Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by judy on August 9, 2010 at 2:35pm

DEAR MELISSA, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU..YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON, WE ALL ARE...WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY...OUR JOURNY IS NOT OVER YET..YOU HAVE TO GREVE. YES THIS TAKES A VERY LONG TIME..MY SON AGE 27 SHOT AND KILL HISSELF ONLY 4 MONTHS AGO...I CRY AND MISS HIM EVERYDAY ...THE THOUGHTS NEVER STOP....I DIDNT THINK I COULD GO ON..BUT I HAVE ..BECAUSE I HAVE ANOTHER SON, TO THINK ABOUT AND HE NEEDS ME MORE THAN EVER..THATS WHAT KEEPS ME HERE TODAY....AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY SON CHRIS ..WE HAD NO CLUE THAT THIS WAS TO THAKE PLACE ..HE LAUGHED AND SMILED EVERY DAY ..JOKED AND PULLED PRANKS..EVERY THING NORMAL..AT HOME ,AT WORK,EVERY WHERE ...NO CLUE....NO DRUGS.. NO ALCOHOL...HE WAS ONLY 27....THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...MY BABY....WE DID EVERY THING TOGHTER...FISHED ,HUNTED,RODE MOTERCYCLES, OUT TO EAT, COOK OUTS, EVEN WORKED TOGHTER FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS...BUT A DIVORCE..AND AND A EX...SHE TORMENTED HIM TO DEATH...BUT HE NEVER LET ON TO ANY BODY, WHAT HE WAS GOING THROUGH....IF WE HAD ONLY KNEW..... SO SWEETY , YOUR NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD..EVEN IF YOU THINK SO..YOUR NOT..WE ARE ALL HERE JUST AS YOU...WANTING ANSWERS...WITH QUESTIONS...CRYING..MAD ...ANGER..UPSET...LONLEY...HURTING...MISSING OUR LOVE ONES TO....IT HELPS ME TO GET ON HERE A READ OTHER PEOPLES STORYS...THEY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.....AND WHEN YOU FEEL THE NEED WRITE ABOUT IT....SHARE WITH US....WE WILL CRY WITH YOU..WE WILL FEEL THE PAIN WITH YOU...YOU ARE NEVER ALONE ....WE ALL ARE HERE... PRAYERS FOR YOU.....JUDY

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 9, 2010 at 4:48pm

I'm sorry to hear of the lose of your son, and thank you. It does help a little to write and know there are others like me out there to talk to. It will be a year on the 23rd of this month. the closer it gets the more I get depressed. I have no idea what its like to lose a child and my heart goes out to you and your family. I have two kids my self, My daughter is 21 and my son is 15, he and his cousin was the ones who found my brother in the basement of his house. I talk to him that night, he gave me something and that is the only thing I have of him other then memories and pictures. I want so bad to know why, all though I have a good idea. I just wish he would have left instead of tiring to make things work for the kids. He always called me when things were rough but not this time. The last thing I said to him was that I loved him and he said the same. we only started saying that after we lost our mom just three months before only two days before her birthday and mothers day. It should make me feel better knowing it was said but it don't. the hurt is so bad that I can't even think strait sometimes.

judy said:

DEAR MELISSA, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU..YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON, WE ALL ARE...WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY...OUR JOURNY IS NOT OVER YET..YOU HAVE TO GREVE. YES THIS TAKES A VERY LONG TIME..MY SON AGE 27 SHOT AND KILL HISSELF ONLY 4 MONTHS AGO...I CRY AND MISS HIM EVERYDAY ...THE THOUGHTS NEVER STOP....I DIDNT THINK I COULD GO ON..BUT I HAVE ..BECAUSE I HAVE ANOTHER SON, TO THINK ABOUT AND HE NEEDS ME MORE THAN EVER..THATS WHAT KEEPS ME HERE TODAY....AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY SON CHRIS ..WE HAD NO CLUE THAT THIS WAS TO THAKE PLACE ..HE LAUGHED AND SMILED EVERY DAY ..JOKED AND PULLED PRANKS..EVERY THING NORMAL..AT HOME ,AT WORK,EVERY WHERE ...NO CLUE....NO DRUGS.. NO ALCOHOL...HE WAS ONLY 27....THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...MY BABY....WE DID EVERY THING TOGHTER...FISHED ,HUNTED,RODE MOTERCYCLES, OUT TO EAT, COOK OUTS, EVEN WORKED TOGHTER FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS...BUT A DIVORCE..AND AND A EX...SHE TORMENTED HIM TO DEATH...BUT HE NEVER LET ON TO ANY BODY, WHAT HE WAS GOING THROUGH....IF WE HAD ONLY KNEW..... SO SWEETY , YOUR NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD..EVEN IF YOU THINK SO..YOUR NOT..WE ARE ALL HERE JUST AS YOU...WANTING ANSWERS...WITH QUESTIONS...CRYING..MAD ...ANGER..UPSET...LONLEY...HURTING...MISSING OUR LOVE ONES TO....IT HELPS ME TO GET ON HERE A READ OTHER PEOPLES STORYS...THEY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.....AND WHEN YOU FEEL THE NEED WRITE ABOUT IT....SHARE WITH US....WE WILL CRY WITH YOU..WE WILL FEEL THE PAIN WITH YOU...YOU ARE NEVER ALONE ....WE ALL ARE HERE... PRAYERS FOR YOU.....JUDY

