Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
Messages from the other side
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Barbara Rieger on
-
To Leslie,
To Melissa and anyone else who endures the pain of losing a loved one and misses their physical presence.
My precious son Joe left our house on April 4, 2010. It was rather late and then the next day two police men arrived at our door. Now I know that I was in , shock and was quiet and in denial when they told me and my husband that our son had passed. Maybe I thought I could ignore the fact and it wasn't real. A negligent impaired drunk driver took the life of my son. He was a worthwhile, educated and loved young man by family and friends. I didn't know he had so many friends from high school and fraternity brothers from college. Joe was 42 years old on August 19th 2009. An allergist pointed out that he would never get any older. He had just achieved his master's degree in finance and accounting 2 months before leaving this planet. He was a fan of Elvis Presley who also passed when he was 42 years old. Joe had expressed his feelings that he wished he had lived during my era of the late 50's and 60's. He was a history buff and was able to speak Russian fluently. Joe lived with my mother at her request. She didn't come to my house for Easter Sunday because she did too much cooking and was tired. His loss has left a large void in everyone's life and it will never be the same.
I can't identify totally with each persons feelings however I do understand where each person is coming from. I've heard it said by a number of people that "Life goes on" and that "Life is for the living." I know my son would want me to continue keeping on with what I was doing before he left this planet. Oh sure he probably smiles and says "that's my momma" and feel my love when I've cried because he is no longer able to tease me. I've learned many things about him from his friends and know there is a lot more because I haven't gotten to talk with some of them as of yet. But that time will come. I'm proud of my son and feel his presence. I often like to believe that there are other dimensions and he exist in one of them. Although scientist believe there are many right next to us.
It's cathartic to write feelings if you feel like doing so. Crying cleanses our eyes and bathes our souls. Afterward we may feel a physical and mental relief.
I have found great comfort in the many friends that I've connected with from high school and where I use to work by sending jokes, reading them and enjoying the moment. Nonetheless, I never know when something is going to hit me and the pain is overwhelming.Things calm down and I think I need to do things and continue to do what I do best. Do what I enjoy doing that I was doing before all of this happened. I was active at the senior center but cut out lots of things. I have had to go to mom's and my husband and I have taken over doing what our son did for mom. I don't attend the Wii group anymore, or tai-chi or exercise classes or go to tea parties or dance classes anymore. But I did attend the Halloween Party and dressed up wearing a blonde wig. That's until I got up and started dancing and enjoying myself. Last year I was sworn in at city hall to be on the Senior Center Advisory board. Then was asked to check out the monthly calendar by the second in charge at the center. Also I am in a garden club and for a couple years am publicity chairman. I write articles for about 4 newspapers and a local TV station also posts my article and photos. I enjoy writing but also was happy when I was asked to be membership chairperson. Joe liked whenever I was doing things to improve myself and it gives something back to my community. I have always enjoyed helping people to improve the quality of their lives as well as my own. It's great fun. We all have a time when we are going to mourn and feel pain. I believe in putting my thoughts in a box. Then placing it on the shelf if it falls down and hits me then I have to deal with it by sometimes crying. Then putting it back in the box placing it up on another shelf and bring down a box that I can open to help myself out of the rut that I was in after the box fell and hit me in the head causing me to feel pain.
I went to a bereavement group and I decided that I was better off not going. I gave it a shot. Then one of my son's friends had sent me all these addresses with children lost. I wrote to a couple of people who answered me and would send jokes. For whatever reason they choose not to respond. That was a let down at first but they can chose who they wanted to be friends with. Besides I have lots of friends on e-mail.
I know that every person is carrying a cross. Some have very large splinters poking their bodies and hearts, some have smaller ones. Nonetheless, every person suffers with many conditions. Every person we meet wants to be validated and when we validate someone we are validated. Just a smile or a hello to someone can make a huge difference. By giving a hug to someone we can't lose because we get a hug too!!!
