Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Deanna on October 4, 2009 at 9:28pm

Paula,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your best friend and the pain you must be experiencing. I know that pain only to well for I have also lost my best friend and love of my life about 3 weeks ago. I miss him dearly and cry everyday. My nights are lonely, but my days are getting better. You'll never forget your friend and how she ended her life, but the pain will slowly get easier to deal with. I look back at the first 2 weeks after my friend's suicide and just remember being so numb that I couldn't think straight. This week is much better. There's a very good book for survivors of suicide titled "Dying to be free". It gave me a very good understanding of what suicidal people feel like and how difficult it is for them to go on with life. I can't say it enough, read, read, read. Understand how hard it was for your friend to go on. Let the pain go, but keep her in your heart forever.
Deanna

Permalink Reply by larry kuykendoll on October 6, 2009 at 4:38pm

I recently lost my brother to suicide a month ago and you do lose a part of you but that is what we have to understand to continue living our lives so we can accomplish our goals. I only have one big brother and he have two children just like me. We use to take our kids everywhere together and now i am lonely. I take the kids out to eat and to the parks it is difficult having the thought of not having him in my life as years approaches. I am 22yrs old and he was 23yrs old. I am taking the kids to the circus Thursday and it hurt so much that his present will not be there but i thank God for giving me the strength to take the kids to the circus. A part of me is gone completely because i no longer have a big brother physically along my side like your friend. It is very hard when you see everyone moves on and you are stuck, lost, still wondering why, but everyone has not forgotten your friend, it is just they are healing faster. I am not in a stable condition to explain how can you heal because i am far from healing but i can say surround yourself with great people because they will strongly support you.

Permalink Reply by Paula on October 8, 2009 at 9:09pm

Thank you Larry and Deanna. You both gave some good pointers. It has been a week tomorrow. This feels like it has been the longest week of my life to be honest. It feels as if it has lasted years. I am finally able to eat some now. I have even slept some. I do still break down and cry sometimes though. Sometimes it just can't be helped I guess. I got a pic of us together that I take everywhere with me. Refuse to take off the charm that she gave me, and am still holding onto my birthday card that she never quiet finished filling out for me from last year. My heart still hurts a lot. But I haven't had to remind myself to breathe much the last couple of days, so maybe I am on the road to recovery?? I still feel her presence around me though. I still talk to her, alone in my car, I will talk to her and tell her everything that is going on. Maybe I have flipped my biscuit. But I am not quiet ready to let go completely. I have become super close with her kids. I feel a connection with them, maybe I am just holding on to her thru them, but I feel as if they need me right now, and I need them. I am trying to be strong for them, trying to talk with them, and help them forgive themselves and her, and maybe even me. As her best friend, shouldn't she have been able to talk with me?? To tell me how she was hurting?? I feel as if I failed her sometimes. I feel sometimes like I failed her kids too. But I know she would want me to go on. She would want me to get thru this, so that is what I keep fighting to do. I just hope the weeks get shorter..I am drained.





larry kuykendoll said:

I recently lost my brother to suicide a month ago and you do lose a part of you but that is what we have to understand to continue living our lives so we can accomplish our goals. I only have one big brother and he have two children just like me. We use to take our kids everywhere together and now i am lonely. I take the kids out to eat and to the parks it is difficult having the thought of not having him in my life as years approaches. I am 22yrs old and he was 23yrs old. I am taking the kids to the circus Thursday and it hurt so much that his present will not be there but i thank God for giving me the strength to take the kids to the circus. A part of me is gone completely because i no longer have a big brother physically along my side like your friend. It is very hard when you see everyone moves on and you are stuck, lost, still wondering why, but everyone has not forgotten your friend, it is just they are healing faster. I am not in a stable condition to explain how can you heal because i am far from healing but i can say surround yourself with great people because they will strongly support you.