Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of someone close to you.

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ok so i am new to this but i wanted to just be able to get some help with this see my antie died on thurday the 19th of november 2009 of virculitis and what is driving me nuts is how unfair i think this all is and how everyone just keeps telling me that not to question what god does but i cant help it she was such a great women she had just gotten married to her feanca of 8 year became a grandma just 8 mo ago she still had so much here i think she needed to do so i keeping asking why please help me i need to make sence of this i have not stoped crying sence thursday and i dont think i will till i talk this threw why someone so special tken so young and with so much more to do
I chose this category bc I have lost loved ones from family to friends. I am an overly emotional person and since August Ive lost my grandpa (Aug.9th) to pneumonia, a friend, Ricky, (Sept.26th) who committed suicide, my friend Tiffanies brother,16, comitted suicide in October, and my friend Jason,34, was killed in an automobile accident on the 9th. Of November. All these loved ones lost, so close together, has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to pull through. My grandpa alone just about killed me. We were so close. My grandparents were my parents. Everyday possible, I was there. So I thought. Now that he's gone I regret not spending more time with him the most. It hurts just as bad today as it did in August. I miss him with all my heart. Just when I started to be able to go a whole day without cring, our (my fiancée and me) friend Ricky comitted suicide by hanging himself. That was a huge shock to everyone that knew him. It's no lie when people say the good ones go first bc Ricky was the most kind hearted person I've ever met. And I mean that sincerly (of course, he is right by my grandparents). He would give an arm and a leg to anyone he met, his last dime to a homeless person, or (true) feed the trailor park kids when they came by bc the were inhaling the food. Nobody seen it coming! His last week he was a little distant and really quiet(that's not Ricky) but the thought never crossed my mind that he was to that point! Being there for a friend after her 16 year old brother shoots himself in the head was also really hard. But I stuck there by her for whatever even though I'd only met Cody twice. I couldn't help but to put myself in her shoes (I have three sibs). The thought of that made my whole body feel an aweful feeling I've never felt before. I wanted to help however possible! And Jason. I can't say that we were best friends, but we were just starting to get so close. He too was a saint. Sweetest guy, not to mention hilarious! No matter how p*ssed I was, he could put a smile on my face at least. Usualy, he'd have me laughing so hard I'd have tears running down my face. except for a couple times I told him I was going to punch him cause he was instagting an argument between my bf and I. I lok back now and just laugh! Just when you think you've heard him say or do it all he succeeds on surprising you with anothher outrages joke! It brakes my heart when I think about not ever being able to see or talk to these loved ones again. Time changes everything it's just stunning when it happens in the blink of an eye! We knew gpa was going soon but who can prepare theirselves for a death. Not me. I remember being a really young child and dreading the day I loose my mema and pepaw. It was still as bad as I was afraid it would be! But what helps me through most my days is my mema is still here!
I lost my uncle about a month ago. It came as a shock because of the way I found out. We were very close and he was a father figure in my life. My mother was his only sister and was always a part of my life growing up and as an adult. We didn't visit a lot but we communicated thru emails and the phone, even tho we just lived 30 minutes apart. He was a busy man and this was a way for us to stay in touch. I sent him an email the other day and received a reply from a complete stranger, telling me that he has passed away and that this person was a friend of the wife and they would appreciate it if I didn't send anymore emails there, that I should respect her as she had suffered a great loss. I felt sick and felt that I had been slapped in the face. After I contacted my other uncles, I found out that he had been very ill and when he died, she had him cremated. They live in another state and assumed I already knew about him. I may be selfish, but I feel like I was denied the chance to say good-bye. I would have liked to have visited him while he was sick, had I known. It just isn't right and I am really having a hard time dealing with it. She was his wife, but I want her to know she wasn't the only one that loved him and will miss him. It wasn't right that this was handled the way it was. She had been to my home and knew he had family here. I don't care to communicate with her, but I need some closure and just don't know what to do. While it has been a month for her, my grieving started just a few days ago.
Perhaps the most personal thing you can do for a person you're close to is to plan his or her end-of-life ceremonies when they pass. Things to consider might be proper songs to have sung, proper passages to have read and the type of service to plan. You may also want to consider searching for a cemetery that will best reflect the memory of your loved one, as well. http://bit.ly/aJWfZK
My friend and the father of my son was killed by gunshot to the chest on May 14, 2010. The guy that shot him is still on the loose. I constantly think of him i feel so helpless. he supposed to help me raise our son he is only 8 years old he meant so much to him. he meant alot to me. i just wish there was something i could do to make it all a bad dream. i am so confussed i don't know what to feel. i get sad, then mad, then alone, scared, i miss him alot i just hope he knew that.

