My Mom just died

It's so hard knowing that she's finally gone. My rock, my safety net is gone. No more phone calls, no more shopping, no more smiles, telling me everything is going to be all right. No more reminders to count 'to 10' when life gets complicated. It's so hard to know she's gone. She died this past Saturday. I know it will take time, the tears just keep coming. I feel so lost at this moment.

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Permalink Reply by DeAndrea on April 13, 2010 at 1:59pm

You feel just like I do. There is not a day that goes by that I don't want to call my mother and tell her about my day, but I can't. Now my birthday is this Friday and this will be the first year I dont receive a Happy Birthday wish from her. So trust me its been 8 months and it feels like it happened yesterday, and I am still lost. And I have no siblings to share my pain with.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on April 13, 2010 at 8:57pm

I too lost my mother very recently, March 30th. She died on the same date as my father, twelve years later. She spent the last 5 months of her life on a ventilator at a nursing home. It has been the worst time of my life. I was fortunate enough to be with her when she died. I thought that seeing her suffering everyday for the last 5 months was the worst part. I thoug I was saying goodbye to her all along, but really, her death still shocked. The pain is so difficult to put into words. I too am tired of people telling me that it is for the best; that she had a good life; that it will get better in time. I can't touch her or see her or talk to her. And, you know what, no one will ever love me the way my mom did. So, I know exactly how you feel. I think we all do. Which is why we are on this forum. Stay strong and le the tears come.

Permalink Reply by lkp on April 13, 2010 at 11:39pm

Lisa said:

I too lost my mother very recently, March 30th. She died on the same date as my father, twelve years later. She spent the last 5 months of her life on a ventilator at a nursing home. It has been the worst time of my life. I was fortunate enough to be with her when she died. I thought that seeing her suffering everyday for the last 5 months was the worst part. I thoug I was saying goodbye to her all along, but really, her death still shocked. The pain is so difficult to put into words. I too am tired of people telling me that it is for the best; that she had a good life; that it will get better in time. I can't touch her or see her or talk to her. And, you know what, no one will ever love me the way my mom did. So, I know exactly how you feel. I think we all do. Which is why we are on this forum. Stay strong and le the tears come.

Permalink Reply by lkp on April 13, 2010 at 11:56pm

It seems to me that since 5/06 when my mom died, time seems like it was yesterday she died. 8 mts of very hard grieving left me with a nervous b.down that I've yet to recover from. Still, I think it is best to not too brave but let yourself cry when you need to. Still, if you think you are hyperventelating or unable to sleep,eat, you need to know you dont have to continue with this behavior. Say to yourself, I love you Mom/Dad but i NEED a break now, & them let your logical brain takeover & take a break. Watch your favorite show, read a book, it is ok to tell friends U arn't up to talking right now about your grief, that you just need a break. Be logical, know your Mom/Dad has died, there isn't anything you did wrong, it is natural and you'll die to, but you need a break, so take a break. You will grieve, but when you are losing it a little too much, you need to let your logical brain takeover for a while. Go back to it, & you can cry, do your grieving, but untimately you are in control of you. It is not being, mean or callus, you are taking care of you and that is what you & what your mom would want you to do. Love linda

Permalink Reply by RHONDA on April 14, 2010 at 2:07pm

i am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother a little over 4 weeks ago and I still miss picking up the phone making that call or her calling me. I have even sliped and went to call her to tell her one thing or another. i been holding back so many tears for my childrens sake. but i sure miss my momma. i know how you feel . '
we are born with a family and as we get older we make our own family now im trying to learn to accept that the family i was born with is no longer there no mom no dad. Debbie im here if you need to talk this is also my number if you ever need to call me this is for anyone
1-540-206-6904

Permalink Reply by yolanda on April 15, 2010 at 12:13pm

Judy, understand that feeling..... My father died in January. We were close. He was the one to tell me I could do it! Don't give up! Everything will be ok! We spoke every day on the phone. When I received the call my world as I know it died for me....Allow the tears to come. Do not stop them from flowing. Allow yourself to feel this pain......If you push it down it only hurts more when it comes
out....

Permalink Reply by Judy on May 5, 2010 at 4:07pm

This will be the first Mother's Day without Mom. Just the thought of this day approaching is very unsettling. It was bad enough that we just celebrated my niece's confirmation without her. How does one ever get through these holidays?

