Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Wendy Perivolotis on May 27, 2009 at 9:42pm

Dear Sue

Thank You so much for responding to my letter, I know, I dont understand why this is happening to me, Is it a message from god telling me to smarting up. I have dont some bad things in the past, little things, But maybe iam just being learned a leason. I really dont know what to think, But i have not lost my belief in GOD and never will. Thank you for caring and may god be with you and your family and keep you all safe.


alwaysblessingneverlosses

Wendy

Permalink Reply by sue on May 28, 2009 at 10:33am

Wendy, this isn't even about you, but it was their time. It is a fact, I believe, that we all have a time and when that time is here, we leave this earth. Don't blame yourself but that is one of the things in grief, or at least it was for me. My husband died of a brain anerysm and I wondered if I should have known and if I should have pushed harder for him to come home after he left the dentist. No one could believe he had no warning signs and that bothered me thinking "did I miss something"? His nurse niece even said, "he had to have had high blood pressure" but he didn't. All kind of things go through your head as if you have the control but "there is a time and a season for every thing under the sun"
I too have done some things I am not proud of and I wondered if I was being punished for my past but I remembered that I am under Grace and once you ask for forgiveness the bible says he throws it into the sea of forgetfulness and when you bring it up again he doesn't even know what you are talking about. Take it easy on yourself and cling to the lord and he will bless you. He never stops loving you no matter what. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. Past is past, let it stay there and forgive yourself. We can only do something about the future. I am praying for you. suep

Permalink Reply by joni turk on July 8, 2009 at 8:46am

i have lost two sons to suicide and one to a trajic car accident. the first son was in 2000. to this day i don't know why. the second boy was the first ones twin and he died trajically in a car accident. i thought i would die of a broken heart. now my youngest son committed suicide on thanksgiving day of 2008. he came back from iraq several months earlier. threw his wife and 3 small children out and went on a party spree for almost a year. then on thanksgiving, he sat in his bedroom and told his 6 year old to leave as he had a gun in his mouth. by the time his daughter told her uncle this, it was too late. the uncle walked into the room just as he put the gun to his mouth. i have feared for our remaining 4 daughters lives every day since this. they all seem stable and happy but in the corner of my mind i am making myself sick worrying. this has been a roller coaster of nightmares for our family. i am angry at him at times for leaving his babies as i am angry with the first son for this also. did we do something wrong as they were growing up? did we not show them enough love? i prayed for my kids every nite but for some reason, it did not work. but i am realizing that people make their own choices and we have to quit blaming ourselves. its easier said than done. my prayers to all of you who have loved and lost someone so dear to you.

sue said:

Wendy, this isn't even about you, but it was their time. It is a fact, I believe, that we all have a time and when that time is here, we leave this earth. Don't blame yourself but that is one of the things in grief, or at least it was for me. My husband died of a brain anerysm and I wondered if I should have known and if I should have pushed harder for him to come home after he left the dentist. No one could believe he had no warning signs and that bothered me thinking "did I miss something"? His nurse niece even said, "he had to have had high blood pressure" but he didn't. All kind of things go through your head as if you have the control but "there is a time and a season for every thing under the sun"
I too have done some things I am not proud of and I wondered if I was being punished for my past but I remembered that I am under Grace and once you ask for forgiveness the bible says he throws it into the sea of forgetfulness and when you bring it up again he doesn't even know what you are talking about. Take it easy on yourself and cling to the lord and he will bless you. He never stops loving you no matter what. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. Past is past, let it stay there and forgive yourself. We can only do something about the future. I am praying for you. suep

Permalink Reply by sue on July 8, 2009 at 7:31pm

Joni, what a terrible experience to lose 3 sons. I just can't imagine but you did the best you could and this was their decision to commit suicide. The two sons did this to themselves. It is common in a family of one suicide for another to also commit suicide. I think it is very important that you talk with all your family and tell them to talk to someone instead of this. That is about all you can do and keep watch as much as you can. It is not true that when someone talks about suicide they will never do it. If they talk about it that means they are considering it. This was not your fault. I am so sorry that you have had this experience. suep

