they said this happens so instead of a regular room they were moving him to the ICU unit to observe him over night. I finally got home at about 2am couldn't sleep very well at all that night because of the empty house. When I finally got up the next morning trying to get ready to function I was making calls to work to let them know I would not be in, sent a text to my step son Chris to see when he was going to the hospital he replied they schedule an MRI for 9 am. Chris called me to see when I was going to get there and told me to hurry up. I finally got out of the house about 7:30 to go to the hospital. Chris called me on my way to say he was getting worse did we want them to do CPR if he coded I said no because he had leison on the sternum. Brian was declining fast having trouble breathing. We made the decision to put him on a ventilator to ease his breathing. He had a cathedor in which he pulled out. They put a different one in he was on the vent and sedated we stayed at the hospital for most of the day. That evening when I left he look better and seemed to be doing well we had agreed to wait until Monday to see if there was any improvement Saturday he was still the same. His family came to see him I went back and back several times over the next two days, Sunday night after we left about 10pm he went into atrial fiberlation his sons and I discussed what to do and I had to make to decision to take out the vent, and let nature take it course. He passed away with me holding his hand at about 5pm May 24th. The next week is a complete blur with my sisters, Dad, family and friends here to support me I made it through the week. I was paralized emotionally and really do not remember much in the weeks that followed. I am just now starting to come out of the haze the days are long and the nights longer at the moment becasue I am not working this summer. I went to visit my dad for a few weeks. He is mourning the loss of my mother who passed early on the the 30th of April 2010 with my sisters, other family at her side at home. I am doing okay I have start counseling to get through this time. I miss them both more than words can express. I never know when the tears are going to come, but I know I need to let this all out. I will always love him and feel cheated because we only had 8 yrs together almost 6 yr married our wedding anniversary was June 12th. Sometime I do not know how to move on but my faith, family and friends keep me going.

Permalink Reply by Deb on September 12, 2010 at 10:34pm

Hi Paulette,
I have just read your post and your situation is a lot like mine in many ways. It has now been almost 15 months since I lost my love! He, too, will always be my hero! He, too, went through 12 months of chemotherapy and complained very little. He lost his battle with cancer on June 20, 2009. My ex-husband passed away on May 27, 2009, and my birthday was June 11 . . .a lot to go through within a month's time!! I, too, was sitting at his bedside holding his hand when he took his last breath. Even though it has been over a year, life is still so hard without him--we did everything together!! I find myself staying at home most all the time, have trouble sleeping, and feel so lost without him!! Please know that I know and have experienced your feelings. I don't like trying to get used to this new "normal" in my life . . I go to the cemetery almost every day. Just as you said - God, how I miss him!! All of us on this site know exactly how you feel. I will keep you in my prayers, as well as everyone who is going through any stage of grief. I am here any time you need an ear or a shoulder!! Hugs to you. Keep in touch. May God bless and keep us all in His loving care.
Debbie

Paulette said:

It has been 6 months since I lost the love of my life of 42 years. He will always be my hero, he went through 15 months of chemotheraphy and radiation never uttered a bad word through all of this. He lost his battle with cancer December 28th 2009, one day after my birthday, and on our grandson's 2nd birthday. I will never forget holding his hand as he took his dying last breath. It was a peaceful death, for that much I am grateful. I am having a hard time dealing with life without him, we were inseaparable. God how I miss him.

Permalink Reply by Deb on September 13, 2010 at 9:28pm

Randolph,
I have been away for a few weeks until last night. I have just read your post of 7/26/2010 regarding the passing of your great-grandson -- I am so very sorry for your loss!!! Sometimes it does seem that our pain will never ease . . and in your case, you have certainly been given more than your share. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected. Thank you for the updates on Virginia...I hope she is doing much better!! You and all our friends here are always in my prayers. May God bless, hold, and keep us in His loving care. Yes, hugs to all . . hugs are good!! Take care of yourself. Sincerely,
Deb

Randolph L. Schrader said:

I am so sorry for all your losses.As you know, we all care ,understand and share our grief here on this site. I have lost my wife of 44 years suddenly 15 months ago,my step-dad for 59 years 7 months ago and a great grandson 2 weeks ago who only lived less than 24 hours.He had time for one or two dreams. Will our pain ever ease up? Will we ever be able to function again? I know I cant. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Patty DeRusha on September 14, 2010 at 3:22pm

Deb said:

Randolph,
I have been away for a few weeks until last night. I have just read your post of 7/26/2010 regarding the passing of your great-grandson -- I am so very sorry for your loss!!! Sometimes it does seem that our pain will never ease . . and in your case, you have certainly been given more than your share. I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected. Thank you for the updates on Virginia...I hope she is doing much better!! You and all our friends here are always in my prayers. May God bless, hold, and keep us in His loving care. Yes, hugs to all . . hugs are good!! Take care of yourself. Sincerely,
Deb

Randolph L. Schrader said:

I am so sorry for all your losses.As you know, we all care ,understand and share our grief here on this site. I have lost my wife of 44 years suddenly 15 months ago,my step-dad for 59 years 7 months ago and a great grandson 2 weeks ago who only lived less than 24 hours.He had time for one or two dreams. Will our pain ever ease up? Will we ever be able to function again? I know I cant. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.

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