Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Losing someone you love to suicide
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by amaryllis on
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Dear Susan, I aleady re-wrote two times a comment to you and as I can see they both are gone!
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Dear Susan, I am with you when you say you changed forever - the same I say since the death of my son and the way it happened.
I am trying to write a comment and they all are gone before I finish them!
I am close to you in my heart and I will try to communicate with you another time.
Love, amaryllis
amaryllis said:
Dear Susan, I am with you saying the same thing: In life everything passes, nothing is stagnant, nothing is forever - this too shall pass!
Susan, my dear, I keep my Faith always firm and my Hope alive!
my heart is close to yours. Love, amarylllis
Susan said:I am so sorry to hear your pain. My personal experience with suicide has, indeed changed me forever: it was Jan 2, 2009 when my brother took his life (he was 51 & had been struggling with depression for a lot longer than I ever knew). I found him in his apt about 6 hours after he hung himself. He had admitted himself to a psych ward of a hospital 3 days before as he had attempted the deed, failed, and knew he was in need of help. Sadly, the hospital stay was horrible & only contributed to his abject sense of not knowing how to "move on with his life". He had been under the care of counselors for his depression, but was actually afraid of the medicines that probably would have saved his life. I have a lot of "surviver's guilt" as I didn't know how to save him - even if I had spent the night at his place that awful night after picking him up from the hospital, I don't know that he wouldn't have done it anyway days or months later. A very successful man in business, well loved by all who knew him, but lonely as many very intelligent people are who have a hard time connecting with others in developing deep relationships. I miss him deeply every day of my life and still after this amount of time cannot get used to being unable to pick up the phone to hear him call. He was the man who made me laugh the hardest, I miss the belly laughs. It is true that though these losses change you and to some degree you heal, and most definately find that the little stuff really doesn't matter. I think finding a good grief support group is most helpful even if better if its not specific to suicide. The stories at those groups, for me, are just too painful to be helpful. A good group is one where part of your mending comes from hearing other people's situations, sharing your own if you're able, and realize after repeated frequent visits with the group that there is so much learning that comes from the sharing of others. Don't know about everyone else, but it is simply not comfortable to talk about a suicide loss in hardly any situation, but grief groups it is! Some days are better than others, I carry on as I have three children and a husband and so wallowing in self pity is not an option. Some days, without warning, are ones that feel a chasm has opened up & swallowed me & I can't breath & am afraid of everything, then eventually, the chasm spits me back out and I guess it's just survival & acceptance. I find joy in the beauty of nature and my children, and frankly after everything that's happened I think I love them even more because we are all so imperfecft & I see a lot of importance in helping them (& myself) to find the happiness that alluded my dear brother. Love & prayers for finding your path again Tracey. -
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Permalink Reply by Susan on
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Thank you Amaryllis for your kind words - indeed every day is a journey. Hugs, Susan
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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth on
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It was four months before my seventeenth birthday my dad hung him self in my back yard he was Pernounced dead on April 30th 2010 it's been 7 months and it's still a stragle everyday he wasn't my real dad but the only one I had he loved me and I loved him so much he died exactly one tear and one month and two days after my grandfather who was one if his best friends I still hope and pray it's all a dream but I know it's not gong to happen
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It was four months before my seventeenth birthday my dad hung him self in my back yard he was Pernounced dead on April 30th 2010 it's been 7 months and it's still a stragle everyday he wasn't my real dad but the only one I had he loved me and I loved him so much he died exactly one tear and one month and two days after my grandfather who was one if his best friends I still hope and pray it's all a dream but I know it's not gong to happen
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Hello
About a week ago my husband took his life by hanging himself.
