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my mom almost committed suicide...she rented a car and was off to Chicago. she took all her medications with her. before she left her home town she booked a flight to Sin City. she said she knew she was going to sin. there was a lot going on in our family and she was going crazy. she said she couldnt handle all this stress so she was going to end it. i was about 13 years old when this was taking place. i knew deep in my heart that my mom wasnt going to die that night! i called her and called her. she finally answered. i remember everything. i was sitting at the head of the kitchen table at my grandmas house. i told them all to be quiet because this was our last chance. she wouldnt ever hang up on me because i was still her little baby girl. i told her...mom, we love you so much. even if aleisha (my sister) doesnt show it...deep down in her heart she really cares about you. she is here crying. dont ever let anyone put you down. mom, this is coming from your baby girl. dont leave us here alone. we have no one else. dad, is not around...grandma and papa cant take care of us. do you really want the best for your daughters? in the background i hear a girl saying "heres your flight." i screamed through the phone. mom, god is with you. god loves you. dont break my heart. dont think no one cares! dont think this is the end. dont think you have to go through with this. (while shes on the phone with me ...im tryin to keep her on it as long as i could. the police were tracking her cell phone.) they called my sister and said, shes in chicago. we wont allow her on that plane! my sister raised her hand to me and told me its ok to hang up now. i trusted her so much. even though we didnt get along that well. she was still my sister and my mom was still my mom. the last thing my mom said to me on the phone was our song when we were babies..."adoo ba adoo ba doo ba doo ba day i love you. i love you.. she said, see you later." i said, later. i hung up. they found her and she ended up in a mental hospital. didnt take those pills and didnt end up on a plane to Sin City. she was safe. i saved her life.
I lost my fiance, Jeffrey(age 25), to suicide on August 10, 2009. It's only been a little over a month, and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I was with him when he died, he shot himself in the head while I was driving his truck back to our house after a night on the town. He was in the passenger seat, reached under the driver's seat and pulled out the gun, put it to his head, turned to look at me and told me that he loved me, then pulled the trigger. I was holding his hand and begging him, screaming at him, not to do this. I pulled over and called 911, but it was too late. I have violent daydreams about what has happened, and the scene replays over and over in my head. I've started going to a support group for Survivors of Suicide (loved ones left behind after someone commits suicide) and I start seeing a therapist in a couple weeks. Plus, I'm on medication because my doctor thinks that I may try and commit suicide because of what I saw. I'm not going to because I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and knowing the pain that I'm going through right now, I would never imagine making my family and my daughter feel like this. Jeff left behind 4 kids, all under the age of 5, and as much as I love him, I think it was selfish of him to do that to those kids. Anyway, that's my story. Oh, and his birthday's on Tuesday, and he would have been 26. I'm going to see him at his gravesite and bring him flowers and release 26 balloons with different sayings on them that I'm going to write. I love you, I miss you, stuff like that. --Jessica(24)
Friday was my youndest daughter's 18th birthday. Yesterday we took her and her boy friend to the Rainforest Cafe. My oldest daughter Courtney was there also. The biggest head ache for me all day was my only son was not there with us. It really irritated me to the point where it was hard for me to have fun along with everyone else. On the way we had to drive by the Carrabas Resturant where Brandon last worked. It's been over 16 months and I still have times and days where it hurts just to listen to a particular song, see someone wearing their baseball cap a certain way or even drive by a silver car like my sons.
Jocele said:
It has been almost 2 weeks since my 20 year old son committed suicide. I've experienced a lot of deaths in my life, as I come from a large family. But this is the first suicide. He was so happy and full of life. He teased, joked, and liked to pull pranks on us. The one thing everyone comments on is how much he made us all laugh. Three nights before his death we went to a concert and he danced his heart away. I hadn't seen him dance since he was about 5 years old. But I always knew there was something dark in him. And we couldn't fix it. He had reached out in the past when he was depressed, but this time he didn't. My 24-year-old son found him in bed - he had shot himself. Sometimes I feel like I've given so much to others that I haven't had time to grieve myself. My kids and grandkids call almost every day, and I start telling funny "Harold" stories - we feel better when we get off the phone. I guess it's helping all of us.
nanhi said:
Jocele said:
It has been almost 2 weeks since my 20 year old son committed suicide. I've experienced a lot of deaths in my life, as I come from a large family. But this is the first suicide. He was so happy and full of life. He teased, joked, and liked to pull pranks on us. The one thing everyone comments on is how much he made us all laugh. Three nights before his death we went to a concert and he danced his heart away. I hadn't seen him dance since he was about 5 years old. But I always knew there was something dark in him. And we couldn't fix it. He had reached out in the past when he was depressed, but this time he didn't. My 24-year-old son found him in bed - he had shot himself. Sometimes I feel like I've given so much to others that I haven't had time to grieve myself. My kids and grandkids call almost every day, and I start telling funny "Harold" stories - we feel better when we get off the phone. I guess it's helping all of us.