the guy that shot him was......

JOSE LUIS SOLIS JR
30 YEARS OLD
HISPANICE
LAST SEEN IN WATERFORD, CA

PLEASE IF ANYONE KNOWS ANY INFORMATION PLEASE HELP ME, OUR FAMILY

Thats billy in the pictures and my son
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Ashley Wheeler said:
My friend and the father of my son was killed by gunshot to the chest on May 14, 2010. The guy that shot him is still on the loose. I constantly think of him i feel so helpless. he supposed to help me raise our son he is only 8 years old he meant so much to him. he meant alot to me. i just wish there was something i could do to make it all a bad dream. i am so confussed i don't know what to feel. i get sad, then mad, then alone, scared, i miss him alot i just hope he knew that. THIS IS THE MAN IN THE PICTURE THAT KILLED HIM
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i lost my dye."grandad".on 16th of aug this year,the pain doesnt seem to get any better.i miss him and loved him so so much,felt like my heart was brocken in to a million pieces.he was like my dad and my best friend.i helped him out the last 6 months just with house work n shopping ,as he was very indipendant and dnt want to take that away from him,,he deteriotaed very quick.and spent one day in hospital with him before the angels came for him..ive nevr seen someone die before.
sorry ,im no sure how to use this site yet,forgive me.xxx

nikki berwick said:
i lost my dye."grandad".on 16th of aug this year,the pain doesnt seem to get any better.i miss him and loved him so so much,felt like my heart was brocken in to a million pieces.he was like my dad and my best friend.i helped him out the last 6 months just with house work n shopping ,as he was very indipendant and dnt want to take that away from him,,he deteriotaed very quick.and spent one day in hospital with him before the angels came for him..ive nevr seen someone die before.
What makes it comforting for me to deal with a loss is the promise that God gave to us in the Bible at Revelation 21:3,4 - death in itself is not final. We are promised in the Bible the hope of living under better condition away from all of this pain and suffering. The Kingdom that we pray for is near at hand - Matthew 6:10. God will bring about a Kingdom that will rule in a just manner and will never be brought to ruin. Daniel 2:44. We can turn to the scriptures for comfort- Romans 15;4. The scriptures offer comfort for all of our challenges in life - God has placed at our disposal the Bible so that we can take comfort in his words and the promise he has offered to mankind.

It is also comforting to know that the Dead is Dead and they are conscious of nothing at all. Ecc 9:5. They are not suffering or experiencing any of the agony that we have to deal with on a daily basis. So we should feel relieved that our love ones are no longer in pain. God is our only real source of GENUINE comfort.
This past May, only four months ago..I lost my boyfriend of 5 years very unexpectedly. It was an accidental overdose and it has been extremely hard to cope. It's hard to find someone who may understand because I wouldn't consider myself a widow, but we were headed in that direction and were planning on spending the rest of our lives together. I'm still pretty young and so this was my first experience with any type of loss. It was the worst one that could have happened to me too..he was my best friend and meant the world to me and lately more has been building up inside of me making me realize that I lost a huge part of myself. My mom made me go to a grief counselor within the first couple weeks of it happening so I'm grateful that it has helped me as I know I would be a lot more of a mess right now if I hadn't gone, but now I'm not so sure how much more it can help. I'm at a loss. :( Would love others opinions on how they are coping if they are in any kind of similar situation....of losing someone to an accidental overdose or if you are also a young person (I'm 21)...

