Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Carolyn Scardino on January 21, 2010 at 6:43pm

My dad passed on December 17th. I am his oldest child and thought I was also the strongest one. No way. I did not cry at his viewing or service, but I will just cry for no reason. I understand your grief and pain. I kept believing dad would walk through the door and ask what was going on.....

Permalink Reply by Lori Farrar on January 22, 2010 at 6:31am

I lost my dad on December 15, 1994. Its a day that ruined my christmas, for years to come. My pain was only mine, since I don't have family to share it with. When dad died, my uncles have turned their backs on me. So I am truelly alone in this world, except for my kids. I have 4 kids. One is in the ARMY, I hope he comes back soon. My daughter won't even talk to me. The only ones that talk to me are my youngest kids. I am still hurting from my dad's death, I couldn't even get the VA to pay for his funeral, but one of my cousin's did it for dad.

Permalink Reply by monica on January 22, 2010 at 7:01am

hello Toni, i understand what you are going through, i lost my father on Nov.15th 2009,to a severe stroke, which led to severe brain damage.. he also was my hero. I miss him so much i never thought that i would lose my dad at the age of 62. He still had so much to live for he will never see his grandbabies grow up and thats all he wanted..hold on to your memories, thats how i make it through my day..
and remember that god is there to hold your hand..sorry to hear about your relationship with your significant other..sounds like you have good friends to lean on..and remember that your father is at peace in heaven..

Permalink Reply by JunePeony on January 22, 2010 at 11:33am

Toni,

I want to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your Dad. I pray you have the strength to make it through the funeral. With friends helping you through and holding you up, I know that will help a little.
With Mom’s funeral I think I made her proud but I didn’t want everyone to go home afterwards because I know the day-to-day can be even harder and I didn’t want to begin that journey. I asked them to stay with me a little longer and raise another toast to celebrate my Mom. She was 84 and she was told she had Copd by one doctor but it turned out to be lung cancer. She never really knew. It spread very quickly and her life was over on January 2, before anyone of us even had a chance to let it all sink in. Thinking about it is painful but that’s where my mind and heart goes and I can’t seem to stop it. My Mom was my hero too.

I am very sorry about your significant other—what a heartless thing to do! My thoughts and prayers are with you Toni. I hope you find some comfort here in the days ahead. If you want to email me directly it’s junepeony@gmail.com

Lisa (JunePeony)

Permalink Reply by Toni on January 23, 2010 at 8:54am

I appreciate all of your replies. Only those who have lost a parent understand.

I attended the viewing and the funeral. Seeing my father in the casket was so hard - so final. The funeral was happy and sad. So many wonderful things were said about my father and his friends and other people whose life he touched have been great to my family and me. My friends stayed with me until I went to bed, my own minister emailed me, I am truly blessed.

Permalink Reply by Deb on January 23, 2010 at 9:31am

Toni:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, death is so final! I lost it when I saw dad in the casket.

My dad passed away on 6/5/09. I adored him. He was my rock and gave me the strength to endure various health issues and get out of an unhappy marriage. He was always there with a kind word and humor. I have his obituary bookmarked and I visit everyday. I talk to him thru his guestbook on line. When 1 year of his death approaches, I will keep his guestbook on line forever. He passed away 9 days prior to his 92nd birthday. On his birthday, I bought a big balloon and attached a note to it, and let it go. It made me feel better that perhaps I could communicate with him. The pain doesn't go away, and the date of his passing will forever be embedded in your memory. My dad was a good, kind and thoughtful man. He had one grandchild whom he adored. Of course as my son got older, it became a chore to visit his grandfather. I try to let those things go. The family issues I have learned to ignore and focus on my dad. I have some belongings of his that I cherish. I feel that he is here watching me and making sure everything is fine. That's how I cope and deal with his death. I have one brother who I don't get along with so it's hard. My mother is here, and we have been building a relationship. It hurts that dad is gone but I knew he was dying, and I had a long talk with him the day he passed away. That made it easier, knowing that I told him how much he meant to me. I love looking at pictures of dad and reminiscing. That's all I have of him. At his funeral, there weren't many people, as dad outlived most of his friends and siblings (he has one sister who couldn't be there; she is elderly as well). But anyone who had anything to say about my wonderful dad, I listened. I will never get over his passing. I knew he wouldn't be here forever BUT it hurts. The passing of a loved father leaves a big hole in your heart. I tell my son that family will be here forever but not always the friends. I have friends who have lost their dads and they lend a shoulder to cry on. I also have 2 cousins who loved my dad as well. I cry a lot. I count the months he is gone but I feel this is normal. I hope as time passes, you will realize that your father is now out of pain. I still remember the look on my dad's face as he gasped for air even with the oxygen. He couldn't fight the pneumonia which also caused congestive heart failure. I can't say it gets easier, as I have good days and bad. I am crying now as I type this message. I absolutely loved my dad. I'm glad he is out of pain. Truthfully when the doctor told me he was dying, I thought I'd die with him, but he made me the strong person I am today. I have survived many situations because of my father. He taught me to handle things, both good and bad. When I get in a situation that I'm not sure how to handle, I try to think of what dad would do, how would he handle it? Hanging onto the memories helps me deal. I can't say your pain will diminish quickly. It's healthy to cry and deal with your feelings. Take care, Deb

Permalink Reply by Toni on January 23, 2010 at 5:29pm

I do understand the meaning of your words. No one can replace the space in my life that my father filled for 46 years. He is gone but not forgotten. My tears come when I expect them and when I least expect them which is OK with me. I feel how I feel without shame.

I could picture the balloon floating higher and higher, what a wonderful way to remember and acknowledge his birthday.