Permalink Reply by Nicola on June 8, 2010 at 9:13am

Hi Judy, I just recently lost my Mother on the 29th April, My Rock, Bestfriend had gone and i know just how you feel, it was so sudden for us she had been sick for 6 weeks and went to the Dr was on anitbiotics they said she just had a nasty flu, stopped eating and a week later she went to hospital was dismissed after few hours with different anti biotics, to then return to hospital two weeks later due to her not getting any better and still laying in bed not being able to eat. She then went another 7 days in hospital being treated for a deep seeded lung infection, Then they finally did a CT Scan and a bone density test after that and was told on the Sunday she had Lung cancer and Secondary Bone cancer, she died 4 days later. My whole world just turned upside down I could not believe it, I am so haunted by watching her last breaths, I dont know how i will ever get thru this, we were so close and now i feel such sadness realising i will never hear her laugh and never here the words that would always comfort me and help me when things got tough. It still feels sureal and i just feel like a little girl again who just want her mummy. I keep thinking maybe she knew and did not want to tell us, or can this happen so suddenly and unexpected, i just cant stop thinking of the pain she must of been having with the bone cancer that was riddled thru her. I feel such pain to think she was so strong and just miss her so much. Life will never be the same and i dread Christmas this year, my mum use to make Christmas Magical, she really was the most Beautiful loving mother any one could wish for. I Live in Australia and my family are all spread out and just feel hollow and so alone, Thank you for letting me share my story and to all of you here my heart goes out to each and everyone of you as even thou i dont know any of you, I feel a connection as each of us have lost ourselves with the loss of one of our Parents, You cant explain to anyone untill you live it. I will send you all white light and healing tonight, and hopefully take some of your pain away,Lisa, rhonda,rebecca,Deandre,lkp and to any i have missed, Nicola

Permalink Reply by Judy on June 10, 2010 at 4:45pm

Hi Nicola, I'm very sorry for your loss. Watching your Mom struggle is the hardest thing anyone has to go through. I was my Mom's caregiver, she struggled with cancer, liver problems, congestive heart failure, water in the lungs, the list just goes on. She fought hard her entire life! I am still constantly amazed as to how she managed to live through all her pain, yet maintained an ongoing happy disposition, always willing to do the right thing, not just for herself, but the family as well. Talk about strength! This past Sat we finally buried her next to Dad. Waited until another family member was able to make it here, she lived out of state. It was painful, but she's now finally at peace, next to Dad. Peace will come, but it, like everything else takes time. I still cry, but now looking back I can finally rejoice in all she taught me about life. We were looking at pictures last week, I was finally able to do that without falling apart. It's a tough journey, but I know the healing white light will wash over us all.

Judy

Permalink Reply by Judy on January 28, 2011 at 4:21pm

Hard to believe, the one year anniversary of Mom's death is this Sunday. Where has the year gone? It's been a rough year, never thought it would be hard. It was. Thank God friends and family were around 1000% during this year. I really would like to thank my nephew. He was a Godsend. Helping with cleaning out her home was hell. I thank God every day that he was there to help.

I miss you so much Mom, but I know you're having the time of your life up there with the rest of the family!

Permalink Reply by Diane Gordon on January 28, 2011 at 10:47pm

I know what you're going through. I just lost my mom three weeks ago. I feel like my life is over. I can't be happy anymore. I try to go through the motions of life, but they are just that, motions. I can't put any effort in doing anything, and nothing really matters. I know she is with Jesus and there is no more pain or suffering, yet a piece of my heart is missing without her. I feel that my husband is very insensitive. He just thinks I should move on, but my mind won't let me. The tape just keeps rewinding about the events leading to her death. So much guilt, so many things unsaid, so many things that shouldn't have been said. I know she is in a better place, but I still haven't accepted the fact that she is gone. You are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Judy on January 31, 2011 at 12:14pm

Diane, the first 6 months is hell. Do you ever listen to K-Love? I found it very healing. They talked about resolutions, which of course we seldom keep, this time they mentioned picking a word to help us through the year. The word I picked for this year is 'forgiveness', which is something I felt in my heart is the right word for me. Sometimes our loved ones just don't understand what we go through, until they walked in our shoes. I found that with my brother in law. He didn't get it until his Dad was placed in a nursing home. Sometimes our sorrow is overwhelming, but it does make us stronger, and the knowledge and love our loved ones inparted to us is a great gift. Feel the sorrow, but also remember and feel their love. It surrounds us, and fills our souls. Be at peace.

Diane Gordon said:

I know what you're going through. I just lost my mom three weeks ago. I feel like my life is over. I can't be happy anymore. I try to go through the motions of life, but they are just that, motions. I can't put any effort in doing anything, and nothing really matters. I know she is with Jesus and there is no more pain or suffering, yet a piece of my heart is missing without her. I feel that my husband is very insensitive. He just thinks I should move on, but my mind won't let me. The tape just keeps rewinding about the events leading to her death. So much guilt, so many things unsaid, so many things that shouldn't have been said. I know she is in a better place, but I still haven't accepted the fact that she is gone. You are not alone.