Condolences: If you’ve ever had trouble finding the right words, you’re not alone. Share your story and get advice from others who’ve been there.

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What Not to Say

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It's very important to make ourselves available to those who have lost someone. Also it's important that we make sure they're eating and going about their daily routines, no matter how hard it is because they need that more than anything.

Sometimes it's better to not say anything at all when you're with someone who is grieving. Don't EVER say "it's ok", because its never ok and it never will be. Proverbs 17:17 says "A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress." So as long as you are there, that's all that matters.

Things I've done or said when comforting the bereaved:

Gotten a card and either delivered or mailed it

Gone by and just sat with

Help the bereaved in anyway they need.  If there's an immediate need ask if I may take care of it.  I ask before doing, so that they do not think I'm taking over.  I've made calls for them, ran errands, been the driver, cooked meals, been the secretary, etc.

Be a good listener, let them talk and be expressive (i.e. if they want or need to cry, let them)

Even after sometime has past I go back by  or call and let them know that they are on my mind.  If you go by you can really see if there is something that needs to be done.  As one person noted we can ask, but 9 times out of 10 they will not let us know what they truly need.

 

They say half of life is showing up. When my dad was dying over a period of days, my sister's friends showed up and stayed in the waiting area getting food for us and themselves. They would not leave.

Our close friends just lost their year and a half year old.  The best thing I heard said to them as condolences was thank you so much for letting me be part of Talon's life.

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