Finances were horrible. I found out about an affair he had with a 19 year old and he was 38
He was on alot of medication. He lied about alot of things, ie..bills, rent, issues, his feelings, what others said
I am devastated but mostly I am horrified to find out all of what he lied about even after his death
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Well why did he kill himself Lydia D angelo Hershburger??? My sister had nothing to with him killing himself I am very sorry about your loss My sister is 20 yrs old how long was she sleeping with him??? I know this is probley really hard for you to talk about I am not asking you to be rude but my sister has caused alot of problems here also Her mom killed herself and so has her father She is battling some major things herself. Why do you Proceed to sware at me in messages.
lydia dAngelo said:
Hello
About a week ago my husband took his life by hanging himself.
Finances were horrible. I found out about an affair he had with a 19 year old and he was 38
He was on alot of medication. He lied about alot of things, ie..bills, rent, issues, his feelings, what others said
I am devastated but mostly I am horrified to find out all of what he lied about even after his death
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Well why did he kill himself Lydia D angelo Hershburger??? My sister had nothing to with him killing himself I am very sorry about your loss My sister is 20 yrs old how long was she sleeping with him??? I know this is probley really hard for you to talk about I am not asking you to be rude but my sister has caused alot of problems here also Her mom killed herself and so has her father She is battling some major things herself. Why do you Proceed to sware at me in messages.
lydia dAngelo said:
Hello
About a week ago my husband took his life by hanging himself.
Finances were horrible. I found out about an affair he had with a 19 year old and he was 38
He was on alot of medication. He lied about alot of things, ie..bills, rent, issues, his feelings, what others said
I am devastated but mostly I am horrified to find out all of what he lied about even after his death
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I feel like you are not the only one who has lost someone this was my lil sister and she is out there somewhere and my mother worries sick about her and we too are sad about my sister's choices I expect her to be dead soon since she is consumed with meth and wont get help They say she is in a meth sycosis and if you ask me if you are a paralegal you would know how to speak to people and you really are not being that nice I havent done anything to you. I pray that you find peace and may god bless you.
Sarah Klein said:
Well why did he kill himself Lydia D angelo Hershburger??? My sister had nothing to with him killing himself I am very sorry about your loss My sister is 20 yrs old how long was she sleeping with him??? I know this is probley really hard for you to talk about I am not asking you to be rude but my sister has caused alot of problems here also Her mom killed herself and so has her father She is battling some major things herself. Why do you Proceed to sware at me in messages.
lydia dAngelo said:
Hello
About a week ago my husband took his life by hanging himself.
Finances were horrible. I found out about an affair he had with a 19 year old and he was 38
He was on alot of medication. He lied about alot of things, ie..bills, rent, issues, his feelings, what others said
I am devastated but mostly I am horrified to find out all of what he lied about even after his death
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Hello Lee,
One thing about God is that he did not give us the power to judge anyone and some people think that they knows a person stand before God if they commit suicide - however, we do not know the frame of mind the person was in and we do not have the power to judge - but God does and everything in that respect is left to God (1 Peter 1:17) Only God can determine the outcome of such a tragic event.
That is why - we are told to seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) (Proverbs 15:3) Jehovah God's eyes are upon all of us -the good and the bad. So, death and the final outcome is left up to Almighty God Jehovah. We can only pray and ask God to help us with the pain and to help us heal in order to deal with life and it daily events.
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thank you for your kind words
I appreciate them very much and I will continue to ask God for the strength to get me through this pain and lonliness and confusion that I am left with.
Please pray for me to be strong and to go on with life with strength.
Thank you
Diamond said:Hello Lee,
One thing about God is that he did not give us the power to judge anyone and some people think that they knows a person stand before God if they commit suicide - however, we do not know the frame of mind the person was in and we do not have the power to judge - but God does and everything in that respect is left to God (1 Peter 1:17) Only God can determine the outcome of such a tragic event.
That is why - we are told to seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) (Proverbs 15:3) Jehovah God's eyes are upon all of us -the good and the bad. So, death and the final outcome is left up to Almighty God Jehovah. We can only pray and ask God to help us with the pain and to help us heal in order to deal with life and it daily events.
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