This is copied from a support group from the Uk, it is something I think we can all relate too and I hope it helps.
Sue

The survivor of a suicide bereavement faces a stark choice … ‘it is up to you … to decide whether to be permanently hurt by the last act of a free individual or not … this option is YOURS’. (Lake 1984)

Know you can survive. You may not think so but you can.

Struggle with ‘why’ it happened until you no longer need to know ‘why’ or until you are satisfied with partial answers.

Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, but all these feelings are normal.

You may feel rejected, abandoned, share these feelings.

Anger, guilt, confusion, denial, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not going crazy; you are in mourning. Be aware you may feel anger, appropriate anger, at the person, at the world, at friends, at God, at yourself; it’s all right to express it.

•You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Remember the choice was not yours-one cannot be responsible for another’s actions.

•Find a good listener; be open and honest about your feelings.

•Do not remain silent – about what has happened our about how you feel.

•You may feel suicidal, this is normal, it does not mean you will act on those thoughts.

•Do not be afraid to cry, tears are healing.

•Keeping an emotional diary is useful as well as healing. Record your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Writing a letter to the deceased expressing your thoughts and feelings can also be part of the healing process.

•Give yourself time to heal.

•Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may be experiencing ‘unfinished business’.

•Try to put off making any major decisions.

•Seek professional advice. Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.

•Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.

•Set your own limits and learn to say no.

•Ask questions, work through the guilt, anger, bitterness and other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go does not mean forgetting.

•It is common to experience physical symptoms in your grief, headaches, sleeplessness, loss of appetite etc.

•Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.
__________________

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Replies to This Discussion

Sue I just found some time to read this and I am goin to print and keep it with me. Today I found myself thinking, crying, and also felt a little bit at peace after doing so.

It has been over 2 yrs.but felt so much better after reading what you printed. I did feel the though as if he were right beside me. When it is my time to go I am not goin to be afriad, I know we will be together again someday. I will not be looking forward to that day but just not afraid.

Thanks again.

Trish
Thank you for this. My uncle killed his wife and then himself over forty years ago and a few years later one of my cousins took his own life just before the Christmas holidays. Sometime between their deaths a friend killed himself. Unless you have experienced this there is no way to explain the pain they leave behind.
{{{{{{{{Oh Sharon}}}}}}}}}
That's too much for any human being to endure. I'm so sorry you have been through this terrible ordeal. Too many deaths, just too many. Please feel free to share with us here. I'm new on this site, but so far the responses I have received have been caring and sympathetic to my pain and sorrow. I only wish I had found it sooner when my son, Joey, killed himself on June 20, 2008. I didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. Everyone was in such shock here, all I did was cry and cry and cry. It is getting a little better for me, but the holidays make it very difficult for me and my husband and other children don't like to talk about it. It just makes everybody so sad and upset. I find that writing in Joey's Legacy book on his Newsday site has been a true therapy for me and has helped me alot. People probably think I'm nuts to tell him what has been going on in our lives since he left, but that's too bad for them. It gives me purpose in my life. Love and hugs to you,
Debbie
Sharon,
I am very sorry for your losses,
I know a little bit about the aftermath of murder/suicide. My stepmom/good friend for 21 years years was murdered and the man who killed her (a 3rd cousin) committed suicide. It will be 8 years on Dec. 10. Our lives forever changed my this one act. Her name was Kay and his Mick. Both deaths were horrifying and made the papers.Mick was not a friend but welcome in my home. He also attended my wedding. He changed, shaved all his hair off just days prior,but no one could of predicted this.
My brother committed suicide 10 months later.Im sorry you have reason to be here but let me welcome you.
Sue

Sharon Weiss said:
Thank you for this. My uncle killed his wife and then himself over forty years ago and a few years later one of my cousins took his own life just before the Christmas holidays. Sometime between their deaths a friend killed himself. Unless you have experienced this there is no way to explain the pain they leave behind.
Sue, thank you again, each time I feel down I re-read this and it makes me feel so much better.

I accidently found this site and it was along with you a God send! I haven't been able to talk about my expirence to anyone the way I have here.

Again, ty for being here for me and others.

Trish
Trish,
I like this post because it does validate so much of what this journey really is. Im glad it helps you and hopefully others.I dont believe I am afraid of death anymore but I have so much to keep me here that I hope its a long way away. Hope your new year is a little better than the one before. Thanks Trish, your comments mean alot.
Sue

Trish said:
Sue, thank you again, each time I feel down I re-read this and it makes me feel so much better.

I accidently found this site and it was along with you a God send! I haven't been able to talk about my expirence to anyone the way I have here.

Again, ty for being here for me and others.

Trish
Thank you that was beautiful
Cindy,
Your welcome. Keep coming bck 2 this as often as you need.
Trish,
I replied to your last post here but it ended up as a reply to your earlier post ...in case you missed, I appreciate your being here as well.
Sue
I am also a survivor and a facilitator for survivors. This is wonderful information and I would like to thank the person for putting it out there. All of these statements are so true. The serinity prayer does hold true for so many of us because it truly is , one day at a time for a long time. I don't think a person has to have an addiction issue to hold this prayer close. The pain never goes away, it may lessen but never totaly disappears.
your welcome Becky, I put it out there but cant take credit for writing it. I really do hope it helps
Im pulling this up in hopes that some new members here find it useful.
Sue

Lam said:
Sue,

Thank you for the posting.
One more time

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