I wanted to say sorry to everyone for their loss. I lost my beloved Dad due to cancer. He was very young and was the glue that held our family together. It will be a year already in March. I feel like my grief is getting worse. I know that it can come in waves. Sometimes I'm ok but when I think of the end I try to block it out and only think of the good memories. Then when all the bottled up grief comes up it explodes. I was also pregnant at the time of his illness and death. I tried to keep my anxiety and grief at bay. The holidays were horrible. Now that the one year anniversary of his death is coming up I feel the anxiety starting to build again. I miss him so much and still feel like it was yesterday that I last saw him and have to remind myself that he is gone and never coming back. It's hard to talk to my Mom and siblings sometimes because I don't want them to be upset...At least we can talk here.