Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of someone close to you.

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Dear Diamond ,  Thank you .  If only many that will not read this could see that you offered rather then to bestow one faith upon one that is in such sorrow .  Faith has always been the guiding light to this journey in life .  Though as you know many have different ways and views which is how I believe it was to be though as I have had been bestowed since my Sister passed the views of one that has wanted to tell me almost daily of my worth or lack there of has hit directly into all the guilt that I ever had .  In the silence I search for the faith I once knew the once that I and my Sister used to live with one of love and hope yet at this time it seems to have swayed or I may be keeping it at bay for I may now do feel that I am even worthy .    Struggling to find my path again deep with in what I knew before .  I pray and ask if not for me that for all that come to share that peace and comfort be theirs .   Vulnerability seems to be written on my forehead now for others to walk as to speak their truth rather to like you to be asked to be invited in .     A blessing in itself you have given .    Take care

 

Diamond said:

Hello River of Tears,

Thank you so much for letting me know that you understand some of the pain that I have experienced  over the years    Yes, my faith is a strong part of my life.  I know, without my faith and strong belief in God - for me - I would have never made it through in understanding the cycle of life and what we have to look forward to as promised by God. 

I do acknowledge that everyone have their different belief system and that I respect - but I am always willing to share my belief if asked.   So take care and I am willing to exchange any additional belief if need be...do take care..



River of Tears said:

Dear Diamond , Thank you for you response and kind words that you share not only with me but as I have read with all .  Your faith is so evident yet the sorrow of what you have had in your life is also .   What is  very striking to me is that we are all here because of the passing of someone that was very close to use . But more then that it is because of the love  love we have for them.  If only the power and  and strength of love that reaches out to so many would be what this world only knew and then so much of the  unnecessary pain would not exist .  Life seems to hold this secret, one that can not be warded off which is the depth of  pain like no other  of loosing someone we loved so much .   Yet also from afar you may be surprised when feeling all alone that someone understands .    To all of you take care .  

 

Diamond said:

River of Tears,

As you stated - Love is the greatest gift we can give each other.  The pain associated with loosing a love one is profound - to say the least.   Death is so hard for all of us to handle emotionally.   While we are alive we need to learn to love and to love unconditionally as we never know when the day will come when we can not just reach out and touch that very person who is so Dear to us. 
We all should continue to practice the greatest commandment - that is to "love each other" - and we will truly have a rich and fulfilling life - and your relationship with those that you love - I can tell is full of love.  You take care......and cherish the thoughts of those that you love and have moved on...they are resting in peace.


River of Tears said:

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel.  Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on .  Having to face now the reality that she is not here .  A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be.   Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with .  Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing.   She was my family ..   Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel .    Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love  . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives .  Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it .  Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know  that is intellectual . I am speaking of  what happens to ones heart and soul .   The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand  , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again .        T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .  

 


Well i agree with you Trevor and Sandy....Grieving is not an overnight process. “It’s not as though you just ‘get over it...Giving way to grief has the effect of releasing emotional tensions, but emotions cannot be allowed uncontrolled expression without producing emotional imbalance. So it is wise to control expressions of grief.


        Christians do not give in to excessive mourning and do not fear the dead. Nor do they think that the deceased need help from the living. Rather, Christians have a hope that the dead will be restored to life, for the apostle Paul stated: “We do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” (1 Thess. 4:13) Hence, Christian sorrow is tempered and balanced by hope


 

Sandy said:

Hi my name is Trevor, Sandy's husband...

Grief can affect us in various ways, but for many the overriding feeling is one of intense emotional pain.

Many bereaved ones have found that talking can be a helpful release. Notice, for example, the words of the Bible character Job, who suffered the loss of all ten of his children and endured other tragedies. He said: "My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!" (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Notice that Job needed to "give vent" to his concerns. How would he do so? "I will speak," he explained.


Writing can also be a helpful release. Some who find it difficult to talk about their feelings may find it easier to express themselves in writing. Following the death of Saul and Jonathan, the faithful man David wrote a deeply mournful song in which he poured out his sorrow. This emotional dirge eventually became part of the Bible book of Second Samuel.—2 Samuel 1:17-27.