On Sept. 14, 2009 my son ended his life of 39 years by shooting himself. I cannot bear the hole that is in my heart right now. I talked with my son for 2 hrs. the day before he decided to do this. I have so many questions, why, how could he do this, how will I go on without him. Could I have done anything to have stopped him. i can't stop crying. I miss him so much. How do you cope with this
Sharon,
I truly cannot imagine what you are going through - and my prayers are with you. To have a child leave this way is so painful. I lost my brother the night of September 4th - just 10 days prior to your son - and he too shot himself. I have no great words of wisdom - and nothing that will help ease your pain - but please know - it is ok to feel the way you do - and please continue to speak to friends, family, strangers, clergy whomever to help you in this unbarable time. May your grief begin to subside each day and may you keep your son's memory alive with warm thoughts and happy times.
God bless you in this time of need.
.
Peggy, Thank you for your words of comfort and my prayers also go to you. It is so hard to believe that people are hurting so much that they feel this is the only way out for them. I don't think the family left behind ever truly gets over the hurt.

sharon said:
Sharon,
I so agree with how you feel. We, the people that are left, are the people left with all the broken pieces to put back together - and try to figure out how to manage life each day. My brother was number 5 of 7 children - right below me in age and the first of us to go. My poor mom. She is so strong, but this is truly the hardest thing she has ever had to deal with, even compared to my father's death. His was one that was imminant and when his time came, he was home and went peacefully and was out of physical pain for the first time since Korea. We all took it hard but still knew he was in a much better place. But a loss like the one we share is so much harder to get passed. I hope you have plenty of friends and family to help you through this Sharon. I will continue to check this sight and will keep speaking to you as long as you need to talk. I do believe it helps to share. And remember, your feelings are justified and it is ok. I hope today was a better day for you. Please take care of yourself - and allow yourself time - as much as you need.
I lost my brother to suicide. His suicide could have been prevented. He was a schizophrenic and had depresion episodes. He often would talk about suicide. Having him share his feelings is very important to rationlize through things. The most important thing to watch is when the victim is depresed to seek help from a therapist and getting him medicated. Another important thing is to get a cansoler to have someone to talk to that can help with his problems. With coping with loss of a loved one, it is necesary to help the victim feel they are loved and cared for. Tell them you love them everyday. Remind him of happy thoughts all the time. Remind him he is apreciated. Share time and spend time with him.
Jessica
You use the word selfish to describe you boyfriend's action. According to the information I researched online, ninety percent of suicides are evident of severe depression. If we look back at our loved ones past lives, we'll remember seeing symtoms of depression. I needed to know that information to move on with my life since my boyfriend shot himself 3 weeks ago. I don't think healthy, happy people commet suicide. I think very sick people do. We are not to blame for their actions. We have to move on with our own lives for the sake of our children, loved ones and especially ourselves. We have to keep the happy memories of our loved one in our hearts.
Deanna
Jessica Stevens said:
I lost my fiance, Jeffrey(age 25), to suicide on August 10, 2009. It's only been a little over a month, and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I was with him when he died, he shot himself in the head while I was driving his truck back to our house after a night on the town. He was in the passenger seat, reached under the driver's seat and pulled out the gun, put it to his head, turned to look at me and told me that he loved me, then pulled the trigger. I was holding his hand and begging him, screaming at him, not to do this. I pulled over and called 911, but it was too late. I have violent daydreams about what has happened, and the scene replays over and over in my head. I've started going to a support group for Survivors of Suicide (loved ones left behind after someone commits suicide) and I start seeing a therapist in a couple weeks. Plus, I'm on medication because my doctor thinks that I may try and commit suicide because of what I saw. I'm not going to because I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and knowing the pain that I'm going through right now, I would never imagine making my family and my daughter feel like this. Jeff left behind 4 kids, all under the age of 5, and as much as I love him, I think it was selfish of him to do that to those kids. Anyway, that's my story. Oh, and his birthday's on Tuesday, and he would have been 26. I'm going to see him at his gravesite and bring him flowers and release 26 balloons with different sayings on them that I'm going to write. I love you, I miss you, stuff like that. --Jessica(24)

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