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 9, 2010 at 4:57pm

Thank you Leo. My husband is Jehovah and he is my rock, He is here for me when ever I need him and I love him for that. It's just that I can't let him really know whats going on inside. No one in my family knows. There are thoughts that I just can't say even on here. I think the only thing I can do is see some one, because if my family knew I'm not sure what would happen., but thank you for your kind words. I just want to know why god would hurt a family so much. Why couldn't he stop him from doing that.

Leo said:

I understand that at times you may think, "Well, if God is love, WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME???" Losing a loved one is heart-breaking. Even more, losing someone to Suicide can be so traumatic. Yet, you may rest assured that Jehovah God does not like seeing you cry or weep. James 1: 13 guarantees, "When under trial, let no one say: 'I am being tried by God.' For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone." It was never in Jehovah's plans that we die or suffer. Remember that he placed Adam and Eve in a wonderful paradise here on Earth - paradise which he stills wants us to enjoy. That is why in the last book of the he foretold, "Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples. And God himself will be with them. And he will every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” Can you see yourself in that peaceful new world giving your loved ones a warm welcome? I hope so. May this hope comfort you during your tribulation!


An article that has helped me tremendously can be found by following this . I hope you like it as well:
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011022/diagram_03.htm

Permalink Reply by LuLu on August 11, 2010 at 1:09pm

Melissa - This is a support group but as horrible as this is to face, it is a road we all travel alone. My beautiful daughter committed suicide on March 22, 2010 - I have cried and cried - I am under doctor's care and am a lost soul. My friends are supportive but don't really know what to do...most people think the time of mourning has passed and joke with me now. I put on a mask - when it fails, I run to the bathroom or vacant room to let the tears flow. I still cry every night. My son-in-law has not let me see my grandson since this occurred - he thinks that it would be depressing for him. My son in law did not give her the pills but was a BIG contributing factor to her depression - he had several flings, decided he didn't want to be married any more - turned off her utilities, water and told the bank to foreclose on the house - she could not get a job due to the economy; since she had no utilities, he took their son - My daughter would have expected me to watch over my grandson but I am being held back - I would never do anything to hurt him or say anything unkind about his father - that is all he has left - just want to participate in his life. My daughter was found on an air mattress on the floor of a cold, empty house - she was very proud, kept telling me that everything was okay and she would visit soon...then left me a note to tell me how much she loved me. Since my husband and other daughter think I am totally cracking up, she came down to visit for 2 weeks and my computer at home has been mis-behaving or I would have answered you as soon as I could...I try to check this site every couple of days...it helps me to talk to others on this horrible jouney since many do not understand - I did not understand until this happened to me....and my daughter who lost her sister is devasted - in her words, she never imagined life without her sister...she thought they would have their old age together...I am so sorry for you..and hope you are getting responses and help by now...LuLu

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 11, 2010 at 3:42pm

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter, and as far as your grandson you have rights to see him and you can go to court to get visits with him, its called grandparent's rights. I also feel if it wasn't for my brothers wife he would still be here to and I don't think I could ever forgive her for that, My brother had a hard time reading ang writhing and she always mad him feel like he couldn't do anything with out her, which was wrong, what he lacked in that part he was a very smart man and did every thing he could do to take care of his boys, and all she did was tell him he wasn't doing enough, he did all the house work, cooking, working, doing house repairs and taking care of the boys, but it was not enough for her. The money he made she would go out and spend it instead of paying the house payment and then the house was going up for foreclosure. She only start talking to us again when my mom was getting worse with the cancer and knowing my brother was getting everything from my mom. So everyday I cry and hurt knowing I will never hear his voice again, he was my best friend and I miss him so much. Like I said before you have the right to see your grandson. It has helped me to be able to talk to people that went through the same thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