Crying may also serve as an emotional release. "For everything there is an appointed time, even . . . a time to weep," says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) To be sure, the death of someone we love is "a time to weep." Tears of grief are nothing to be embarrassed about. The Bible contains many examples of faithful men and women who openly expressed their grief by weeping. (Genesis 23:2; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12) Jesus Christ "gave way to tears" when he neared the tomb of his dear friend Lazarus, who had recently died.—John 11:33, 35
.
Working through grief takes patience, for you may feel that you are on an emotional roller coaster. Remember that you do not have to be ashamed of your tears. Many faithful individuals have found that shedding tears of grief is a normal and necessary part of the healing process.
Draw Close to God.

The Bible tells us: "Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you." (James 4:8) One of the principal ways to draw close to God is through prayer.
On January 19th of this year I lost my big sister.  She was 38.  She was a beautiful person and loved everything about life.  I miss her so very much.  I can't seem to accept it and am drinking a lot more.  I can't seem to sleep at night.  I can't seem to do anything I used to do.  Does this get any better.

Dear Laura ,   Many thoughts of you , hope you are ok . I am so sorry for the loss of your Sister .  Please take care in anyway you can though this is coming from someone who is up after hours of not sleeping and who really does not eat much anymore so I guess it is so easy to say rather then to be done . Not to say that I still care about what you may be going through .  As I am trying to figure out what life now will be if anything with out my Sister who also passed away she too was my older Sister just two years older then I . I feel I have surpassed both our ages with in these last few month , this pain is greater then I at times , which brought me to Legacy .  As many may not have others around them or if they do many times it is not as easy to share about what they are feeling as it is here .  So please if to return or just to read to let you know there is comfort to be found surprising to me in a heart that was shattered in to pieces that I thought I could feel no more . Yet through the comforting words , and the sorrow read some how my heart was still able to find solace and care about all that come to share . 

 

Please take care

Blessings and comfort to all

 

 

 

 

 



Laura Weatherholt said:

On January 19th of this year I lost my big sister.  She was 38.  She was a beautiful person and loved everything about life.  I miss her so very much.  I can't seem to accept it and am drinking a lot more.  I can't seem to sleep at night.  I can't seem to do anything I used to do.  Does this get any better.

            Losing someone you love is perhaps one of the most emotionally grueling experiences an adult can go through in their lifetime. The deafening emptiness of your home without your partner, the realization of dependency on your spouse, and the loss of everything that you once shared with – companionship, a friend, a person to turn to for advice -  these are hard pills to swallow. For women, especially mothers, this is an unbelievably difficult change in their lives. Being suddenly left to raise the children alone and having to be the sole breadwinner for her now incomplete family is a hurdle many cannot fathom.

However, as you grieve, realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to “Life is What You Make It – seven steps to moving forward”, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like so in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:

  1. Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.

 

  1. Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.

 

  1. Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.

 

  1. Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.

 

  1. Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life, but a mere beginning.

 

Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.



Jessica said:
My grandfather died a year and a half ago, and I still miss him terribly. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that he didn't get to meet my daughter, or that she'll never get the chance to know him. But I know he's watching over us, enjoying his great-granddaughter from afar - and that makes me smile.

Dear Carl Mathis ,  How beautifully said in what you have shared that will reach out to us all .  In a pain that we all may have found very little beauty light or joy since our loved one has passed a way. It is just in those steps and maybe others that may bring this pain to what and where it really comes from .  That gift all were give of time and love to spend with our loved whether it be short in days or many in years . Or now even through the eyes and memories that Jessica as I and many other will be able to do ,sharing what you know of your loved one to let them know who they are and who they mean to you . For then this I know and have seen that becomes apart of someones life .  Especially children.  Or may it even be that the memories of a Sister or Brother or Father or Mother it is something we were left with to share to let others know truly who they were.   It is in that love that we may find this strength through the horrible devastating pain , one that has taken me to my knees wondering why God needed to have My Mother ,Father and now my Sister all at the same time.  It maybe that all of Gods Angels do return one day .  To leave us with the gift they gave us of  LOVE .      Thank you Carl .

