Losing someone close to you

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Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 5:30pm

Thank you Shannon for your prayers.

We had so many signs but the courts did not see it that way. The justice system did not protect my daughter or grandson. I just know one thing I am so very grateful to God that He failed at taking my daughters life. I will be praying for you also.

God Bless.

 
Shannon said:

Debbie, I read the blog your daughter is brave, she loved Lucas so much, if only we were given a sign before this happened.. I love how she did all the pictures and her story. I am also from michigan.. God Bless your family I will pray for your healing..

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Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 5:41pm

Stefanie,

I am so sorry for you lost and grief that you are going through. I just want  you to know that I keep you in my prayers. I recently lost my beautiful grandson  whom was murdered by his father. I have found that holding tight to my memories writing them down making memory albums with this memories helps. Your see I want the world to know my grandson. He touch many lives with his beautiful smile. Take those memories and tell others about them. Their always with us  molded in our hearts part of our past present and future. Hold tight to them. God Bless you. 
 
Gloria Callighan said:

Dear Stefanie, I am new here and I have to say I am sorry. My dad too died in the hospital. They kept giving him an injection called Haldol which turned a normal loving human being into a nutcase, tied his hands down, etc. He finally chose to die, because we couldn't give him food or water. They kept giving him this drug, even after I found out and told them to stop.  But I truly believe that us on earth left behind can truly speak with the other side.  I've had many contacts from the dead.  For one year I slept in his bed, in his room.  And he came to me through a pink shaded lamp.  They use electricity to reach us.  Every night I would turn that lamp off, and at 4:00 am I would wake up and the light is on.  After 1 year exactly the bulb just burst and he never came back again except through my dreams.  and now on 1.29.12 my 44 year old son took his own life with a gun to the forehead.  I am devastated as I was in his company only 17 hours before.  He had 6 years of hell living with a GF after his first wife divorced him.  She wanted a baby and he didn't, so she moved on.  Only to find out they've always been in love, but the baby was too young and she couldn't take him back till the little girl was older.  the 6 yr fling with GF was brutal up and down, emotiaonlly verbal more than touching.  My son was under a great deal of stress which turned into severe severe depression.  There is much hate between me and GF and my son's dad (we are divorced).  My  living son (38) is having great difficulty losing his big brother in this way.  My belief in God, Jesus and Blessed Mother get me through especially praying the Rosary at night.  I don't feel it is wrong to believe also in the contact from the other side.  Had many visits.  It helps me quite a bit.  I might sound wacky but I am 100% USA woman!  I love Christ first of all then all the beautiful things come next. I am waiting for Mike to come through, but it might be too early.  I just hurt every morning when I wake up and feel like I'm in a deep hole, I just don't want to get out of bed, I'm robotic and numb and sometimes teary eyed. But because I care for my mom 24/7 for over 2 years now, she is a bedridden non verbal stroke lady (86) I have to get up and move on with her.  I have many health problems with nerves in my arms from lifting her, but no insurance, and I live with this horrible pain every moment.  It's like someone is sticking an electric wire in my arm and jolting me.  I ask God what more is he going to put on my plate?  Right now I hope nothing but his warmth and love for me and my family and all of us here looking for help.  Befriend me, and God Bless You.
 
Stefanie Abdo said:

On Feb 12 2011 I lost my dad. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Three years ago I lost my brother to brain cancer in Feb to. He was only 38 and my dad was 68. Febuary now is a month I do not like anymore. The days are very long and the pain is getting worse everyday. My dad died of a staff infection he caught from the hospital. We thought he was coming home to us on a thursday and ended up dying that saturday. Its been a long and painful trauma to go through. I only hope that I can find the strength to get through this. My mom moved in with me and my family and I have to see her pain to. When does it get easier????

