Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Shari May-Joslin on September 4, 2010 at 8:19pm

Your story both broke my heart and made me think positively as well. One of my sons best friends chose to end his life last year, as a mother watching my adult son experience such pain was more than I can put in to words. One of the things that has helped me with all of this is my true belief in what the bible has to say Revelation 21:4 where God promises to do away with death and the pain that comes with it forever. From my in depth and continual studies of the bible I also know God promises our lost loved ones will live again right here on earth in paradise conditions. I'm truly sorry about the loss of both of your grandparents and would be happy to share my hope with you if you are interested. Please feel free to e-mail me momazboyzx2@yahoo.com Warm Regards, Shari

Lee said:

Two days after my thirteenth birthday, my grandfather shot himself. A month and ten days later I lost my grandmother, too. There was some medical cause, but the truth is that she didn't want to live anymore, so she turned her face to the wall and faded away.

If I could roll back time, I'd try to stop it from ever happening. But since I can't do that, I try to think about the positive things that came out of those times. This is not something I could do at the time, and it's only now, 14 years later, that I can even begin to approach it that way.

Most importantly, even though it sent me into my first depression, his taking his own life might have saved mine. I've gone through some very bad periods. But never once did I seriously consider suicide, because I knew how it affects the people you leave behind. It just was not an option.

Also, once I'd experienced actual tragedy, the little inconveniences of life just didn't bother me as much as they would have. A failing grade on a test? A fight with a friend? They couldn't even compare.

I'd rather have my grandfather. But I can't. So I'll take what I can get.

Permalink Reply by Shari May-Joslin on September 4, 2010 at 8:19pm

Your story both broke my heart and made me think positively as well. One of my sons best friends chose to end his life last year, as a mother watching my adult son experience such pain was more than I can put in to words. One of the things that has helped me with all of this is my true belief in what the bible has to say Revelation 21:4 where God promises to do away with death and the pain that comes with it forever. From my in depth and continual studies of the bible I also know God promises our lost loved ones will live again right here on earth in paradise conditions. I'm truly sorry about the loss of both of your grandparents and would be happy to share my hope with you if you are interested. Please feel free to e-mail me momazboyzx2@yahoo.com Warm Regards, Shari

Lee said:

Two days after my thirteenth birthday, my grandfather shot himself. A month and ten days later I lost my grandmother, too. There was some medical cause, but the truth is that she didn't want to live anymore, so she turned her face to the wall and faded away.

If I could roll back time, I'd try to stop it from ever happening. But since I can't do that, I try to think about the positive things that came out of those times. This is not something I could do at the time, and it's only now, 14 years later, that I can even begin to approach it that way.

Most importantly, even though it sent me into my first depression, his taking his own life might have saved mine. I've gone through some very bad periods. But never once did I seriously consider suicide, because I knew how it affects the people you leave behind. It just was not an option.

Also, once I'd experienced actual tragedy, the little inconveniences of life just didn't bother me as much as they would have. A failing grade on a test? A fight with a friend? They couldn't even compare.

I'd rather have my grandfather. But I can't. So I'll take what I can get.

Permalink Reply by Sara Matthews on September 5, 2010 at 8:47pm

so I got a phone call on tuesday 8/31 from the sheriff's office to come to my father's residence as soon as possible... I had been expecting this call for a while now but when it actually happened I am still left with the hurt and confusion as to "WHY?" and to think he did it and no body heard anything at all and he laid there dead in his home for 10-14 days before an old lady across the street called in a welfare check on her neighbor b/c he had not put his trash out in 2 weeks.... and to think what the Deputy that responded had to see... the first night after I found out even with medication I was still unable to sleep, the next night was alittle better, and the next even better, but then last night I was trying to go to sleep and everytime I closed my eyes I saw images...and I know it was just my mind playing tricks because I did not have to see him to ID him, law enforcement did that for me, but I still saw things and it took forever to fall asleep. Now tonight is my husbands first night back to work since this all started and I will be all alone with my thoughts, worries me alittle....