 

Jennifer, I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have had in the loss of your grandfather and wishing your daughter had the fortunate of meeting and spending time with him . Though I too had so hope too , as above I learned they start seeing our loved ones in our eyes , in our heart, in our words , just in what we share with them , and how we to live our lives .   Maybe your Grandfather , Gods Angel is seeing not only her , but the love he left with you and all the love you have for him .

  

Please take care ..Blessing to all

 

 

 

Carl Mathis said:


            Losing someone you love is perhaps one of the most emotionally grueling experiences an adult can go through in their lifetime. The deafening emptiness of your home without your partner, the realization of dependency on your spouse, and the loss of everything that you once shared with – companionship, a friend, a person to turn to for advice -  these are hard pills to swallow. For women, especially mothers, this is an unbelievably difficult change in their lives. Being suddenly left to raise the children alone and having to be the sole breadwinner for her now incomplete family is a hurdle many cannot fathom.

However, as you grieve, realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to “Life is What You Make It – seven steps to moving forward”, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like so in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:

  1. Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.

 

  1. Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.

 

  1. Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.

 

  1. Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.

 

  1. Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life, but a mere beginning.

 

Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.



Jessica said:
My grandfather died a year and a half ago, and I still miss him terribly. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that he didn't get to meet my daughter, or that she'll never get the chance to know him. But I know he's watching over us, enjoying his great-granddaughter from afar - and that makes me smile.

Lately it seems to be so difficult not to say all have not been yet on most lately I have been able to put on this image that all is ok .  Yet if only all knew what really was going on deep inside .

To say my Sister was someone "who was close to me " to some that may me only proximity , for me it would not matter where or what we were doing in life we somehow we connected .  She 2 years older , passing far younger then one would think or hope one would have in life .  Years of great struggle with medical challenges . yet long before a young woman who graduated from college with great honors with hopes to be a doctor someday only to fulfill that longing she always had inside of her since she was young to be there for others .  This never came to be , at least her becoming a physician .  She though on each day of her life even with all she faced she still thought of what she could do for someone else before herself , always wanting  to do more .   Searching herself for the cure of what medicine yet has been able to find so that she could live at least a day more. 

 

I was the fortunate one, to live my life as a child younger looking up to her following her around even mimicking how she would move or say things so to be at least a bit like her  ( she had grace and I the tom boy . )    She taught me so much even not saying a word , just in this wisdom she seemed to bring as young as she was to be able to see more in life then most could ever  explain or give reason to .  Patience was something she had at least for me for at times .  I guess at times I stepped beyond where I should have out of my impatience of how and all the whys of nothing was being done for her .  Yet for her she just knew that this is how the world was and took each day and made it the best she could .  

 

She brought such joy and laughter , joking at times which would surprise even me for she had this quiet disposition , that would comfort all in a room yet when she would say something of a quip like me wearing my sweater inside out .   She would state I see this is the new fashion statement "      Which still to this day brings a smile to my heart followed with great sorrow and tear that could fill this room .   I now check to make sure all my clothes are not inside out for I would not have one like her to bring such joy to the room for me , at least that moment she gave to me is a forever memory .  Isn't really silly ??

 

I don't know why I have been sadder then before , maybe because I have started to really realize through those I hope and want to be with now there will never be another Sister or a Friend like her .

 

I am tired I guess of trying to pretend for those around me that all is ok .  From the first day they told me that " I was so sensitive "  or  "It was not all the bad"  . Which seemed to be that magic switch that clicked on that smile and laughter for them the needed .

 

Yet now my heart tells me differently that it is ..  The pain seems is still there even as much as they do not want to see it .   Yet it is really early in the morning so I have time to get myself up and going so that they will never know , this pain deep inside of me I fear will never go .

 

Love for another can not just be solved by others wants or needs . Yet isn't it interesting how even now we still want to take care of all around us .   I wonder some days though do they really ever care about not me, but my Sister not being here anymore .  Yet how would they feel the same for they were not blessed as I was to have a Sister and a Friend like her .     I miss more then these words could ever say or my heart will ever be able to express , even a room full of tears will not tell you how " truly close we were to each other .    I just wish I had her to hug once more to tell her I love her and hug her and tell her  thank you for being who she was  .. for she did not have to be anything else but who she was born to be .   Not what others often expect or rather see .

