Losing someone close to you

Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of someone close to you.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diamond on November 29, 2011 at 1:18pm

Jessica - I agree with you. Sometimes the best audience is those who do not know you. For me, this tends to let me see someone who is unbias sharing the same sentiments as I do on a real personal level. People tend to let down their guard and tell it all to a stranger. We can also remember God hears our cry also.

Jessica said:

Addressing some crowds may be impersonal, but I think talking to a room full of people who are all there because they love and miss the same individual - that seems very personal to me. Grief is a personal experience, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to grieve alone.

Permalink Reply by Rachel Sawyer on January 2, 2012 at 4:43am

I lost my best friend and soulmate when I was 4 years old. He and I MADE PLANS TO GET MARRIED when we got older. He died to a careless life-saving effort from his teacher. He chocked to death. I have never gotten over his death. Even now I continue to cry and have no idea how to find closure. He and I would have been so happy together. What do I do?

Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 8, 2012 at 10:10pm

My grandson died a tragic death at the hands of his father whom then turned the gun on himself. I have so many mixed feelings, anger sorrow cry all time. My grandson was born on Christmas eve 2009 my first and only grandchild. He was murdered my his father on Oct 23, 2011. Just 22 short months. My daughter escaped after he tried to suffocate her and would have never thought that he would hurt his son. It is like everything goes on as normal but im not going on. How does a person cope with tragic death. Does the pain and tears ease? I believe my grandson is with Jesus and is happy and I will see him again but the pain of wanting to hold him laugh with him play read all the things grandmas do to show there love just keeps pulling me down. My heart has sat in the pit of my stomach for almost 4 months and I still can not even go one day with out crying. Ho does one cope with tragic loss?

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 10, 2012 at 7:27pm

Oh Debbie my heart breaks for you, have you looked into counseling? How is your daughter handling this tragic event. I don't understand why people do it.. If you want to hurt yourself is one thing but not the children, not the children. This is a coward to take his son away from everyone who loved him. But God has that sweet little angel and he is watching over you both smiling and giggling as he is playing with all the other children who have passed before him. Know that God is watching over him and he will never experience any pain ever in his life, no heart break, no sadness. He is in a beautiful place, and you will see him again when God calls you home.

Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 10, 2012 at 8:25pm

Thank you Shannon for your encouraging words. Currently I am not in counseling. I have a handicap son with prevents me from getting out. I only have what i can find online. My daughter has a long road ahead of her. The night of my grandsons death he tried to take her life also, But praise God it was not her time. She escaped not ever dreaming that he would hurt his own son. I have tried to make sense of this and understand how anyone can point a gun at a child especially one they claim to love so much. This tragedy has tore our family apart. He was a very happy child full of life. I know my grandson is with Jesus and I know for sure I will see him again. This is my one hope. I just miss him so very much. He was my only grandchild. My daughter is in couseling and is working at moving forward. She started a blog because she wants the world to know Lucas. I read it and I cry but I also want the world to know Lucas.

If you want to read my daughters story of the horrid night and also know Lucas the site is rememberinglucas.blogspot.com/ God Bless you.

Permalink Reply by Gloria Callighan on February 11, 2012 at 6:49pm

Dear Debbie, I am so very very sorry for the loss of your grandson. Oh my how painful your heart must be. I just recently joined because I lost my eldest son (44) to suicide. Every day is so different, don't you find? One day crying, the next sad, lonely, angry, all the emotions come pouring out. I am on here to help others as well as myself by asking the question How does a person move on? I feel quite robotic and numb. He just died on 1.29.12. I could see he was depressed but I didn't know to the extreme for him to kill himself. Debbie your daughter must be in awful awful pain and I pray for her too. Jesus needed a strong little angel in Heaven to fight the little evil ones on earth. But our situations are different. Your daughter survived only to learn her son was killed and now you have lost your only grandson, and what a cutie. Yes it's hard honey I know its hard everyday. Right now I am pissed off. I truly don't know why but things are not working good for me right now. I can only do things online as I have to take care of my mother now for 2 1/2 years as she had a stroke and is bedridden and can't talk. She's always in pain and it hurts her so bad and she can't tell me where and I get very frustrated. I know that when I wake up in the morning I am so lonely, I feel like I'm sitting in a hole. And even though I don't want to and I want to roll back into bed, I have to get up and care for my mom. Maybe between all of us writing in we can somehow help each other to learn how to move forward. Maybe one day our tears will stop and the pain will ease up, but I have other friends who lost loved ones to suicide. One friend said it took her almost 6 years to where now she can smile and have memories. I think we all have to pick something to get our minds off of it. Your sadness is a very bad one, but whose to say one is worse than the other? I keep going over and over in my head the last few words he yelled at me, he said I love you, I'm going to sleep and 17 hours later find him dead in the woods. Then in comes all the fighting and bickering whether to cremate or bury and then the GF steps in where she had no right to be. Now my son leaves behind no wife, no grandchildren for me, no pets. Just his 6.1 big body in a 5 x 8 box. I feel like I need to go visit his grave but there isn't any and it hurts so much. My living son Eric is overwrought with despair. He was close to my 44 yr old even though they were 7 years apart. I will read your daughter's blog. For now I will sign off but keep writing. I never understood how a parent can kill their child/children/grandchildren. My heart wrenches for you and your family and you will always be remembered in our prayers. Keep in touch please.

