Losing someone close to you

Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of someone close to you.

Related articles:
• What Is Grief?
• Is It Too Soon to Recover?
• Giving a Eulogy
• Giving Sorrow Words

Recommend

1 member likes this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by ck on January 18, 2011 at 1:49pm

I lost my Uncle Charlie on December 12,2010 its been hard. At his funeral I could not cry because I wanted to be strong for everyone else. But recently its been really hard. I watch the video make for him every day and I cry. He was a great man. He loved everyone and was always happy. He was santa clause to everyone. He loved being santa clause. He is santa clause. I lost him to cancer. Well not really he had cancer. We got rid of it. Then we did chemotherapy on him and he wasnt strong enough to handle the aggresiveness of the chemotherapy.SO that what killed him. Its been really hard because I loved my uncle with all my heart. He was the coolest and the best. We were beach buddies. We would always lie in the hot sand together at the beach. He is a great man. ANd I miss him so much. But its ok I know I will be with him one day.

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on January 19, 2011 at 4:07am

I lost my brother Kenny on 11-18-10, Today makes 2mo's he has been gone, I have so much gilt inside for not telling him how much i love him,the night befor he passed, I went to see him after not going over for a few days i got to talk to him,He was so afrade,He wanted to know what the dr ment by saying when it came to that time they would keep him cofordable,And i told him that they mean he would not know anything or feel anything,But! I told him i didnt think he had anything to wrrie about brcause i didnt think his Cancer was what was going to take him.He had so much gunk in his longs it was keeping his from breething.He said ok thats good ,I said he didnt have to worrie even the Dr said he wasnt giving up,So Kenny finaly fell asleep,That night about 3am my mom calls me to say they called 911,I went to the ER and after an hr or so i got to go back to see him.The nurse said when he came in they asked him if he wanted to be intabaited? sorry for the spelling, But he shook his head YES!, That was the last time Kenny was awake. He passed at 12:35 that afternoon.My family and myself was by his bedside the hole time. This was the hardest thing i have ever done,I watched my brothers heart take its last beat.I have the image in my mind and i see that everyday all day.I have so many images in my head and dont know what to do.I can be ok 1 min, Then im crying like crazy.This goes on all day every day.I have Knowone i can talk to because my mom,dad,and sister are going threw that same thing and i dont want to call them if right then they are having a good moment i call and upset then if they are not already upsetI dont know what to do. I miss my Only brother So much.I hurt so bad inside and want to see him and here him.God Please let Kenny come down and be my angel,Let him take my where i need to be in life.I Love him and miss him so much. Kenny my brother,I will NEVER! forget you.My love for you will be till we meet again. RIP My Brother..

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on January 26, 2011 at 11:34am

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on . Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be. Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with . Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing. She was my family .. Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel . Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul . The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again . T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on January 26, 2011 at 10:40pm

I wanted to let you know, Every word you put in this note did not only tuched my heart but brought teirs steming down my face, When i lost my brother Kenny, I never though it would happen, No on will ever know the pain and hurt that comes with losing a bother or sister. We all know that some day will lose our moms and dads but to lose a sister or brother is well,There are no words, My heart goes out to you and to Everyone who has lost a brother or sister, I wish we all could get together and become brothers and sisters to us all. I do have a sister but know more brother,And thats what gets me every moment of every day,I will never get that call from Kenny to ask me to lunch or to help him work on his car or to just see how my days going, Im more lost now than ever before in my life. Some people wont tell whats on theyer mind but i myself thinks its good to get it out there ,It may help othes,It has me ,And i thank you all.May God bless you all and give you peace

River of Tears said:

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on . Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be. Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with . Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing. She was my family .. Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel . Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul . The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again . T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .

Permalink Reply by Don DeVault on January 26, 2011 at 10:40pm

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on . Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be. Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with . Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing. She was my family .. Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel . Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul . The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again . T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on January 27, 2011 at 5:46am

Words though they may be few to let another know of his kindness that brought comfort to a shattered heart . The love in your words are so evident of how you feel for your brother .
So many strive in life for material items to make them happy though if they only knew if to turn to their side to see a Brother or a Sister like ours standing there beside us to travel what I only knew as a journey called life . A fortune that is greater then no other . One that you are able to share with able to love and trust and one that teaches you more about life then anything that one could buy . The words you have shared with one from afar may they reach out to many so that they too can see that love for a brother or a sister is there just turn to your side and you will see before they are gone for this journey called life will be very painful and lonely with no map or direction , not able to turn to one you knew to trust to give you guidance and walk along . May your words and comfort come to many in their new journey we all us never wanted to take . To Don and all of you . Take care