LuLu said:

Melissa - This is a support group but as horrible as this is to face, it is a road we all travel alone. My beautiful daughter committed suicide on March 22, 2010 - I have cried and cried - I am under doctor's care and am a lost soul. My friends are supportive but don't really know what to do...most people think the time of mourning has passed and joke with me now. I put on a mask - when it fails, I run to the bathroom or vacant room to let the tears flow. I still cry every night. My son-in-law has not let me see my grandson since this occurred - he thinks that it would be depressing for him. My son in law did not give her the pills but was a BIG contributing factor to her depression - he had several flings, decided he didn't want to be married any more - turned off her utilities, water and told the bank to foreclose on the house - she could not get a job due to the economy; since she had no utilities, he took their son - My daughter would have expected me to watch over my grandson but I am being held back - I would never do anything to hurt him or say anything unkind about his father - that is all he has left - just want to participate in his life. My daughter was found on an air mattress on the floor of a cold, empty house - she was very proud, kept telling me that everything was okay and she would visit soon...then left me a note to tell me how much she loved me. Since my husband and other daughter think I am totally cracking up, she came down to visit for 2 weeks and my computer at home has been mis-behaving or I would have answered you as soon as I could...I try to check this site every couple of days...it helps me to talk to others on this horrible jouney since many do not understand - I did not understand until this happened to me....and my daughter who lost her sister is devasted - in her words, she never imagined life without her sister...she thought they would have their old age together...I am so sorry for you..and hope you are getting responses and help by now...LuLu

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 11, 2010 at 3:50pm

It was my brother that died not my husband, he's still here, he does his best to help me and I do love him for that, It's just so hard to cope with the loss of my brother he was my best friend and I want so bad to go back into time and let him know to hold on just alitte bit more because things would have worked out for him. Thank you I will think about what you said.

Leo said:

Hey Melissa,

It was nice talking to you and I am glad I could help you in the slightest way possible. You asked me WHY Jehovah did not impede your husband from dying. Well, let's see what the Bible says. First of all, 1 John 4: 8 states, "God IS love." Notice, he doesn't simply HAVE love, he is the personification of this divine quality. Imagine that you had a son which you loved dearly, he is your first-born and there is nothing in the world you would not do for him. Such is the feeling Jehovah has for his son Jesus. Yet, "God loved the world so much that he gave his only-begotten Son, in order that everyone exercising faith in him might not be destroyed but have everlasting life" (John 3: 16). As you can see, our Creator wants us to live forever. Then, would it make sense that he take our life, or that of a loved one? It seems unlikely. Yet, why are there SO many problems in this world?

Many strongly believe that God is the ruler of this world. Yet, that cannot be further from the truth! If such a loving God were to govern our planet, would there be so much pain and suffering? Obviously not. Who is the ruler of the world then? 1 John 5:19 assures: "The whole world is lying in the [power of the] wicked one." Yes, Satan and his demons are currently controlling *mostly* everything in this wicked world (Revelation 12: 12). His power is so far greater than ours that God's Word acknowledges the fact that, "the god of this system of things has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, that the illumination of the glorious good news about the Christ, who is the image of God, might not shine through" (2 Corinthians 4:4). In other words, Satan the Devil wants to keep people so far away from God that he tries everything to keep people away from the truth. As a matter of fact, he blinds people's minds and even causes many to kill themselves or cruelly hurt others.

But there is nothing to be afraid of! Rest assured that, "the Son of God was made manifest, namely, to break up the works of the Devil" (1 John 3: 8). Soon Jehovah - through his son Christ Jesus - will take action and make Satan pay for all he has done. But, if we draw close to Jehovah NOW, we will benefit tremendously. We will even see our loved ones resurrect (John 5: 28, 29; Acts 24: 15).

Of course, the loving God we have has made the arrangements needed to help people get to know him for who he really is (John 17:3). In over 236 lands Jehovah's Witnesses worldwide, volunteer their time to give witness about the good news, as Jesus did (Matthew 24: 14; 28: 19, 20). I know you told me something about wanting to meet up with someone personally, well, if you want, get in contact with Jehovah's Witnesses in your area. Trust me, you will not regret it!


melissa said:

Thank you Leo. My husband is Jehovah and he is my rock, He is here for me when ever I need him and I love him for that. It's just that I can't let him really know whats going on inside. No one in my family knows. There are thoughts that I just can't say even on here. I think the only thing I can do is see some one, because if my family knew I'm not sure what would happen., but thank you for your kind words. I just want to know why god would hurt a family so much. Why couldn't he stop him from doing that.