Permalink Reply by John Taylor on July 9, 2009 at 8:03pm

Ms. Joni, I'm so sorry for your loss. After losing my son over a year ago, couldn't even fathom losing more than one child. My heart hurt so made with the lose of my son Brandon that even with the love of my two daughters and my wife losing another child might send me over the edge. I spoke with both my remaning children and hopefully have clarified how much hurt losing my son put us all through. I pray daily that my family will not have to endure such a tadgidy ever again. My prays willbe with you and your family. Please take care. Sincerely, JBT

Permalink Reply by Lisa on July 14, 2009 at 9:58am

I have been trying to get a group together here in Savannah for survivors of suicide. The response has been somewhat staggering through the past 2 years and I know from experience that some survivor's are somewhat hesitant to go to group meetings. I have since kinda given up on being the facilitator of the group. If I can get enough people that want to meet, I will certainly start up the group again. I found my brother in May of 2006. It has been one of the most painful things I have ever experienced and after 2 years decided that I wanted to start a group here in Savannah since there was no support group here. I did find online support but needed some face to face interaction with people that understood how I felt. If anyone is interested in coming to group meetings for support, please let me know.

Permalink Reply by Joanne A. on July 15, 2009 at 11:49am

Dear Mr Taylor,

I lost my brother Chester on the 31st night in December. He was 35yrs and a father of two daughters age 12 and 6yrs. He hanged himself as he and his wife were apart for two months and he knew that she was never coming back home with his kids...They were his life. She was his 1st love. He kept telling my mum,dad and me that he was hurting so much that he could not eat.drink,work or sleep..he just wanted to close his eyes and never wake up..dad asked him many times to get help for him and his reply was "I just want them home and all will be fine" you could understand our pain when we found out that he had done this on the 31st and we found him at his home on the 1st evening hanging from his courtyard. When i gave my parents the news they say that they felt the roof falling on top of them..my Dad had to rush out for air. We keep telling ourselves that we should have tried harder but would he have listened to us?? He is my darling bro and not a day goes by that i dont miss him. I am one year older than Chester and my sister is 5yrs younger than him. she loved him so much. He was our darling. My dad cries a lot and loves to talk about him. My mum is very strong with her faith in Jesus and she always tells us that he is with God. He has been set free to be with God. No more pain and Sadness. Its hard for us who are left behind with all the memories, love and sadness to cope...but when we focus on God and try to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God then when its our time to go, we will be with our loved ones in Heaven. So ask God for strength every day to go on till you meet Brandon in Heaven. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and all the others who have lost their loved ones. God bless you all.
JoAnne.

John Taylor said:

In May my son Brandon shot him self. I knew he was upset but didn't know he would do what he did. My wife and I last saw him in in late March when he and his new girl friend came over to visit. He seemed very happy and I thought this was what he was looking for. In 1985 he lost his his mother when he was seven years old. He and his mom were two peas in a pod. They were best buds. He's been very hurt ever since. He always told me he wouldn't live to his 30th birthday. May 20th he was 29 two weeks short of his birthday. What's hard for me to understand is how many of his friends felt he was their best friend. I mean scores of friends. He still to this day has friends add comments to his MySpace page. I miss him daily and pray to God that he's protecting my boy. I hope he's found his mom and they are together.