Don DeVault said:

I wanted to let you know, Every word you put in this note did not only touched my heart but brought teirs steming down my face, When i lost my brother Kenny, I never though it would happen, No on will ever know the pain and hurt that comes with losing a bother or sister. We all know that some day will lose our moms and dads but to lose a sister or brother is well,There are no words, My heart goes out to you and to everyone who has lost a brother or sister, I wish we all could get together and become brothers and sisters to us all. I do have a sister but know more brother,And thats what gets me every moment of every day,I will never get that call from Kenny to ask me to lunch or to help him work on his car or to just see how my days going, I'm more lost now than ever before in my life. Some people wont tell whats on theyer mind but i myself thinks its good to get it out there ,It may help othes,It has me ,And i thank you all.May God bless you all and give you peace

River of Tears said:
We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on . Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be. Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with . Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing. She was my family .. Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel . Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul . The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again . T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .

Permalink Reply by Diamond on January 27, 2011 at 8:26pm

River of Tears,

As you stated - Love is the greatest gift we can give each other. The pain associated with loosing a love one is profound - to say the least. Death is so hard for all of us to handle emotionally. While we are alive we need to learn to love and to love unconditionally as we never know when the day will come when we can not just reach out and touch that very person who is so Dear to us.
We all should continue to practice the greatest commandment - that is to "love each other" - and we will truly have a rich and fulfilling life - and your relationship with those that you love - I can tell is full of love. You take care......and cherish the thoughts of those that you love and have moved on...they are resting in peace.

River of Tears said:

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on . Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be. Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with . Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing. She was my family .. Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel . Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul . The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again . T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .

Permalink Reply by Laura Hallock on January 27, 2011 at 10:10pm

Diamond:

Thanks for you reply. Yes, the scriptures do help. I do need to read them more and let them comfort me, it is true. It will be three years . . . statistics say it takes at least that long for most people to

perhaps experience their grief, but I suppose you never ever get past it; I do now somewhat more enjoy thinking of the GOOD TIMES we had together. Ten almost eleven years seems such a short time and there were times that I know made such a difference in my life. I even now still hear certain "things" that I will always remember, and I just smile because that is something no one can ever remove from your heart. And I hear a song and think of him, and it brings a feeling that as they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. So tomorrow is the anniversary of the three long hardest years I have ever lived through and I know that I am maybe still here for some reason and all I can do is try to make things better and keep my memories but still move on, not forgetting ever, but just accepting. Yes your words did help, and hopefully all others can "keep" in mind we all go through things such as this and it never gets any easier but it is nice to share our thoughts and help one another through these tough times. God bless!

Diamond said:

Hi Laura,

I can't even begin to tell you how much I feel for your lost. I lost my Dad in 2007 and I do know each lost is different. You had a very wonderful husband who was a perfect match for you. I know, with the lost of my Dad - who can take his place? No-one. So time - only time is enabling me to accept his death I will never stop missing him or wanting to see him as you say "one more time." I am married and that is why I do not believe in ever parting each other in a mad state. Unforeseen occurences befalls us all. Ecclesiastes 9:11.

God is love (1 John 4:8) and when we love it is the most powerful emotion you can have for someone near and dear to you. You do not need to feel that you must handle your emotion the way others handle theirs or in the time-frame that they did...or feel pressured to meet some one else. You handle it the best way for you. You may never want to get married again--you may find that brings you the most happiness - yet you do not need to live a life of a monk - but just accepting the fact that you once had someone you loved and the best way for you to handle it at this point in your life is not to invest any interest or desire in marrying some-one else.

I don't know your spiritual foundation - but seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) Sometimes, it is hard for our friends not to be bias in their effort to offer sound advice. However, the quiet time you spend in prayer will allow you to get in touch with your true feels and using the Scriptures as a guide. (2 Timothy 3:16,17.

So, enjoy your life - which may consist at this moment - just quiet solitude. (Ecclesiastes 3:7); it may consist of just being in a relax state for a few months - no matter how you handle it - just ask your friends to respect your space in handling your grief, - I hope this helped somewhat........