 

Always and forever love for her in my heart

 

 

To all take care .  Blessing .      

 

 

On Feb 12 2011 I lost my dad. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Three years ago I lost my brother to brain cancer in Feb to. He was only 38 and my dad was 68. Febuary now is a month I do not like anymore. The days are very long and the pain is getting worse everyday. My dad died of a staff infection he caught from the hospital. We thought he was coming home to us on a thursday and ended up dying that saturday. Its been a long and painful trauma to go through. I only hope that I can find the strength to get through this. My mom moved in with me and my family and I have to see her pain to. When does it get easier????

Dear Steanie Abdo , 

 

 Today is what you have . Try if you can not to test your heart by giving a time limit .   As it is you just recencltly are facing both the loss of your father and brother a very difficult and pain time for both you and your mother .     No one gives us a manuel to this though some think they have it as it seems too for me those around me are ones I do not like anymore or may never have and they just want to impose themselves a bit more even now .     This time needs to be for you and your mother. 

Coming to Legacy was how I found some light that I need to walk through the darkest pain and days I have ever known in the loss of my mother ,father and sister .  All who we such a great part of my life and my heart . 

The one thing did find that in each day what can not be taken away anymore is all that love we have inside for the ones we love and were blessed to have in life .  This is what I know other then that what I see is the love and generousity of heart of others here at Legacy even their pain they open their arms as though to say or today it is ok .    This is how I make it to  tomorrow .  So to hold on even more to all the forever memories I have been given buy the 3 most important people in my life.  The ones that brought joy to each day just by the thought of them . 

 

I wish you and your mother all the best as thoughts and prayers go out to all you .

 

You have been that light on needs to get to the next day in such a dark and sad time .

 

 

Thank you your words are kind. I guess I am holding on the the anger part of losing my father bc it didnt have to be that way. It hurts to think someone is coming home and two days later he passes away. The hospital didnt even know he had a staff infection until it was to late. We saw he wasnt as well as he should of been but didnt know that had that infection. He just went in for back surgery so we thought the healing process was just taking a little longer. So thats why this is even harder. You can never prepare for a loss, but if he was sick with some kind of cancer or disease then I would of tried to prepare for something you know. I also am sorry for all of your losses thats such a heartache to fo through. I realize more then ever that time is precious and am using every minute of my time to hold the ones I love.

God bless

 

You are in my prayers. Sometimes we have to suffer loss to realize we aren't giving enough to others during our lives as there was so much more we could do for others who have suffered losso of any kind. Lost my dad also andnow my mom is dying.

Taking care of her though. Dad made me realize how presious timeis on earth and not to waste it being selfish, greedy, mean and always reach out to others. I believe it is from prayer of Jabez in the Bible. It is almost as though we begin a new life when a loved one passes. God Bless.  What bothers me is people who ignore a loved one until they are dying and then it is "Daddy, daddy; I loveyou. That makes me mad.
Stefanie Abdo said:

Thank you your words are kind. I guess I am holding on the the anger part of losing my father bc it didnt have to be that way. It hurts to think someone is coming home and two days later he passes away. The hospital didnt even know he had a staff infection until it was to late. We saw he wasnt as well as he should of been but didnt know that had that infection. He just went in for back surgery so we thought the healing process was just taking a little longer. So thats why this is even harder. You can never prepare for a loss, but if he was sick with some kind of cancer or disease then I would of tried to prepare for something you know. I also am sorry for all of your losses thats such a heartache to fo through. I realize more then ever that time is precious and am using every minute of my time to hold the ones I love.

God bless

 

Thank You for your response. My family and I are all very close. My brother died 3 yrs ago from brain cancer at 38 and now my dad at 68. When my brother died that was hard, and still is very hard. But losing my dad is so heartbreaking to me. I loved him dearly and we were always around each other. I am very sorry about your mom being sick. My mom has moved in with me and shes my rock. She is 80 and I dont want anything to happen to her. Thats going to be another experience, but the hardest. I just try keeping my faith and ask for stregth for God to get me through day to day. I have my husband and my 4 children and now my mom with me so I stay busy and it helps.

God Bless you and your family...

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