My 16 year old son took his own life last week and it's killing me that I didn't realize that he would even consider doing this. I found him when I came home from work and That day will always be the nightmare that haunts me. I can't sleep unless I take a sleeping pill otherwise I keep seeing him, and I have another son who was there when we found him so I feel like I have to be so strong for everyone else and inside I am dying and falling apart when I am alone. I keep telling myself I will wake up from this nightmare and my baby will be there again. I blame people for his actions and maybe I am in the wrong but my grief will not let me get past it. He left a baby of 2mths behind and now they are restricting when I can see him. This is all I have left of my baby boy, WHY WOULD GOD DO THIS TO ME?????? I feel like I can't go on at times but then I have to for everyone else and inside all I want is to curl up and be with him again. If I had known that would be my last moment with him the morning of his death, I would have had a longer conversation with him and told him I loved him. There are so many things that I wish I had done and now it's too late and it's killing me, there is a hole in my heart and it will never heal, I just keep wishing that I could hear him laugh or tell me one of his silly jokes that I never got but it made him laugh and that was all that mattered. How does anyone ever get through this pain of losing your child in such a manner?