Permalink Reply by Diamond on January 27, 2011 at 11:09pm

Laura,

Thank you for your kind words. For me, the scriptures have provided so much comfort in the lost of my Dad. The scriptures offer such comfort as compared to anything else - I try to encourage but is careful as everyone has their own way of coping with the various trials we all encounter in this life. So, you take care and look forward to reading more from you,

Laura Hallock said:

Diamond:

Thanks for you reply. Yes, the scriptures do help. I do need to read them more and let them comfort me, it is true. It will be three years . . . statistics say it takes at least that long for most people to

perhaps experience their grief, but I suppose you never ever get past it; I do now somewhat more enjoy thinking of the GOOD TIMES we had together. Ten almost eleven years seems such a short time and there were times that I know made such a difference in my life. I even now still hear certain "things" that I will always remember, and I just smile because that is something no one can ever remove from your heart. And I hear a song and think of him, and it brings a feeling that as they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. So tomorrow is the anniversary of the three long hardest years I have ever lived through and I know that I am maybe still here for some reason and all I can do is try to make things better and keep my memories but still move on, not forgetting ever, but just accepting. Yes your words did help, and hopefully all others can "keep" in mind we all go through things such as this and it never gets any easier but it is nice to share our thoughts and help one another through these tough times. God bless!

Diamond said:

Hi Laura,

I can't even begin to tell you how much I feel for your lost. I lost my Dad in 2007 and I do know each lost is different. You had a very wonderful husband who was a perfect match for you. I know, with the lost of my Dad - who can take his place? No-one. So time - only time is enabling me to accept his death I will never stop missing him or wanting to see him as you say "one more time." I am married and that is why I do not believe in ever parting each other in a mad state. Unforeseen occurences befalls us all. Ecclesiastes 9:11.

God is love (1 John 4:8) and when we love it is the most powerful emotion you can have for someone near and dear to you. You do not need to feel that you must handle your emotion the way others handle theirs or in the time-frame that they did...or feel pressured to meet some one else. You handle it the best way for you. You may never want to get married again--you may find that brings you the most happiness - yet you do not need to live a life of a monk - but just accepting the fact that you once had someone you loved and the best way for you to handle it at this point in your life is not to invest any interest or desire in marrying some-one else.

I don't know your spiritual foundation - but seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) Sometimes, it is hard for our friends not to be bias in their effort to offer sound advice. However, the quiet time you spend in prayer will allow you to get in touch with your true feels and using the Scriptures as a guide. (2 Timothy 3:16,17.

So, enjoy your life - which may consist at this moment - just quiet solitude. (Ecclesiastes 3:7); it may consist of just being in a relax state for a few months - no matter how you handle it - just ask your friends to respect your space in handling your grief, - I hope this helped somewhat........

Permalink Reply by Diamond on January 27, 2011 at 11:09pm

Laura,

Laura Hallock said:

Diamond:

Thanks for you reply. Yes, the scriptures do help. I do need to read them more and let them comfort me, it is true. It will be three years . . . statistics say it takes at least that long for most people to

perhaps experience their grief, but I suppose you never ever get past it; I do now somewhat more enjoy thinking of the GOOD TIMES we had together. Ten almost eleven years seems such a short time and there were times that I know made such a difference in my life. I even now still hear certain "things" that I will always remember, and I just smile because that is something no one can ever remove from your heart. And I hear a song and think of him, and it brings a feeling that as they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. So tomorrow is the anniversary of the three long hardest years I have ever lived through and I know that I am maybe still here for some reason and all I can do is try to make things better and keep my memories but still move on, not forgetting ever, but just accepting. Yes your words did help, and hopefully all others can "keep" in mind we all go through things such as this and it never gets any easier but it is nice to share our thoughts and help one another through these tough times. God bless!

Diamond said:

Hi Laura,

I can't even begin to tell you how much I feel for your lost. I lost my Dad in 2007 and I do know each lost is different. You had a very wonderful husband who was a perfect match for you. I know, with the lost of my Dad - who can take his place? No-one. So time - only time is enabling me to accept his death I will never stop missing him or wanting to see him as you say "one more time." I am married and that is why I do not believe in ever parting each other in a mad state. Unforeseen occurences befalls us all. Ecclesiastes 9:11.

God is love (1 John 4:8) and when we love it is the most powerful emotion you can have for someone near and dear to you. You do not need to feel that you must handle your emotion the way others handle theirs or in the time-frame that they did...or feel pressured to meet some one else. You handle it the best way for you. You may never want to get married again--you may find that brings you the most happiness - yet you do not need to live a life of a monk - but just accepting the fact that you once had someone you loved and the best way for you to handle it at this point in your life is not to invest any interest or desire in marrying some-one else.