Leo said:

I understand that at times you may think, "Well, if God is love, WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME???" Losing a loved one is heart-breaking. Even more, losing someone to Suicide can be so traumatic. Yet, you may rest assured that Jehovah God does not like seeing you cry or weep. James 1: 13 guarantees, "When under trial, let no one say: 'I am being tried by God.' For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone." It was never in Jehovah's plans that we die or suffer. Remember that he placed Adam and Eve in a wonderful paradise here on Earth - paradise which he stills wants us to enjoy. That is why in the last book of the he foretold, "Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples. And God himself will be with them. And he will every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” Can you see yourself in that peaceful new world giving your loved ones a warm welcome? I hope so. May this hope comfort you during your tribulation!


An article that has helped me tremendously can be found by following this . I hope you like it as well:
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011022/diagram_03.htm

Permalink Reply by Vicki on August 14, 2010 at 10:25pm

Melissa,
Boy you've had a lot to go thru. I read this in a magazine the other day. When life deals you blows. You come out swing, and move forward. I know how you feel. I lost my mom to colon cancer 15 years ago. She died on Easter Sunday. This year I was feeling like some thing wasn't right. I didn't feel like my self. Then it hit me, my mom had died 15 years ago on that day.. The pain will fade but their memories will last for ever. Try to think of all the good times you had together. And be thankfull for the time you had with them. You're stronger than you think. Feel blessed every day ,you have with your dad. And never let a day go by that you don't tell him you love him. I know it looks like god is not in your court right now but he is. You can get thru this with the help of your family and friends. Or have you talked to a therpist. I saw one for six months after my mom died. Then three years after that my dad died. He had a heart attack. I would call him every night to check on him. Then one night he didn't answer the phone. I took my three year old with my because I was a single parent. And we went to check on him. The house was dark when I pulled in the driveway. I knew right then that I was going to find him died. I was close to my mom but after she died I was very close to my dad. If it hadn't been for the fact that I had to care of my little girl. I don't know what I would have done. I went to my moms grave site every day for about three weeks and just sat and talked to her. I did the same when dad died. You can do this ask god to give you the strenght to make it thru all of this. He will take care of you and your family. Take Care, God Bless, Vicki

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 14, 2010 at 11:19pm

Thank you Vicki. I have tried to be strong, but it is just pulling me down. I do have a great family and a few friends and I am grateful for that. my twin and I are getting closer, we have been close but for a while things weren't that great and I do tell my dad I love him every time I talk to him. I have not yet seen a therapist, I'm not even sure if my insurance will cover anything like that. I do need to see one cause it is so hard, everyday I remember when I got the call from my son telling me that he was died, it replays in my head and I can't sop it. talking about it to people I don't know but have been through the same thing does help a little. so maybe one day it will be easier for me I just don't know. Thank you again for your kind words. I am also sorry for your loses.
Vicki said:

Melissa,
Boy you've had a lot to go thru. I read this in a magazine the other day. When life deals you blows. You come out swing, and move forward. I know how you feel. I lost my mom to colon cancer 15 years ago. She died on Easter Sunday. This year I was feeling like some thing wasn't right. I didn't feel like my self. Then it hit me, my mom had died 15 years ago on that day.. The pain will fade but their memories will last for ever. Try to think of all the good times you had together. And be thankfull for the time you had with them. You're stronger than you think. Feel blessed every day ,you have with your dad. And never let a day go by that you don't tell him you love him. I know it looks like god is not in your court right now but he is. You can get thru this with the help of your family and friends. Or have you talked to a therpist. I saw one for six months after my mom died. Then three years after that my dad died. He had a heart attack. I would call him every night to check on him. Then one night he didn't answer the phone. I took my three year old with my because I was a single parent. And we went to check on him. The house was dark when I pulled in the driveway. I knew right then that I was going to find him died. I was close to my mom but after she died I was very close to my dad. If it hadn't been for the fact that I had to care of my little girl. I don't know what I would have done. I went to my moms grave site every day for about three weeks and just sat and talked to her. I did the same when dad died. You can do this ask god to give you the strenght to make it thru all of this. He will take care of you and your family. Take Care, God Bless, Vicki

Permalink Reply by samantha ramey on August 16, 2010 at 7:45pm

Melissa thank you for posting this.My 21 year old son's best friend of 13 years hung himself on Aug 7,2010.
My son found him.He is having a hard time dealing with this,nightmares almost no sleep.
I am hoping to find him a support group in our area.My son is so angry with Jacob for doing this and leaving him.He said he was going to be there for me no matter what he was always going to be my best friend.He say's now who is going to be there.
He is angry at all the well wishes because he said in 2 week's this will be behind them but it want be for me.
As a mother is kills me that I can't take the hurt away.I am hurting also Jacob was like one of my own children always here asking what is there to eat.Giving me that goofy smile saying what I didn't do it.

