Losing someone you love to suicide

Grief support: Find support and guidance from our online community and share your story about coping in the aftermath of suicide.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diamond on December 31, 2010 at 9:51pm

You are welcome! Please just trust in God and you will see that no-one you know is as powerful as he is...he understands your pain - remember he gave his only-begotten son for us!! So, he knows the pain associated with Death.(1 John 4:8) Just take the time to get to really know him and this will be through your deligent reading and researching the Bible.

Do take care and ask Almighty God-Jehovah for his loving guidance - petition for his help!!

lydia dAngelo said:

thank you for your kind words

I appreciate them very much and I will continue to ask God for the strength to get me through this pain and lonliness and confusion that I am left with.

Please pray for me to be strong and to go on with life with strength.

Thank you

Diamond said:

Hello Lee,

One thing about God is that he did not give us the power to judge anyone and some people think that they knows a person stand before God if they commit suicide - however, we do not know the frame of mind the person was in and we do not have the power to judge - but God does and everything in that respect is left to God (1 Peter 1:17) Only God can determine the outcome of such a tragic event.

That is why - we are told to seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) (Proverbs 15:3) Jehovah God's eyes are upon all of us -the good and the bad. So, death and the final outcome is left up to Almighty God Jehovah. We can only pray and ask God to help us with the pain and to help us heal in order to deal with life and it daily events.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on December 31, 2010 at 9:51pm

Do take care and ask Almighty God-Jehovah for his loving guidance - petition for his help!!

lydia dAngelo said:

thank you for your kind words

I appreciate them very much and I will continue to ask God for the strength to get me through this pain and lonliness and confusion that I am left with.

Please pray for me to be strong and to go on with life with strength.

Thank you

Diamond said:

Hello Lee,

One thing about God is that he did not give us the power to judge anyone and some people think that they knows a person stand before God if they commit suicide - however, we do not know the frame of mind the person was in and we do not have the power to judge - but God does and everything in that respect is left to God (1 Peter 1:17) Only God can determine the outcome of such a tragic event.

That is why - we are told to seek comfort in the Scriptures (Romans 15:4) (Proverbs 15:3) Jehovah God's eyes are upon all of us -the good and the bad. So, death and the final outcome is left up to Almighty God Jehovah. We can only pray and ask God to help us with the pain and to help us heal in order to deal with life and it daily events.

Permalink Reply by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on January 1, 2011 at 10:04pm

Jocele said:

It has been almost 2 weeks since my 20 year old son committed suicide. I've experienced a lot of deaths in my life, as I come from a large family. But this is the first suicide. He was so happy and full of life. He teased, joked, and liked to pull pranks on us. The one thing everyone comments on is how much he made us all laugh. Three nights before his death we went to a concert and he danced his heart away. I hadn't seen him dance since he was about 5 years old. But I always knew there was something dark in him. And we couldn't fix it. He had reached out in the past when he was depressed, but this time he didn't. My 24-year-old son found him in bed - he had shot himself. Sometimes I feel like I've given so much to others that I haven't had time to grieve myself. My kids and grandkids call almost every day, and I start telling funny "Harold" stories - we feel better when we get off the phone. I guess it's helping all of us.

Permalink Reply by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on January 1, 2011 at 10:12pm

daphne vaughn said:jocele i know your pain well as i too lost my son at the end of oct it has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do going on without him everyone tells me they cant forget his beautiful smile nor can i

Jocele said:
It has been almost 2 weeks since my 20 year old son committed suicide. I've experienced a lot of deaths in my life, as I come from a large family. But this is the first suicide. He was so happy and full of life. He teased, joked, and liked to pull pranks on us. The one thing everyone comments on is how much he made us all laugh. Three nights before his death we went to a concert and he danced his heart away. I hadn't seen him dance since he was about 5 years old. But I always knew there was something dark in him. And we couldn't fix it. He had reached out in the past when he was depressed, but this time he didn't. My 24-year-old son found him in bed - he had shot himself. Sometimes I feel like I've given so much to others that I haven't had time to grieve myself. My kids and grandkids call almost every day, and I start telling funny "Harold" stories - we feel better when we get off the phone. I guess it's helping all of us.

Permalink Reply by lydia dAngelo on January 3, 2011 at 6:51pm

thank you mike--I will take that to heart!

dangelo.lydia@yahoo.com

Mike Fernandaz said:

You might know someone who ‘wants the pain to stop’—so much that he or she has expressed a desire to end it all. If that is the case, what can you do?

But what if you yourself have had thoughts of ending it all? “Reach out,” urges Dr. McCoy. “Tell someone how you’re feeling—a parent, another relative, a friend, a teacher, a minister—someone who cares, who will take you seriously, listen to you, and help other important people in your life hear what you need to say.”

You have nothing to lose—and everything to gain—by talking out your problems. Consider a Bible example. At one point in his life, the righteous man Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life.” But then he added: “I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” Job was in despair, and he needed to talk about his pain. You may find some relief by confiding in a mature friend.

Of course, talking about your problems won’t make your problems disappear. But it might help you to put them in perspective, and the support of a trusted confidant may be just what you need to work out some practical solutions.

When undergoing distress, remember this: No matter how dire a situation may seem, in time things will change. The psalmist David, who was no stranger to adversity, said in prayer: “I have grown weary with my sighing; all night long I make my couch swim; with my tears I make my own divan overflow.” Yet, in another psalm he wrote: “You have changed my mourning into dancing for me

David knew from experience that life’s problems ebb and flow. True, some may seem overwhelming—at least for now. But be patient. Things change, often for the better. In some cases, problems might be alleviated in ways that you couldn’t have predicted. In other cases, you may discover a way of coping that you hadn’t considered. The point is, distressing problems will not stay the same forever....

