Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amy on September 28, 2008 at 2:13pm

You know I just found this site and ran across your story. I can relate to you. In 2005 I lost my 16 yearold son to sucide. It has been tough, but I had no choice but to go own and try daily to bring out the good times he was so much like how you describe your son. He was so cheerful and the day he died he was excited about life and his plans after he graduated the next year. Yes he was a depressed child but did I pick up on to that extent? NO But my Mikie lives on and somedays I am so mad at him and other I remember the funny crazy things he did. It will be 3 years Nov 6 and not a day goes by or minute he isnt on my mind. And things lkie this do help. But we learn to live not Forget

Permalink Reply by Jocele on September 1, 2008 at 8:16am

Thank you, Darlene. My mother was killed in a car accident when she was 38. My grandmother always said the same thing. Nothing compares to losing a child. I faced the enormity and finality at the funeral home, but since then it all seems surreal. I keep thinking he'll call or just show up. I talk to him often. I believe his spirit can hear me. I remind him how much I love him, what a wonderful young man he was, and how much joy he brought into so many people's lives. I haven't gotten angry yet - but I know it's coming. Family and friends help so much. Every time I get a phone call or email I feel loved, hugged and prayed for. It all helps.

Permalink Reply by Lee on September 10, 2008 at 4:41pm

Jocele, you've been through so much, and I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm not a mother yet, and I can't imagine the pain you're experiencing.

It's natural to feel angry when someone you love takes their own life, but not everyone grieves the same way, and there's no "right way" you should be feeling. Whatever you're feeling at this moment is the right thing for you at this time.

How is your 24-year-old son handling his brother's death? My heart aches for him.

Permalink Reply by Melinda on September 12, 2008 at 12:40pm

I am so over whelmed right now i could scream. With all of the deaths over the last year i have been totally lost, now my nephew comitted suicide friday, september 5th. There is all this speculation on why. I want to know why. I feel so guilty. I was close to them. We talked about going on vacation once a year with each other. We went to Mexico a year ago and had a blast. He was the life of the party. He made you laugh and my two kids just adored him. Why did i not see the signs. Why did they not ask for help if it was needed. I love them both so much. I just dont understand why to choose to take your life and not ask for help. Anyone in our family would have helped. I wish i understood. I am driving my self crazy since it happed. I feel the guilt just growing. I just can understand why he did it, especially when he knew what the deaths over the last year did to everyone. I just can not shut my mind off. I am back at work today, but i want to be home in bed. I am tired, and just want to shut my brain off. He had my niece a beautiful wife and a little boy who would be 2 in December. That little boy adored him. How could he leave him. What do we tell him. The loss he must feel. My heart breaks for my niece and her son. I just thank God that he only took his life, that he did not take his wife and child. I know that he love both of them very much.

I had a coworked that i knew for 10 years committed suicide. He was such a nice guy and funny. It just dont end.

I am sorry i am rambling on and on. I just dont know what to do with myself. It just seems to be happening so oftening.

Thank you for listening to me i greatly appreciate it.


NEVER FORGOTTEN
KEVIN ARRON ADE - LOVING NEPHEW - APRIL 2007
JOHN ADE - LOVING FATHER IN LAW - MAY 2007
GERALD CONNELLY SR - LOVING FATHER - JUNE 2007
RON ADE - LOVING UNCLE - AUGUST 2007
GARY MCCORMICK JR. - LOVING COUSIN - MAY 2008
MIKE BELLINO - TRUE FRIEND - JUNE 2008
DANNY GAWLE - LOVING NEWPHEW - SEPTEMBER 2008

Permalink Reply by Lee on September 12, 2008 at 8:51pm

Oh, Melinda, I was so sorry to read this. It just won't let up, will it? You've told us a little bit about the other loved ones that you have lost, and I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.

I have no way of knowing what was going through your nephew's mind when he made his tragic decision. But depression can kill just as surely as cancer. And one of the most dangerous aspects of depression is that it becomes very difficult or impossible to ask for help, because they're filled with a hopeless lethargy that tells them that it's no use and that nothing can help. It's not that you weren't there for him, it's that he could not reach out.

My heart goes out to all of your family, especially your niece, who now has to raise her son without his father. Maybe what you can one day explain to him is that his father loved him very much, but that his father was sick with an illness called depression, and that he died from it. And maybe one day he will understand, and forgive.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Melinda. You must be a very strong person for withstanding all this. I pray that things get better for your family, and I believe that they will. All my best wishes.