Permalink Reply by John Taylor on September 12, 2010 at 8:47pm

I finally had me first substandial dream of my son a couple of weeks ago. After two years and couple of months I now understand why he may have taken so long to visit me in my dreams, it wasn't easy take. After the experience it made me more at ease on whether or not he's OK. Since then we've play catch with softbal and held a conversation where he informed me he's playing softball with a church league. It's good to hear from him see him from time to time even if it is in my dreams.

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline T Anemone on September 15, 2010 at 1:49am

Susan,
I am so sorry for your loss, it is one thing to lose your child, I lost my oldest and most loving daughter from brain cancer. But to lose a child from suicide must be devastating, please don't blame yourself. The only thing that would get me through that would be the thought that he is finally at some peace, your not and you never will be, just like the rest of us. I look forward to the day I can see my daughter again. I go to "Compassionate Friends" its just for parents who's child has died, no matter how. They are saving me. Their are parents whose child has committed suicide there as well, it will help you. There should be a local chapter near you, call information and do it for you!

Susan said:

Hi everyone,

I lost my son, Jason, on Aug. 8th. He was 25. He hung himself with a belt at his sisters house. Thankfully she didn't find him, her boyfriend did. She did however see him lying in the floor - stiff. I don't know how I feel...lost, empty, dead inside. At first, I felt that he was at peace and that made me feel better. I understand depression all to well. I suffer from chronic depression. He didn't leave a not and we really didn't know he was so depressed. We will never understand why. For several days right after he died, I would search around the house looking for a note, thinking maybe he had hid something the last time he visited me 3 days before his death. I was able to remember him and laugh at his silliness. Now I can't bare to think about him, see a picture of him, or hear the songs that he loved. When I do, I push it deep inside. I haven't cried that much yet. I did the first day and when I really think about that day it tears me to pieces. Although, I have chronic depression, it has been under control for the last 2 years. Now I am scared for myself. I don't want to go back to that dark place. I had a great counselor but she has moved away. And I really need her now.

To everyone here, I am deeply sorry for your losses and send you many virtual hugs.

Permalink Reply by Mia Mandarin on September 20, 2010 at 1:47am

It was the 7th February 2010 around 11am I get a phone call from my older sister (25 years old) that my younger sister (18 years old) was dead. We were both at the same party just hours earlier, she had left around 7am and took the 10 minute walk to our home where we both lived with our parents. I had passed out on my friends sofa around 8am I woke up to people still partying around me, I didn't believe it, I thought it was just something my sister had said to get me home right away. I got up and got my cousin (who was also at the party) and we left, both in disbelief and reassuring one another that it's okay, she was just saying that. We ran all the way there until we had both got to the top of our street and saw the police cars and ambulances parked outside my home, that's when it hit us, we both collapsed to the floor on each other in hysterics, from this moment on everything seems like a movie scene, everything was all so surreal. I can still picture my uncle (cousins dad) and my stepfather walking towards us and carrying us both to my sisters (she lived just next door to me) I walk into a room with my sister, my mum and another cousin just sat on the floor in tears, I had asked what had happened to my stepfather and he had told me she'd took her own life, my sister and mother was unaware of how exactly she had died at this point and I was the one to tell them, bringing even louder moans in the room. My step father had found my sister hanging in our living room above the sofa, he had cut the rope and placed her on the floor and put a blanket over her, he instantly called the police and escourted my mum to my sisters. It took my weeks to realise it was real, I just couldn't believe it, I couldn't understand why. I lost not only my sister but my bestfriend, she was such a breath of fresh air and I miss her so much, her 19th birthday passed, I had to celebrate my 21st without her and now christmas is coming and I know it's going to be one of the hardest things I'm ever going to do, I miss her so much it's killing me slowly. MISS YOU!! X

Permalink Reply by lula par on September 21, 2010 at 4:36pm

don 't let this bitc#$ do this to u.she took him anyway in life and now in death, no slap the hell out of her. then she will stop. show her who boss

pearl said:

Hi,
My partner of two years died two months today by overdose.