Permalink Reply by John Taylor on July 15, 2009 at 5:58pm

Joanne, thank you for your thoughts. Please let you dad talk about your brother as much as he would like. It will help him in his grief for Chester. We too felt that we could have done more. Of my three children, Brandon would have been the last that I worried about concerning suicide, so I guess you never know. I'm sorry anyone, especially family members would ever have to deal with such a tragedy. Brandon was a great big brother and both his sisters miss him tremdously. Take care, JBT

Joanne Hamer said:

Dear Mr Taylor,

I lost my brother Chester on the 31st night in December. He was 35yrs and a father of two daughters age 12 and 6yrs. He hanged himself as he and his wife were apart for two months and he knew that she was never coming back home with his kids...They were his life. She was his 1st love. He kept telling my mum,dad and me that he was hurting so much that he could not eat.drink,work or sleep..he just wanted to close his eyes and never wake up..dad asked him many times to get help for him and his reply was "I just want them home and all will be fine" you could understand our pain when we found out that he had done this on the 31st and we found him at his home on the 1st evening hanging from his courtyard. When i gave my parents the news they say that they felt the roof falling on top of them..my Dad had to rush out for air. We keep telling ourselves that we should have tried harder but would he have listened to us?? He is my darling bro and not a day goes by that i dont miss him. I am one year older than Chester and my sister is 5yrs younger than him. she loved him so much. He was our darling. My dad cries a lot and loves to talk about him. My mum is very strong with her faith in Jesus and she always tells us that he is with God. He has been set free to be with God. No more pain and Sadness. Its hard for us who are left behind with all the memories, love and sadness to cope...but when we focus on God and try to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God then when its our time to go, we will be with our loved ones in Heaven. So ask God for strength every day to go on till you meet Brandon in Heaven. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and all the others who have lost their loved ones. God bless you all.
JoAnne.

John Taylor said:

In May my son Brandon shot him self. I knew he was upset but didn't know he would do what he did. My wife and I last saw him in in late March when he and his new girl friend came over to visit. He seemed very happy and I thought this was what he was looking for. In 1985 he lost his his mother when he was seven years old. He and his mom were two peas in a pod. They were best buds. He's been very hurt ever since. He always told me he wouldn't live to his 30th birthday. May 20th he was 29 two weeks short of his birthday. What's hard for me to understand is how many of his friends felt he was their best friend. I mean scores of friends. He still to this day has friends add comments to his MySpace page. I miss him daily and pray to God that he's protecting my boy. I hope he's found his mom and they are together.

Permalink Reply by Michelle on July 19, 2009 at 1:34pm

My son comitted suicide almost 5 years ago. The grief seems to be getting worse. I have been told that I need to get angry at him. I have not been able to and have turned all the anger toward myself. I have become so selfish, lazy and disgusting. I do not want to take antidepressants, as I hate the side effects. Instead I am drinking too much and numbing myself with books, TV, computer or whatever I can find. I try talking myself out of this lethargy. I try to will myself into action, such as volenteering (to get me out of mysef), find a church, exercise, etc. I am stuck here! I do not have faith in psychiatry and hate 12 step groups. I am starting to fear for my sanity.

