Of course, faced with the loss of a loved one, you may be struggling to cope with your own emotions; you may feel anguished and preoccupied. However, you must not forget that your child needs your support. Children overhear bits and pieces of conversations, and, when left to their own devices, frequently distort or misinterpret information. Children need to be told the facts. So it may be wise to explain the facts to your children, according to their level of understanding. This is challenging, since children may differ greatly in their ability to comprehend. A parent may try to soften her language when explaining death to his child, but by doing so, he may plant ideas in her head that weren't there before and that may be frightening or harmful. simply telling a young child that a deceased loved one is only sleeping may cause the child to fear that if she goes to sleep at night, she may not wake up again. If told only that the deceased loved one has gone away, a young child may feel rejected or abandoned. When trying to explain death to a child, many parents have found that children understand simple, direct words more readily than they do abstract concepts or euphemisms. Encourage your child to ask questions and talk about her concerns. Frequent conversations may help you to clear up misunderstandings and could reveal other ways to assist your child. During a period of mourning
your child will look to you for direction, support, and answers. Where, then, can you find reliable
information on the subject of death? Many people have found the Bible to be a reliable source of comfort and hope. Which I hope all of you will find. Many parents have found it best to be honest about their sorrow, thus showing their child that it is normal to grieve.
You are so right ...Patrice..A child needs to know without a doubt that the grownup is strong and Stern...But is it Reasonable to think you're going to hide your tears in the house...as you grieve...I mean hey you as a parent shouldn't be just out of control juct crying all out in front of your kids...(No you don't won't to do that) Patrice...Unfortunnately thay gong to see you somewhat cry....and Its nothing worng with that....Nevertheless..What i do agree with is the fact the parent suppose to take care of the child when the child does not understand death......and that includes asking questions that the child ask of you.....Hey mommy Why are you crying.....? .....That is a good time to ezplain..about death .....you might sit down with the child, take him in your arms, and say: “A very, very sad thing has happened. Daddy got very sick with a disease that not many people get [or whatever you know to be true], and he died. It isn’t anybody’s fault that he died. We’ll miss him very much because we loved him, and he loved us.....
I do cry in front of my grandkids. I don't hide any feelings I have concerning their mommy. They know she is my child and I love and miss her. If they want to talk I just listen and if they cry I hold and cry with them.
That is so right Patricia ....I totally agree....When you cry....It gives you a reason...to explain ...Why you are crying and inturn you can help them understand..what happened...Maybe Reasure them that it has happened ...and It won't happen to you and i........Maybe that might work....for them.......What do you think?.....
I just try to be their for them and do what I can do for them which I feel is not enough. They have pretty much just went within themselves and I think they are just not wanting to talk about her. Sometimes they will and I just listen. My daughters birthday is the 22nd of this month and they will be with me. I am taking a few days off work because it is a very emotional time for me also so maybe they will open up to me and hopefully we will be there for each other. Thank you for your reponses, I really do appreciate them.
Patricia, this is Norma, First of all you are to be commended for your hard work you are doing.also for your own comfort, when your grandbabies are at home: take time for yourself, and just relax-then examine God's word the Bible, it has some comforting thoughts,such as 2Corinthians 1:3,4
Psalms 55:22.I hope this will give you some comfort.
Thank you Norma, but I don not deserve anything, any mother in my shoes would hopefully do the same. At the beginning I was really lost for about 3-4 months and was not there for anyone and I feel really guilty for doing that. Now it is my turn to take care of my grandkids anyway I can. They need comfort and they need their mommy's side of the family to stand up for them. I feel that is my job now. But thank you and I will read those verses any comfort for myself is needed still.
That's Right Patricia...If you open up ...The kids will see that and they in turn will open up and air out anything that ailing them and you yourself.........Provide reassurance: Assure them that they did all that was possible (or whatever else you know to be true and positive). Reassure them that what they are feeling—sadness, anger, guilt, or some other emotion—may not be at all uncommon. Tell them about others you know of who successfully recovered from a similar loss......So how do you feel about that?
The one thing that really concerns me is my granddaugter who was 4 at the time was with her mommy for three and half hours before my grandson who was 6 at the time came in from school and that is what he walked into. I am afraid they are feeling guilty that they could not save their mommy. Mainly my grandson, he tried everything and seems lost to this day. Please pray for him so that he may find some peace with himself.
Well one thing Patricia children often feel responsible for the death of a loved one. Because a child may at one time or another have felt angry at the person who died, the child may come to believe that angry thoughts or words caused the death. You might need to offer some comfort: ‘Your thoughts and words are not what make people sick, and they don’t make people die.’ A young child may need such reassurances repeatedly.