The most important form of communication you can have is prayer. You can pray as did David: “Search through me, O God, and know my heart. Examine me, and know my disquieting thoughts, and see whether there is in me any painful way, and lead me in the way of time indefinite.”—

Prayer is not a mere crutch. It is real communication with your heavenly Father, who wants you to “pour out your heart” to him.

Permalink Reply by Brooke McKenna on February 13, 2011 at 11:05am

I lost the only man who ever really knew me, the father of my three children and the one person I have been connected to for 10yrs 18 days ago. I feel like I almost don't deserve to be mourning him. We had a very difficult relationship and divorced and got back together a million times. We split again 4months before he killed himself. He struggled with alcohol and drug addiction for the whole time I knew him and that is what wrecked our family. We did awful things to each other for many years. I was just going to al-anon and setting boundaries when this happen. My choice to split up again had nothing to do with not loving him and I wish every moment I could go back in time. His last text message was to me telling me about a fight w his brother and telling me he was ready to die and he loved me and his kids with all his heart. I responded only about the fight. I had heard those things a million times and didnt think twice. He didn't like my response and told me he shouldn't have bothered and I was F'n crazy. I said sorry I upset him, that I was only trying to help and I hope it gets better. I am not even sure he read that before he hung himself. I want to go back and say please don't we love you!! I feel like I could have saved him and didn't. I know in my head I shouldn't feel that way but I do!!! I found out yesterday he had made the noose and showed a friend months ago. It hit me like a truck- I feel like I am back to square one. I have moments I almost forget and then I feel like I can't breathe when I remember. I miss him so much and just want to do it all over. How could he leave his kids? How will they ever not feel completely abandoned? How is this happening?

Permalink Reply by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on February 13, 2011 at 12:18pm

dearest brooke, i understand your pain more than you know my heart goes out to you and your beautiful children my son too took his life in the same way and left 3 children and a big family that loved him dearly some days dont know how i will move on i keep praying and know things will get better for you and your family one day at a time my thoughts and prayers and all my love sent your way daphne vaughn

Permalink Reply by Brooke McKenna on February 13, 2011 at 12:29pm

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Tell me about him if you would like.

Brooke

Permalink Reply by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on February 14, 2011 at 5:14pm

daphne vaughn said:

dearest brooke, i understand your pain more than you know my heart goes out to you and your beautiful children my son too took his life in the same way and left 3 children and a big family that loved him dearly some days dont know how i will move on i keep praying and know things will get better for you and your family one day at a time my thoughts and prayers and all my love sent your way daphne vaughn

Permalink Reply by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on February 14, 2011 at 5:14pm

Brooke McKenna said:

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Tell me about him if you would like.

Brooke

Permalink Reply by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on February 14, 2011 at 5:37pm

brooke your life with your loved one sounds so much like my sons my son anthony was a very loving and giving person when he entered a room it just lite up but as i read on your story drugs do bad things anthony had been to rehab and i thought things were going well for him he was back in church for that im so very grateful he was planning to ask his girlfriend of 4yrs to marry him on her birthday oct27th instead we were in a hospital room begging him to come back to us some days are so hard for me as i know they are for you how old are your chrildren ? anthony was my first born only by 10 minutes his twin brother come pretty fast anthony did not know how much he was loved well i hope he did the outpouring of love and prayers was wonderful he had so many friends and love ones brooke i hope nothing but good things for you grief does strang to us in now way are you to blame you may e mail me if you like love and prayers daphne . vaughn.daphne@yahoo.com

Permalink Reply by Linseay Seay-Skaggs on June 4, 2011 at 9:56pm

When I first held my son after many hours of labor I knew I'd do it a million times again because he gave me a gift I would not have known. That of a mother's love. So greatly it was I knew I would die to protect him. As I held him I wanted for him one thing: To be happy.
I wished he could be back in my womb where he would always be safe, nourished, and not ever know pain. Only love. And loved him I did. Cherished and delighted in him, my little man, watching him grow up. Forever I carried him in my heart. And always will. So many 'firsts.' First laugh. First word. First steps. Only to have 'lasts.'
I noted on my cell phone screen he had called and I called him back. Had no idea he was leaving later that night. So in the dark I could not see. Until it was too late. Hindsight is 20-20. I'd even had dreams. Unnerved and edgy I felt. Yet not once did I think it would be him.
On August 8, 2010 he used a gun. After calling the police 5 days after we talked, implored for them to check on him, I got a call back. They had discovered his body a few hours earlier and looking for next of kin. Shock,, denial, pain too much to brasp. Not wanting this to be real I could not bear to see anyone. I was angry at everyone and dared anyone say, 'Look at what he has done. There was more than one finger on that trigger. So don't point your finger at him. And if you do take a close look.'
I've lost others, but this was not 'right.' Not the natural order...I was suppose to leave first. This is MY son. But only on loan. He first belonged to God. Was always His beloved child...as we all are.
His father hurt him in life. In our son's physical death he did not stop. Did not want to claim him and wanred our son's remains buried in a Potter's Field. Why? Because our son owed him money. Though pained by this, me and my husband claimed my son and paid for the cremation. To this day I've yet to see/hold the ashes, much yet think where to sprinkle them...if ever.
So angry at his bio father and his fathers' wife. For my son could not be happy due to them most of his life. The one thing I longed for him. Now, I console myself with knowingt God is taking care of my son. Loving him with His Love that requires no conditions. Trust God. Still, being human and a mother I still get angry and sad. Yet not angry at my son.
I know he did not do this to hurt me or anyone. His pain, he wanted to end.
His name is Joe. My 'son-brother.' I miss him. I miss myself as weird as that sounds. Feel detached and geesh, must sound crazy. Blessings to All