I have struggled to cope with the guilt of his death, and iam having therapy.

I just don't know what to do now as we were childhood sweethearts and then after much upheaval went our seperate ways, untill 22 years later when he left his partner for me. We were so happy together, however i knew he had always been troubled and hadn't realised how bad his depression over the years had become. However i stood by him and was there for him even when he had previously taken an overdose whilst he was lay in bed next to me one evening. I called the paramedics and he was saved. Our relationship was so very strong, we had this massive connection that no matter what we always pulled together and even through the years of being apart, we both wanted each other still.

The awful dillema i am left with now is that of his ex-partner, I stayed away from his funeral out of respect to his family, it was awful but i also had to think of them. I have been to the grave, i find it helps me so much to still be close to him but his ex-partner keeps throwing my flowers in the bin.

My partners sister is in touch with me and she is furious that the flowers are going missing as she knew her brother was so happy with me and that he would be so upset by this.

I went to the grave this morning and saw my flowers in the bin, i am going demented with this and so i took them out and tidied them up and placed a note on them asking for them to be left in the nicest possible way i could.

What am i to do about this awful situation, i should be able to go to his graveside and place something for him without them being removed. I miss and love him so much and now all that is left is his grave for me to love and look after.

Permalink Reply by traci dian reitano on September 29, 2010 at 10:01pm

i

JANE MANSKE said:

Tracey said:

On 12th May 2010 I came home to find my husband of seven years had hung himself in our garage. He was only 41 years old. He was the sweetest, gentlest most caring person in the whole world and I still can't believe this has happened. I don't know where to begin to pick up the pieces of my life. We had been together for a total of twelve years and longest we had ever been apart was a two and a half week trip I took with a friend. He was my best friend and we were always content to just spend time together no matter what we were doing. Noone saw this coming, we had been making plans and nothing had changed in his behaviour, I just can't believe it.

I can't get the image of finding him out of my head and I think one of the hardest things is that he knew I had struggled for years with the fact that I had been the one to find my mother dead when I was nine (she had leukaemia). I had been dealing with depression myself after losing so many in my family over the years and I can't believe he would do this at all but especially so that I would be the one to find him like that.

We had been talking about starting a family this year and I feel as though he has now taken my life with him. Everyone keeps telling me I still have plenty of time to move on and find someone else and still have a family (I'm 35) but I can't even think about that. He and I were so perfectly suited to one another or so I thought, I could never find anyone who would get me the way he did and of anyone on this planet who I trusted and would have never thought could hurt me like this it was Brook, how could I possibly ever trust anyone else ever again?

I just miss him so much and everyone around me is trying their best but they are all moving on with their lives and I'm getting the feeling they think I should be starting to move on with mine but I just don't know how to start. I don't have anywhere to live, I'm staying with a friend 'cause I couldn't possibly stay in that house after finding him like that, I don't have a job as we had decided that I would do the housewife thing and he would work so I have to try to find somewhere to live and find a job when I can't even concentrate on flicking through a magazine or watching a tv show.

Has anyone been through something like this? What do I do? Where do I start?

Permalink Reply by traci dian reitano on September 29, 2010 at 10:01pm

i

JANE MANSKE said:

Tracey said:

On 12th May 2010 I came home to find my husband of seven years had hung himself in our garage. He was only 41 years old. He was the sweetest, gentlest most caring person in the whole world and I still can't believe this has happened. I don't know where to begin to pick up the pieces of my life. We had been together for a total of twelve years and longest we had ever been apart was a two and a half week trip I took with a friend. He was my best friend and we were always content to just spend time together no matter what we were doing. Noone saw this coming, we had been making plans and nothing had changed in his behaviour, I just can't believe it.

