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Permalink Reply by LChandler on January 23, 2013 at 4:15pm

Dear Cathy, sorry to hear of the passing of your mother-in-love.  In regards to your request be positive and patient.  Show him love and kindness especially when it is difficult to do so.  There is definitely hope for you because you care.  Listen to him when he needs to talk about his mom and do not feel that you have to have all the answers or solutions.  Just remember that we all grieve differently and have to go through this process.  Continue praying that God gives you the guideance to cope with your own grief and that of your husbands.  
Cathy said:

My mother-in-love died this past May 21st. Mami had been ill and the family consented to surgery. She had huge gall stones, something had burst and a preferated bowel. Her lungs filled with fluid and she also had a heart attack. My husband's brother and sisters had been saying to go, then to wait, then to go and then to wait. Mami was in Mexico and we live in Pennsylvania. My husband was not able to go to see her as he usual each year, this past Christmas. So, he was planning to go this Christmas...we all were.
At any rate, the afternoon of the 19th my husband, his sister and my son left for Mexico. While they were on the way in Arkansas, mami died. My nephew called and told me, and he had called and told my husband.
Afraid that they might have an accident, my nephew called my husband back telling him that she was still hanging on.
When my husband arrived at the hospital, he asked for his mom..obviously she wasn't there..so he drove to his neighborhood.
The neighbor there told him that his mother was being viewed in a funeral home in downtown. He went, and arriving at the casket, he passed out.
I guess I have not been very supportive, and myself have not been dealing well with how he is grieving. I pushed him away and nagged.He moved out and then came home. Its just is always angry and complaining.
I don't want to be like this, but I am grieving too. Its so hard to see past the pain. I love him and want to help him.
He only seems close to my girls. He is even being hard on our son who he was/ is very close to. He refuses counseling and is quiting his job in December to go back to Mexico.
This time he isn't sure how long he'll be there. One, two, three months. He is working 126 hours every two weeks and is never home.
We argue constantly and I have had enough....but I love him and want to be supportive. He refuses to have anything to do with church or God. I just keep praying.
What do I do, how can I help....is there any hope for us?
I am so afraid to loose him too. There is so many other issues. He has become hard and bitter. He said he is done being compassionate. He is not speaking to two of his sisters...and pouring all of his money in to building in Mexico. He seems to be blaming himself and dealing with alot of guilt..for not being there?
Help,please!
Thanks...`

Permalink Reply by S.A. Brobin on May 20, 2013 at 3:14pm

Greetings Cathy I am so sorry for you and your husbands pain. How are things going recently. There is wisdom in knowing what to say and what not to say, what to do and what not to do. Here are a few Scriptural suggestions that some bereaved persons have found helpful
Provide reassurance: Assure them that they did all that was possible (or whatever else you know to be true and positive). Reassure them that what they are feeling—sadness, anger, guilt, or some other emotion—may not be at all uncommon. Tell them about others you know of who successfully recovered from a similar loss. Such “pleasant sayings” are “a healing to the bones,” says Proverbs 16:24.1 Thessalonians 5:11," Therefore keep comforting one another and building one another up" Remember your marriage vow "' to have and to hold in sickness.."' Certainly his profound grief qualifies as sickness and some people grieve for a long time. We who love them must support them in this "" bad times" The Bible assures us: “ The Almighty is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) You however are going to need a rock for yourself .Yes, more than anything else, a relationship with God can help you to cope with the death of someone you love. Or  in your case someone who  is grieving. How? All the practical suggestions offered thus far have been based on or are in harmony with God’s Word, the Bible. Applying them can help you cope.
In addition, do not underestimate the value of prayer. The Bible urges us: “Throw your burden upon God himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) If talking out your feelings with a sympathetic friend can help, how much more will pouring out your heart to “the God of all comfort” help you!—2 Corinthians 1:3.
It is not that prayer simply makes us feel better. The “Hearer of prayer” promises to give holy spirit to his servants who sincerely ask for it. (Psalm 65:2; Luke 11:13) And God’s holy spirit, or active force, can equip you with “power beyond what is normal” to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7) Remember: God can help his faithful servants to endure any and every problem they may face. I hope you can see the wisdom in turning to God it would be my please to share more scriptures with you. Miss Sylvia

Permalink Reply by Hallie on May 27, 2013 at 6:12pm

We have friends that just lost their year and a half year old. It's hard to know what to say, the right or the wrong thing. There is nothing 'right' to say.

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