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Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 6:00pm

Gloria

I am so very sorry for you loss. My prayers are with you that God will comfort you and walk beside you. Yes our lives change when we lose a child. I like you have good days and bad days. More of my days are crying. I do not think that I have had one day since Oct. 23, that I have not cried. I think that the pain will always be there but as I think we deal with it more in time.  It has been such a short time since you sons passing. Your pain is normal. I also like you only have online to help me. I have a 23 year old handicap son. He is also bipolar scitsofrinic (don't know how to spell:) ) and has complusive behavior. He has the mentally of a 3 to 5 year old and i have an age mother I help with. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed because i can't take the time to grieve and it builds up and I start with drawing. I have had to deal with this and as I mentioned to other. I have found that memory albums and writing those special moments down are what keeps me going. I want the world to know my grandson. So cherish the moments of you son and write them down and share them with others even on here but most of all hold them in you heart and cherish them always.  God Bless you.
 
Gloria Callighan said:

Dear Debbie, I am so very very sorry for the loss of your grandson. Oh my how painful your heart must be.  I just recently joined because I lost my eldest son (44) to suicide.  Every day is so different, don't you find?  One day crying, the next sad, lonely, angry, all the emotions come pouring out.  I am on here to help others as well as myself by asking the question How does a person move on?  I feel quite robotic and numb. He just died on 1.29.12.  I could see he was depressed but I didn't know to the extreme for him to kill himself.  Debbie your daughter must be in awful awful pain and I pray for her too.  Jesus needed a strong little angel in Heaven to fight the little evil ones on earth. But our situations are different.  Your daughter survived only to learn her son was killed and now you have lost your only grandson, and what a cutie.  Yes it's hard honey I know its hard everyday. Right now I am pissed off.  I truly don't know why but things are not working good for me right now.  I can only do things online as I have to take care of my mother now for 2 1/2 years as she had a stroke and is bedridden and can't talk.  She's always in pain and it hurts her so bad and she can't tell me where and I get very frustrated.  I know that when I wake up in the morning I am so lonely, I feel like I'm sitting in a hole. And even though I don't want to and I want to roll back into bed, I have to get up and care for my mom.  Maybe between all of us writing in we can somehow help each other to learn how to move forward.  Maybe one day our tears will stop and the pain will ease up, but I have other friends who lost loved ones to suicide.  One friend said it took her almost 6 years to where now she can smile and have memories.  I think we all have to pick something to get our minds off of it.  Your sadness is a very bad one, but whose to say one is worse than the other?  I keep going over and over in my head the last few words he yelled at me, he said I love you, I'm going to sleep and 17 hours later find him dead in the woods.  Then in comes all the fighting and bickering whether to cremate or bury and then the GF steps in where she had no right to be.  Now my son leaves behind no wife, no grandchildren for me, no pets.  Just his 6.1 big body in a 5 x 8 box. I feel like I need to go visit his grave but there isn't any and it hurts so much.  My living son Eric is overwrought with despair.  He was close to my 44 yr old even though they were 7 years apart.  I will read your daughter's blog. For now I will sign off but keep writing.  I never understood how a parent can kill their child/children/grandchildren. My heart wrenches for you and your family and you will always be remembered in our prayers.  Keep in touch please.

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Permalink Reply by Gloria Callighan on February 14, 2012 at 10:26pm

Dear Debbie, are you receiving any inhouse aides to help you care for your son and your aged mother? I am very very sorry that your son has those conditions.  In a way I think is God's blessing that his age is only 3-5 where  he cannot truly understand what his body/moods are.  Unless of course, I could be completely wrong, as you are his mother.  Did this start at birth?  I pray your daughter is doing better and  you as well.  My mom is strictly on Medicaid and I get out of the house 7 hours a week and 2 hours from Interfaith Caregivers. My mom is bedridden, so they just keep an eye out etc.  The aides from Medicaid (LIFE @ St. Francis) Trenton, NJ are great and they do games and watch TV and feed her and I get to go out more and see the world, as painful as my heart is, and it's always going to be painful, I still have to go out. I don't look happy, I am not, but try to be pleasant to other people. Even if I give a 1/2 smile to someone it kinda lifts my moods.  I'm making an inhouse memorial of all the cards, and pics I have of my son. They will hang on these walls until I move and then hang on the next walls of wherever I am headed.  I was always taught that if you kill yourself you go straight to hell.  That night my priest came over and through my bawling tears I said Father is he going to hell?  And Father Vince said no my dear he is not.  God is so much more than we ever thought he could be.  I like that and will always remember that.  So at the time of his death I did feel him rise to heaven.  My dad is there with my family and friends so I'm sure my son Mike is with his Pop-Pop.  I've had one contact from my son, as I truly believe in connecting with the spirits from the other side. I'm now waiting for another contact. Yesterday was a big big crying day and this morning, what a headache. But it was meant to be. Today was better, just robotic and numb as usual.  I will pray for you and your family.  Keep in touch, Much Love. Gloria

