Hi my name is Jennifer! I lost my mother a year ago! Also have had to deal with a nasty lidigation over her estate,which will be coming to an end soon ! I have also had to deal with a second diagnosis of cancer, just this past February 2012! I have been having dreams again, of my late mother! It started with intense cigarette smoke, just recently she came to me in my dream, and I was in the operating room, having the cancer cells removed (biopsy)just this past April, and very much awake when the biopsy was performed!........ She was standing on side of the table saying "Don't worry, you're gonna be fine"! I guess she is aware of what has happened as of late. Another sign as of late, is that I have her night light in my bedroom, turned on nightly! It flickers some nights! I just dismissed it at first, as a sign of needing a new light bulb. Either the night light is faulty, or the bulb needing to be changed! I did just that! It does not flicker every night, just every now and then! I guess it is her way of letting me know she is there!........
I remember the night my son Travis passed away, in the hot sand and desert of Iraq. I was in shock, I suppose, as my worst fear had been realized. When I finally fell asleep that night, I dreamt I was having a conversation with my son. We were seated on the sofa, and it was so vibrantly real. I asked him what it was like (death). He told me there were not words that he had to describe it. That I could not understand it. I asked him if he could ever come back. He told me, no, that he could not. It seemed we talked of other things, and I was very comforted by our conversation, and that I was with him again.
The next night I dreamt that I was standing by a phone booth in the blazing hot son, waiting for something. An old blue car pulled up beside me, and my son was in the passenger seat. I greeted him, and asked if he was staying, and he replied no, he had to move on. It was very matter of fact, and I remember the sand and wind, and the sweat on my son's face. I recall seeing the car drive away. I felt a sense of desolation.
Since then, I have had many dreams of my son, and he is always dressed in white, he is always smiling, and he is always busy. One night we spent hours together in a beautiful field, where he was teaching me how to operate some flying machine, or piece of equipment. But I what I really remember the most is the sun, and how much we laughed together that day in my dream. When I woke up, I felt as if I had taken a vacation. I felt a sense of peace.
Do I think my son has visited me in my dreams? Absolutely. Without question. I have had dreams of my father after he had passed away, in which he was always trying to tell me something that I could not hear. Perhaps he was trying to tell me he would be there for my son when he crossed over, I don't know. But there is incredible power in these dreams.
I have had a lot of dreams about Charlie since he died 41 days ago. I never used to dream about him much. I have always been interested in dreams and try to remember them. Some of the dreams about him are just that - dreams, but I believe some are actual contact. When I have that type of dream it seems more intense. Often when I have these dreams I have been very upset and ask for something specific. I have been keeping a contact journal. Here are a few exerpts.
This one was about a week after he died. " Dream: He’s just become visible and I hug him and say ”you’re really here” he felt solid and alive and okay. I guess we knew he’d be invisible from then on because we talked about his arm and could we get something for it. I think this dream was sent to me because I asked for some confirmation that he was all right now. It also makes me think he is always here."
" I asked for a dream maybe about our lack of intimacy the last 12 years (I started sleeping on the couch when I had a lot of pain before my surgery for ovarian cancer. This was also the time we were waiting for his lung transplant and his breathing made it hard for him to sleep. Since his trasplant we didn't sleep in the same bed either - he had pain and still a hard time sleeping) I'm not sure if I was dreaming. It was only 10 pm. I was trying to sleep on the couch.I could feel Charles there with me wrapping his arms around me like we use to do when we slept in the same bed. It felt so good. If this was a dream it was absolutely real."
"I went to his bed. Just laid there crying and trying to remember things. Asked Charles and God to send me a dream. I don’t know if I really slept. All at once Charles was on the bed said “What’s the matter, Pooh?’ (his name for me) I could hardly speak (like in a dream) but I know I said I was missing him but so happy to see him. He was holding me. I asked him to kiss me (I expected to feel his mustache) but I didn’t feel a kiss. I asked if he could just stay and we wouldn’t have to tell anyone. He wasn’t sure how that would work. He must have been there on the bed with me for several minutes. Then he was gone."
"I was having a bad day and went to Charlie’s bed about 2 pm. Praying and asking for a sign or a dream. I know it was a dream because I remember the one before it, but it felt more real. We are standing up in each other’s arms. I can feel him kissing me full on the lips like we haven’t done for years. He felt very solid in my arms. The best contact/dream yet. I awoke from it at 3:20— exactly a month since I let him go. He’s telling me it’s all right, that he’s happy—which I asked for. I was also asking about our physical love. I was always sure it was because of his condition, but it hurt me and I was afraid to ask why he wouldn’t hold me or kiss me. I even remember when we first got Lilith (our little cat) I was so happy for the affection. He’s telling me it’s still there waiting for me."
"I asked Charlie to “wrap around” me like we always used to do—I’ve missed it so in the last 12 years. Started the night in his bed, then moved to the couch, There it finally happened. I must have been dreaming, but it seemed much more intense and real. I could feel him holding me tight. I begged him not to go and tried to hold onto him. It just made wake up sooner than I wanted to. It lets me know he still wanted to hold me, too and that he didn’t have that pain anymore."
This one was just night before last. " I woke around up around 6 am, that old pain in my stomach, longing and crying for TCharlie. Dreamed we woke up in bed together. He was very real. I felt him all over and knew he had come back. Put my hand down his back tried to caress him. We got up and went to another room. I said to him “you know you were dead?” He said “no, I was here, always in another room from you”. He put on his cap. I said “what are you going to do?” He said “I’m going on”.
The dream was over. Did it mean he didn’t really die, his spirit has been here (which I have felt all along)? Is he going on to heaven or going on being here with me? Also in the dream when we left the bedroom the Christmas tree was still up. It bothered me even in the dream, thinking I had been ignoring everything in my grief. Maybe a sign to get on with things."
These dreams bring me a sense of comfort at the time. Even though the pain always comes back, the day after the dream is usually a good one. Sometimes I know it sounds crazy. I haven't told anyone about them but here. I just know that if I couldn't have them I would go crazy.
I haven't had any dreams per se but every time I really feel like I am in need of guidance or just reassurance that I am doing the right thing, I go for a walk. And every time I ask my grandmother to let me know that she hears me or is watching out for me. Every single time within ten minutes I see a shooting star. Coincidence??? Who knows. I like to think that's her way of letting me know she's there.