Deb said:

Toni:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, death is so final! I lost it when I saw dad in the casket.

My dad passed away on 6/5/09. I adored him. He was my rock and gave me the strength to endure various health issues and get out of an unhappy marriage. He was always there with a kind word and humor. I have his obituary bookmarked and I visit everyday. I talk to him thru his guestbook on line. When 1 year of his death approaches, I will keep his guestbook on line forever. He passed away 9 days prior to his 92nd birthday. On his birthday, I bought a big balloon and attached a note to it, and let it go. It made me feel better that perhaps I could communicate with him. The pain doesn't go away, and the date of his passing will forever be embedded in your memory. My dad was a good, kind and thoughtful man. He had one grandchild whom he adored. Of course as my son got older, it became a chore to visit his grandfather. I try to let those things go. The family issues I have learned to ignore and focus on my dad. I have some belongings of his that I cherish. I feel that he is here watching me and making sure everything is fine. That's how I cope and deal with his death. I have one brother who I don't get along with so it's hard. My mother is here, and we have been building a relationship. It hurts that dad is gone but I knew he was dying, and I had a long talk with him the day he passed away. That made it easier, knowing that I told him how much he meant to me. I love looking at pictures of dad and reminiscing. That's all I have of him. At his funeral, there weren't many people, as dad outlived most of his friends and siblings (he has one sister who couldn't be there; she is elderly as well). But anyone who had anything to say about my wonderful dad, I listened. I will never get over his passing. I knew he wouldn't be here forever BUT it hurts. The passing of a loved father leaves a big hole in your heart. I tell my son that family will be here forever but not always the friends. I have friends who have lost their dads and they lend a shoulder to cry on. I also have 2 cousins who loved my dad as well. I cry a lot. I count the months he is gone but I feel this is normal. I hope as time passes, you will realize that your father is now out of pain. I still remember the look on my dad's face as he gasped for air even with the oxygen. He couldn't fight the pneumonia which also caused congestive heart failure. I can't say it gets easier, as I have good days and bad. I am crying now as I type this message. I absolutely loved my dad. I'm glad he is out of pain. Truthfully when the doctor told me he was dying, I thought I'd die with him, but he made me the strong person I am today. I have survived many situations because of my father. He taught me to handle things, both good and bad. When I get in a situation that I'm not sure how to handle, I try to think of what dad would do, how would he handle it? Hanging onto the memories helps me deal. I can't say your pain will diminish quickly. It's healthy to cry and deal with your feelings. Take care, Deb

Permalink Reply by yolanda on January 26, 2010 at 12:08am

My father died 1/15/2010, did not see it coming. He won his battle with prostate cancer we all celebrated four months ago. Thought we had all the time in the world together. Came home for the christmas and new year holiday to spend time with him. We had so much fun together. Could not believe the news when my brother called to inform me that our father was died. They could not save him. He also had COPD, but his heart failed. Nothing makes any sense to me. The funeral was saturday. My friends and husband have been very helpful to me..... Do understand what it is like to tell someone good riddance, had to do that before with my first husband.....

Permalink Reply by yolanda on January 26, 2010 at 12:09am

yolanda said:

My father died 1/15/2010, did not see it coming. He won his battle with prostate cancer we all celebrated four months ago. Thought we had all the time in the world together. Came home for the christmas and new year holiday to spend time with him. We had so much fun together. Could not believe the news when my brother called to inform me that our father was died. They could not save him. He also had COPD, but his heart failed. Nothing makes any sense to me. The funeral was saturday. My friends and husband have been very helpful to me..... Do understand what it is like to tell someone good riddance, had to do that before with my first husband.....

Permalink Reply by Toni on January 26, 2010 at 12:42am

Yolanda I am sorry for your loss. Like you I was shocked at my father's death. His heart failed too. He came through a leg amputation this summer with flying colors and such optimism. He never complained. I am in denial half the time and deep sorrow the other times. I never know when I am going to start crying.

yolanda said:

yolanda said:

My father died 1/15/2010, did not see it coming. He won his battle with prostate cancer we all celebrated four months ago. Thought we had all the time in the world together. Came home for the christmas and new year holiday to spend time with him. We had so much fun together. Could not believe the news when my brother called to inform me that our father was died. They could not save him. He also had COPD, but his heart failed. Nothing makes any sense to me. The funeral was saturday. My friends and husband have been very helpful to me..... Do understand what it is like to tell someone good riddance, had to do that before with my first husband.....

Permalink Reply by Toni on January 26, 2010 at 12:45am

Monica

Thank you for your reply. 62 is young. My oldest sister is 58. I am sorry for your loss. I hope to be able to be able to find joy in those memories one day instead of the sadness I feel now.

monica said:

hello Toni, i understand what you are going through, i lost my father on Nov.15th 2009,to a severe stroke, which led to severe brain damage.. he also was my hero. I miss him so much i never thought that i would lose my dad at the age of 62. He still had so much to live for he will never see his grandbabies grow up and thats all he wanted..hold on to your memories, thats how i make it through my day..
and remember that god is there to hold your hand..sorry to hear about your relationship with your significant other..sounds like you have good friends to lean on..and remember that your father is at peace in heaven..

Permalink Reply by candace on January 26, 2010 at 8:30pm

Dear Toni,
You have my deepest sympathy, I'm sorry for your loss. I cant image the pain you are feeling right now. It's blessing to have a good support system with friends and family. God can also be apart of your support system as well, by reading his word the bible you will get comfort. Comfort in knowing, that He cares about you and your father. He desires all to live forever. When you get a chance, please read Psalms 37:11 and Ecclesicates 9:11, these scriptures will bring you much comfort and hope for the future.

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