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Permalink Reply by Candy O'lynn on March 2, 2012 at 1:18am

I just found out today that a friend I haven't spoken to in years died. I have not seen him in such a long time that no one told me until weeks after his death. They assumed I just didn't care, but I do care. A lot. I had to put distance between us because of substances. He had cleaned up, I thought, and I asked after him last month. I always wanted him to have some peace in this life. The police still are not sure if it was suicide or homicide. He was just in his thirties.. too young to die. I suppose the reason I am typing this is to say what I have to say with out hurting anyone. I feel so hollow in my grief, i don't even know if its reasonable for me to be so sad about losing someone I truly lost long ago.

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Permalink Reply by Janet Mitchley on March 2, 2012 at 3:49am

Hello. I understand what  you are feeling. I had to find out the hard way when we take someone out of our lives we don't get to decide what comes back in. I am sure his people knew what came between the two of you, They had so much to deal with that people not around in his life took a back seat. So say a prayer for his family and go on with your life. Don't be any sence of the word contact his familly and ask questions. thats hard enough on them as it is. Learn from this what and if anything can be learned. In their place I wouldn't go out looking for people who was not in his life. Please think of them. When 2 of my family members died it made me so mad all the people who didn't help or spend time wiith them came out of the woodwork. Many wanted things of theirs. It really set my blood boiling. Thats the basic of my anwer. You already said good bye years ago. We don't get to pick when people die, we do pick what we did or said in the past. and to many don't stick to that when someone dies.

Candy O'lynn said:

I just found out today that a friend I haven't spoken to in years died. I have not seen him in such a long time that no one told me until weeks after his death. They assumed I just didn't care, but I do care. A lot. I had to put distance between us because of substances. He had cleaned up, I thought, and I asked after him last month. I always wanted him to have some peace in this life. The police still are not sure if it was suicide or homicide. He was just in his thirties.. too young to die. I suppose the reason I am typing this is to say what I have to say with out hurting anyone. I feel so hollow in my grief, i don't even know if its reasonable for me to be so sad about losing someone I truly lost long ago.

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Permalink Reply by Diamond on March 31, 2012 at 12:11pm

Candy,

I do understand your position.   Sometimes, due to situation that is extremely stressful or unhealthy causes us to make decisions just to maintain our sanity.  On the outside - people would judge when the day comes and they are no longer around and say that "you appear not to care." - but that is the key - appear - no one can say what is on our heart.  Sometimes, we put distance in certain relationships just to maintain our sanity.  Only God can judge (Matthew 7:1)

Candy, I have seen this happen on so many different ocassions and for various reason.  Sometimes, from the one we care about and other times we distant ourselves due to their outside influences and span of unhealthy associates.  Either way, we all have the right to choose what is healthy for our well being.  So, you are normal to feel a lost - probably with a lot of "what if."  Go through the emotional journey and truly feel what you are feeling so it does not linger on indefinitely.  You should not feel guilty but treasure those memories that are near and dear to your heart.   You have the right to feel what ever is in your heart and to talk to God about it.  I hope this helped a little. 

 

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Permalink Reply by marilyn cunningham on April 3, 2012 at 4:03pm

 i lost my husband after 40 years of knowing and loving him to acute myliod lukemia.  we found out it july 2011 and in jan 2012 he was gone.  he fought a good fight but the LORD still took him.  We prayed faithfully but the LORD still took him

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