Permalink Reply by Gloria Callighan on February 11, 2012 at 7:22pm

Dear Stefanie, I am new here and I have to say I am sorry. My dad too died in the hospital. They kept giving him an injection called Haldol which turned a normal loving human being into a nutcase, tied his hands down, etc. He finally chose to die, because we couldn't give him food or water. They kept giving him this drug, even after I found out and told them to stop. But I truly believe that us on earth left behind can truly speak with the other side. I've had many contacts from the dead. For one year I slept in his bed, in his room. And he came to me through a pink shaded lamp. They use electricity to reach us. Every night I would turn that lamp off, and at 4:00 am I would wake up and the light is on. After 1 year exactly the bulb just burst and he never came back again except through my dreams. and now on 1.29.12 my 44 year old son took his own life with a gun to the forehead. I am devastated as I was in his company only 17 hours before. He had 6 years of hell living with a GF after his first wife divorced him. She wanted a baby and he didn't, so she moved on. Only to find out they've always been in love, but the baby was too young and she couldn't take him back till the little girl was older. the 6 yr fling with GF was brutal up and down, emotiaonlly verbal more than touching. My son was under a great deal of stress which turned into severe severe depression. There is much hate between me and GF and my son's dad (we are divorced). My living son (38) is having great difficulty losing his big brother in this way. My belief in God, Jesus and Blessed Mother get me through especially praying the Rosary at night. I don't feel it is wrong to believe also in the contact from the other side. Had many visits. It helps me quite a bit. I might sound wacky but I am 100% USA woman! I love Christ first of all then all the beautiful things come next. I am waiting for Mike to come through, but it might be too early. I just hurt every morning when I wake up and feel like I'm in a deep hole, I just don't want to get out of bed, I'm robotic and numb and sometimes teary eyed. But because I care for my mom 24/7 for over 2 years now, she is a bedridden non verbal stroke lady (86) I have to get up and move on with her. I have many health problems with nerves in my arms from lifting her, but no insurance, and I live with this horrible pain every moment. It's like someone is sticking an electric wire in my arm and jolting me. I ask God what more is he going to put on my plate? Right now I hope nothing but his warmth and love for me and my family and all of us here looking for help. Befriend me, and God Bless You.

Stefanie Abdo said:

On Feb 12 2011 I lost my dad. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Three years ago I lost my brother to brain cancer in Feb to. He was only 38 and my dad was 68. Febuary now is a month I do not like anymore. The days are very long and the pain is getting worse everyday. My dad died of a staff infection he caught from the hospital. We thought he was coming home to us on a thursday and ended up dying that saturday. Its been a long and painful trauma to go through. I only hope that I can find the strength to get through this. My mom moved in with me and my family and I have to see her pain to. When does it get easier????

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 12, 2012 at 8:57am

Debbie, I read the blog your daughter is brave, she loved Lucas so much, if only we were given a sign before this happened.. I love how she did all the pictures and her story. I am also from michigan.. God Bless your family I will pray for your healing..

Permalink Reply by Janet Mitchley on February 14, 2012 at 8:25am

Hello. I don't know where to start. I lost my baby brother on Dec 22,2010 he was 49. Then on Jan 27,2011 I lost my Dad. no not lost I know where they are. I couldn't go home for my Dads funeral because of illness. My brother donated his body to science. My son made a wonderful short movie for me for both of them on youtube. The problem. This person my other brother dated came to the funeral and showed what we thought was my son's movie but she and her daughter destroyed it they typed over most of the pictures with starting with a cartoon person. Showed her kid and the boyfriend put in my brothers other daughters wedding pictures, took out the christian music my Dads favorite was the old rugged cross. On my sons it played though then ended with Amazing grace. Which I have don't know how to decribe the music they did. They ended it with wedding pictures, my sons was beautiful. I started with my Dad then showed mom and Dad, then family us kids then the grandchlldren. It had times of his life. And ended with a silence picture of Mom (she passed 10 years ago) my Brother and Dad. I am so mad I can't sleep I have not been able to stop hating her for this. That girl emailed me two nights before my Dads funeral and asked to send pictures to add in it, I told her no. that later we will be making another one. she is not family. My sister asked to use her lap top to show Tom movie this is what they did. My brother is standing up for her. I can't get it in his head she did that the night before the funeral. As the last prayer was being done for the family that woman stated their film. How do I get past this. its to much.

Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 5:26pm

Janet,

I read your email and my heart just dropped. I am so sorry for you Losses. I will keep you in my prayers. I know that this added to you loss is so very hard. Everyone greives in different ways. I recently lost my Grandson at 22 months who was murdered by his Father and I had so much anger, but one thing i finally came to the realization of is anger will eat you up inside. I soon found myself not being the person everyone new me as. I had to take that anger out of me. I found alot of comfort in reading the Bible and praying. I truly beleive that I will see my grandson again and I look so forward to giving him that hug I am holding for him. My grandson only had 22 short months with us but i have so many beautiful memories. Concentrate on those memories. Get as many photos and make your own memory book. Cherish those special times. Put them in writing. This are what is important and you will have always to look at. Take care and God Bless you.

Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 5:30pm

Thank you Shannon for your prayers.

We had so many signs but the courts did not see it that way. The justice system did not protect my daughter or grandson. I just know one thing I am so very grateful to God that He failed at taking my daughters life. I will be praying for you also.

God Bless.

Shannon said:

Debbie, I read the blog your daughter is brave, she loved Lucas so much, if only we were given a sign before this happened.. I love how she did all the pictures and her story. I am also from michigan.. God Bless your family I will pray for your healing..

Permalink Reply by DEBBIE WRIGHT on February 14, 2012 at 5:41pm

Stefanie,

I am so sorry for you lost and grief that you are going through. I just want you to know that I keep you in my prayers. I recently lost my beautiful grandson whom was murdered by his father. I have found that holding tight to my memories writing them down making memory albums with this memories helps. Your see I want the world to know my grandson. He touch many lives with his beautiful smile. Take those memories and tell others about them. Their always with us molded in our hearts part of our past present and future. Hold tight to them. God Bless you.

Gloria Callighan said:

Dear Stefanie, I am new here and I have to say I am sorry. My dad too died in the hospital. They kept giving him an injection called Haldol which turned a normal loving human being into a nutcase, tied his hands down, etc. He finally chose to die, because we couldn't give him food or water. They kept giving him this drug, even after I found out and told them to stop. But I truly believe that us on earth left behind can truly speak with the other side. I've had many contacts from the dead. For one year I slept in his bed, in his room. And he came to me through a pink shaded lamp. They use electricity to reach us. Every night I would turn that lamp off, and at 4:00 am I would wake up and the light is on. After 1 year exactly the bulb just burst and he never came back again except through my dreams. and now on 1.29.12 my 44 year old son took his own life with a gun to the forehead. I am devastated as I was in his company only 17 hours before. He had 6 years of hell living with a GF after his first wife divorced him. She wanted a baby and he didn't, so she moved on. Only to find out they've always been in love, but the baby was too young and she couldn't take him back till the little girl was older. the 6 yr fling with GF was brutal up and down, emotiaonlly verbal more than touching. My son was under a great deal of stress which turned into severe severe depression. There is much hate between me and GF and my son's dad (we are divorced). My living son (38) is having great difficulty losing his big brother in this way. My belief in God, Jesus and Blessed Mother get me through especially praying the Rosary at night. I don't feel it is wrong to believe also in the contact from the other side. Had many visits. It helps me quite a bit. I might sound wacky but I am 100% USA woman! I love Christ first of all then all the beautiful things come next. I am waiting for Mike to come through, but it might be too early. I just hurt every morning when I wake up and feel like I'm in a deep hole, I just don't want to get out of bed, I'm robotic and numb and sometimes teary eyed. But because I care for my mom 24/7 for over 2 years now, she is a bedridden non verbal stroke lady (86) I have to get up and move on with her. I have many health problems with nerves in my arms from lifting her, but no insurance, and I live with this horrible pain every moment. It's like someone is sticking an electric wire in my arm and jolting me. I ask God what more is he going to put on my plate? Right now I hope nothing but his warmth and love for me and my family and all of us here looking for help. Befriend me, and God Bless You.

Stefanie Abdo said:

On Feb 12 2011 I lost my dad. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Three years ago I lost my brother to brain cancer in Feb to. He was only 38 and my dad was 68. Febuary now is a month I do not like anymore. The days are very long and the pain is getting worse everyday. My dad died of a staff infection he caught from the hospital. We thought he was coming home to us on a thursday and ended up dying that saturday. Its been a long and painful trauma to go through. I only hope that I can find the strength to get through this. My mom moved in with me and my family and I have to see her pain to. When does it get easier????