Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Marlene on April 16, 2010 at 6:45am

I think it may get even worse for a few months as you feel more and more lonely, but then maybe after 6 months you start to adjust somewhat. It has been 3 and a half months for me and I still cannot focus enough to sit down and read a book or complete a project. Nothing seems very important to me. I am just very angry and I am not usually an angry person. I am angry and jealous that my husband is gone and I am alone and my friends still have their husbands. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. He was not just a husband-he was my pal, my buddy, my best friend. The person who loved me more than anyone ever had or ever could. He had lymphoma and lung cancer and had a heart attack the day after Xmas. His heart was affected by the chemotherapy agents. He thought he was going to live and be okay, but I knew from how weak he was that things were only going to get worse. He got up in the morning, took a shower and laid down on the living room couch and died. I found him dead there in the morning.
I sleep with his sweaters that smell of him and a stuffed Opus penguin that he gave me for Valentine's Day in 1984. I didn't realized how much I loved him or how enmeshed our lives were until he was gone. We had a very happy marriage. He was true and faithful to me and I to him. We knew each other from the first day of college and married at age 27. He would always say that he would be nothing without me, but in fact, I am nothing without him.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on April 16, 2010 at 6:48pm

Marlene,

You are something BECAUSE of him -- you were his spouse, best friend and now widow. Your marriage sounds like mine and Douglas's -- and I miss him terribly. Douglas got so sick on July 1, 2009 and then on the 17th was gone. How did that happen???? He had just been to the doctor the day before. Douglas had end stage Parkinson's and the death certificate shows cause of death as aspirated pneumonia -- and I just found out he also had pancreatic cancer that NO ONE told us about! I demanded a copy of his VA medical file and found it -- but what is done is done now. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's at age 37 and died three weeks after his 62nd birthday. I also sleep with his clothing, his watch, and the stuffed bear he gave me. I still can smell him everywhere -- and that is a good thing! How lucky we are to have been so loved by these caring, loyal, and giving men. Not everyone gets to experience this feeling and I for one feel eternally grateful. Take care!

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Marlene on April 16, 2010 at 10:32pm

Brigitte said:

Marlene,

You are something BECAUSE of him -- you were his spouse, best friend and now widow. Your marriage sounds like mine and Douglas's -- and I miss him terribly. Douglas got so sick on July 1, 2009 and then on the 17th was gone. How did that happen???? He had just been to the doctor the day before. Douglas had end stage Parkinson's and the death certificate shows cause of death as aspirated pneumonia -- and I just found out he also had pancreatic cancer that NO ONE told us about! I demanded a copy of his VA medical file and found it -- but what is done is done now. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's at age 37 and died three weeks after his 62nd birthday. I also sleep with his clothing, his watch, and the stuffed bear he gave me. I still can smell him everywhere -- and that is a good thing! How lucky we are to have been so loved by these caring, loyal, and giving men. Not everyone gets to experience this feeling and I for one feel eternally grateful. Take care!

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Marlene on April 16, 2010 at 10:38pm

I am getting kind of confused about the format of the reply, but here goes. I want to thank you, Brigitte, for your comment to me. It means a lot to me. Our husbands were a year apart. Mine was 63 when he died. I am okay during most of the day, and people say they are so surprised at how well I am dealing with his loss, but then, they are not home alone with me at night when I am crying. I am on a list to get into a partners bereavement group that has weekly meetings near my home, but they are filled up right now. I am glad that I found this online group. It helps to know people who are going through the same experience.
Thank you all,
Marlene

Brigitte said:

Marlene,
You are something BECAUSE of him -- you were his spouse, best friend and now widow. Your marriage sounds like mine and Douglas's -- and I miss him terribly. Douglas got so sick on July 1, 2009 and then on the 17th was gone. How did that happen???? He had just been to the doctor the day before. Douglas had end stage Parkinson's and the death certificate shows cause of death as aspirated pneumonia -- and I just found out he also had pancreatic cancer that NO ONE told us about! I demanded a copy of his VA medical file and found it -- but what is done is done now. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's at age 37 and died three weeks after his 62nd birthday. I also sleep with his clothing, his watch, and the stuffed bear he gave me. I still can smell him everywhere -- and that is a good thing! How lucky we are to have been so loved by these caring, loyal, and giving men. Not everyone gets to experience this feeling and I for one feel eternally grateful. Take care!
Brigitte

Permalink Reply by gerrid on April 17, 2010 at 5:27pm

Hi Lorie,

My husband of 32 years died October 3, 2009. As I write this, it still doesn't seem real, almost like I'm writing about some else's life. All I can tell you is the tears don't come as often but still do come from nowhere when least expected. I found two other
women who are going through the same thing, one is 7 months, the other is 6 years. Talking with them helps validate my feeling and fears. They have become my support group because they know exactly how I'm feeling, and I hope you can find someone to help you through this difficult time too.

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