I pray for you and hope you find peace.Once again thank you for posting and I will be praying for you.
Samantha

Permalink Reply by Chelle on August 16, 2010 at 8:07pm

Dear Melissa i am sooo sorry for your losses. I cannot imagine nor tell you i know what you are feeling or experienced. Please please please know that God, i am not being defensive fear not i just hope i can offer some comfort! Please take a look if you find the time to read this article " Why Does God Allow Suffering"

Link: http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030101/article_02.htm

Tell me what you think
i hope it helps!
Sincerely,
.....

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 16, 2010 at 11:45pm

Thank you Samantha, Please tell your so that I am so sorry for the lose of his best friend, It is very hard not to be angry, and not knowing why is the hardest. My niece pointed something out to me today and I never realized it tell she told me, on the 23rd it will be a year for my brother and, I haven't grieved like I should have and I'm not sure how, I have always been the strong one in the family and now its not like that anymore, Everyday is a struggle, but coming on here and just knowing that you are not alone does help me a little. Please tell him he is more then welcome to write me and maybe we could help each other. My husband is a wonderful man and hates seeing me like this, just being there for your son is more then what you think, My husband tries to help me and I know he means well its just so hard to stop the hurting and from what everyone tells me the hurting will be less in years to come but until they go through this they will never know when it will stop. Loving your son and be there for him even if its just to listen may help him, I also think with the nightmares he is having he really needs to talk to a therapists. I have no idea what that is like but My son was the one that found my brother and i had put him in to see some one. That seemed to help him. My prayers ggo to you and your son and his bestfriends family.
samantha ramey said:

Melissa thank you for posting this.My 21 year old son's best friend of 13 years hung himself on Aug 7,2010.
My son found him.He is having a hard time dealing with this,nightmares almost no sleep.
I am hoping to find him a support group in our area.My son is so angry with Jacob for doing this and leaving him.He said he was going to be there for me no matter what he was always going to be my best friend.He say's now who is going to be there.
He is angry at all the well wishes because he said in 2 week's this will be behind them but it want be for me.
As a mother is kills me that I can't take the hurt away.I am hurting also Jacob was like one of my own children always here asking what is there to eat.Giving me that goofy smile saying what I didn't do it.

I pray for you and hope you find peace.Once again thank you for posting and I will be praying for you.
Samantha

Permalink Reply by samantha ramey on August 17, 2010 at 7:48pm

melissa said:

Thank you Samantha, Please tell your so that I am so sorry for the lose of his best friend, It is very hard not to be angry, and not knowing why is the hardest. My niece pointed something out to me today and I never realized it tell she told me, on the 23rd it will be a year for my brother and, I haven't grieved like I should have and I'm not sure how, I have always been the strong one in the family and now its not like that anymore, Everyday is a struggle, but coming on here and just knowing that you are not alone does help me a little. Please tell him he is more then welcome to write me and maybe we could help each other. My husband is a wonderful man and hates seeing me like this, just being there for your son is more then what you think, My husband tries to help me and I know he means well its just so hard to stop the hurting and from what everyone tells me the hurting will be less in years to come but until they go through this they will never know when it will stop. Loving your son and be there for him even if its just to listen may help him, I also think with the nightmares he is having he really needs to talk to a therapists. I have no idea what that is like but My son was the one that found my brother and i had put him in to see some one. That seemed to help him. My prayers ggo to you and your son and his bestfriends family.
samantha ramey said:

Melissa thank you for posting this.My 21 year old son's best friend of 13 years hung himself on Aug 7,2010.
My son found him.He is having a hard time dealing with this,nightmares almost no sleep.
I am hoping to find him a support group in our area.My son is so angry with Jacob for doing this and leaving him.He said he was going to be there for me no matter what he was always going to be my best friend.He say's now who is going to be there.
He is angry at all the well wishes because he said in 2 week's this will be behind them but it want be for me.
As a mother is kills me that I can't take the hurt away.I am hurting also Jacob was like one of my own children always here asking what is there to eat.Giving me that goofy smile saying what I didn't do it.

I pray for you and hope you find peace.Once again thank you for posting and I will be praying for you.
Samantha

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