I lost my loved one July 21,2009! We were together 24yrs. Always faithful! He died of pancreatic cancer, so I brought him home on hospice to pass away with hospice services! I have never felt so alone!
Any advice, I would greatly accept it!
Thanks,
Bill

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Replies to This Discussion

kathleen caylor said:
Bill,listen to Linda, "the dark side" is a good discription of what we're all feeling.The down times lessen but the pain is always there.Moving is not going to ease your pain because your memories will go with you.Try to cherish the memory.Good luck,we're all struggleing here!
Nancy Peterson said:
Yvonne, Your post to Bill was awesome! Why is it that people are there for you and rally around durring the sickness or just right after the loss then, suddenly they all disapear and they're gone!?

Yvonne said:
Bill
I lost my husband August 9 2009, and we were together for 38 years. My husband passed suddenly and I often wonder though it is hard to deal with sudden death if it isn't easier than watching your loved one pass away from a long illness. At least I know that Larry didn't suffer. He passed in his sleep from heart failure.
I am sure your partner felt loved and honored when you chose to bring him home. Comforted by familiar surroundings and people that loved and cared for him.
What can I say. Carry on in his honor. This is what I try to do everyday. I know our home has to be maintained...so I do it. The vehicles have to be looked after and I have also been looking after this. It gives me purpose to pick up and carry on doing the things that were important to him.
I know what you mean when you say you have never felt so alone. There are so many people around right after your loss and then all of a sudden bang...just you. I know you too have shed many tears and will shed many more. Know that he right next to you in your heart and will always be there.
Take care Yvonne
Thanks Linda! I really do appreciate it! In fact I'm crying right now after reading responses! I miss him so much! I only wish I could go forward and start life over! My mind tells me to but my heart won't! I guess it will come in time! Thanks for everyone's responses! God bless all of you!
Always'
Bill
Thanks Irene! That means alot to me! I guess I'll keep praying and hopefully God help to heal my heart! He was the best thing that ever happened to me and for that I'll always be grateful! Some people will never know that type of love! He was my soul mate and there could never be another one! But he did leave me a letter that he wanted me to go on and hopefully meet someone that will be good to me as I was to him! I will always cherish that letter!
Always,
Bill
Thanks so much Irene! I'm glad you are very truthful! Phillip was cremated and every time I go by his Irn, I give him a kiss and talk to him at times! But I rather hold him and squeeze him! But for now that is all I have till God takes me! Love and prayers to you!
Always,
Bill
I wish I would have been as lucky as you, to have him at home, and die at home with dignity. My husband passed away Dec. 10/2009 in the hospital, and it was horrible, a horrible experience, and this experience is not going to let me recuperate that easy, because I feel guilty that I did not protect him from the medical corruption. He was diagnosed with pancriatic cancer at the beginning of May 2009, and he died 7 month later. I am sorry I cannot give you any advice as to what to do to feel better, because I don't know what to do for myself. I am in process of finding a support group close to where I live, because I don't think I can do this by myself. I feel alone, I feel panic, I feel misserable, useless, I don't see a reason for me to keep on going without him. He was my sincere friend, my confidant, never criticized me, didn't matter what I did, he always backed me up in everything I wanted to do. This man could work 24 hours and I never heard him complaining of being tired. He was a real gentleman, he really knew how to treat a woman right. Some people tell me that I should not cry so much, I know they say this because they don't know what it means to lose a person like this. People don't suffer this much for a no good person. We were married for 39 years, and had three wonderful boys.

Are you interested in talking about the process your husband went thru before he died? One of the things which make me feel very guilty is that they took my husband for a small procedure which was suppose to be done thru an endoscopy, and when the procedure was done, they send us to reunite with my husband again in the intensive care unit. When we got there, he was intubated, and unconscious, he never open his eyes again nor spoke. Something went wrong in that operating room. And he was in this condition for 10 days. I would like to know how my husband would have died under normal circumstances, how victims of pancriatic cancer die, how are their last days, if they suffer a lot of pain? My husband's weight when he was healthy was 165-170, and he was 5'11". When he was hospitalized on November 25/2009 he was 125 lbs. and when they gave him back to us in the intensive care unit he looked like he was inflated after what whatever happened to him in that operating room. He looked like he was 600 lbs. It was so painful to see him like this, I don't wish this to my worst enemy.