I can't get the image of finding him out of my head and I think one of the hardest things is that he knew I had struggled for years with the fact that I had been the one to find my mother dead when I was nine (she had leukaemia). I had been dealing with depression myself after losing so many in my family over the years and I can't believe he would do this at all but especially so that I would be the one to find him like that.

We had been talking about starting a family this year and I feel as though he has now taken my life with him. Everyone keeps telling me I still have plenty of time to move on and find someone else and still have a family (I'm 35) but I can't even think about that. He and I were so perfectly suited to one another or so I thought, I could never find anyone who would get me the way he did and of anyone on this planet who I trusted and would have never thought could hurt me like this it was Brook, how could I possibly ever trust anyone else ever again?

I just miss him so much and everyone around me is trying their best but they are all moving on with their lives and I'm getting the feeling they think I should be starting to move on with mine but I just don't know how to start. I don't have anywhere to live, I'm staying with a friend 'cause I couldn't possibly stay in that house after finding him like that, I don't have a job as we had decided that I would do the housewife thing and he would work so I have to try to find somewhere to live and find a job when I can't even concentrate on flicking through a magazine or watching a tv show.

Has anyone been through something like this? What do I do? Where do I start?

Permalink Reply by traci dian reitano on September 29, 2010 at 10:09pm

I have been and are where you are at. My partner of 10 years shot herself in our bathroom while i was in the other room. This was one year ago August 3rd and i have not made any progress in dealing with my emotions or even understanding them sometimes. Some days things seem to be getting worse instead of better. I too could use someone to talk to that has been where we are.

traci dian reitano said:

i

JANE MANSKE said:

Tracey said:

On 12th May 2010 I came home to find my husband of seven years had hung himself in our garage. He was only 41 years old. He was the sweetest, gentlest most caring person in the whole world and I still can't believe this has happened. I don't know where to begin to pick up the pieces of my life. We had been together for a total of twelve years and longest we had ever been apart was a two and a half week trip I took with a friend. He was my best friend and we were always content to just spend time together no matter what we were doing. Noone saw this coming, we had been making plans and nothing had changed in his behaviour, I just can't believe it.

I can't get the image of finding him out of my head and I think one of the hardest things is that he knew I had struggled for years with the fact that I had been the one to find my mother dead when I was nine (she had leukaemia). I had been dealing with depression myself after losing so many in my family over the years and I can't believe he would do this at all but especially so that I would be the one to find him like that.

We had been talking about starting a family this year and I feel as though he has now taken my life with him. Everyone keeps telling me I still have plenty of time to move on and find someone else and still have a family (I'm 35) but I can't even think about that. He and I were so perfectly suited to one another or so I thought, I could never find anyone who would get me the way he did and of anyone on this planet who I trusted and would have never thought could hurt me like this it was Brook, how could I possibly ever trust anyone else ever again?

I just miss him so much and everyone around me is trying their best but they are all moving on with their lives and I'm getting the feeling they think I should be starting to move on with mine but I just don't know how to start. I don't have anywhere to live, I'm staying with a friend 'cause I couldn't possibly stay in that house after finding him like that, I don't have a job as we had decided that I would do the housewife thing and he would work so I have to try to find somewhere to live and find a job when I can't even concentrate on flicking through a magazine or watching a tv show.

Has anyone been through something like this? What do I do? Where do I start?