I don't know your spiritual foundation - but seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) Sometimes, it is hard for our friends not to be bias in their effort to offer sound advice. However, the quiet time you spend in prayer will allow you to get in touch with your true feels and using the Scriptures as a guide. (2 Timothy 3:16,17.

So, enjoy your life - which may consist at this moment - just quiet solitude. (Ecclesiastes 3:7); it may consist of just being in a relax state for a few months - no matter how you handle it - just ask your friends to respect your space in handling your grief, - I hope this helped somewhat........

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on January 28, 2011 at 5:14am

Dear Diamond , Thank you for you response and kind words that you share not only with me but as I have read with all . Your faith is so evident yet the sorrow of what you have had in your life is also . What is very striking to me is that we are all here because of the passing of someone that was very close to use . But more then that it is because of the love love we have for them. If only the power and and strength of love that reaches out to so many would be what this world only knew and then so much of the unnecessary pain would not exist . Life seems to hold this secret, one that can not be warded off which is the depth of pain like no other of loosing someone we loved so much . Yet also from afar you may be surprised when feeling all alone that someone understands . To all of you take care .

Diamond said:

River of Tears,

As you stated - Love is the greatest gift we can give each other. The pain associated with loosing a love one is profound - to say the least. Death is so hard for all of us to handle emotionally. While we are alive we need to learn to love and to love unconditionally as we never know when the day will come when we can not just reach out and touch that very person who is so Dear to us.
We all should continue to practice the greatest commandment - that is to "love each other" - and we will truly have a rich and fulfilling life - and your relationship with those that you love - I can tell is full of love. You take care......and cherish the thoughts of those that you love and have moved on...they are resting in peace.

River of Tears said:

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on . Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be. Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with . Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing. She was my family .. Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel . Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul . The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again . T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .

Permalink Reply by Diamond on January 28, 2011 at 9:30pm

Hello River of Tears,

Thank you so much for letting me know that you understand some of the pain that I have experienced over the years Yes, my faith is a strong part of my life. I know, without my faith and strong belief in God - for me - I would have never made it through in understanding the cycle of life and what we have to look forward to as promised by God.

I do acknowledge that everyone have their different belief system and that I respect - but I am always willing to share my belief if asked. So take care and I am willing to exchange any additional belief if need be...do take care..

River of Tears said:

Dear Diamond , Thank you for you response and kind words that you share not only with me but as I have read with all .  Your faith is so evident yet the sorrow of what you have had in your life is also . What is very striking to me is that we are all here because of the passing of someone that was very close to use . But more then that it is because of the love love we have for them. If only the power and and strength of love that reaches out to so many would be what this world only knew and then so much of the unnecessary pain would not exist . Life seems to hold this secret, one that can not be warded off which is the depth of pain like no other of loosing someone we loved so much .   Yet also from afar you may be surprised when feeling all alone that someone understands .    To all of you take care .

Diamond said:

River of Tears,

As you stated - Love is the greatest gift we can give each other. The pain associated with loosing a love one is profound - to say the least.   Death is so hard for all of us to handle emotionally.   While we are alive we need to learn to love and to love unconditionally as we never know when the day will come when we can not just reach out and touch that very person who is so Dear to us.
We all should continue to practice the greatest commandment - that is to "love each other" - and we will truly have a rich and fulfilling life - and your relationship with those that you love - I can tell is full of love. You take care......and cherish the thoughts of those that you love and have moved on...they are resting in peace.

River of Tears said:

We learn how to live and hopefully to love yet when the time comes how devastating it is that there is not any equation to grief other then the pain that we will feel. Loving my Sister came so easy , always feeling that the love and admiration for her grew as the years went on .  Having to face now the reality that she is not here . A vast and deep space seems to lay within me , once filled by all the hopes and dreams we had for the future , now that will never be.   Not a cure or a bandage will mend this void for it was only her that I was hoping to share that time with .  Lost so often with in my thoughts of what now, and then nothing.   She was my family ..   Heart shattered in to pieces that even a doctor will never know how to put it back together for I don't even know how to put it into words of what I feel .    Grief is not something that can be defined as I have found that it is as personal as the love that you give to those you love . As heart felt and as meaningful each are to our lives . Sad that we only learn about grief until it happens I mean truly learn about it . Reading and studying is one thing yet as we know that is intellectual . I am speaking of what happens to ones heart and soul .   The feeling that life slips through you fingers like sand , before you know you are standing there wishing that you could reach out once again for that loved one once again .        T

Thoughts and prayers for all that have shared .