Please, if anyone else's spouse, or family member had pancriatic cancer, and went thru this experience, or similar experience, please, let's share our feelings about it.
Greetings, Bill,

I am so very, very sorry for your heartfelt, devastating loss....and doubtless, you went through so much, just to get him into hospice - having to deal with doctors, nurses, social workers. I cried to three (3) MSW's, telling them I just simply could not care for my husband any more (I had been doing the caretaking for 2+ years, and at the end, he could no longer walk; I had to change him, bathe him, etc, etc...) - the insurance would not pay for him to be in a facility, but they would pay for "up to 260 days, lifetime, in hospice" - so, the doctor signed him in, and he died four days later, on 29 June 2009, of liver disease.

Does your hospice offer Bereavement Counseling? Most of them do - I have found my hospice's Bereavement Counselor to be very helpful - he visits me at home, 1-2 times a month. He or she may be the only person that is willing to hear you talk about your loved one, about your memories. You may want to check into that, or other hospices (even if they didn't care for your loved one, they offer counseling).

Do not let _anyone_ deny you your grief - cry, write, be angry, find those who loved him like you did - and grieve with them, together. You might also want to have a "Light Up A Life" kind of ceremony, with people bringing their stories, memories and pictures - to acknowledge your life together, the life of your loved one, and your great loss. Do not let ignorant/bigoted comments or sentiments deter you - you have lost the love of your life (wow, 24 years; my husband and I were married for less than 2 years), and you are in pain, mourning and grieving.

Peace, blessing and healing be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins
Thank you so much! Your's as well as other's words had meant the world to me!
Again thank you!
Always,
Bill
Carina said:
I wish I would have been as lucky as you, to have him at home, and die at home with dignity. My husband passed away Dec. 10/2009 in the hospital, and it was horrible, a horrible experience, and this experience is not going to let me recuperate that easy, because I feel guilty that I did not protect him from the medical corruption. He was diagnosed with pancriatic cancer at the beginning of May 2009, and he died 7 month later. I am sorry I cannot give you any advice as to what to do to feel better, because I don't know what to do for myself. I am in process of finding a support group close to where I live, because I don't think I can do this by myself. I feel alone, I feel panic, I feel misserable, useless, I don't see a reason for me to keep on going without him. He was my sincere friend, my confidant, never criticized me, didn't matter what I did, he always backed me up in everything I wanted to do. This man could work 24 hours and I never heard him complaining of being tired. He was a real gentleman, he really knew how to treat a woman right. Some people tell me that I should not cry so much, I know they say this because they don't know what it means to lose a person like this. People don't suffer this much for a no good person. We were married for 39 years, and had three wonderful boys.

Are you interested in talking about the process your husband went thru before he died? One of the things which make me feel very guilty is that they took my husband for a small procedure which was suppose to be done thru an endoscopy, and when the procedure was done, they send us to reunite with my husband again in the intensive care unit. When we got there, he was intubated, and unconscious, he never open his eyes again nor spoke. Something went wrong in that operating room. And he was in this condition for 10 days. I would like to know how my husband would have died under normal circumstances, how victims of pancriatic cancer die, how are their last days, if they suffer a lot of pain? My husband's weight when he was healthy was 165-170, and he was 5'11". When he was hospitalized on November 25/2009 he was 125 lbs. and when they gave him back to us in the intensive care unit he looked like he was inflated after what whatever happened to him in that operating room. He looked like he was 600 lbs. It was so painful to see him like this, I don't wish this to my worst enemy.

Please, if anyone else's spouse, or family member had pancriatic cancer, and went thru this experience, or similar experience, please, let's share our feelings about it.
I am so sorry! Phillip Lost a lot of weight. It is a very painful death. It sounds like something went wrong in that operating room! I worked in the hospital! I would do some investigation! If I can help in any way please let me know ok! Hang in there that is what we are here for!
Always,
Bill
Thank you so much Yaca! See the hospice grief counselor is back in Georgia. Yes I will try to get up with a hospice group here. You are right, I had a really bad breakdown today! All I did is cried for an hour! I just couldn't stop! But I guess crying is good. Don't have many friends here to talk to! So I thank everyone on here that responds to my poster board!
thanks again,
Always,
Bill
Thank you so much Ana! That meant a lot to me! It is still hard! I had a really bad break down today! Where all I could do is cry for about an hour! But I guess crying is good! I really appreciate your thoughts. If you ever need me, just let me know!
Always,
Bill

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