Permalink Reply by Susan on October 5, 2010 at 12:12am

I am so sorry to hear your pain. My personal experience with suicide has, indeed changed me forever: it was Jan 2, 2009 when my brother took his life (he was 51 & had been struggling with depression for a lot longer than I ever knew). I found him in his apt about 6 hours after he hung himself. He had admitted himself to a psych ward of a hospital 3 days before as he had attempted the deed, failed, and knew he was in need of help. Sadly, the hospital stay was horrible & only contributed to his abject sense of not knowing how to "move on with his life". He had been under the care of counselors for his depression, but was actually afraid of the medicines that probably would have saved his life. I have a lot of "surviver's guilt" as I didn't know how to save him - even if I had spent the night at his place that awful night after picking him up from the hospital, I don't know that he wouldn't have done it anyway days or months later. A very successful man in business, well loved by all who knew him, but lonely as many very intelligent people are who have a hard time connecting with others in developing deep relationships. I miss him deeply every day of my life and still after this amount of time cannot get used to being unable to pick up the phone to hear him call. He was the man who made me laugh the hardest, I miss the belly laughs. It is true that though these losses change you and to some degree you heal, and most definately find that the little stuff really doesn't matter. I think finding a good grief support group is most helpful even if better if its not specific to suicide. The stories at those groups, for me, are just too painful to be helpful. A good group is one where part of your mending comes from hearing other people's situations, sharing your own if you're able, and realize after repeated frequent visits with the group that there is so much learning that comes from the sharing of others. Don't know about everyone else, but it is simply not comfortable to talk about a suicide loss in hardly any situation, but grief groups it is! Some days are better than others, I carry on as I have three children and a husband and so wallowing in self pity is not an option. Some days, without warning, are ones that feel a chasm has opened up & swallowed me & I can't breath & am afraid of everything, then eventually, the chasm spits me back out and I guess it's just survival & acceptance. I find joy in the beauty of nature and my children, and frankly after everything that's happened I think I love them even more because we are all so imperfecft & I see a lot of importance in helping them (& myself) to find the happiness that alluded my dear brother. Love & prayers for finding your path again Tracey.

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on October 11, 2010 at 10:09pm

Dear Susan, I am with you saying the same thing: In life everything passes, nothing is stagnant, nothing is forever - this too shall pass!
Susan, my dear, I keep my Faith always firm and my Hope alive!
my heart is close to yours. Love, amarylllis
Susan said:

I am so sorry to hear your pain. My personal experience with suicide has, indeed changed me forever: it was Jan 2, 2009 when my brother took his life (he was 51 & had been struggling with depression for a lot longer than I ever knew). I found him in his apt about 6 hours after he hung himself. He had admitted himself to a psych ward of a hospital 3 days before as he had attempted the deed, failed, and knew he was in need of help. Sadly, the hospital stay was horrible & only contributed to his abject sense of not knowing how to "move on with his life". He had been under the care of counselors for his depression, but was actually afraid of the medicines that probably would have saved his life. I have a lot of "surviver's guilt" as I didn't know how to save him - even if I had spent the night at his place that awful night after picking him up from the hospital, I don't know that he wouldn't have done it anyway days or months later. A very successful man in business, well loved by all who knew him, but lonely as many very intelligent people are who have a hard time connecting with others in developing deep relationships. I miss him deeply every day of my life and still after this amount of time cannot get used to being unable to pick up the phone to hear him call. He was the man who made me laugh the hardest, I miss the belly laughs. It is true that though these losses change you and to some degree you heal, and most definately find that the little stuff really doesn't matter. I think finding a good grief support group is most helpful even if better if its not specific to suicide. The stories at those groups, for me, are just too painful to be helpful. A good group is one where part of your mending comes from hearing other people's situations, sharing your own if you're able, and realize after repeated frequent visits with the group that there is so much learning that comes from the sharing of others. Don't know about everyone else, but it is simply not comfortable to talk about a suicide loss in hardly any situation, but grief groups it is! Some days are better than others, I carry on as I have three children and a husband and so wallowing in self pity is not an option. Some days, without warning, are ones that feel a chasm has opened up & swallowed me & I can't breath & am afraid of everything, then eventually, the chasm spits me back out and I guess it's just survival & acceptance. I find joy in the beauty of nature and my children, and frankly after everything that's happened I think I love them even more because we are all so imperfecft & I see a lot of importance in helping them (& myself) to find the happiness that alluded my dear brother. Love & prayers for finding your path again Tracey.

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