Hi, my name is Laura. . . I am new to this blog site.  I guess it was fate that I found it!

 

I suddenly lost Brian three years ago.  My partner of almost 11 years.  I have my journal where I write my thoughts when I don't know where I am going to next.  I write when I am lonely.  I write when I feel like no one else understands.  I know there are others out there who also feel this way.  How long does it take to get past this?  I guess you never do ...people tell you that you need to get on with your life, they tell you to let it go, to get out and meet others, but I don't want to; I feel as it I am abandoning him, leaving him behind. Brian was my whole life, my inspiration, my laughter, my reason to live.  I know it isn't as they say "healthy" to not want to go on, but how do you do it?  I'm not a "weak" person, I lost my father at an early age ... 10 days old, my sister at 10 years old, my mother at 17 and it was just me and my sister raising my 7 year old brother; I also lost my nephew who I raised for 6 months AFTER my sister died.  He was 6 months old.  I thought I could never get past that, but I did.  Someone told me that my sister needed her baby with her.   I felt so awful that I couldn't save him, he died of meningitus.  And now here I am again, trying to live, and I just have nothing left, nothing.

It has been almost 3 years - January 28, 2008 . . .I guess somehow, and in someway as I said that I have to heal with others, heal with time and know that there are others too that in someway can help with what I like others are also feeling.   I just want the "holidays" to be over, I cry everyday and I feel like others think I am crazy . . .maybe I am, and I don't even care.

margarita chacon said:

Rhonda said:
Hi everyone, I'm Rhonda and I lost my husband on 11/05/2007. How long does it take to quit laying awake at nights, hearing their voice, smelling their aftershave? There's nights I don't go to bed at all. It's not real bad all the time! Sometimes it comes in spells! Like this past weekend (Valentine's Day), I yearned to see him just one more time!! I have been out on dates and had lots of friends hanging around, but I always find my self looking for "Him" in a crowd! When does it all ease? We were married 27 years and the last 10 were wonderful years. I don't understand why it won't go away. I lost someone before, just never a companion, and I finally survived it. But this just keeps hurting!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Laura,

I can't even begin to tell you how much I feel for your lost.  I lost my Dad in 2007 and I do know each lost is different.  You had a very wonderful husband who was a perfect match for you.   I know, with the lost of my Dad - who can take his place?  No-one.  So time - only time is enabling me to accept his death  I will never stop missing him or wanting to see him as you say "one more time."  I am married and that is why I do not believe in ever parting each other in a mad state.  Unforeseen occurences befalls us all.  Ecclesiastes 9:11. 

 

God is love (1 John 4:8) and when we love it is the most powerful emotion you can have for someone near and dear to you.  You do not need to feel that you must handle your emotion the way others handle theirs or in the time-frame that they did...or feel pressured to meet some one else.  You handle it the best way for you.  You may never want to get married again--you may find that brings you the most happiness - yet you do not need to live a life of a monk - but just accepting the fact that you once had someone you loved and the best way for you to handle it at this point in your life is not to invest any interest or desire in marrying some-one else. 

I don't know your spiritual foundation - but seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4)  Sometimes, it is hard for our friends not to be bias in their effort to offer sound advice.  However, the quiet time you spend in prayer will allow you to get in touch with your true feels and using the Scriptures as a guide.  (2 Timothy 3:16,17. 

So, enjoy your life - which may consist at this moment - just quiet solitude. (Ecclesiastes 3:7); it may consist of just being in a relax state for a few months - no matter how you handle it - just ask your friends to respect your space in handling your grief,  - I hope this helped somewhat........

 

 

 

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