Permalink Reply by Jackie on July 28, 2009 at 3:32pm

I don't know where to begin. When I was 9, my mom married my stepdad. At age 10, my mother was killed in a car wreck. My stepdad adopted us kids on what would have been their 2 year wedding anniversary. He didn't date for 3 years. He finally met someone when i was 13. She too was killed in a car wreck 2 miles from where my mom was killed on July 1, 1994. The year before that, us kids went to Louisiana for the summer and my uncle (17) was shot and killed by accident on June 27th. I have to admit it has been a very difficult life. My dad was what kept me together and I did the same for him. I got a job at 14, another at 15, and by 16 was working 3 jobs to help pay the bills for me and my family. My dad had issues with depression for obvious reasons off and on and would "deal" with it by closing himself in his room for a week or so and just sleep. He was my best friend! Too make a long story short, I have 2 children of whom my dad lived and loved for. The depression had almost stopped. He has been a relationship with the same woman for 9 years. She is a "horse of another color" to say the least and we all dealt with her because my dad was with her. The last week he was alive, he was in his room sleeping for a few days, as he always does because he was tired of the relationship and her. He is the most gentle man and didn't know how to leave her. He came to my house on Thursday to take my kids swimming and told me he was leaving her because he just couldn't take her nagging anymore and that he was "trading her in". I said okay, whatever you want dad. The next day, he and my siblings went to the springs with my kids for the day. His girlfriend was just being ridiculous and embarrassing to my dad. She was being loud and crying as to why he was leaving her infront of so many people. He was so embarrased, and he told her, "this is why, you never know when to stop, and i have wasted 9 years, and i am not wasting anymore". So they went home. He went to bed. I talked to my siblings to find out what had happened that day, and felt that I should talk to his girlfriend to see what she had to say. I was telling her that dad would be fine, he does this (stays sleeping) whenever things get to overwhelming and in a couple of days he will be back to himself. She seemed okay with that. This was around 11:30 Friday night. At 11:59, my dad called me because she had woken him up and got him all upset about who knows what and I told him just to ignore her and go back to sleep and that I would talk to him in the morning. He was totally cool, he told me that he loved me and he would call me in the morning. I know him, and i know he did just that. Well she kept on nagging and nagging and said that they needed to talk, and he said that he was leaving and that was that. She flipped out and tried to call a friend of mine and left a message infront of my dad like she was on the phone with the police and egging him on, saying "are going to kill me Kenny, and you can hear him in the background saying, well yeah, before the cops get here". So you know, he would never hurt a fly and she knew it. He simply just walked away and told her he was done and leaving her, not believing she had actually called the police. She then tried to get him to talk to her again, and he just walked all the way out to the pond. She then really called the police, because she wanted someone to tell him that she loved him and that she needed him to be with her there. My dad had spent time in prison over 35 years ago, so since i was little he had always said that he would never go back and everyone knew it that he was terrified of prison. He had retired to be with my kids and was happy just being a grandfather. So when she called the police she knew what he would do next, as he had no other choice. He wasn't allowed to own a firearm because he was once long ago a convicted felon. He had several guns, though they were collectors from different wars, they were still fire arms. When the pol

Permalink Reply by Diamond on July 30, 2009 at 8:07pm

Only God can make the final judgment in a situation like suicide. Matthew 7:1 is so comforting - as it is only God who can decide. He gives us guideline to follow and yet everything in one's life isn't what it appears to be. One must take into account the mind-set and if they truly understood God's position with suicide. We as human - can not assume what will be their destiny - we only know the guidelines and it is God's final call.

Permalink Reply by Mourning Mother on August 3, 2009 at 10:01pm

Hi. I lost my son to suicide at the young age of 22, a few months shy of his 23rd birthday. He was bi polar. The pain the hurt, the LIFETIME of grief ahead has left me very depressed. I didn't wanna take anti-depressants until I found myself writing goodbye letters to my family. I knew then I was in trouble. I sought help and am okay now. I am not doped up, no, I am able to cry, but more importantly, I am now able to function. To make the loss worse, my ex and I did not get along. He made my life a living heck at the wake, and the funeral. Lastly, he did not allow me to go to my son's apt (his name was on the lease as well) so I basically have NOTHING of my child's. I now suffer from PTSD. Meanwhile, life goes on for him. He is the one who found my child. He hung himself during a blackout. Toxicology confirmed high alcohol content. He had been fighting with his girl, and called her she never answered him. She knew he was in bad shape mentally and yet told nobody. I am hurt, angry, and overwhelmed with grief. I am now a 'changed woman' one who will never be the same. SOS imo, we change. Life will never ever be the same again. I do recommend a great book though: Danielle Steele''s book called In His Bright Light, The Story of Nick Traina, her son. Yes, he was bi polar also. It brought me comfort, tears, and some laughter. For any parent who has lost a child to suicide and know or suspect your child was bi polar, this is an AWESOME book. I got mine at the 1/2 price bookstore. God Bless Us....xoxo

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