Problems with my spiritual side

I have noticed after reading what other people have said, that most of you are able to connect with God and pray and feel spiritual. I was always a spiritual person. I prayed, I regularly attended church and I trusted God. For some reason, since my sister jumped off a bridge I have been unable to attend church or pray. I have been in touch with my minister and many church members, but nothing they have said has helped me re-connect with God.

I only had one sister, and although I think I am accepting what has happened I can't understand or maybe forgive God for not saving her. I know she begged God for help, and not only is this awful for me but I think watching my parents suffer is tortuous. I have friends with 6, 7, 8 siblings and they are all healthy and I couldn't even have one sister. I guess I am jealous. I am also angry at God. I don't want to feel this way, but I just can't seem to fix it. How do you find faith when your heart has been so broken?

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Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 25, 2011 at 4:04pm

Thank you so much for your thoughts and feelings. My son committed suicide on Dec. 22, 2010. I will never hear the real story because the "girlfriend", mother of my 3 grandchildren had 4 different stories. She was cheating on him, he was sure, and I feel that she edged him on. One of the stories I heard was that they had words and that my grandson age 11 told him he wished him dead and in 3 min. I am told my son was dead. Thank you Eileen for reminding me of things to do. For the past month or more I have been staying home sleeping most of the time during the day. IN the even. I have my 3 grandchildren that I have custory of home from school and my wonderful hubby home from work. I have never been angry at God. He is my source of comfort. I have been told that there are stages of grief and that one of them is that I will be angry at my son and blame him. IS this true? I find that hard to believe. I love him so much and talk to him daily. I wish there was someway that sometime some of us on this site could talk by phone. I am grateful for this site. Blessings, Jacqueline Rowles

eileen ferguson said:

I will be brief. when things like this happens cause i lost my Son to suicide and it hurts, i dont care how short or long of a time it was, we feel the pain. and from time to time the grief renews itself. I agree that GOd is near those with a broken heart Psalm 34:18. We do need the time to grieve. we also need to prepare to start renewing our lives, in a positive way, like getting out for walks, going to a library, having a true friend over from time to time and have lunch together. Getting a new hair style, looking for someone we can cheer up, an elderly one, a handicapped one, a sick one. Giving of ourselves. this would be the first thing to do, moving in a possitive direction. Not looking ar out situation but going where we can do volunteer work even, make ourselves aavailable to help other in dire need. Everyone has some kind of problem today everyone. young, old, middle age. and we then can begin to see a little clearer each and every day whats going on. God cares. I know this because when everyone scatters, and im alone, I have felt his comfort. his love. so I want to share that love with those that need me. Dont worry about how things seem to be going, looking at yourself, look beyond for a while. i guarantee your going to start to feel better, it takes time. dont be hard on yourself. too many of us outhere that has been thru suicidal childdren or relatives know. there is a God. Much success to you. Try this, it world

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Morales on March 19, 2011 at 9:34am

I hear you, I suffer the same battle. My brother in texas and I california, is the reason I heavily relied on this so called God to deliver my brother from his depression and from taking his life. I prayed everyday for my brothers last 3 years of torment he lived and my faith was great I just knew that God would help him. but no instead I feel as if god just overlooked my brother just like your sister. it's not fair. and now I don't beleive in God or the devil, if there reallyis one? that is where I am at, a loss,

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on March 19, 2011 at 7:24pm

Blessings Kim, It's Sat. even. and I just had a crying spell after receiving a card from a dear friend that knew my son Chuck when he was a teenager growing up in church and she said we will all meet in heaven. I guess that was something that troubled me at first until last Sunday I heard John Hagee on tv talking about heaven. He said if you are someone such as Hitler who did such evil and then committed suidide that he was welcomed in hell but if you were someone who was having problems and committed suicide that God welcomed you to heaven . That helped me a lot. My daughter said there is a book titled 90 minutes in h eaven and it wa written by a pastor who was injured in a car wreck and he went to heaven for 90 min. Sounds like a good book. Blessings to all.Jackie

Brenda Mackenzie said:

Hi Kim,

Olny time heals, you have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. You deal by reaching out to others. I too question my faith my husband took his life one year ago--the Ann is coming up on 3/2 I was raised Catholic and to believe everthing. But I cannot and its ok. Its ok to question your faith. I often say Lord why have you forsaken me?? and I am sure others due to. There is no right or wrong to grieving. Being mad is ok--its ok. I am mad at everything and everyone. What helps me most are the people who are close to me and groups I go to groups and Therapy. I will do this as long as I need to --seek them out they help a bit. You meet people who understand. Stay Strong Brenda

Kim Arthur said:

Ladies and gents, i have read your replys, and I appreciate them, didnt have time to comment tonight but will make a point in getting back with each of you well today now...but tomorrow for me....hope all is well...I will be back in the morning...been a long day....finally came to terms of divorcing, so bear with me... I love you all....Kim

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on March 19, 2011 at 7:34pm

Sweety there is a God and unfortunetly a devil. God doesn't force anything on us, we have our own choices to make and unfortunetly sometimes we make the wrong choice. My son Chuck was a wonderful son and a fabulous father. he loved his children more than anything but his unhappiness over took him. God didn't want this for him I am sure. I believe that Chuck is in heaven now with his earthly father and our Heavenly Father and out of the hard times here on earth. I know that it's hard for those left here to go on without the loved ones. Anyone that would like to have me call them please let me know your phone number. I recently talked to Shari and we had a lovely talk. God bless Jackie
Rebecca Morales said:

I hear you, I suffer the same battle. My brother in texas and I california, is the reason I heavily relied on this so called God to deliver my brother from his depression and from taking his life. I prayed everyday for my brothers last 3 years of torment he lived and my faith was great I just knew that God would help him. but no instead I feel as if god just overlooked my brother just like your sister. it's not fair. and now I don't beleive in God or the devil, if there reallyis one? that is where I am at, a loss,