One time when my son was in High School we went to a mall. Rev. Robert Schuller who had a dream to build the Crystal Cathedral wrote another book one of which I purchased and he signed it to my son. I have a photo of my precious handsome son shaking hands with Rev. Robert Schuller. When I got up to him I hugged him and I said, "I love you." His response to me was, "Everyone Needs Love." By having that at the front of my mind I tend to over-look many things and in doing so do myself a major favor. I feel good and help others to feel good.
The one thing that our loved ones took with them was the love that we have for them. In my opinion we are still sending our love. Prayers, thoughts, writing about them or talking about the one's we love keeps them alive in our lives and forever dwelling inside our hearts. We need to feel the love it keeps them closer to us. We can't anticipate them physically sitting down to dinner but we can anticipate feeling the love that we have and the love they have. Love is the strongest emotion there is. Remember what was said to me by a great human-being Rev. Robert Schuller who said to me, "Everyone Needs Love."
Wishing each and everyone who reads this and who doesn't : "A Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year."
As Rev. Robert Schuller had said on his "Hour of Power" : "God Loves You and So Do I."
Barbara
-
-
-
I don't believe what happened. I typed a long letter and went to edit one word or two. Sapppppp I lost the entire thing. It took over an hour to type and almost can recall what I wrote but it's already almost midnight. I wish I would have copied it. Sometimes things like that happen to me. Ohh it's a miracle there it is. It came back. Yahoo..................
I hope my post makes whoever reads this feel as good as I did after writing it. It's meant to encourage and help all of us. As Tiny Tim said, "God Bless Us Everyone."
-
-
Permalink Reply by Gaynell Leath on
-
Yes I do believe with all my heart we get messages.I know I have seen it with my own eyes.I can feel my loved ones and without a doubt believe they send us messages~~~~~
-
-
-
Norma I understand and believe what you have stated. I really like the way you spoke of loved ones happiness being important and taking comfort knowing that their only wish is for you to b happy too. I also believe that it's important to live as they would want us to live. And yes it is what helps me to get through the pain as well. As you believe that your dear partner is still around and always will be I feel the same way about my only child Joe. It does give energy and courage to continue to live our lives. I believe that if my son knows when I cry it makes him feel and know I miss him and want to see him physically. And if this does happen he misses teasing me about it. LOL
But I know he would think less of me if I didn't continue doing the things I've done and continue to better myself with the life I have left here on earth. Your partner and my son live inside our hearts and mind as long as we continue to think of them, we can feel their presence without seeing them if we chose to do that and forever love them. When someone passes over the only thing they can take with them is the love sent to them.
norma ferrie said:I have no doubt that there is an after life, perhaps life after death may not be a explanation that is easily accepted, life is what we experience in the here and now, so how can there be "life" after death? it is not life as we know it but there is an "existance" beyond this earthly life.
I have had many, many, signs from my dear departed partner, and I know she is watching over me, it is a knowing that can felt by a sort of tangable aura of her spirit. I talk to her often.
I do not believe we go through what we do in this life, and meet the people we meet, have children, etc.. for there to be nothing at the end of it all, we can only meet our soul mate here on earth so that we can spend eternity with them in another realm. no matter how painfull it is to lose someone you love, their pain is no longer, we must carry on without them physicaly, and that is the hardest most devastating thing to do. But if your loved ones happiness is as it would be the most important thing to you, then take comfort that they are happy, and their only wish is for you to be happy too, to live as they would want you to live, this is what I have found will help me get through the pain and suffering, and the more I beiieve that my partner is still around in some way, and always will be, then I will have the enegry and courage to live the life I have left
-
-
-
Norma I understand and believe what you have stated. I really like the way you spoke of loved ones happiness being important and taking comfort knowing that their only wish is for you to b happy too. I also believe that it's important to live as they would want us to live. And yes it is what helps me to get through the pain as well. As you believe that your dear partner is still around and always will be I feel the same way about my only child Joe. It does give energy and courage to continue to live our lives. I believe that if my son knows when I cry it makes him feel and know I miss him and want to see him physically. And if this does happen he misses teasing me about it. LOL
But I know he would think less of me if I didn't continue doing the things I've done and continue to better myself with the life I have left here on earth. Your partner and my son live inside our hearts and mind as long as we continue to think of them, we can feel their presence without seeing them if we chose to do that and forever love them. When someone passes over the only thing they can take with them is the love sent to them.
norma ferrie said:I have no doubt that there is an after life, perhaps life after death may not be a explanation that is easily accepted, life is what we experience in the here and now, so how can there be "life" after death? it is not life as we know it but there is an "existance" beyond this earthly life.