- Lee

Permalink Reply by Melinda on September 13, 2008 at 9:23am

Lee, Thank you for your kind words. The hardest part about this whole thing is that i love him dearly and at the same time i am so mad at him, along with sad, upset, confused and questioning why. These mixed feelings have me so overwhelmed. My newphew last year when he was killed by a drunk driver, i had someone to blame, someone to be mad at and his death was at the hands of someone else. Now with this happening all those feelings are directed at my nephew, his dealth was with his own hand, which when i am mad at him i feel guilty. The feeling that i should have seen the signs, i should have known something, it haunts me. I can not get a good night sleep because i keep imagining the pain he must have been in. I cant get the image of the way he killed himself out of my head. My nephew was 31 years old, and my niece is 26 years old and her birthday is next week. She is young and strong and with the love of family and friends she will get through this and that beautiful little boy will help her. I just love their little boy so much. He looks like my nephew, it is scary. He will get us through all of this. Sorry i have a habit of going on and on. As you can see i dont have to many people i can talk to. Thank you again for your kind words, it really helps to know there is support out there.
Thank you, Melinda.

Permalink Reply by Deanne Wood on September 19, 2008 at 7:42am

I am 26 years old, and have been no stranger to death in my life. When I was four years old, my second oldest brother (I'm from a family of 4 children), was killed in a car accident during his senior year of high school, just two weeks after he turned 18. When I was 18, I lost my father to cancer only 2 1/2 weeks after he was diagnosed. My grandparents have all passed on, as well. Then just this past summer, my 16 year-old niece lost her mother to suicide. When I was growing up, my niece's mother was just like a sister to me. Unfortunately, for certain reasons, we had not spoken in almost 4 years. The pain and guilt that I feel on a daily basis because of this is almost too much to bear at times. I will never forgive myself for not speaking to her during the last years of her life. And those last years of her life I will never have back. If I only knew then what i know now, I would wish for just one more day to thank her for all that she did for me and with me when I was little. To this day, I don't coat my bottom lashes with mascara, because her opinion was that "it looks like too much makeup".
Then, almost two months after I lost her, a cousin that I hadn't spoken to in close to 4 years, committed suicide as well. He and I weren't really close, but, of course we did things together as children at family get-togethers. I have memories of him that I will never forget, but I still wish I would have made the effort to try and communicate with him. Again, another case of "if I only knew then what I know now".

Permalink Reply by Helen on September 28, 2008 at 11:19am

I need some help right now. I have a friend who lost his father to suicide and then his brother. Now he has just lost a son to suicide. He will be home soon and I know I need to let him grieve, but when he is ready does anyone have anything that will help me to help him cope with this situation. I would appreciate any suggestions you may have.

Permalink Reply by Lee on October 2, 2008 at 3:12pm

There's an organization called the American Association of Suicidology, and they have a survivors division for people who have lost someone to suicide. They have some good resources for you and your friend. Here are some links:

Helping Survivors of Suicide: What can you do?

The SOS Handbook

Resource Page for Survivors

I'm so sorry that your friend has suffered so terribly. He's lucky to have a friend like you. I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts.

Permalink Reply by tracy on October 22, 2008 at 8:42pm

my name is tracy my boyfriend comitted suicide on wed the 15 oct i am having problems deailing with it he did it over the emptyness he felt for his son his exwife would not let him see him she was selfish i cry everyday i dont know what to do i know i have to keep on living for my children . but i have to suffer now please someone talk to me i need somthing

Permalink Reply by Amy on October 22, 2008 at 9:10pm

Tracy I know exactly how you feel. Nov 6 my Mikie will have been gone 3 years and it is still so hard. I searched the internet over for answers but found not much. Mikie was only 16 and I still just dont understand it was the most worst day of my life. I have other children and 1 especially Isaac who is now 8 with Down Syndrome. He of course never understood never will. He is better now but my first months were not good. I knew in my heart I had to go on for the other kids. I have 3 at home and 3 grown. This was so hard on my older ones and well just us all. I now try and remember our memories and maybe that gets me by, but I also know I will never be the same. I know someday I will get to see him again and that will be Grand. You have to take it one day at a time . I joined a group which has helped me alot. You can talk about this because only people like you and I only know what it trully feels like. Try and remember the good times and talk about him, I know people are funny when it comes to suicide but our loved ones did LIVE and were a big part of our lives. Your children need you and you them, as time goes on it seems to get a little easier, remember no matter what we will never be over it or get over it either we learn to live with it in our own ways. I talk to him sometimes I am mad , I cry I wish him back and all the things maybe I could have done different. And as for his ex she is probably paying a price too. She will answer to this someday. So hold him in your heart, love your kids and keep your head high. I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. Any time. You will be okay. At first I didnt want to be but I am, sure I miss my son so, but he is a big part of my life and always will be. Take care Amy

Permalink Reply by tracy on October 26, 2008 at 1:28pm

i am still lost without mark he was my heart and soul what does one do after the lose some one to sucide i have so many questions i need to talk to some one that understands what i am going through if u have please respond

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