Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jessica on May 2, 2008 at 12:51pm

My grandfather died a year and a half ago, and I still miss him terribly. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that he didn't get to meet my daughter, or that she'll never get the chance to know him. But I know he's watching over us, enjoying his great-granddaughter from afar - and that makes me smile.

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 16, 2008 at 7:16am

I do understand what you mean...My brother died and i always think about him all the time...But i know that soon through our hope we have..We have a chance of seeing our loved ones soon.....So i always keep my hope alive in knowing that i will see my brother soon.......

Permalink Reply by Steve Reed on May 2, 2008 at 3:48pm

I lost all four of my grandparents when I was an adult, and in each case I did not cry until I was speaking during the memorial service. Something about delivering remarks about the deceased in front of a crowd of family and friends was very moving. I know some people have the opposite experience - they find that addressing a crowd is impersonal and they are not moved by it. I wonder if this will be a pattern for me or if it is grandparent-specific...

Permalink Reply by Jessica on May 2, 2008 at 4:04pm

Addressing some crowds may be impersonal, but I think talking to a room full of people who are all there because they love and miss the same individual - that seems very personal to me. Grief is a personal experience, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to grieve alone.

Permalink Reply by Karen on May 8, 2008 at 10:16am

I think it varies from person to person. My fiance gave the eulogy at his grandmother's funeral last fall. He practiced in the car on the way to the funeral home. He had to stop a few time during the practice session to regain some composure, but when he had to speak in front of everybody, he was able to recite the whole thing without stopping. He said he felt supported by having so many people he knew and loved together for the occasion.

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 18, 2008 at 4:40am

You know steve sometimes its Difficult to deliver remarks at a memorial service when you are a family member of a loved one.....I know it was for me...for a family friend...At the begging i was "Ok" but as i got into it..I was starting to break down....So sometimes you can tell yourself ...You are going to be very very strong for the family....and you are going over and over of your sermon...and you get to the memorial service...and its a total different story....."Hey" some are strong and some are not.....The only thing i can say steve...that maybe sensitive people break down ...What do you Think?

Permalink Reply by Danielle on May 14, 2008 at 8:03pm

When my husband and I lost our son it took my husband year's before he shed a tear around friends and family. He basically shut his emotions down in order to deal with the situation. On several occasions, I would walk in to a room or go out the garage and find him crying, but he just couldn't bring himself to show emotions around others. We saw a family therapist for years and still frequently attend a support group through our church. I would agree that men and women do grieve differently, but am just happy we had the support of our friends, family and church to help us get through the situation.

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on June 28, 2008 at 8:00am

I can remember as a child I was taught not to express my feelings in public. I can remember my father, an ex-military man, saying to me through clenched teeth, ‘Don’t you cry!’ when something had caused me pain. I cannot recall whether my mother ever kissed or hugged any of us kids (there were four of us)...........I was 26 when I saw my father die. I felt a tremendous loss. Yet, at first, I was unable to weep...............In some cultures, people express their feelings openly. Whether they are happy or sad, others know how they feel. On the other hand, in some parts of the world, notably in northern Europe and Britain, people, especially men, have been conditioned to hide their feelings, to suppress their emotions, to keep a stiff upper lip and not wear their hearts on their sleeves. But when you have suffered the loss of a dear one, is it somehow wrong to express your grief?

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 16, 2008 at 7:13am

Sometimes when the Death of a loved one hits home .Things turn different for a family....Who have to experience it so so close....and your are right Jessica and steve and Karen and everyone else...When you are at the memorial of your loved one.....Just having all of your friends and family makes everything a whole better.....Nevertheless...as the time pass after its over...A lot of things are starting to set in....and it may take time more than the usual for some folks than other folks to grieve......However one can get through it...We just have to hang in...

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on February 17, 2009 at 8:30pm

I lost my grandmother an yr ago, I met her when I was ten , I still remember the day my mother told me she had cancer and my grandma didnt know it, till one day she noticed she was really sick, she though god was going to save her, she had lots of faith that god was going to cure her, I had to watch her die little by little till she couldnt take it anymore, she was an active person and ended up in a bed, she couldnt move, speak, nor eat by herself, the worst part is I couldnt go see her anymore because It hurt too much to see her like that, I still remember the last time I saw her, she was lying in bed, as I got closer to her I couldnt kiss her I couldnt tell her that everything was going to be ok, I burst into tears and left, I wish I could of told her that I was ok, that she didnt have to worry about me, that I love her and that shes going to be alright. I wish she was still here, To see me graduate and see me grow.

Permalink Reply by Rhonda on February 18, 2009 at 3:54pm

Hi everyone, I'm Rhonda and I lost my husband on 11/05/2007. How long does it take to quit laying awake at nights, hearing their voice, smelling their aftershave? There's nights I don't go to bed at all. It's not real bad all the time! Sometimes it comes in spells! Like this past weekend (Valentine's Day), I yearned to see him just one more time!! I have been out on dates and had lots of friends hanging around, but I always find my self looking for "Him" in a crowd! When does it all ease? We were married 27 years and the last 10 were wonderful years. I don't understand why it won't go away. I lost someone before, just never a companion, and I finally survived it. But this just keeps hurting!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by terri on February 18, 2009 at 5:16pm

My brother shot himself.. Plus his x wife ... he took her back & well her son & my brothers son heard her tell my brother She is leaving.. My brother that night shot in the head.. & shoot himself.. There is much to his sorry.. for this was the 19th. time she had left him in2 1/2 yrs. she was taking everthing( & yes U women that have x- husand trouble I am sorry I just miss him SO, SO. We did not have a dad so I took him hunting for the first time & we always took care of each other.. But that Sat. I talked to him 2 times.. I would NEVER Think that that night I would get the call to come get my nephew & that night finding out he shot & killed His wife.. I didnot get to go to hospital till that Sun. Night. & My brother was brain dead.. PLEASE.. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, For I have to to his place to make sure noone has broken in

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