I have had many, many, signs from my dear departed partner, and I know she is watching over me, it is a knowing that can felt by a sort of tangable aura of her spirit. I talk to her often.
I do not believe we go through what we do in this life, and meet the people we meet, have children, etc.. for there to be nothing at the end of it all, we can only meet our soul mate here on earth so that we can spend eternity with them in another realm. no matter how painfull it is to lose someone you love, their pain is no longer, we must carry on without them physicaly, and that is the hardest most devastating thing to do. But if your loved ones happiness is as it would be the most important thing to you, then take comfort that they are happy, and their only wish is for you to be happy too, to live as they would want you to live, this is what I have found will help me get through the pain and suffering, and the more I beiieve that my partner is still around in some way, and always will be, then I will have the enegry and courage to live the life I have left
-
-
Permalink Reply by Melinda Ellen Guinn on
-
JANE!!!Can you feel my daughter, Candace Rae Watson? Who took her to the other side? Does she miss her children and myself? I need and want to be w/her soo bad!
-
-
-
Jane, My daughter, Candace Rae Watson, passed 4/09/10. My comment went further down, not up here. Please scroll down AND READ IT. Thank you soo much!
-
-
-
Why does my comment go to the bottom?!!
-
-
-
Jane, PLEASE read fURTHER down, my comments didn't go up here!!!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Jane Linda Roberts-Feeney on
-
Hi Melinda, I am so sorry for the loss of you beautiful daughter, Candace. I know that she has been around you - particularly at this time of year which she would have loved. When I sit in my circle tonight and send out my love to the Spirit World I will include Candace in my thoughts. I certainly feel a lot of love surrounding you as I write and know that Candace is well and free from the pain of her human body, where she is now on the other side. She is aware of the pain and sadness her passing has caused to those of you she still loves so much.
I have tried to get further down, but cannot find your full comment, being new to the site I am still trying to navigate my way around, please forgive me. Kindest regards Jane x x x
Melinda Ellen Guinn said:Jane, PLEASE read fURTHER down, my comments didn't go up here!!!
-
-
-
I miss you every single day Candace. I look at your smiling face, smiling back at me as I was taking your picture. There is SO much love in your eyes and smile while you're looking at me! My heart breaks everytime i look at you. And i'm always looking at your pictures I have put all over the walls of my bedroom. I just decided to blow up another picture to an 8x10 to hang up! It was taken at Cloe's baby showerat the park. You were SO happy that day! I LOVE and MISS you soo much Baby-girl!!!
-
-
-
My husband died on Sunday 11/27/2011, I have always believed in ghosts and such, but I am so disappointed that I have not had a sign from him that he is ok. I ask him every night for something, but I have not seen anything. I have had a few dreams/nightmares, in which he ignores me. Some have said that is his way of trying to help me get over him, but I cannot. We were married for 20 years, he was only 48 and I know the hospital killed him. He was there for 2 weeks with internal bleeding which they just gave him blood transfusions for, sent him home, he was back 4 days later, they said they were going to do a scan to see where he was bleeding from but did not, I think because it was a holiday (Thanksgiving day), when they decided to do something it was too late, he ended up having a stroke, in a coma and his body shut down and turned black. Then they decided to call in a specialist which took 6 hours to even answer the page. He came in a couple hours after answering the page, did surgery, found an abdominal aneurysm, fixed it, then said they would have to start amputating his limbs. Instead of that we decided to take him off the medication which was keeping him alive, he was on 3 pressors to try to get his blood pressure up, but it never got above 40/35 it was like that for about 12 hours. The day he died they gave him 20 pints of blood, our bodies only hold 8 pints.
-
Latest Conversations
Community Guidelines
Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.
Follow Legacy
© 2023 Created by Legacy.com.
Powered by
